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Failure modes... usually when I know an epic failure is inevitable, I give up on panic and step outside myself so I can view the situation objectively. If you're falling out of the sky with no parachute, then chances are you're toast and no amount of screaming "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" and flailing your arms is going to save you. No, if you're serious about survival, then you need to let go of your will to live. Look at it as a puzzle and take incremental steps.

"Oh, you know, if I spread my arms and legs I can take advantage of wind resistance and possibly guide my fall. Oh look, a deep body of water. I know if I hit still water at this speed it will be as hard as concrete, so I need something else to hit it first to break the surface up. I can take off a shoe and achieve that, or maybe just throw my cell phone."

Yes, this is an alien process, it flies in the face of the reality of the situation... but it's also possibly the one chance you have to fix things, and panic mode is only applicable when a tiger is trying to eat your face or something and you need to dump adrenaline quickly. Sadly, most hazards we know in the present day are not hazards that can be fought off with an adrenaline dump, the only thing that can save you is quick, clear thinking and moving unquestioningly in the moment.

Please help me, I think it's serious this time, I wish I could describe the person this is about, but that'd be rude... fuck, I'm seriously losing it...

Ok, imagine, a text-based game, set in a dark sun-ish universe. Imagine this game, as a feature, has permadeath, and roleplaying is enforced. Imagine the admins had the good sense to ban me three times before finally deciding it wasn't worth the hassle... it's true, staff have made a lot of mistakes, but after countless conflicts, they've gotten somewhat better... ok, maybe, a LOT better.

This game, is fun. It may be some DIKU mud codebase but the staff really care about it, as do the long-time players. This keeps this old frankenstein's monster up and chugging, and keeps fans actually rooting for the monster instead of for the Doctor, who really wouldn't know what to do if he caught the monster anyway. The monster knows this, why is he running? I think it's just because the monster craves the attention of his father-figure, is intelligent, and knows this is the best way to get it. Mary Shelley was a freaking genius. Anyway, wait...

Ok, so this game can be, a bit intimidating. You have to study the lore, come up with a character, and a background story, and hope it gets approved. Usually, it will. Staff don't usually go over these things with a fine-toothed comb, but they can, and will, if they feel a need to. If it's your first time playing, they'll kindly help you make things fit. If you ought to know better? They'll shit on your face. This is fine, the staff run a rather good campaign despite a few glaring fuckups and upset players. I know because I'm one of those upset players.

This is before  you enter the game, when your character is approved, you can't talk about fight club, with anyone, unless you seriously trust them to be a good roleplayer despite the knowlege you gave them. EVERYTHING is trying to kill you. Everything. Even your friends. Even your bestest buddy you've known for years. OOC collaboration is discouraged, and for good reason. You will create a memorable character, adorable, you will love them, and then, by virtue of not gaining levels and having the same shitty hitpoints they started with, they will be eaten by a giant lizard. Amen.

THIS game, happens to be one of my all-time favorites. I bought a machine to handle high end games, and I end up playing this fucking MUD on it. Seriously, do not try it, it will eat your soul.

My posts aren't art, but sometimes art hurts, it does this by design. If you've ever seen a still-life painting, there's always the ever-present skull, the "memento mori" amidst the beauty and splendor presented, it's almost a requirement. A stark reminder that no matter how delicious all this fruit and decadence may look, that we all share the same fate. Luckilly there's no reminder that people also empty their bowels when they die. I think a skull is more tasteful than a blast of liquid shit painted in there, but who knows? I don't think anyone has tried that, yet. If they did they probably got burned at the stake along with their painting.

EDIT: Anyone seen Thomas Kinkaide's infamous "Shit Cabin" painting?.. that is, if you can even call Kinkaide "art". More a fan of Van Gogh myself. Did you know there's a paint with a shade of "mummy brown"? It's not made anymore because these fucking savages made it out of actual mummies... although I think it'd be kind of cool if someone used MY remains to make a special shade of paint. I mean, it's not like I'm using it anymore. Reduce, reuse, recycle.

I look forward to hearing about the inevitable clusterfuck this will turn into.

The sacred chao is only a symbol. You know who else had symbols? NAZIS... Ok, so the chao has nothing to do with nazis, but for it to be sacred, it must be deeply considered, and not like some toy.

I expect you to hold the door open, to pull out my chair, and to pay the tab. Why? I'm not even that cute, but I expect these things because I want you to show me you're not a fucking savage idiot. It doesn't matter if you have mammary glands or a penis. You are a human being, if we are on a date, it is because you wanted this, so ok, show it in the follow-through. If you're not, roughly %1 of the population who just happen to be the most awesome, then chances are, I did not pursue you to this point, so show some fucking class.

If you want to get laid, the formula is simple, bring me booze. If you stop bringing me booze, I will find someone else who is more talented in the booze-bringing department. I may like you, but you are not irreplaceable. You may have the perkiest buns, but, I like all buns, not just the perky ones, so either work for it or, get lost. I can make these demands, I'm good at what I do. I deserve to be compensated for my time. If I am not compensated by you, then it will be someone else doing your job, which basically means, you're fired.

I will not tolerate being called a "bitch", I will also not tolerate anyone using the word "faggot". If this seems harsh, look in the mirror and really consider what you're saying. I will let you touch me, I will do things you didn't think were possible. I will turn a gay man straight, and not feel the slightest bit bad about it, this is all normal. I can be your best friend, just don't forget I don't work for free... unless you're one of the most awesome pieces of shit in the universe, who, well, they typically don't have money.

What I expect, is for someone who approaches /me/ to know that, I hold the cards. I didn't opt for this, but I can be down for it, given the right motivation. There are many things I'm willing to do, many rules and taboos I'm willing to break, but this shit ain't free, I don't like you that much. There's not a rule that says I have to like you. I might be submissive, but if you don't pay my bridge tax, find another bridge. This troll gotta eat. I'm not special, I'm no genius, but I know how to tickle people inside and out. This is what you are paying for. Don't fucking forget it.

Ok, somebody else come up with more horrifying bullshit, I'm tapped out.

Hello, I'm, that guy you see in the picture, not really of course, but it would be cool if people thought that, whatever, anyway, let's address the subject of the post.

The last time I was posting here, I was younger, I'm now about 40, which isn't old, but sometimes I can be somewhat immature, when you pull up the carpet and inspect the floorboards, naturally it turns out to be a bit more of a problem than first appearances would suggest. I'm still immature, only a few things have changed, if you're reading this you possibly expect this thread to deliver, something. Hopefully it does, no gaurentees, however.

Since that time, I had periods where I would rarely see another human being, I also had downtime, and no TV, so I had to do something, and I only had one book, The Blue Cliff Record, which I was reading during the time period I posted here. I may've picked something up from it, I may've not, I ended up tossing it though because seriously, that's a pretty large, ancient troll. Still, I struggled to understand, I continued to work hard, because either you work hard, or you starve to death, this is kind of the way of things, no sense in debating the nuances.

I quit my old job, found a new one, kept it about three months, then got fired for being "slow", I was kinda ticked about that, but I looked it up and apparently Georgia is a "right to hire" state which means they can fire you because one time you reminded one person of one of the gremlins in that old film because your haircut was unsnazzy enough, report it to the boss, and the boss has the say, indisputable, don't really blame them though, I did know I had some brain defects but it was kind of alarming to hear someone be so blunt about it.

This does not come without consequences for me, finding a new job when your skills aren't all that great, and writing a resume when you can't even figure out how resumes even work, is difficult. I suppose people like to find some way to take pride in their mental "differences", and I applaud them for trying to find a sense of self-worth somewhere, for me, er, I was finding, a whole lot of nothing. I still tried to make it work, tried to make the puzzle pieces fit together in futility, alas, as is predictable, that's not how it works.

I ended up, without a place to live, food to eat, or a dime in my pocket, in the Atlanta area. Not so glorious a fate for our protagonist here. Unsure what to do, I ended up meandering down backroads with a bag of the only possessions I had, clothes. I was stopped sometimes by beggars, when I explained why I simply had no money to give them, they pointed out the route I needed to go, which I tried to retain, but I couldn't, so got lost again. I spent, a solid 12 hours lugging a sack of clothes around in the middle of the night, until I found myself in downtown Atlanta.

I went to Atlanta Union Mission, it was dawn, I was dead tired, and they told me to come back at four. I was like, wait, every part of me is dead sore, and you want me to wait until the afternoon? Well, ok, your place, your rules. So I went on, some crackheads tried to hustle me, found out I had nothing to hussle, decided we should chill, pretty cool dudes, all things considered, grifters, by their tales, they tried to get me to partake and I said, I don't judge you for liking it, but I dropped that shit ten years ago, not going back... so instead we exchanged stories, I mostly listened, the tales were fascinating, I didn't say much, but they seemed to like me and honestly care about me, and it felt good just to chill with some people who cared without question.

They directed me to possibly, the worst homeless shelter in the world, but honestly, despite all the, not-goodness, the facilities weren't that bad, the shelter at Peachtree and Pine, which officials had been trying to shut down for like a decade. I met a lot of people, one of the guys I'd originally met had also decided to shadow me like a ninja, then turn up and say, "Hey, the fuck you thinking walking around in the open out here, white boy? This is a rough neighborhood, there's people that will hurt you. C'mon, I'll lead you back."

Well, that lasted a few weeks, I had mysterious crack ninjas watching my back, and I made easy friends inside the shelter, despite not being as dark complected, good folks, I really, really hope all of them have had good experiences, but given the circumstances, and the nature of how the system works, I have to admit to myself the grim truth. I went to a Christian non-profit trying to find out what kind of benefits I might be eligable for, got assigned to one hot, smart caseworker, she was a straight-up knockout, so it was sometimes difficult to even stay awake in the presence of her voice... anyway, I'm, mentally ill, there's, nothing glorious about that, the silver lining is so thin it may as well be nonexistant.

I will continue after I catch my breath.

Alright, I'm going to do something I likely shouldn't and ask for opinions on the crappy electronic music I've been making for almost a decade and a half now... Keep in mind, it's all experimental, some of it uninspired and soulless.

A friend who happened to have all my tracks set up a lastfm site for me when I didn't have access to a computer (because I spilled beer all over my old one and screwed it up, he got ahold of my number and called me to get permission, not sure why he wanted to do that, but I'm not complaining), so keep in mind, I didn't write the summary, and some of it may be completely untrue. I know he botched the orders of the songs and put some on the wrong albums, but that's ok, because I don't know where they go either. the site is:

http://www.last.fm/music/Zer0+Disciple

And, if you'd rather stream the entire song, rather than have to download it to hear the whole thing, you can also go to one of his sites, but I didn't put it first because I'm not sure how much tube space is allocated to his website per month or whatever, so if you happen to really like it, just download it and save the system some strain, rather than streaming the same song more than once (yeah, Fuji, you just admitted you don't know shit about computers).

http://marrowproductions.com/zer0_disciple/

I didn't design the picture there, so don't blame me if the words on it offend you, it offended me more when the bastard put it on cafe press merchandise like coffee mugs, tshirts, thongs, and actually managed to sell some... Somewhere, someone is possibly wearing a thong with my face on it... *shudders* It was years ago, and explains why I don't like photos being taken of me.

There's a lot of junk there. I would prefer if you listened to the newest junk first, but I can't tell you how to go about it, because you'll just do as you please, anyway.

The original album covers were lost, which is great, because they were just as shitty as the ones currently used, which are random paintshop pro experiments I did to try and familiarize myself with the software, and someone saved for the hell of it. I look forward to your complaining, scolding, trash talking, and perhaps the occasional compliment. Thanks.

P.S. I apologize if I've ever plugged my music here before and forgotten, but I strongly doubt I have. If you're curious, I used Modplug Tracker and various free vst plugins, as well as Hammerhead, Simsynth, T.S. 404 or something, Stomper, and various free samples where I could find them. All the tracks are licensed creative commons, so steal them for your own uses if you want (just mention my artist handle somewhere, please), except for the ones with voice samples from movies, because I don't want anyone to get sued.

Before checking this game out, keep in mind that it isn't safe for work, it isn't safe for your kids, and if you use some program to read the text aloud, it probably isn't safe much of anywhere.

Has anyone here played the deliciously evil text based RPG known as "Hellmoo"?... I apologize if this has been brought up before, I did a search for it in the forums, didn't find it, but perhaps like many other forums I've been to the search function may be busted.

The game is set in a post-nuclear war environment where just about anything you can think of is possible (except, for some reason, nobody poops). Large corporations blah blah blah just play the fuckin' game man! A little light on social commands compared to a lot of the MUDs I've played, however, an emote command allows you to experiment with your own ideas for forms of anti-social interaction. Unlike many games I've played, griefing is actually encouraged by the way the game is set up, everything being almost total anarchy where only the strong, socially adept and/or skillful survive, though it's not so bad, because in the event of your untimely demise you'll just wake up in a clone tube, minus your stuff, which you will soon find on sale in one of the many corp stores found in the galleria.

The syntax isn't quite as bad as a number of text based games, however, you WILL experience a number of "get ye flask" moments, an "examine" command often offers possible interactions with items and features, and recomendations for possible syntax corrections will occasionally appear to help ye actually GET ye flask.

At first it will seem like you're just playing with a bunch of jackasses who like nothing more than to cause misery, but that seems to be more of a roleplaying aspect, I don't know, it's just the traditional way to play the game so that's how people seem to do it, but most of them seem rather ok once you help them out with stuff... Don't be surprised if you find yourself the victim of a string of horrible incidents if you say something stupid, or anything at all, really, over the chat channel, it's like a hazing ritual of some kind, I think, though it might not be because that danger seems ever present.

While there are a few laws in Freedom City (along with a prison system), and there is security in various game areas, one is free to break the law and run like heck, or fight one's way through leaving a trail of robot bits (though, even the strongest players seem to just run) to the edge of town, the game, as I said, is pretty much anarchy, just don't piss off the admins (easier said than done for some, it seems).

RP is not strictly enforced, however, if you pee on someone or do some other horrible act, expect them to react appropriately, possibly bludgeoning your face in, cutting off your head, and putting it in their fridge. There exist a number of in-game references to Neuromancer and Snow Crash, as well as a lot of other stuff (for example, Bob Dobbs and Ivan Stang appear in freedom city) I'm probably not qualified to identify. The combat system reminds me slightly of Mabinogi, though MUCH more fun than that boring slog-fest. A number of mutations provide character individuality even though one is not restricted to a particular skillset through any class system (though it is advised to focus on a few essential skills at first before broadening out).

The real trouble is finding out how to build an effective character with so many options. Stats may only be raised to certain levels, due to a restricted amount of gym ability points, which affects one's overall skill level when factored in with raws. If you don't want to do a buttload of reading, then later feeling kind of dumb for having built a character who turned out too poorly equipped to be good at anything (but that's most of the fun, for me), I'd suggest tagging the skills clubs and medic, possibly wrestle, and whatever third slot you feel is appropriate, then using your starting gym IP to train brawn and reflexes to 14, and endurance to 10. Grind that repair skill up to one raw on some electronics item you keep knocking the stuffing out of (though this is quite frustrating, may consider tagging repair), and you should be good for a little while. Use your daily gym IP on the speed bag for reflexes, and save all XP you can to get players to train up your dodge skill, grinding the other skills through use. Keep in mind, I'm an ignorant buffoon, and only recently started reading guides on how to appropriately build a character, so...

Anyway, the place to find it is:
hellmoo.org
Port# 7777

Don't take your precious text items too seriously and you should have fun. Hellmoo.org has a wiki for the game that has already consumed an unacceptable amount of my time. I'd say I hope to see you there, but I'm not telling you who my character is.

Good luck.

Yeah, whatever... I know I caused a lot of shit in the chatroom, and I'd like to apollogize for that... Anyway, if you were wronged by me, know that, though the informational resources may not have been at your disposal, it is likely that you are in the right. Anyway, it matters very little to me, and yes, I am swatting away your aggression like an annoyed mosquito victim. I could really give a shit less how you feel... That being said, perhaps I do not appreciate the depth of the pain I perhaps caused, which is pretty unlikely, I think, but really, I wouldn't know, so, I guess I should apologize, but empty apologies are generally sensed for what they are, and I'm not going to try to fuck with you guys....

Anyway, yes, I did eat something eventually, thank goodness... It was likely the best thing I'd ever eaten, though, I really can't remember what it was. Right now I'm drunk and ranting and fuck everything else. I'm a meat eater, and I can't even spell the names of the things I eat, except Cow... Sad... Anyway, fuck all that shit, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm ok, and that I will, sooner or later, be back to extract the pure essence of vengence... I also wanted to say how much I love you guys, but, you're just too dumb as a collective for me to really approve... Still, in spite of that, I approve. You guys rock... You're also too fucking sensitive.

Hi, guys! I'd introduce myself, but I don't think you'd give a dang... I suppose one might want to know if I was a Discordian... I am, in fact, an Agnostic, but I really dig what ya'll might be trying to do. I read this book a while back, was written, I don't know, in the 70's or something, anyway, it was really awesome, and I read it because of some things I'd read on wikipedia, during one of my late-night research-junkie keyboard-gnawing fits... I had stumbled across something about the KLF, and I followed the link maze from there, I promptly went out and bought the book "The Illuminatus Trilogy", and it was good... Anyway, as you can see, my info is rather dated, or comes from wikipedia (not to mention, while I've only read small portions of the other texts, and the entirety of the Schrodinger's Cat book (and I really didn't like that one as much) I have spent a bit of time reading up on Zen Buddhism), but still... This was years ago... I must say, as disturbing as it may sound, Eris actually answered a lot more of my prayers than Yahweh... Still, once an agnostic, there's no turning back, from my experience, but perhaps someone with more experience would say something different.

I'd like to assume that we can all agree that shit is getting way too serious, if you don't like swear words, go fuck a goat or something, freak... But that is only an assumption, colored quite heavily by my own preconceived notions, which are bad things, but hey, we can't all be perfect. Anyway, whether you're socialist, libertarian, anarchist, somewhere in between any of those, it is possibly getting more and more difficult to shake the idea that the 2 party system merely exists to fuck with us while the globalists enact their agenda, if you believe in that hogwash... Maybe people thought Obama would get us out of the war... Personally, I think as soon as the guy won the election, he became a hostage of sorts... Think about it, if some black ops team killed him and his family, and blamed it on enraged hillbillies with shotguns (no offense, enraged hillbillies, I feel your pain), a lot of people would buy it and support some kind of crackdown... Wait, screw all this political nonsense, I think there's another forum for that... Why'd you have to go and make everything so confusing?

Anyway, I've found a few pockets of seriousness... The only resistance to said seriousnesses are Pastafarians, that I can see, and while they're doing an ok job, strength of numbers would seriously help... On Yahoo answers, in the religion and spirituality section, there is some kind of Christian vs. Atheist vs. Agnostic crap going on, complete with trolls from all sides, and I just think it would be funny were someone to dispose of it in an unexpected manner, like an unexpected flood of Erisians (I'd never claim credit for it, I'd be hunted down and brutally murdered)... That'd knock their socks off... I'm trying to get them all to shush and be more polite, but, you know how that goes, some asshole is all butthurt because a bunch of people died a couple hundred years ago, and they just can't let go, and that's about half the people posting there, contributing to the cycle of viciousness... I understand, I was once one of those people, but what seems to be developing is a pocket of negative energy, and it would be nice to pop the bubble.

I'm not angry or vengeful... I seriously want these people to understand that their whole lives don't need to be devoted to hate...

And it's a possible first post, because I already had a profile, and probably posted here once or twice while drunk out of my mind.