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Topics - Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)

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31 takes out it's hate on your loved ones. When it leaves your wife and children standing on a bitter, cold, rain drenched platform, having just told her that she's not allowed on the train because she has a kids buggy that, due to company policy, isn't allowed to be parked in any of the 12 EMPTY wheelchair bays at 07:00 in the morning and it's not an allegory, or a metaphor.

/syn - ready to kill Virgin Trains employees

Sorry, probably the wrong forum, but hey, life's like that.

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / BIP Paper Size: ITT
« on: February 24, 2007, 01:18:13 pm »
Righto, there have been some posts made about formatting BIP pamphlets/flyers, whatever and keeping them consistent for ease of editing, sharing, colaborating, printing etc, but nothing firm has come out of it.

The way I see it, we only really have two choices here. A4 or Letter.

Most people here are physically located in the US, so I propose we stick to the Letter format for the sake of easyness.

The original BIP/Machinetm flyers are cleverly done so they can be folded neatly and stapled. Great, but I think this is off-putting in that it's got to be thought about and planned out if you're printing off a few. It can get confusing. This is also a problem if you're using your bosses laser printer surreptitiously, you really do want to print and go. ;)

My thoughts on this are: K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid! :roll:

With Letter size, you can print and go quickly and easily; lots less work. Either way, we can easily scale to our local paper size when printing. Okay, at a full page size-wise they're not so neat, but they might get noticed more. Also, at Letter size these can go straight on Lulu without major re-working, if we decide to compile them into a book form.

Please to note:
> If we agree to a paper size, we also need to agree to formatting that size - margins, gutters, etc - again KISS - I propose to leave it to Word/OO default, or I can host BIP templates on an agreed to size. Formatting poll to run later, so lets keep this discussion to the paper size for now.
> This isn't intended to put the kybosh on specialist pamphlets, projects and posters, or to cramp anyones style. It's just a way to keep collaboration simple.
> I've put a 28 day deadline on this poll, so we get a definitive answer.

If a mod could sticky this, that'd be great. :)

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Think of me as a tool
« on: February 13, 2007, 01:51:39 pm »
I know a lot of you do anyways. :lulz:

Now I've finished with the Principia Discordia Hardcover (It's at the publishers :eek:), I now have some (work) time to contribute to BIP. I've learned a few bits about formatting and producing PDF's over the last year (publishers are fussy bastards). I mean any bugger can make a PDF, but if you're going to do it, why not make it a well formatted one, less chance your target market will shit-bin it out of hand too.

If BIP articles were produced to a specific format, with margins, a gutter, etc, you could go straight to (not-for-profit) paper publishing. The advantage to an agreed format being that you can combine seperate peoples work in one volume without the thankless and tedious task or re-formatting every damned article. Just a thought.

And as always, I offer my services as a b/w vec'd graphic artiste.

Or Kill Me / Evangelising to the Unconverted
« on: March 03, 2006, 11:37:12 am »
So, what you gonna do now? Youve got the Job. Youve got the big screen TV, the car. Youve got the wife, the kids, the cats, the guinea pigs AND the best house you could scrape from your salary. You've got the DVD collection, the CD collection and the common cold. Youve also got [INSERT YOUR 33% WORLD SHARE RELIGION HERE]. Now, before you rip this up in disgust. I am not saying thats a bad thing, its just that I feel its now an outmoded, irrelevant pile of rotten cheesy spoo. Yes, I do realised I invited you to [INSERT YOUR 33% WORLD SHARE RELIGION HERE], and yes that means that when I say I feel its now an outmoded, irrelevant pile of rotten cheesy spoo, I mean that religion that you inserted up there is an outmoded, irrelevant pile of rotten cheesy spoo. Hell, you guys have all been doing that to each other for thousands of years, so Im sure its perfectly fine for me to take a pop too. Right now youre thinking, fuck you buddy, may GAWD strike you down if you speak out against my GAWD, or maybe OMFG ITS A MAADHJGIYIQUHAL PSYCHIC CAST IT OUT, CAST IT OUT!!!11! Well am I right? ĶThought so. And, Im not finished with you yet. Im going to offer you an alternative. What!? Evangelising? Me? Well, yeah, but its no worse than the shit I have to listen to from your lot when I go out for food shopping on a Saturday morning - and I get to SWEAR (fuck - see?) and its NOT blasphemous, but is a prayer.*

     Are you wondering what the hell Im on about yet? Hey, come back! Okay, where were we. Oh yeah, I was insulting your religion. So how about it [INSERT YOUR 33% WORLD SHARE RELIGION HERE] boy? Are you gonna take a step back and take a look around at what the leaders of [INSERT YOUR 33% WORLD SHARE RELIGION HERE] are doing to the world, IN YOUR NAME? Please tell me youre thinking about it now. THEY're in the middle of a holy war. Yes, yes THEY are. And no, I dont mean that one. Its way too obvious. I mean the insidious one, the one thats been raging for thousands of years non-stop, the one thats torn people, families, friends, towns, cities, counties, states, countries, nations and continents apart; the one that keeps us at each others throats day and night - never ending, the one that caused that one, the one that WILL wipe us ALL off the face of this stinking ball of half baked slurry, THE ONE YOUR PARENTS/FRIENDS/EVANGELISTS HAD YOU INDOCTRINATED INTO BELEIVING IN and that yours was the side of GOOD AND GREAT JUSTICE, the one that subverted your intelligence and youre your independent spirit and wore them both down to iron filings, the one that will KILL you AND your little dog too, UNLESS YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Dont you see it yet? They lied to you. Made you part of their MachineѢ, nothing but a tiny, tarnished cog with a shackled mind and a twisted faith. They built it all; government, corporations, the military - they all came from the original Guiding LightѢ, your so called saviours, the leaders of [INSERT YOUR 33% WORLD SHARE RELIGION HERE]. They tried to get me too, but I resisted. Luckily, my parents never forced me into anything; my friends never mentioned it and I always thought the evangelists were just creepy weirdoes. If youve taken that step back we talked about, youre probably coming to the same conclusion, if nothing else, about the evangelists. Take another step back; go on, it wont hurt. You see the bigger picture now dont you. You see what was done to us by THEM. It doesnt even matter if you end up non-religious, we are all caught up in it whether we like it or not. Now, now. Stop blubbering, YOU can do something about IT. Youre blubbering more. Be quiet, Im not asking for your money (although a tip would be nice), Im not asking for your soul, Im asking for your brains. Thats right, BRAINS! Heres a can opener, hop to it, get that skull open to new ideas, a new way of thinking, a new - wait for it - RELIGION!

     Hey, youre running away again! Dont go, youre nearly there with the can opener! Your skull is flapping about in the breeze! Just one more twist and you can let go of the old dogmas and settle down with some new catmas! Take a look at that can opener in your hand. What does it say? Thats right. It says: DISCORDAMAN Dont panic, its just the result of cheap merchandising. Hes a saint you know. He wears yellow spandex and has a large D on his chest. He fires pure fractals out his eyes and curls a Cleveland steamer on Supermans chest every morning before a breakfast of acid, beer and marijuana. Hes not real, I just made him up, but that doesnt matter because hes also a DISCORDIAN (or ERISIAN, if you prefer). That is he worships Eris - Goddess of Chaos and Confusion. Youre trying to run away again, I thought we opened that skull. Eris - Chaos - Discordia - Etc, is not a bad deity to get involved with, contrary to the opinions of the classical Greeks. I mean youre doing worse right now, so why not trade up? Being a Discordian means that you are free.

As Eris put it:

I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.
You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.
I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.

     Now, isnt that the damned nicest thing any deity has ever given human kind? Its pretty swell, and theres more, but its amorphous, elusive and nigh on impossible to describe to anybody who hasnt experienced it first hand. All I can do is point you first in the direction of our bible, the Principia Discordiaİ, which contains Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing About Absolutely Anything. Quit with the moaning, its only 75 pages long, if you cut out the extraneous stuff AND its full of pictures! This will give you a grounding and something to feed to your newly exposed brain matter on, then the rest is up to you. Well as soon as youre comfortably passed the OMFG5FN0RD23LOLBBQ!!!1! stage. No, sorry, as much as I am flattered, I cannot hang about and be your spiritual guide to the wonders of She Who Done It All, Im far too busy being my own spiritual guide - which is kind of the point. Besides, Id only make things worse. Ive turned you round. Torn open your skull and freed your mind from THEIR tyranny, isnt that enough? Dont follow me; you are your own damned Pope! Get with the program, or dont - which is kind of another one of those pointy points.

     If, after reading Principia Discordia, youre still with us and you have any questions, Im officially obliged to give you nonsense answers - form an orderly queue. Please give generously; all proceeds go the the Rev. St. Syn, KSC Takes Earth For Great Justice fund.

~Rev. St. Syn, KSC

*ON PRAYER (from Principia Discordia)
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to
Eris. He replied with these words:
No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort
has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with,
say, a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the
entire village wiped out by a torrential flood.

İRead it once,
read it twice,
scrutinise it a third time,
skim it a fourth and then on the fifth time show it to your arsehole,
just for shits and giggles.

Bring and Brag / Scrid Vector
« on: October 28, 2005, 12:45:38 am »
I need somebody to look at this, It keeps gertting rejected by the t-shirt company. They say:
All visible lines and individual components of the design must have a minimum width of 1.5 mm. Texts must be at least 10 mm high. This absolutely necessary because plot printing is a special kind of process. These requirements are not yet met with the present scaling of the design.
I thought it didn't matter what size the fucking thing was if it was a vector!

Bring and Brag / I've been at this lately...
« on: September 07, 2005, 10:42:11 am »

Yeah, I like Star Wars. A lot.

Bring and Brag / Get out of Damnation Free!
« on: July 04, 2005, 06:31:16 pm »

I found this while trawling around the forums looking for inspiration.  I think it was posted by LMNO, but I stand to be corrected on that. It was in dire need of resurrection.


Literate Chaotic / Happy-X
« on: March 30, 2005, 03:38:07 pm »
Happy X Block


I followed Mr. Brown to the public bathroom on my floor - 667, It wasn't that my office didn't have a bathroom, it was just that I didn't have to clean my bathroom if I didn't use it. Lazy? Hmm, practical I'd say. I'd won the office in a competition run on the back of Happy Flakes boxes a few weeks ago and had been given the entry code yesterday - Monday morning. I'd entered every Happy Flakes competition since the corporation had taken over Kellogg's back in '34; I was 5 then and had wanted my very own Authentic Pre Optical Processing Retro Gaming System Featuring 23000 of the worlds best games from 1982 - 2019. I hoped it contained Jet set Willy, I wasn't disappointed, Larry Greenbaum down the road had won the thing and showed it to me briefly before the death defying Scrid wrestling match that landed him in hospital for a year. I never spoke to Sucker Face after that. My parents couldn't afford to buy me an RGS of my own. But at least I won the office.

I'm 34.

Happy X Block was the 10th (you might have guessed) self contained business/residential block and the first with a fully fledged independent A.I. running the show. It had opened last week and since then every available apartment and business space was being snapped up by those eager to start anew. Happy X was filled to bursting point and they hadn't yet opened anything above 955, the final 45 levels - the expensive stuff was up there - the luxury con-apts - the law offices.

Sorry I haven't introduced you; Reader, meet Mr. Brown, an electronic strip on the ground that leads you to the nearest bathroom. There are loads of these guys all over the place. Mr. Yellow will help you find any business premises you're looking for, etc. Why they have Mr. Blue shows you to the many lonely singles cocktail bars on 668 is anybody's guess. I don't really have to express my opinion on the naming of Mr. Brown, do I? Fortunately the guide strips are polarised so that only the person following can see them, nobody knows I'm heading to the bathroom. Well that isn't strictly true, Happy X's A.I. does. Everyone in here is 'chipped' supposedly for out personal welfare and protection. All of our personal details are on that chip: Health, credit status, entry codes, criminal record (if you've got one) - all that stuff. I always thought it kind of sinister and since chipping was voluntary on the outside, in the world, I'd never had it done - shop assistants would sigh as I fumbled for my credit card. You had to be chipped to enter a Happy block and the thought of not accepting my prize of the 10 year lease on the office had made me abandon my Luddite ways. Besides I just couldn't afford to pay for my old office anymore and the landlord had already threatened my legs with a garbage truck. I'd taken down the sign from above the door and carried it with me on the train to Happy X. It didn't fit above the door of the new office.

You either had a home and went to work in somebody else's business space, or you had business premises and you lived there too, no-one had both, that would be a crazy waste of space! I have fantastically comfortable couch in my office that doubles as my bed, there's a kitchen and bathroom there too, like I said earlier I don't use my own bathroom, but the kitchen has seen many a great pizza and beer night.

I get to where Mr. Brown is leading me, the public bathroom. I enter, it's empty. Unusual, it's a busy place, 667 has a lot of restaurants and it's lunch time. The cubicles are all open; I enter the nearest one (I could never pee in a urinal - too great a risk of splash-backs). I stop and stare at the quarter slice of Edam cheese sitting on the cistern. Somewhere at the back of my mind I'm laughing hysterically at the bizarreness of this, outwardly I'm just staring at the cheese. I pee, sort my self out then carefully place a plastic bag over the cheese and slip it into a coat pocket. I'm a private detective; I carry plastic bags, ok. I leave the bathroom and buy a no-sugar black decaf coffee, a hi-fibre/lo-fat donut (the junk food world's epitome of pointlessness - I'm kind of charmed by that) and a news sheet at the vending machine mini-mall across the way. I settle down to watch the bathroom entrance alternately glancing at the news sheet, munching and slurping. No-one goes in there, not a soul. After 20 minutes I decide to ask to be shown a bathroom, I sub vocalise this as "Happy X - Show me to the bathroom". I drop my empty cup and donut wrapper (they're swept up by a janibot almost instantly) and fold the news sheet into my pocket. Mr. Brown appears in front of me on the floor leading me away from the bathroom opposite. Strange; I ignore the guide strip and walk over to the bathroom door, it's locked I find this out by banging my face against the glass, usually the door would slide gracefully open, but not this time. I turn around; nobody seems to have noticed my accident except a couple of giggling school girls. I wonder briefly in my dazed state if it's the fedora, the trench coat, or the bleeding nose that was the source of the amusement. My attire is kind of odd in this climate controlled environment, but I've always felt slightly cold in here, it's a couple of degrees warmer in my office. I glance down at the floor; Mr. Brown is insisting I follow back the way I came. I do so having nothing better to do, but clean up my face.

Mr. Brown stops outside my office door, I stop too, but more out of surprise, the nearest public bathroom (other than the one that's closed) is quite a way down the hall, yet the guide strip's insistent little brown arrow is pointing at my office door. I stick my finger in the chip reader and the door slides open. Once inside I polarise the glass, lock the door and dig the cheese out of my pocket.

Now, I like cheese, but I can't say I really ever had a big thing about Edam, odd rubbery stuff. I sit the cheese from the bathroom on the desk and switch on the antique green glass shaded desk lamp Hilary had bought me when I'd opened the first office in Boston. Hilary had a thing for fedoras, old lamps and Edam; she put it on pizza instead of mozzarella - yuck! One of the reasons she isn't here I suppose, the other being that aside from the fedora she eventually decided I was an asshole. Probably true, I'd made an awful big thing of the Edam pizza. The Edam on the desk was getting interesting. The thin edge of the wedge was translucent in the lamp light and there was something inside the cheese. I put on a pair of rubber gloves and failing to find a knife in the drawer I pull the cheese apart with my hands only to discover a human finger, complete with diamond ring buried inside. I drop the cheese reflexively and stumble back from the desk. Nausea washed over me and I made it to and finally christen my bathroom with partially digested coffee and donut. Damn. I doubt I'll ever have a good relationship with Edam at this rate...

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