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I report that I have read this story and it is great bedtime story. I am now going to bed. Yay!!! Chicken monkey barf and castration=the literary geniuses.

Thank you Fred!!! Also good night.

::turns to corpse on OTHER side of her::

Look at that faggot dance!! Oh that Enrico.

::stands up and shouts::

I LOVE YOU ENRICO!!!

::faints next to charred corpse on the floor::

::turns to the charred corpse in the next seet, sobs::

That was my favourite part of the book.  

If this kitty wasn't the cutest little character I might consider the cattle prod.

But although ferocious, Felis Cattus (aka Pushkin Boots) is reasonable and knows that Ninja Scarf is not meant for this abode, it's got places to go, people to choke.

Plus, The Cattus is easily distracted, so the current plan is to distract it with some catnip at just the right moment and then run like hell.

[Department of Knittery Official Update from Espionage Agents Tracking Ninja Scarf.]

Department of Knittery Official Update from Espionage Agents Tracking Ninja Scarf.

Enraged by rumours that patchouli was making a comeback, the Felis Cattus  beast makes the only rational assumption--it's the Ninja Scarf! He's selling the vile substance to hippies. His ninja spirit is so low that he stoops to dealing with hippies? Ninja Scarf must be stopped!
A sneak attack catches Ninja Scarf unaware.



Felis Cattus is a fierce warrior but his fangs are no match for the steel tentacles of Ninja Scarf!!



After an intense 36 hour battle, Ninja Scarf and Felis Cattus realize that they have a lot in common. You see, both were abandoned by their mothers as children and they're both partly grey. Making this startling discovery, they decide to head to the pub for pints, later, back at chez Toots, they sit up until wee hours of the morning and trade battle stories.



The department believes they may be planning on taking over Bolivia.
Over and out.

::feels kind of bad for Sharon's state of health so must refrain from making jokes::

Since Enrico is not here, Cain, would be so kind to take seat on the couch and share your views on former murderous generals who turn into peaceful doves only after gleefully watching bulldozing parties?

The audience's three remaining living members would like to know.

I think they have done well since care in the community took place and we would all rather that then go back to the bad old days of chaining people up in mental hospitals.

Troof, but going back on your evil ways can give you a massive stroke. Just ask Pat Robertson if you don't believe.

::feels kind of bad for Sharon's state of health so must refrain from making jokes::

Since Enrico is not here, Cain, would be so kind to take seat on the couch and share your views on former murderous generals who turn into peaceful doves only after gleefully watching bulldozing parties?

The audience's three remaining living members would like to know.

I thought it was prisoner number 3558723721

Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here.  

Well no, you're in Canada.  Thats why.

I was speaking in a larger North American context.

But let me rephrase for accuracy:

They don't put Republicans in jail in Jesusland.

I thought they were called the Likud Party in Israel?

::
::loud cheers from audience::

Scooter couldn't get into Likud, they have an intelligence requirement, you have to have an IQ higher than a root vegetable. He didn't pass. Poor guy.  

I thought it was prisoner number 3558723721

Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here.  

Well no, you're in Canada.  Thats why.

I was speaking in a larger North American context.

But let me rephrase for accuracy:

They don't put Republicans in jail in Jesusland.

I thought it was prisoner number 3558723721

Silly Brit, that number is his salary! They don't put Republicans in jail here.  

<emerges from a burlap bag>

<looks at the drink bot>

A beverage if you will.

And make it snappy.. scooter.

::stomps onto stage and punches Baron Von Stevenstein in the face::

Scooter? Scooter?
You're talking to the future president of the United States of Amurricah! Show some respect you socialist scum!! That's MR LIBBY to you!

Oh Oracle of Doom,
Today I am bummed out thinking about the fact that no matter how hard I try I will not get to read all the books ever written, or see the whole world before I die.
Can you suggest a reliable time machine manufacturer?

for those who don't know that was The Chicken Lady, the fucking funniest character from Kids in the Hall who were comedy genius biotches!

::runs back on::

Cluck, cluck...cluck.

Hey can you get me a beer or should I just drink from the toilet?

::stares at Baron's dumbfounded look::

What, I'm the chicken lady and I love life! If you want to stay in my good books, don't call me a birdbrain. If you want to stay in my good books, which you do. Gravel and grubs, gravel and grubs, I love to eat my gravel and grubs.

Weeeeee!

::runs off stage::

*hands Toots some thorazine, just in case she needs it*

::takes thorazine, sits down on stage and starts crying::

Thanks so much! Nobody has ever tried to help me, the world is so cruel!!!!!!!!! ::sobs hysterically and kicks the Baron's body out of the way. Watches him crawl offstage::

I mean, my childhood was tough. My parents were Satanists!!! They made me have sex in rituals and, and, and, when I had my baby they...they KILLED it!!!!!!!!!! ::cries even harder::
Those fuckers!! I'll show them!!!
::starts a fire in first two rows of audience::
::stops and scratches head::
Wait, I think that was just some stupid book I read.
Oh well! Thanks for this!!
Ooh, look at the pretty colours backstage!

In conclusion:
There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.

Weeeeeeeeeee!

::runs off stage::