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loving these

Some of these sound like they may actually be worth dissecting and discussing in depth.. is that weird or what? 

Agreed. I'm especially intrigued by this concept:

Discordian naturalism:  belief that the world can be explained through chaotic forces; i.e. Daddy tell me a bedtime story about Eris

I think some of the old Greeks like Heraclitus were on their way to something like that but most of his stuff is lost in time.

Inspired by a license plate I saw today:

Discordianism: LOL GOD!

So... wanna know what Mike Tyson feels about this Glen Rice/Palin thing?

I forgot, did he just molest and kill people, or also rape them?

Either way, no, I don't really care what that psycho thinks about whatever.

Long story short: Someone here in Indianapolis thought it would be a good idea to let an emotionally unstable man with a history of being extremely aggressive to everyone judge a Miss Black America contest. That went about as well as you'd think it would go. As far as i know he has never killed anyone although he did bite another man's ear off on live international television.

Last Illinois county fair I went to was Boone County, summer of 1992. Let's see...

Aaron Tippin concert, demolition derby, a tractor pull, a 4-H barn with a filthy petting zoo full of asshole goats (asshole goats are awesome), vegetable and flower competitions, some shitty local country act with a frontman that looked like an even trashier Billy Ray Cyrus playing the bandstand at lunchtime that'd always work "Proud to be an American" into the set, hypnotizing (to a 10 year old) booth shops selling pocketknives and cowboys and indian and ninja playsets and firecrackers and stinkbombs and hat pins and potato guns. We got kicked out of the fair for a whole day for dropping stinkbombs off the top of the bleachers onto the sidewalk below. Almost hit some woman pushing her kid in a stroller. Half of the rides broke down in the hottest part of the day, the seats were sticky with potentially terrible things, and the operators all had long hair and played Metallica.

I'm sure as an adult now it'd be a lot less fascinating but at that age with free reign of the place it was magical.

Stop it! You are making me homesick. 

[almost succeeded]

Dear LMNO,

I'm going to say something that most people would consider extremely rude to say to someone who just lost their father but... I seriously hate your guts right now. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. It sounds like you had the best father in existence and that seriously grinds my gears. Do you want to know what the rest of the world had to put up with as fathers? Mine is a humble factory worker who divorces my mom while I was so young that I cannot imagine them in any relationship that rises above basic human decency. He had his heart in the right place most of the time but was well over his head in the parenting department. The only wisdom he imparted to me on his once-every-two-weeks-if-you're-lucky-kid custody agreements was "Son, all women are crazy."^*

Meanwhile, fate decided to plop you down in the lap of a Richard Feynman clone who was bad ass enough to attempt to teach you computer science as a toddler and almost succeeded. I would have been honored to have met him once to set in on a lecture or shake his hand at a fancy cocktail party that you east coast liberals are prone to throwing. And you got to see him a majority of the days of your life. In fact, think back to all times he wiped your drool, changed your diapers, taught you how to walk, dropped you off at school, taught you how to ride a bike, walked with you in the woods, taught you how to shave, wiped your drool again as a teenager, taught you how to drive, helped to pay for your honeymoon... (All of these situations are hypothetical. feel free to add and subtract as needed.) He could have just as easily spent that time figuring out the Grand Unified Theory. Or at least made a new super cool looking laser.

So, I think it's time you apologized to us and the world of physics for your selfishness. It's the least you can do at this point.

Lovingly yours,

Iason Ouabache


^* - You have to admit that he was correct about this.

Good god! You keep hoping that it will end at some point but that list just goes on and on and on...

Why the hell did they plan this for a weekend when no one would be around? 

Discordianism: The next person to say, "Everything happens for a reason" gets stabbed in the neck!

So... wanna know what Mike Tyson feels about this Glen Rice/Palin thing?

http://larrybrownsports.com/gossip/mike-tyson-doesnt-think-glen-rice-banged-sarah-palin-hard-enough

"Glen Rice is a wonderful man. He's a wonderful guy," Tyson said, "But you want her to be with somebody like [Dennis] Rodman getting up in there. Pushing her guts up in the back of her head!

"Glen Rice is a nice, mellow, docile man, non-threatening black guy — you want someone like Rodman — yeah baby! Imagine Palin with a big old black stallion ripping — yeehaw!"

Tyson proceeded to opine on the sexual desires of men and women.

"In life in general you know, everybody gotta get that out of their system when they get out of college. If you're a black man, every white girl, every uppity middle class — everybody gotta get their share of love."

Later on in the interview, Tyson brought it back to Palin and blurted out "Isn't that beautiful to hear Palin got boned out by a black dude?"

Despite the anecdote, Tyson isn't sure if this story will help Palin win the black vote.

"She could always get boned out by a black person — a vote to bang her. Other than a vote to run office, the only thing she can do ... she's not a bad person because she likes black people ... at least in her."

"When you think of Glen Rice, you don't think of him coming back from Georgia and just slamming ... you don't think of that stuff!"

"Sarah Palin ... she met the wombshifter."

David Bowie - Sound and Vision

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IJsAuUgSgc

"Christ, what a bunch of assholes."

Almost forgot about that one.

[Methodist Discordian]

Methodist Discordian: We have all these rules but you don't really have to follow them.

Prepare to deploy earplugs, Palin's gonna pitch a hissy over the new biography that's coming out...

http://deadspin.com/5840042

The National Enquirer grabbed some details from the upcoming Joe McGinniss Sarah Palin book, and this chunk is too delightful not to share with you immediately. Apparently Palin had a fling with former Heat/Hornet/Laker Glen Rice while he was in college and while she was a sports reporter in Alaska, all the way back in 1987. Rice confirms it in the book.

That story was funnier before I realized that it was Juwan Howard and not Glen Rice who got sued for giving a woman The Herp.

The good news is that a majority of North Carolinians oppose the amendment right now:

http://equalitync.org/news1/poll-shows-a-majority-of-north-carolinians-oppose-amendment-banning-same-sex-marriage

The poll also showed a strong majority (57%) of North Carolinians support marriage or civil unions for same-sex couples, revealing a dramatic 9% increase in public support for marriage equality in only two years. This result mirrors two separate polls conducted by Public Policy Polling in March and July that also reveal majority support of legal recognitions for same-sex couples.

That probably won't last long. But at least your local media outlets will receive millions of dollars from the Mormons and Catholics. Maybe this is the Republicans' idea of a stimulus package.

Nope, I'm sure there are plenty of bigots in the Tea Party.  Statistically, there would have to be.  It is a bit (quite a bit) of a generalization to say the entire group can be painted with a big 'ol brush called bigotry.

Of course there are bigots in every party. The difference with other parties is that they try to keep crazy racist ol' grandpa to the fringes. The Tea Party keep promoting their bigots to the head office.