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This forum reeks to high heaven of hypocrisy.

For example, the phrase "think for yourself" is overused to the point of redundancy, yet members will boorishly attack anyone whose views seem to differ from their own. In my first post (which was pretty concise, to avoid tl;dr), I mentioned following the Law of Fives. Instead of asking me to expand on what I meant by that, someone instead felt the need to inform my poor, unenlightened self that it was a parody demonstrating confirmation bias -- which I, of course, already knew. (One could hardly read the Principia Discordia and not realize how much of it is satirical.) The same individual also told me that meditating on symbols has the same effect as "praying to a stop sign" -- once again, without requesting or awaiting clarification of my statement, as if I might actually believe that symbols are magical and can answer my prayers. The person who jumped to such conclusions was obviously wrong, but what if he hadn't been? What if I did believe in the Law of Fives and magical symbols? Is it his, or anyone else's, prerogative to deem me a false Discordian on that basis?

The people here strike me as a bunch of spags who are pissed off at the world, who misunderstand simple statements, who jump to preposterous conclusions, who fly off the handle at the most inconsequential things, and who scream "THINK FOR YOURSELF!" at the top of their lungs while harshly denigrating those who disagree with them. If your aim is to generate growth within the Discordian community, this is a counterproductive strategy. However, if this is the impression you wish to convey, then by all means carry on.

Seriously, people. Get the sticks out of your asses, and dismount your high horses. You are outraged over something I giggled at when I was a fucking teenager. Do you realize that when you google "Erister EGGgasm," one of the suggestions (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Erister%20Egg%20Hunt) is to fill a plastic egg with a condom? (Clearly, the Discordians who wrote that must have been very different indeed.) I found it incredibly ironic that I'd accidentally done that very thing as a sixteen-year-old in high school, which is why I posted the story in the first place. But I NEVER intended for anyone to find the condom, especially not a child. I did NOT place it there specifically for a kid to stumble upon; I was attempting to dispose of it. I do NOT know if it was ever found. I did NOT sit there in my car watching them conduct the egg hunt, touching myself like some pervert and becoming sexually aroused at the thought of a child finding it. My boyfriend and I simply giggled nervously to ourselves, thinking, "Oh my goodness, how awkward! I can't believe they're egg hunting there. Who would've thought they'd arrange an egg hunt by the ditch?! What if they found our...?" I was NOT in any way thrilled or elated at the thought of shocking a child.

IF anyone did find our egg...honestly, so what? What harm could come of it? NONE. What suffering did it cause? NONE. Would a mere tube of rubber terrify a child to the point that he'd be plagued by nightmares for months after the event? NO. Is finding a two-week-old, shriveled up piece of trash inside an Easter egg going to traumatize a child so much that he would be scarred for life? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Try to think realistically about this incident for a change. If the egg was found by a kid, what probably happened as a result? The kid was most likely confused, perhaps a bit grossed out. He might have taken the egg to an adult to ask what it was, and I'm sure the adult would've disposed of it for him, possibly explaining what was inside. If not, the kid probably just tossed the thing back to the ground, or disposed of it himself. What it boils down to is a total NON-EVENT -- nothing to cause me horror or shame.

My boyfriend and I didn't sit there in my car cackling at the hilarity of a child handling a condom. (Besides, I highly doubt the prophylactic was "handled" anyway, even if it did happen to be found.) We laughed uncomfortably and sort of in disbelief, because the situation was awkward and ridiculous. I'm at a complete loss as to how reaction makes me a classist, a sociopath, a pedophile, a "playground masturbator," or a sexual predator.

[Fidel Castro:]

As for people's reaction to my Erister Egg Hunt story, I don't even know where to begin. I think in order to demonstrate the absurdity of the ire directed my way, I will respond to a forum member in the same harsh, insulting tone with which he responded to me -- using his own quotes in my reply.

Fidel Castro:

What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously, why would you choose a username like that? Fidel Castro was a corrupt communist dictator who routinely deprived innocent Cuban citizens of their most basic human rights. Is that a fucking joke to you? It is extremely tactless and disrespectful to all the people who suffered under Castro's repressive regime for you to post on this forum using his name, making light of their struggles. But then again, Cuba is an impoverished country compared to the United States, and their standard of living is pretty low. After all, poor people don't really count as people. It's okay for their governments to do horribly inappropriate things to their them, because they're just animals and shit.

You describe yourself as a "GRAMMAR NAZI."

Wow, I guess it's cool now to make light of Nazism and the Holocaust, too. You clearly have no empathy for the widespread suffering of others, to joke around about serious issues like that. I'd say that makes you a sociopath at best.

"Platonic Dildo Sharpener?" "One-Armed Jizz Moppers?"

That's actually kinda squicky. Does thinking about somebody mopping up ejaculate provide you with some kind of cheap thrill? How utterly disgusting. You're fucked up in the head. And having a missing limb is not something to fucking joke about either.

Your grandmother knows people fuck.

As previously mentioned, I was in high school at the time. My worry was not that I would sully my grandmother's naive innocence, but rather that I would get into trouble.

Better for her to jump YOUR shit about fucking in her house than to shock some kid.

It was never my intention to shock a kid, or to shock anyone for that matter. I did NOT go out of my way to ensure that anyone would find our trash, nor did I ever confirm that anyone found it after all. In my post, I mentioned that we thought the egg would remain undiscovered in the ditch where we discarded it. Neither of us had any way of knowing that somebody would set up an egg hunt there, as ditches are not typically ideal for that sort of thing. We had driven by that trailer park many times and never seen any children playing there.

If my kids were little and they found an egg with a fucking used condom in it, I'd assume since it was in a plastic easter egg, some pervert put it there for them to find and I'd make a police report. Cops LOVE catching pedos, it's a pretty substantial felony catch and I'm sure they'd check for prints as well as running the DNA.

How intimidating. I would love to see someone try to report me to the cops as a "pedophile." (Btw, check your semantics. You seem to be confusing "pedophile" with "predator." Being a pedophile is actually not illegal.) Neither my DNA nor my prints would be in their system, as I have no criminal record whatsoever (despite the seemingly pervasive belief on this forum that I'm a sociopathic child molester). Not to mention the undeniable fact that I don't even remotely fit the profile of a sex offender. Throwing a condom into a ditch where two weeks later it happens to be accidentally found by someone is not a felony. My only "crime" would be littering, which is a misdemeanor charge at worst. The cops would be pissed off at you for wasting their time.

playground masturbator

fucktard

sociopath

Going a little overboard here. For people who hold the Curse of Greyface to be a valuable life lesson, you guys sure seem to take a lot of things WAY too seriously. I've read thread after thread of forum members bashing newcomers for even the slightest things, like a question they felt was dumb, or a screen name they didn't particularly care for. And here I am being accused of viewing poor people as subhuman, doing "horribly inappropriate things" to kids, masturbating at playgrounds, and considering children to be mere animals. Think what you want of my story, but all these accusations are completely absurd.

The idea of those kids finding our egg made me laugh for the same reason It's Always Sunny episodes, or The Office skits, or comedians telling improper jokes make me laugh -- sometimes awkward, inappropriate situations are funny. Even when they're not, sometimes the only worthwhile response to such situations is laughter.

If, through some fault of mine, any harm were to ever befall a child, I would absolutely feel shame and horror -- not to mention the deepest remorse. Suffering is a big deal to me, especially the suffering of innocents. But I assure you no children were harmed by the contents of the egg we threw away; no suffering of any kind was caused by someone happening upon our discarded trash, IF anyone did after all. It is outrageous to insinuate that I'm some kind of classist, sociopathic child molester simply because I chuckled at the possibility of an event which -- had it actually occurred -- would've hurt absolutely NO ONE and had NO lasting effect whatsoever. How in the hell does this make me the type of person who would mistreat children or be entertained by the sight of them in pain? You people act like I showed up at a playground and raped a child, or placed a loaded gun in the middle of a crowded daycare. The words "overreaction" and "exaggeration" don't even begin to cover it.

There are only TWO behaviors that make you "Discordian"..."THINKING FOR YOURSELF" and "SATURDAY NIGHT"

Thank you for explaining what Discordianism is, so I can "think for myself" by following your definition.

..."church art" is mere vandalism...

I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't do "church art," nor to I vandalize.

For example, the "law of fives" is a method of demonstrating confirmation bias.  It's a PARODY.

I'm well aware of the fact that the Law of Fives is a parody. I choose to follow it for the very purpose of demonstrating confirmation bias, and because sometimes it's fun(ny) to see how many steps it takes to intentionally relate any number/subject to five. It's ok to have fun with a parody, isn't it?

...meditating on symbology is sort of like praying to a stop sign...

I do not "pray" to symbols -- or stop signs. I'm agnostic and hold no belief in the supernatural whatsoever; therefore, I don't believe symbols contain any magical powers. I do, however, believe in the beneficial results of meditation (which are well-documented), and focusing on symbols helps me concentrate well enough to reach the meditative state I desire.

[WARNING: Do not read the following small print if you wish to avoid TMI!]

WARNING: Do not read the following small print if you wish to avoid TMI!

There is a funny (albeit slightly explicit) story about how the EGGgasm idea first occurred to me outside a Discordian context. Several years ago in late March, my high school boyfriend and I happened to engage in relations at my grandmother's house while she was out shopping one day. After we had, erm..."finished," he suggested we simply disguise the used condom inside another piece of trash and throw it away. But I was suddenly overcome with an irrational paranoia that my grandma would suspect what we had done and search through her garbage to find the proof. I was unspeakably horrified at the thought of my poor grandmother discovering a used condom in her house, so I insisted that we find a more creative way to dispose of the prophylactic. Since she was decorating for Easter at the time, there was a bag of as-yet-unfilled plastic eggs on her kitchen counter. We placed the condom inside an egg, then drove away with it and tossed it outside the car window a few minutes later. The egg bounced into a ditch beside a nearby trailer park; we figured it would remain safely undiscovered there.

Weeks later, while we were on our way to my family's house to celebrate Easter with them, we passed by the same location where we had previously disposed of the condom. There were a bunch of trailer park kids with baskets playing in the ditch and the nearby field, ostensibly conducting an egg hunt. We snickered to ourselves, wondering if they'd found our "offering." From that day forward, I've been a participant in Erister EGGgasm, though for several years I didn't even know it.

(Btw, if that's not a prime example of "EGGgasm", then idk what is!)

/TMI

For my very first post on this forum... ()

I will attempt to list all the behaviors that set me apart as a Discordian -- which should prove to be an interesting exercise for me. (Some of these are not strictly Discordian activities, but rather fall under the category "Activities of Which I Think Eris Would Approve." Also, not all are daily; some might take place seasonally, or simply whenever the n00d mood strikes me.)

~Writing derogatory messages on the contents of the fruit bowl, to remind my housemates of my affection for them
~General mischief and wreaking of havoc
~Strictly abiding by the Law of Fives, sometimes to the point of others' chagrin
~Meditation on Erisian & Discordian symbols -- which, in my opinion, convey powerful messages
~Quoting names, stories, and parables from PD and BIP whenever apropos
~Intense study of Eris and anything remotely related to Her, as I am deeply fascinated by the persona of Eris Herself, and what She stands for
~Heavily inspired by Erisian & Discordian symbolism and mythology in my art

And last, but not least...

~Erister EGGgasm

I've been participating in this holiday tradition for years, long before I even knew what Discordia was. I've always gotten a kick out of putting awkward, shocking, or confusing items in Easter eggs and including them in family or church egg hunts, then giggling as the unsuspecting participants reacted with surprise, amusement, or even outrage when they opened their eggs. Once I found out this was an actual Discordian tradition, I was elated, and figured the fortuitous coincidence implied I was meant to be Discordian all along. I also used this knowledge to continue my EGGgasm activities with newfound intensity.