No, this wasn't written by The Onion:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/11/a-purity-test-for-the-gop.php
QuoteThe Republican National Committee could be on the verge of imposing a strict purity test on GOP candidates and officeholders, if a proposed resolution passes at their upcoming meeting in January: If you disagree with the party line on three or more out of a list of ten key issues, no money or official party support for you.
The resolution, officially called "Proposed RNC Resolution on Reagan's Unity Principle for Support of Candidates" draws its standard through a literal interpretation of an old saying of the Gipper's -- that someone who agreed with him 80% of the time is his friend, not his 20% enemy. Thus, this resolution sets 80% as a floor for support of GOP issues.
The resolution could set up a new problem for chairman Michael Steele. Earlier this year, he successfully turned back a symbolic measure that called upon the Democratic Party to rename itself the "Democrat Socialist Party." This latest resolution -- coming after the NY-23 special election, in which moderate GOP nominee Dede Scozzafava was forced out in favor of a third-party Conservative, who then lost to the Democrat -- could have real material impacts.
The resolution list is as follows:
Quote(1) We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama's "stimulus" bill;
(2) We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run healthcare;
(3) We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;
(4) We support workers' right to secret ballot by opposing card check;
(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;
(6) We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;
(7) We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;
(8.) We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;
(9) We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing and denial of health care and government funding of abortion; and
(10) We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership;
The funny part, there is no way in hell Reagan would have passed this test. And according to Think Progress (http://thinkprogress.org/2009/11/25/report-gop-purity/) this would cut out at least 40 current congressmen.
:lulz: It's funny watching conservatives eat their own.
This will never pass. There's too many moderates. I don't even think McCain would pass that.
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 25, 2009, 11:49:23 PM
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
It means No Mexicans Allowed!
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 25, 2009, 11:49:23 PM
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
It means you have to not hop fences, and if you hop a fence they will use force to get you back to whatever country you came from, but it's okay for you to walk through the gates once you pay all the fees needed to become a permanent resident.
Quote from: Suu on November 26, 2009, 12:29:52 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 25, 2009, 11:49:23 PM
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
It means you have to not hop fences, and if you hop a fence they will use force to get you back to whatever country you came from, but it's okay for you to walk through the gates once you pay all the fees if you win the lottery needed to become a permanent resident.
fixd
Also, three of these appear to contain contradictions. Cap and trade *is* a market based solution, they say they don't want denial of healthcare but oppose abortions in the same sentence, and the support immigrants coming here but want to kick out all the ones currently in the country.
i believe that's 3, so anybody sane is automatically excluded.
Quote from: Requia ☣ on November 26, 2009, 12:50:09 AM
fixd
Also, three of these appear to contain contradictions. Cap and trade *is* a market based solution, they say they don't want denial of healthcare but oppose abortions in the same sentence, and the support immigrants coming here but want to kick out all the ones currently in the country.
i believe that's 3, so anybody sane is automatically excluded.
DING!You win the prize; have a cigar.
That's it. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.
Here are our principles
1. We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll. All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.
2. We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.
3. We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.
4. We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.
5. We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum. Zero tolerance.
6. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.
7. We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star". Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.
8. We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.
9. We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.
10. We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.
:potd:
Quote from: Cain on November 26, 2009, 03:24:06 PM
That's it. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.
Here are our principles
1. We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll. All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.
2. We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.
3. We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.
4. We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.
5. We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum. Zero tolerance.
6. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.
7. We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star". Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.
8. We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.
9. We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.
10. We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.
:mittens:
What's funny is I only actually seriously disagree with two of these, so I'd be eligible to join your party.
8/10 is the required number you have to agree with for funding from the GOP, and so it is for the CN-A too.
Our funds currently stand at -$623.46
I'll support the rest of your party line if adults can get a depleted uranium shell too.
Quote from: Cain on November 26, 2009, 03:24:06 PM
That's it. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.
Here are our principles
1. We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll. All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.
2. We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.
3. We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.
4. We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.
5. We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum. Zero tolerance.
6. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.
7. We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star". Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.
8. We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.
9. We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.
10. We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.
ANARCHIST!
Quote from: Iason Ouabache on November 26, 2009, 12:21:43 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 25, 2009, 11:49:23 PM
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
It means No Mexicans Allowed!
B..b..but, I'm Mexican :x
Quote from: Halfbaked1 on December 01, 2009, 08:19:04 AM
Quote from: Iason Ouabache on November 26, 2009, 12:21:43 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 25, 2009, 11:49:23 PM
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
It means No Mexicans Allowed!
B..b..but, I'm Mexican :x
GTFO!
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 01, 2009, 03:38:52 PM
Quote from: Halfbaked1 on December 01, 2009, 08:19:04 AM
Quote from: Iason Ouabache on November 26, 2009, 12:21:43 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 25, 2009, 11:49:23 PM
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
It means No Mexicans Allowed!
B..b..but, I'm Mexican :x
GTFO!
TGRR! don't be so rude!
at least let him mow your yard first....
Quote from: Cain on November 26, 2009, 03:24:06 PM
That's it. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.
Here are our principles
1. We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll. All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.
2. We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.
3. We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.
4. We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.
5. We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum. Zero tolerance.
6. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.
7. We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star". Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.
8. We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.
9. We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.
10. We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.
I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.
I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.
Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on December 01, 2009, 09:48:12 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 26, 2009, 03:24:06 PM
That's it. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.
Here are our principles
1. We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll. All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.
2. We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.
3. We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.
4. We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.
5. We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum. Zero tolerance.
6. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.
7. We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star". Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.
8. We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.
9. We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.
10. We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.
I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.
I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.
Fuck. The Enki Effect strikes again.
I admit, I lol'd :lulz:
So did I. It would do wonders for post-disaster morale :lulz:
Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on December 01, 2009, 09:48:12 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 26, 2009, 03:24:06 PM
That's it. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.
Here are our principles
1. We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll. All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.
2. We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.
3. We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.
4. We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.
5. We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum. Zero tolerance.
6. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.
7. We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star". Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.
8. We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.
9. We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.
10. We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.
I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.
I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.
:lulz:
Quote from: Enki v. 2.0 on December 01, 2009, 09:48:12 PM
I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.
I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.
Clearly, legal and organized prostitution can help save the world:
http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,665182,00.html
Bump for Colbert's take on this:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/258161/december-09-2009/the-word---grand-old-purity
That was brilliant--saw that one yesterday (I tivo them).
Quote from: Iptuous on December 01, 2009, 03:45:31 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 01, 2009, 03:38:52 PM
Quote from: Halfbaked1 on December 01, 2009, 08:19:04 AM
Quote from: Iason Ouabache on November 26, 2009, 12:21:43 AM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 25, 2009, 11:49:23 PM
what's this mean? :
"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"
it's ... confusing.
It means No Mexicans Allowed!
B..b..but, I'm Mexican :x
GTFO!
TGRR! don't be so rude!
at least let him mow your yard first....
I'll let him "mow" my "yard".
AUGH I feel dirty now, I need to change my avatar to something that's not me.
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on December 12, 2009, 03:31:09 AM
AUGH I feel dirty now, I need to change my avatar to something that's not me.
:lulz: