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946

Apple Talk / Science, Kai...Pure Science, and be Damned to He Who Says "Enough".

« on: February 08, 2010, 04:24:37 pm »

Yesterday, while I was soldering the first connections on my optical stunner, it occurred to me that the world isn't ready for you, Kai.  They aren't ready for understanding the rules of how the universe works...because the universe is a cold, empty place, and even contemplating it sets off all their primate rage instincts.

No, Kai, you are doomed to be the scapegoat of the Know-Nothings, the Tea Partiers, and the corporate interests that want to keep the population ignorant.  With this in mind, I am here to attempt to convert you to Mad Science.  Allow me to explain the benefits, as they compare to regular science:

1.  Regular scientists drive sensible transportation.  Mad scientists drive chopped hearses with built in weaponry.

2.  Regular scientists define a wild party as three different bean dips.  Mad scientists define a wild party as fighting the giant squid in the basement.

3.  Regular scientists go on a date, and it's dinner and a movie.  Mad scientists just strap their date to the slab and get busy.

4.  Regular scientists retire at 70.  Mad scientists go down swinging when the hero blows up their base (and we usually escape to menace the world later on, with cybernetic parts replacing the bits we lost).  Pissing yourself in the old folks home, or howling in fury in a burning/collapsing/self-destructing volcano hideout?  You choose.

5.  Regular scientists ride those silly backwards bikes to stay in shape.  Mad scientists wear a full body waldo and throw cars around while laughing maniacally.  Laughing maniacally, Kai.  When's the last time you did that?

6.  Regular scientists secretly yearn to be mad scientists.  Mad scientists secretly yearn to CONQUER THE WORLD WITH AN ARMY OF RADIOACTIVE GORILLAS!

People fear science, Kai.  But who's afraid of a mad scientist?  Fucking nobody.

947

Apple Talk / In Memoriam: TGRR 2002-2010

« on: February 06, 2010, 03:12:29 pm »

Good morning, my little exploding anal beads of corruption.  It seems The Good Reverend Roger has "lost his shit" in a big way, and died of his own stupidity in Oro Valley Hospital, some time over the last day and a half.  But fear not, for I have been reborn, like unto a buzzard rising from its own poop.

First order of business:  As I am now out of the Holy Man^TM business, I bequeath my Rain God title and all other holy offices, vestments, and/or Horrorsex equipment unto Payne, for the conversion of the heathens in Scotland.  America has no use for Holy Men^TM.  Trust me on this...We Doktors know a hopeless case when we see one.  As such, I am retiring the TGRR moniker for good.  I needed to change my outlook anyway, as the one I had was no longer big enough.

Second order of business:  I'd like to offer a heartfelt and public apology to Nigel, concerning the accusations of "betrayal" I had made.  This was nothing more than an exhaustion-driven paranoia that caused me to read some drivel in a PM from Yatto, and interpret it as details of a plot to make me miserable.  This was obviously not the case, and I am very sorry.  Nigel didn't deserve that.

Third order of business:  The bickering.  Okay, everyone's pissed and howling.  I kind of like that.  But consider that you are howling at the wrong people.  Your aim is sloppy, and there's no excuse for that.  After all, it's not like any of you get along with normal people...If you did, you wouldn't be a Discordian.  So why shit in your own nest?  Because you're bored?  Because content stagnated?  Because you need the attention?  Because it's February, and you don't know what else to do?  That's monkey behavior.  You are not a robot, so stop operating off of programming.  Consider:  You have a limited time on this planet, and you will only find so many people that you can get along with...and it's always later than you think.  Time is fucking short.  It took dying for me to figure that out, but there's no need for you to re-invent the wheel.

So, that's that.  But where do things go from here?  

Well, I'd like to learn how to use Radio Free Discordia, because I have some things to say, and I am no longer satisfied with the written word as a medium.  Nurse Mayhem and I will be putting up some new artwork - including spiffy new avatars to reflect our Mad Scientist approach to things, and possibly - if you ask Nursey very nicely - making avatars for people who agree with the things we're about to yell.  Oh, yes...and finding a practical way to destroy the city of Tucson, Arizona, because that's the sort of thing cartoon villians do.  

Who's afraid of Doktor Howl?  Fucking nobody.