HEARTACHE TO HEARTACHE WE STAND
NO PROMISES, NO DEMANDS
WHEN I WAS
Fact: Invincible, better song.
;)
But not stuck in my head.
Quote from: Nigel on January 12, 2008, 11:55:06 PM
But not stuck in my head.
download links are available upon request, also I can DCC the file to you through IRC, or send over AIM/Yahoo/whatever.
~Angel
The Music Pimp
yall aint young. old fuckers.
Just because you're like 7 or something doesn't mean everyone else is old, on a standard scale.
8)
Pre-pubescents outed ITT
ALL THE YOUNG DUDES
if you are older then me then you are old. OLD PPL. HAW
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO BE INNOCENT
Quote from: Cain on January 12, 2008, 09:15:52 AM
WHEN I WAS
A YOUNG MAN
\
:joshua:
MY FATHER
\
:troll:
TOOK ME INTO THE-
\
:hosrie:
NEVAR GONNA GIVE YUO UP!
/(http://www.adhole.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/rick_astley80s.jpg)
\
NEVAR GONNA LET YUO DOWN!
A cohort of mine and I have decided that we're Rickrolling the entire Anime Boston Masquerade attendees at some random moment during the event.
In other words.........rigging the video display to play it as some fat cosplayer is getting on stage instead of whatever they wanted as their performance music and background video/image.
Quote from: Mourning Star on January 13, 2008, 01:25:59 AM
Quote from: Nigel on January 12, 2008, 11:55:06 PM
But not stuck in my head.
download links are available upon request, also I can DCC the file to you through IRC, or send over AIM/Yahoo/whatever.
~Angel
The Music Pimp
Aww thanks!
I have the album, though... I just haven't put it in my new computer yet.
ummm...can i se an enlarged version of your avatar...it looks interesting....
(http://somniphobia.com/src/1200038203886.jpg)
da fuck?
I have no idea, which is a large part of why I like it.
I believe its an installation piece, called "Good times to use a large pink pyramid for masturbation".
haha interesting
It's THE Cone! ( http://store.babeland.com/vibrators/the-cone )
Reviews include: "Ive been eyeing the Cone ever since it came in. it appeals to my modernist side, reminding me of I.M. Pei's glass sculpture at the Louvre" and "it's really, really really fun to sit on!"
It's an asshole cone?
That you sit on as a chair, I gather.
For women. Or weird guys.
It looks uncomfortable.
call me crazy, but I prefer that anything I stick in my own ass be rounded off.
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 12:51:17 PM
call me crazy, but I prefer that anything I stick in my own ass be rounded off.
Like a nice set of tapered beads...
Quote from: Anonymously Evil on January 14, 2008, 04:03:42 AM
It's THE Cone! ( http://store.babeland.com/vibrators/the-cone )
Reviews include: "Ive been eyeing the Cone ever since it came in. it appeals to my modernist side, reminding me of I.M. Pei's glass sculpture at the Louvre" and "it's really, really really fun to sit on!"
So sexual relations with 2 dimension figures isn't "in" yet? How strangely reasuring.
What's the deal with the book, or is that supposed to be a laptop?
Quote from: Mourning Star on January 14, 2008, 01:13:19 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 12:51:17 PM
call me crazy, but I prefer that anything I stick in my own ass be rounded off.
Like a nice set of tapered beads...
that wasn't an invitation to strike up a conversation about sticking things in my ass.
While I'm sure you could stick the cone anywhere you like, I gather that the primary purpose is as a vaginally-applied device.
ECH, I could make you a nice set of beads is you like.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on January 14, 2008, 01:39:02 PM
What's the deal with the book, or is that supposed to be a laptop?
Inspirational materials.
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 04:14:30 PM
While I'm sure you could stick the cone anywhere you like, I gather that the primary purpose is as a vaginally-applied device.
ECH, I could make you a nice set of beads is you like.
1. call me crazy, but I prefer that anything I stick in my own vagina be rounded off.
2. can you paint Hillary Clinton's head on all of them?
Quote from: Suu Fett on January 14, 2008, 04:23:58 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on January 14, 2008, 01:39:02 PM
What's the deal with the book, or is that supposed to be a laptop?
Inspirational materials.
I revealed to the boy this weekend that I am aware that he owns two stupid looking porn DVDs. It was hilarious and awkward. He then attempted to be smooth and awkwardly suggested watching some together.
I said, "Why do you think I suggested that we watch 'Secretary' together?"
He continued to be flustered and change colors. Bahahaha!
Don't be a typical girl and try to embarass/shame/guilt the guy for watching crappy porn.
He's not gonna stop, and will ultimately resent your mockery.
LMNO i think that's not what she did, rather the opposite?
anyway, if you're gonna watch together, always let the woman pick the porn. you might learn something.
Quote from: LMNO on January 14, 2008, 04:52:28 PM
Don't be a typical girl and try to embarass/shame/guilt the guy for watching crappy porn.
He's not gonna stop, and will ultimately resent your mockery.
At the end of the day, I absolutely do not care what he jerks off to. I just find it funny that he tried to hide it, and got so embarrassed that I knew. Jeez, the things I think about what I'm doing my thing...! I have no problem with him owning porn, and expressed no problem with it. (the conversation went something along the lines of him: "I only own three DVDs, you know" (which he then listed) and I said, "Well, and two porns" him: "...You know about those? ...Crap..." and he then turned different shades of pink and red. I just laughed and kept cooking him dinner. No possible grounds for complaint there!)
I just happen to think that if we're gonna do the whole sexytime movies together, I prefer "Secretary" over actual porn, because I always start LAUGHING when I see porn, which is the opposite intended effect.
Porn is hilarious, in my opinion. If he wants to jerk off to, that's fine by me. I would never purposely do anything to make him feel uncomfortable or like he should be ashamed or something, because frankly, that's stupid.
So, S&M movies about cutting and which feature a woman pissing herself in a wedding dress turn you on?
Good to know...
LMNO
-Kidding. Maggie Gyllenhall is teh HAWTNESS.
I jake Mr. Suu all the time about him watching porn. It doesn't bother me, he knows this, yet he loves to hide it still and pretend he's not fapping when I walk in on him.
...And you wonder why you're not having that much sex...
Because I'm usually sleeping or staggering to bed by the time he gets home from work? :|
I think of the "pissing herself in a wedding dress" part as a gentle reprieve to allow your heart rate to slow enough to actually make it to the end of the movie without attacking each other for teh sexytiem.
But there is a lot of extreme hot in that movie.
Quote from: Suu Fett on January 14, 2008, 05:24:32 PM
Because I'm usually sleeping or staggering to bed by the time he gets home from work? :|
NO EXCUSES! GRAB YOUR ANKLES!
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on January 14, 2008, 05:25:31 PM
I think of the "pissing herself in a wedding dress" part as a gentle reprieve to allow your heart rate to slow enough to actually make it to the end of the movie without attacking each other for teh sexytiem.
But there is a lot of extreme hot in that movie.
(http://www.magnetictimes.com/images/uploads/secretary-Maggie-Gyllenhaa-2002-Lions-Gate-Entertainment.jpg)
And just think how freaking sexy the new Batman movie will be--just because every time I see her on screen, I'll think of that movie and get all hot and bothered.
"Can we go see the new Batman?"
"Is that really a date movie?"
"Oh trust me, it will be."
Who is Maggie playing in the new Batman, anyway?
If it's HarleyQuinn, I think I just came in my pants.
Its believed to be either that, Catwoman or Katie Holmes role, according to the rumour mill.
Which is ASTOUNDING, that a woman will play one of the only three important female roles within a film. I can see they devoted much time and effort to figuring out the blatantly obvious.
She's taking over for Katie Holmes.
All I have to say is HOORAY
Well, she is a better actress than Mrs Scientology, but that character is essentially "damsel in distress". Not a very fun role.
She'd make a great Harley.
I concur. But based on the snippets I've seen in previews and the suchlike, it looks like she's going to put some backbone into the role, which will be nice.
She would be a great Harley, yes.
But even if she's a damsel in distress, she'll at least have a personality and some acting talent. That'll be such a nice change!
I think it's gonna be a pretty bad ass movie. Because honestly, Heath Ledger as the Joker? That's just crazy talk, yet GOOD crazy.
Quote from: LMNO on January 14, 2008, 06:49:35 PM
Well, she is a better actress than Mrs Scientology
And so are dead things at the bottom of ponds.
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on January 14, 2008, 06:54:49 PM
I concur. But based on the snippets I've seen in previews and the suchlike, it looks like she's going to put some backbone into the role, which will be nice.
She would be a great Harley, yes.
But even if she's a damsel in distress, she'll at least have a personality and some acting talent. That'll be such a nice change!
I think it's gonna be a pretty bad ass movie. Because honestly, Heath Ledger as the Joker? That's just crazy talk, yet GOOD crazy.
Heath Ledger looks fucking amazing. That is all.
...I'd still hit it, even with the makeup on him.
Quote from: Suu Fett on January 14, 2008, 07:01:51 PM
Heath Ledger looks fucking amazing. That is all.
...I'd still hit it, even with the makeup on him.
I would agree 169%
On the porn subject, Mr. Nigel and I enjoy porn together and I was quite up-front about liking it from the start, and what is funny is that he lied about having any, or liking it. Very odd! Nowadays the only time the porn irritates me is when he puts it on while I'm doing something, as some sort of lame come-on, I guess. Using porn as a device to distract me from what I'm doing is just irritating, not hot.
You know Nigel, it occured to me that your Cone icon fits in with your overall cone obsession. It works, therefore you must keep it.
Question: What if it turns out that your boyfriend/husband/whatever prefers that kind of porn known as "gonzo", which is usually represented as misogynistic, brutal, and freak-show-esque (throatfucking, DP, gaping anal, etc).
Keep in mind, he's still the same person you fell in love/like/lust with, and still treats you with the same amount of respect he always has. How does your opinion of him change?
It's an extreme example, but the point is that the aspects of porn that turn a guy on don't reflect how he is and what he likes IRL.
WRONG TED BUNDY PROVES VIOLENT PORN TURNS ORDINARY MEN INTO MURDERING NECROPHILIACS!
Quote from: Cain on January 14, 2008, 08:26:06 PM
WRONG TED BUNDY PROVES VIOLENT PORN TURNS ORDINARY MEN INTO MURDERING NECROPHILIACS!
ZOMG!
::quickly deletes his copy of
Gagging Prolapsed Teen Whores Volume 73::
Quote from: LMNO on January 14, 2008, 08:23:56 PM
Question: What if it turns out that your boyfriend/husband/whatever prefers that kind of porn known as "gonzo", which is usually represented as misogynistic, brutal, and freak-show-esque (throatfucking, DP, gaping anal, etc).
Keep in mind, he's still the same person you fell in love/like/lust with, and still treats you with the same amount of respect he always has. How does your opinion of him change?
It's an extreme example, but the point is that the aspects of porn that turn a guy on don't reflect how he is and what he likes IRL.
I think that's part of why I don't ever want to actually WATCH any of the porn of the guys I date. I have nothing wrong with them having it, but I know that I
would be upset if I saw that kind of porn, even though I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything.
So I will laugh about seeing porn DVD cases on his book shelf and it won't bother me, but I didn't even do more than just skim the titles because I just don't want to know. What I don't know can't hurt me. And frankly, as far as what I think about when I'm doing my thing, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. It's a two way street. :wink:
A smart guy will have a copy or two of some Jill Kelley produced Vivid video on his shelf, or maybe something "avant guarde" like Latex (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113619/), while keeping his hardcore fisting vids safely hidden.
This is 100% true. And if they're not that smart...well all I can say is the sex must be really good, because they probably have problems thinking without moving their lips.
Quote from: Suu Fett on January 14, 2008, 08:14:13 PM
You know Nigel, it occured to me that your Cone icon fits in with your overall cone obsession. It works, therefore you must keep it.
Thank you, it almost seems like fate, doesn't it?
What's wrong with hardcore fisting?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was only a matter of time before someone commented on the style, not the substance.
QuoteWhat's wrong with hardcore fisting?
Exactly, I don't see what's wrong with shemale midget incest/scat porn either...
perverts
i only jack off to people whose wedding ring you can see, but the rest of them lying snugly below the blankets and they are PROCREATING!!
Quote from: triple zero on January 14, 2008, 09:05:45 PM
perverts
i only jack off to people whose wedding ring you can see, but the rest of them lying snugly below the blankets and they are PROCREATING!!
See, this is what living in an open, liberal country does to you! :eek:
I guess I should thank the Republicans for keeping my sex life interesting because HEY everything is taboo here!
I dunno, if my S.O.S. was really into porn that was super violent/degrading/incestuous/bestial I might be a bit put off. What you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships. If it was for novelty/shock value it would be one thing, but if I found out my guy was intensely into realistic violent rape porn or dead animal porn I would be worried.
Fisting porn is kind of in the arena of anal porn or chix w/dix... maybe a little kinky, but not disturbing.
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
I could not possibly disagree more.
do you have ANY evidence to back up your claim?
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 01:52:34 PM
Quote from: Mourning Star on January 14, 2008, 01:13:19 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 12:51:17 PM
call me crazy, but I prefer that anything I stick in my own ass be rounded off.
Like a nice set of tapered beads...
that wasn't an invitation to strike up a conversation about sticking things in my ass.
Coulda fooled me...
also...
aren't beads pretty much spherical by definition?
how could they be tapered and still be beads?
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 10:22:33 PM
also...
aren't beads pretty much spherical by definition?
how could they be tapered and still be beads?
Tapered perhaps wasn't the right word...
Graduated...
genlty increasing in size from one bead to the next.
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 10:21:09 PM
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
I could not possibly disagree more.
do you have ANY evidence to back up your claim?
Let me qualify that statement with "in my experience".
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 10:22:33 PM
also...
aren't beads pretty much spherical by definition?
how could they be tapered and still be beads?
A bead can be a small round object, or a bead can be a decorative item with a hole in it for stringing. There are other definitions as well but those are the most relevant at the moment.
so...if I drill a hole in a Toyota Camry and pass a string through that hole, that Camry could then be considered an ass-bead?
ECH,
seeing rule 34 in a whole new light
i dunno i'd say there is some kind of implicit size limit that differentiates between "hey fancy bead!" and "hey you got a piece of string on your car"
but nigel is presumably the expert in these matters.
ECH, if you can fit a Camry in your ass and successfully pull it out again, plz feel free to consider it an ass-bead.
I wasn't thinking of my own ass, but there is definitely an add going up on craigslist tonight:
m4w: looking for married republican ladies who secretly wish their husband would use assbeads on them
Quote from: Anonymously Evil on January 14, 2008, 11:54:03 PM
ECH, if you can fit a Camry in your ass and successfully pull it out again, plz feel free to consider it an ass-bead.
thankfully, upon a second reading, Crammy was absent from that sentence.
If you consider a Camry to be ornamental and can get away with wearing it, you're the man.
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 10:21:09 PM
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
I could not possibly disagree more.
do you have ANY evidence to back up your claim?
Consider the following scenario:
1. Nigel's Guy® is into dead animal porn. Like, REALLY into it.
2. Nigel finds out that Nigel's Guy® likes likes dead animal porn.
2a. Nigel does not like dead animal porn.
3. Nigel now lives in fear of the day when Nigel's Guy® walks in the door one day and says, "Hey honey, look what I found on the side of the road: something we can share!"
4. Real Life relationship has now been "affected" by what someone in that relationship masturbates to.
Except that NG® is aware of many social protocols that disallow such courses of action. NG® would instead be likely to note the taboo in himself, and seek other ways to express the desire. But of course there's a lot more psychological interplay just between N and NG® than that, too. My point is that it is just not that cut and dry.
Also: The fantasy of fucking roadkill is (most likely) vastly different than the reality of fucking roadkill.
Hence, the use of the imagery in NG®'s masturbation sessions, and the very unlikely chance it will occur IRL.
Now, if Nigel caught NG® actually using roadkill when masturbating, that's a different story.
But that's not the point being made right now.
Also, Cramming the Camry = :mittens:
Quote from: Cainad on January 15, 2008, 06:47:33 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 10:21:09 PM
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
I could not possibly disagree more.
do you have ANY evidence to back up your claim?
Consider the following scenario:
1. Nigel's Guy® is into dead animal porn. Like, REALLY into it.
2. Nigel finds out that Nigel's Guy® likes likes dead animal porn.
2a. Nigel does not like dead animal porn.
3. Nigel now lives in fear of the day when Nigel's Guy® walks in the door one day and says, "Hey honey, look what I found on the side of the road: something we can share!"
4. Real Life relationship has now been "affected" by what someone in that relationship masturbates to.
UNNNNNGGGGGHHH!!!!!
your fucktarded hypothetical scenario != evidence
I guess I'm just awfully boring and think about things that I would like to have actually happen when I am masturbating.
Mmmm.... :D
-DC
Strong supporter of masturbation for all!
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on January 15, 2008, 02:51:03 PM
I guess I'm just awfully boring and think about things that I would like to have actually happen when I am masturbating.
Mmmm.... :D
-DC
Strong supporter of masturbation for all!
Ummm.... Like what?
LMNO
-I
had to ask.
Quote from: LMNO on January 15, 2008, 02:57:36 PM
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on January 15, 2008, 02:51:03 PM
I guess I'm just awfully boring and think about things that I would like to have actually happen when I am masturbating.
Mmmm.... :D
-DC
Strong supporter of masturbation for all!
Ummm.... Like what?
LMNO
-I had to ask.
Sex.
What, you think I'm going to say any more than that? :p
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 15, 2008, 02:01:33 PM
Quote from: Cainad on January 15, 2008, 06:47:33 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 14, 2008, 10:21:09 PM
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
I could not possibly disagree more.
do you have ANY evidence to back up your claim?
Consider the following scenario:
1. Nigel's Guy® is into dead animal porn. Like, REALLY into it.
2. Nigel finds out that Nigel's Guy® likes likes dead animal porn.
2a. Nigel does not like dead animal porn.
3. Nigel now lives in fear of the day when Nigel's Guy® walks in the door one day and says, "Hey honey, look what I found on the side of the road: something we can share!"
4. Real Life relationship has now been "affected" by what someone in that relationship masturbates to.
UNNNNNGGGGGHHH!!!!!
your fucktarded hypothetical scenario != evidence
No, it isn't. But don't be a dumbass and assume that knowledge of Partner 1's fantasies won't affect how Partner 2 thinks about them. Just because some people can whack off to whatever they please and still get in the mood for IRL sex doesn't mean the person they're having sex with IRL won't think it's weird and start avoiding them.
Sociology may be a soft science, but if you ignore it altogether because you enjoy being an evidence-based realist with an intellectual bead up the arse, then you have no right to complain when your relationships with friends and acquaintances are affected once they find out about "the Camry incident."
You're mixing up the points.
ECH's point: images and fantasies in your head do not affect your personality.
Your point: other people's conclusions about your fantasies affect how they treat you.
Big difference.
Quote from: LMNO on January 15, 2008, 04:40:40 PM
You're mixing up the points.
ECH's point: images and fantasies in your head do not affect your personality.
Your point: other people's conclusions about your fantasies affect how they treat you.
Big difference.
Please to note the original point of contention:
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
Not to brag, but my point is at least within three parsecs of this one.
I hate being the person who sounds all fence-sitty and vague, but here we go:
Sometimes, what a person fantasizes about they fantasize about because they cannot have it in reality--there are people out there who enjoy rape porn because of issues of domination, degradation, etc.
Other people just like watching it, but remain respectful, sexually healthy individuals IRL.
This gives you something of a gray area. Because you can have someone, to continue with the same example, who enjoys watching rape porn. The person's SO has been raped, and finds out about the porn. Suddenly, they become paranoid because they cannot know whether or not this is just enjoyment of porn, or is it an outward manifestation of an interior desire.
Most people don't have this kind of issue in a relationship. It's more of a trust issue--you cannot know which side your SO is approaching the porn from. So it becomes a question of how much you trust them to be a stable, rational individual or not.
This is part of why I'd rather not know--then it never becomes an issue. No matter how much you love your SO, for MANY people (not all, but many), it's just better to keep some things separate from each other. Human sexuality is incredibly complicated, particularly in many of our societies, so there is no good reason to just make it harder on yourself when you don't need to.
Long story short: If you don't trust your SO, you certainly shouldn't tell him or her about your miniature pony double-analingus snuff DVDs.
Personally - I'd never get tangled up in a long term relationship with someone who I can't even talk to about my weird desires and fantasies. Likewise once I'm invested in someone, I never pass judgement on her tastes - even if she wants me to make her wear a fursuit, bake a buttcream pie, and rub her nose in it.
I would much rather get all that stuff out on the table up front. If I'm dating you, I'm going to -at some point - ask you to put on a Rosie the Robot outfit and call me Mister J. Much better to know that in advance I think.
ANOTHER MOUSTACHE RIDE PLZ, MISTAH JAY?
/
(http://mrl.nyu.edu/~perlin/experiments/rosie/rosie.jpg)
That's why my ideal girlfriend is not programmed to judge or feel shame. My sexuality is part of who I am - and I feel no need to obfuscate it. If I'm in a relationship where I have to - well, time to move on.
Of course, there are things I think about during Cram-Time which I would never do in real life - like having sex with Martha Washington, or the St. Pauly Girl (I've got a picture of her in my wallet). Thankfully, there are no DVDs of that yet. hmmmmmmm though rule 34 suggests otherwise
I dunno about Martha, but it's almost a certainty that German Beer Hall Girls having sex is out there somewhere.
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on January 15, 2008, 06:48:56 PM
That's why my ideal girlfriend is not programmed to judge or feel shame. My sexuality is part of who I am - and I feel no need to obfuscate it. If I'm in a relationship where I have to - well, time to move on.
Cram rides the motorcycle of infinite correctness ITT
Because if nothing else, by openly discussing what you're into, you can discover if you're both into it, or interested in becoming into it. Because no matter how compatible you are in other areas, if the sex life can't happen, the relationship is just a glorified friendship.
Sexuality SHOULDN'T be shameful. But there's a lot of people in our culture that view it as such, which is why, at the end of the day, if you KNOW something will make problems, don't instigate. Did that make sense?
Like if you KNOW your girlfriend will get upset over you jerking off to XYZ porn, but the sex life you two share covers all the bases of what you want out of shared sex, just let your jerking off habits lie. Whereas, if you jerk off to something that you'd like to bring into the relationship, then it's time to talk about it.
Did that make sense? My office is suddenly flooded with people, so my brain is a billionty different places.
WHEN I WAS
\
(http://img519.imageshack.us/img519/5640/wheniwasqf6.jpg)
requesting rule 34
Quote from: Darth Cupcake on January 15, 2008, 06:59:53 PM
Quote from: Professor Cramulus on January 15, 2008, 06:48:56 PM
That's why my ideal girlfriend is not programmed to judge or feel shame. My sexuality is part of who I am - and I feel no need to obfuscate it. If I'm in a relationship where I have to - well, time to move on.
Cram rides the motorcycle of infinite correctness ITT
Because if nothing else, by openly discussing what you're into, you can discover if you're both into it, or interested in becoming into it. Because no matter how compatible you are in other areas, if the sex life can't happen, the relationship is just a glorified friendship.
Sexuality SHOULDN'T be shameful. But there's a lot of people in our culture that view it as such, which is why, at the end of the day, if you KNOW something will make problems, don't instigate.
http://www.anxietyculture.com/guilt.htm
The Guilt System
Written by Marie Fraenkel, Psy.D.,
exclusively for Anxiety Culture
Most of the unpleasantness of the "real world" – the competitiveness, hostility, resentment, anxiety – can be traced to the guilt system. In a sense we each created our own version of Hell from our first encounter with guilt. The fall from grace occurred during infancy when we received the message (usually from our parents) that we're "bad" or "not good enough". This led to our first "bad" thought, resulting in the Nightmare of Guilt from which we've been running ever since.
The depth of this guilt shouldn't be underestimated. Relative to the infant's previously innocent universe, doing something "bad" was equivalent to murdering all good. Not knowing how to dispel this gnawing sense of guilt, we eventually entered "normal society", which functions essentially as a guilt-projection system for recirculating undigested guilt.
How does the Guilt System work?
We each carry a burden of unresolved guilt from our childhood. We repress it (ie hide it from ourselves, deny it) and we project it onto others. This projection takes the following form: We see ourselves in a competitive, threatening world, but we're not guilty of creating this world; it's them out there – those bastards – who are guilty of creating the unpleasantness.
Competitive society – with its constricting fear, pettiness and suppressed rage – can hurt us psychologically only if we participate in the guilt system. Our own repressed guilt makes us vulnerable to the system's effects. We've become unwitting receptacles for the rebounding projection of our own guilt at a social level. The guilt we hide in ourselves creates an attenuated expectancy of punishment, which makes us feel insecure and defensive, leading to irritability, resentment, hatred... and more guilt.
A simple solution exists: to reject the idea of guilt as meaningless. What did your first "guilty" thought mean? It meant nothing (except in your agitated mind). Neither did the next, or the next... Yet by accepting guilt as real, you created a personal Hell. "Society" is the name we give to the guilty Hell we share. Society's most popular pastime is comparing oneself to others in ways that make us seem good-by-comparison. This is just a desperate, unsatisfying attempt to compensate for our hidden feelings of "badness" and guilt.*
You can undo guilt by seeing your true innocence. Not in the sense of an arbitrary moral judgement on your past, but unconditional innocence in the present moment, which means always. In truth, you cannot "be" guilty. You can accept the guilt-programming in your personality if you want life-long misery, but to believe that you – a unique being in unique circumstances – can "be" guilty seems insane. In fact, anything but a perception of your unconditional innocence leads to insanity. Unfortunately, the socially-programmed personality rejects this perspective as "immoral". In other words, it can't escape its evaluation of its own guilt: it judges rejection of guilt as the ultimate guilty act.
Guilt originally developed as a "religious" social-control mechanism, used for keeping the slaves and peasants in line. We can do without it.** But, I hear someone asking, how will people stop doing bad things if they don't feel guilty? Guilt probably never stopped anyone doing "bad" things. Intelligence, compassion and democratic laws seem better candidates for that role.
But, but...?! I know, it's blasphemous, irresponsible, dangerous, etc, to think in this way, and God will strike you down for it. Or at least that appears to be the belief of the "guilty" and the insane. This article isn't a licence to be stupid and callous, but a licence to stop being guilty; to undo the social fiction of guilt; to wake up from your socially-programmed guilt-trance and feel the serene invulnerability of your innocence.
Your innocence cannot fail
Another way to undo guilt is to stop projecting it. We all follow destructive social programming to different degrees, occasionally leading to tragic consequences and large-scale suffering. To regard people "out there" as the guilty parties will only keep you enslaved to your own guilt (since it reflects your decision to accept guilt as an absolute reality). Better to innocently unravel and expose the faulty social programming.
So entrenched is the guilt system, that it will take more than one moment of sanity to undo its effects. The guilt will return – as will the projection of guilt. But every moment of remembered innocence weakens the guilt system and reduces its insane consequences.
Quote from: Cainad on January 15, 2008, 04:47:57 PM
Quote from: LMNO on January 15, 2008, 04:40:40 PM
You're mixing up the points.
ECH's point: images and fantasies in your head do not affect your personality.
Your point: other people's conclusions about your fantasies affect how they treat you.
Big difference.
Please to note the original point of contention:
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
Not to brag, but my point is at least within three parsecs of this one.
If the original point had been that what
other people think about what you masturbate to can affect your RL relationships, I'd agree with you.
but...
that is, in fact, NOT what the original point was.
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 15, 2008, 09:44:06 PM
Quote from: Cainad on January 15, 2008, 04:47:57 PM
Quote from: LMNO on January 15, 2008, 04:40:40 PM
You're mixing up the points.
ECH's point: images and fantasies in your head do not affect your personality.
Your point: other people's conclusions about your fantasies affect how they treat you.
Big difference.
Please to note the original point of contention:
Quote from: Nigel on January 14, 2008, 09:11:01 PMWhat you masturbate to does tend to affect your rl relationships.
Not to brag, but my point is at least within three parsecs of this one.
If the original point had been that what other people think about what you masturbate to can affect your RL relationships, I'd agree with you.
but...
that is, in fact, NOT what the original point was.
Hence my oh-so-witty use of the phrase "within three parsecs."
If the original point had been that what
the influence on your personality of what you :fap: to can affect your RL relationships, I'd agree with you.
But that's not the point either.
I don't fucking care what the point is anymore... this is too much fun!
:troll:
Basically, I think that people should be open about what they're into so that their prospective partners can make an informed decision about whether they want to be in that partnership.
As I said, in my experience, what people masturbate to/fantasize about does tend to leak into their rl relationships. I've had enough experience with this with different people to feel fairly strongly about it. I just want up-frontness about it, because otherwise I may be sideswiped by it AFTER I'm emotionally invested, and that's an ambush; at that point the possibility of emotional extortion emerges, and that's not cool. If you're into gay furry porn, TELL ME AT THE BEGINNING because that could be a deal-breaker.
I dunno, I think if someone is a creep-o one would be able to figure that out on dates without delving into nitty gritty personal details.
I agree w/ RWHN, while people can be into some different stuff, I've found emotional / personality characteristics set off the alarms more frequently outside the metaphorical bedroom, before their pathos manifests maliciously in the inimate milieu.
(I'm having fun with words too. :wink:)
Seriously, my wife didn't need to see the Nose Flute to know I was a bit off.
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on January 16, 2008, 02:02:17 PM
I dunno, I think if someone is a creep-o one would be able to figure that out on dates without delving into nitty gritty personal details.
Yes, if someone is a creep-O that does come across loud and clear. But a lot of people are not creep-Os, but perfectly nice people who happen to have some sexual proclivities that are not at all something everyone is into, and regardless of how anyone wants to semanticise the argument, there is usually some crossover from fantasy to personality to relationship, and it is best, in general, to not lie or be deceptive in your relationships if you want everything to go smoothly.
My first husband was a perfectly nice man who was also a sex addict. Not in the "has a high libido" way that some people imagine is sex addiction, but in such insidious and self-destructive ways that he was deeply (and rightfully, in this case) ashamed, and tried unsuccessfully to squash it. It destroyed our marriage.
My current husband was not honest with me about certain things in the early stages of our relationship, mostly due to wishful thinking on his part, and the deception nearly destroyed our marriage. It's nothing shameful, but his lack of honesty, and concealing of information that I needed to make an informed decision about whether I wanted to be in the relationship, severely damaged my trust in him, and that trust is only now healing.
It is best to be honest. If you feel you can't be honest with your partner, maybe he/she isn't the right partner for you, and you should keep looking until you find the right partner. Dishonesty affects relationships even if it's never found out... you cannot have the deepest level of intimacy if there is a dishonesty or a concealed truth between you.
That is my opinion, based on my experience. You are not obliged to share it, but maybe it will be useful to someone, so there it is.
Quote from: Nigel on January 16, 2008, 06:32:08 PM
Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on January 16, 2008, 02:02:17 PM
I dunno, I think if someone is a creep-o one would be able to figure that out on dates without delving into nitty gritty personal details.
Yes, if someone is a creep-O that does come across loud and clear. But a lot of people are not creep-Os, but perfectly nice people who happen to have some sexual proclivities that are not at all something everyone is into
Like Ted Bundy.
Quote from: Nigel on January 12, 2008, 09:09:27 AM
HEARTACHE TO HEARTACHE WE STAND
NO AIR CONDITIONING JUST FANS
I agree that being open about your fantasies, early in the relationship, is a good idea. I have some really disturbing fantasies, If these were to come up after I was involved with someone it could cause serious trouble in the relationship. I 'd really prefer that they come up early. Rape fantasies are an easy example. If I am starting to get involved with someone who has been raped I want to make sure that she knows that I have rape fantasies. I don't want her thinking I have hidden this from her and have it pop out and have her feel that we grew close under false pretenses.
Quote from: Xochipilli on September 10, 2010, 12:11:44 AM
I agree that being open about your fantasies, early in the relationship, is a good idea. I have some really disturbing fantasies, If these were to come up after I was involved with someone it could cause serious trouble in the relationship. I 'd really prefer that they come up early. Rape fantasies are an easy example. If I am starting to get involved with someone who has been raped I want to make sure that she knows that I have rape fantasies. I don't want her thinking I have hidden this from her and have it pop out and have her feel that we grew close under false pretenses.
Totally! That's a great example. With the right partner, that's totally hot... with the wrong one, it might be a deal-breaker, and the only way to know is to be as up-front as possible.
AND I KNOW THAT YOU MAY LOVE ME
BUT I JUST CAN'T BE WITH YOU LIKE THIS ANYMORE
bababababu-bbabababumbumdidididdly-bump!
Funny how some things seem a lot different half a year later.
Quote from: Nigel on September 10, 2010, 04:28:38 AM
Quote from: BabylonHoruv
I agree that being open about your fantasies, early in the relationship, is a good idea. I have some really disturbing fantasies, If these were to come up after I was involved with someone it could cause serious trouble in the relationship. I 'd really prefer that they come up early. Rape fantasies are an easy example. If I am starting to get involved with someone who has been raped I want to make sure that she knows that I have rape fantasies. I don't want her thinking I have hidden this from her and have it pop out and have her feel that we grew close under false pretenses.
Totally! That's a great example. With the right partner, that's totally hot... with the wrong one, it might be a deal-breaker, and the only way to know is to be as up-front as possible.
:x
IT WOULD BE AWESOME
BECAUSE OF QUANTUM
:lulz:
I WENT TO THE STORE
SKA BA BAP SKIBIDY BOP SKIBIDY DRENDRENDRENDREN DON DIBIDY BOM BOM
I'M THE SCAT MAN!
I now hate you all. Well... okay, I now hate you all even more.