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Or Kill Me / Roger! They are sad and scared.
December 29, 2009, 03:34:52 PM
They are sad and scared. 

They did everything "right" according to whatever risk/reward scale measures those kinds of things.  They went to school.  They did their chores.  They got a job.  They found a partner.  They raised the 'next generation'.  They answered when called upon to perform extraordinary services for "the greater good".

Sure, maybe they stumbled a little along the way and said or did something stupid, but if the something stupid didn't kill or incapacitate them, they learned not to do it again.  At least not too many times.  And all along they believed that there was some point to it.  Some purpose.  Some reason for self-awareness.  At least  enough to separate them in some way from the teeming microbes and single celled paramecium replicating, consuming, and expiring in an endless cycle of 'service to a greater purpose'.

They had questions.  Sure, they had questions and they looked for the answers in the farthest reaches of their technological abilities, and in the deepest corners of their primal fears.  They erected whole systems of understanding.  Religions, philosophies, beliefs of all manner; each one carefully constructed and supported by the work of "the ones that came before" and venerated for their ancient status.  Each one fallible, imperfect, and ultimately rejected.

Rejected just as every effort to define their own personal reason for 'being' is met with resistance and derision and scorn.  Fallible.  Imperfect.  And, failing to find a reason to exist in all those religions and philosophies and beliefs they find a reason for failure instead.

It's because their parents didn't love them enough.  It's because their teachers molded them into a compliant little citizens instead of rewarding actual reasoning skills.  It's because their boss was more interested in maintaining the status quo than in achieving excellence.  It's because the self interest of the self interested politicians and preachers and prophets demanded sublimation of the self interest of the individual self.

The penalty for defiance is exile.  Some actually take that option, a cautionary tale and warning for the others.  The ones who don't want to end up like that.   Locked up.  Put away.  Shunned.  Alone.  And so they retreat into whatever numbs the pain of pointless awareness.

They are sad and they are scared and they suspect that there isn't any real reason to be any more aware of their own uniqueness than a flatworm retreating from the light that can only irritate the mitochondrial lens,  triggering avoidance,  but not illumination.

Think for yourself?  Why bother to think at all?  Replication.  Consumption.  Expiration.  Maybe flatworms are smarter than to try to "win" when there is no game being played.  Maybe it takes a monkey to fool themselves into believing there is more.  The dim hope of a dumb ape.

They are sad and they are scared.  And I just can't find it in myself to want to hate them for that.