Topics

46

Apple Talk / Today at work...

« on: February 24, 2010, 04:40:38 am »

Now, I'm sure I've bitched about how much I hate my job, but something weird happened today. I have one of those jobs where it's very easy to sit and stew in my delicious brain juices because the actual work is very mindless and un-challenging.

Today I envisioned the typical "office shooter" scenario. It was quite vivid and emotional. I went up and down the rows in my mind thinking of who I'd shoot, who I'd spare, where I'd start.
I thought the best thing to do would go into the old lady boss's office, rip her phone out of the wall and tell her to get on the floor and fucking stay there. For some reason I respect her. She's an artist. Then I'd shoot the skeezy bastard in the next cubicle over. He doesn't deserve his position and he's a jerk.
Up and down the isles, shoot one, spare another.

This guy in r&d that I hate. His attitude is so terrible that I'd really like to shoot him, but I'd consider it a mercy killing, and I'm merciless at this point, so instead I'd just bash him on the snout with the butt of the gun a few times and make him yell "THANK YOU SIR!" and call it good. Mostly because he would be expecting to get shot, and I think a part of him would welcome it. So nuh uh. Not happenin.

I was actually shocked at who would get it and who wouldn't. I would totally shoot this guy that I've called a friend. And even hung out with off the clock. Yup. BANG! And then spare the  others who I don't give a rat's ass about, but they have what seems to be a nice little family life.
Weird.

47

Apple Talk / Cat follies at Casa De Squid

« on: February 11, 2010, 04:48:57 pm »

I didn't wanna keep spammin up apple talk with stupid cat talk shit so I made a new thread.
You can delete it on Sunday if you want.

As of now--

Blinky was pregnant (damn it Darnell  )
The doctor felt what may have been 2 sacks. Right now they're the size of the cotton bit on a swab.
It is in everyone's best interest to not let them go full term. By everyone I mean Blinky, us, the kittens and, well, Earth. She is in no shape physically to be a mother. She's already pretty deformed and there's no telling what would happen. She's severely underdeveloped for her age and birth could have been really hard on her.
(she's about 5 or 6 and the vet thought she was about a year and a half)
Yes I am extremely sad about it. And sensitive. But we'll all live.

They tested her for aids and leukemia and she is clean.
This is her first trip out of the house and in someone else's care. I have faith that they're going to take good care of her since the itemized estimate was very thorough. From morphine patches, to iv's, to antibiotics and everything else.
They gave me a talk through for the whole procedure.

I get to pick her up on Saturday.
I know it's stupid to be bitching and crying about a damn cat to you spags, but I just needed to kind of get it off my chest. I don't feel like telling my irl friends about it and frankly I don't even feel up to speaking out loud to humans right now.
Thanks for listening. Sorry for whining.
I just really love my little kitty.

48

Discordian Recipes / Sick day food craving NO NO'S

« on: January 25, 2010, 10:10:09 pm »

Whenever I get sick and have to stay home from work it reminds me of when I was a kid and would just play hookey to watch cooking shows and experiment with food.
Often I actually made myself sick with what I made, but every once in a while I'd surprise myself.

Today was not one of those days.
I was craving eggs, and I generally make some good deviled eggs when I'm not mistaking cayenne for paprika.

Some sick twisted part of mt brain thought it would be ok to mix sriracha, salt and pepper, chili powder, a touch of brown mustard, a half a green olive (garnish) and ...

miracle whip.

Now I like MW on sandwiches. Especially bologna and plain potato chip sandwiches.

Deviled eggs? Good god NO.
It tasted like something out of a horror movie. The strong farty egg taste mixed horribly with the sickly sweet mayo wanna be followed by a slight burning from the sriracha and then the salty brine flavor from the olive was just what I needed to trigger my gag reflex.
What's worse is I managed to choke down 6 halves/3 whole eggs worth of these fuckers and NOT DIE.
Now my mouth is burning but there's an overpowering sweet residue on my tongue and I can't wash this taste out.

Blirgh bleich bloooooooooorf!!

49

Apple Talk / Uh.. WTF is this??

« on: January 08, 2010, 04:04:00 pm »

SERIOUSLY!


Some sort of ice?Cold weather? What's a 29 degrees?
Is it gonna snow?

WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!?

Will hell freeze over? Stay tuned...

50

Apple Talk / OMG Burns!

« on: December 25, 2009, 09:43:41 am »

That shit in your avatar.
Is that from that pickle surprise shit?!?

I can't look at it

 

51

Apple Talk / This was left on my car...

« on: December 15, 2009, 10:54:45 pm »

I went to Target to get candy and soap (you know, for a casserole) and someone left this on my car.



I like how they misspelled Cthulhu even though it's right there... like, right there on the thing they were commenting about.
However I commend their effort and I did LOL, for rillz.

52

Apple Talk / ITT you help decide my future

« on: December 13, 2009, 09:58:09 pm »

I need a new ... I've needed a new job for the last 7 years. I have no idea what I'd be good at. I don't even know where to start.
Skills include:
10 key, data entry, decent ability to put up with bullshit, all clerical functions, frightening organisational skills, all arts and crafts mediums, horrible ocd, can perform surprising amount of physical labor for my size, book keeping, budget balancing, scary face, good customer service skills.

Any ideas?

53

Apple Talk / Crappiest/Tackiest X-mas tree EVAR!

« on: December 06, 2009, 08:30:58 am »

So my son asked me "hey, can we have a christmas tree this year?" to which I replied "Well, where would we put it and what kind of cat toys should I put on it?"
He grunted and gave me a funny look. I haven't put up a tree in four or five years and it's been even longer for Mr Squid so this was about the best we could do on a whim.

The topper is kind of traditional, like it or not for previous Mr's. Jack Skelington. But there's also a peacock. Cause god damn it, I like em---



Then I got him an ornament with a clarinet since that's what he plays--


Did I mention the fucking YODA LIGHTS??? They're so tacky I could punch myself---


And here's the piece of shit in all it's glory. ENJOY SON!

(sorry if it's sideways but both photobucket and my photo program thing are fucking retarded and I'm too lazy to try to fix it properly. So just tilt your head if need be)

What a piece of shit! Merry Christmas!!

54

Apple Talk / Also- Techno Chicken

« on: November 26, 2009, 07:16:24 pm »

Srsly, what the hell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8410qUT4QtA

worst part? it's really catchy

55

Apple Talk / Green Porno

« on: November 26, 2009, 06:18:54 pm »

http://www.sundancechannel.com/greenporno/

These made me uncomfortable, and then sad.

56

Discordian Recipes / What I ate for breffix (chorizo and eggs)

« on: November 23, 2009, 05:52:30 am »

Yeah, no big deal but this shit was good.

for the sauce:
2 little cans of the tomato sauce con spanish seasonings cause it's all I had
1 yellow onion diced small
juice of 2 limes
2 garlic cloves minced
4 chipotle peppers and a good heapin spoonful of the adobo sauce from the can
adobo powder with sazon (yeah they make it with the sazon built right in) 

sautee onion, add garlic and lime juice. add spice powder, chipotles, adobo sauce, then the tomato sauce. simmer for a while while you make the other stuff

warm some corn tortillas in a hot pan with a touch of oil (just a little)

Then I sauteed some chopped up chorizo sausage and scrambled some eggs into it.

Plate:
spoonful of tomato sauce on the plate, two corn tortillas, some egg and sausage mix, more tomato sauce topped with a wee bit of cheese and cilantro.

Huevos rancheros? Sorta.

Tasty?? You bet.

57

Discordian Recipes / Home roasted coffee

« on: November 17, 2009, 07:45:22 am »

So Mr Squid bought some green coffee beans and was researching how to properly roast them. There were all different methods from rotisserie things that go on your grill to air popcorn poppers. He found a simple method that seemed to work for people that we had handy.
LOL a cast iron skillet and a whisk.

So we set the heat to about med-hi and slowly whisked them till they were a medium roast and went from:


to:


in about 10 minutes.
They say your coffee begins to go stale after you roast it and then even faster after you grind it. I like the rustic "home made" look it has.
It smells awful while they're roasting so you have to have your exhaust fan on, but once they're done and you cool them and put them in a plastic bad for a minute the smell is unbelievable.
It's the freshest nicest coffee smell ever.
I haven't ground any and made a cup yet since it's 2:40 in the am. Unless Mr Squid is doing that right now, but I kind of doubt it (I hope not).
but I'll report the flavor after I make a pot.

58

Discordian Recipes / Gumbo

« on: November 09, 2009, 04:06:53 am »

Ingredients first, then pics n stuff.

Chicken stock-
1 whole chicken
1 giant yellow onion, the kind with the brownish paper/skin with the skin on (adds color)
4 celery stalks
2 fat carrots
cheesecloth filled with: thyme, peppercorns, 2 bay leaves, oregano
2 big cloves garlic, smashed but not chopped or minced, just smashed
some salt
enough water to cover

Put it all in a pot and boil it till it's yellow and yummy. About an hour and a half or till the bird is fully cooked. Remove all the vegetables, put that chicken aside (you can use it for other stuff, like stew it in spanish spices and make chicken tacos. mmmmm) and strain the liquid into a big pot. MMmm. Smells good. And you can prep all your other crap while you're making this.

Gumbo-
andouille sausage (i had 8 small ones)
about a pound of shrimp
3 or 4 ham hocks
tri colored peppers (i had one green 2 red 2 orange)
3 celery stalks
3 carrots
1 big yellow onion
okra (i didn't measure)
chopped tomatoes
1 15oz can of crushed tomatoes (i think. the big fat one)
a pot of chicken stock
spice blend- oregano, thyme, cayenne, salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, paprika    bay leaves (2 or 3)
4 cloves garlic minced
spoonful of file powder (small spoon if using okra)

I think that's everything. Chop all veg and garlic, slice your sausage, clean your shrimp, mix your spice. Sweat the veg in a big pot till the onions are translucent, remove and set aside. Add sausage and brown. Remove and set aside. Add a cup of your stock to help scrape up all the brown bits on the bottom of your pot then chuck in your veg, sausage and ham hocks. Add stock and the whole can of tomatoes with the juice and everything and your chopped fresh ones. Bring it all to a boil and then add your spices. Let this shit boil for about 30 minutes till all your veggies are soft and you can smell those smoky ham hocks. Then add your okra. Boil another 15 minutes or so or until the okra is cooked through. Then add shrimp. After about 8-10 minutes the shrimp should be done. So turn it off. Add your spoonful of file and stir. Remove ham hocks and bay leaves and eat this shit with rice.

Pics:


stock spices


stock veg


lonely chicken


chicken and friends


gumbo veg. peppers, okra, out of pic is carrots, celery, onion and garlic


veggies in the pot


go chicken, go!


mmmmmmmmm saaaaaaaausage


veggies love sausage. they do


oh boy. smoked pig knuckle joint finger part thingies


stock. what a lovely yellow color it has. tastes like gramma's chicken soup


added stock and tomatoes


chopped 'maters


spices


okrer


mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


shrimp want to join the party


FILE! not easy to find here believe it or not


serve it with rice or GTFO

Some people put their rice right into their gumbo, but I like to control the amount of rice I get. Sometimes I want a lot, sometimes just a little bit. So that's the way I do it. If you want rice in it, feel free to dump it in.
Also, add your tobasco, krystal, louisiana, sriracha or whatever hot sauce you like to use at the end.

EAT IT!

59

Apple Talk / ROAD TRIP!

« on: November 04, 2009, 07:20:03 am »

We should all meet up in New Orleans next year.
I believe I've mentioned this before, but it sounds even nicer now.
I like food and booze and they have that there.
Also, it's not here.

Who's in?

60

Apple Talk / Dear Sister Suu...

« on: October 28, 2009, 05:20:17 pm »

So when does it all become too much?
At what point do we throw our arms up in disgust and just yell "awe fuck it!"?
It's becoming an unbearable weight to carry atop our shoulders. It's heavy and it smells, not to mention the flies. You know the ones, the shiny ones that bite.

Where is the breaking point where we can't take another moment of it so we peel off our face and scream out to the gods we don't believe in while the flies lay their maggot eggs in our juicy exposed flesh only to leave us a miserable pile of ruin in the dirt. Breathless, tired, alone and in catatonic despair.

In these loathsome times can we afford to lose ourselves in the madness, in the thick of it, in the misery? Can we allow ourselves to forget who we are, who we once were?
Do we punch ourselves in the face and yell out to get with it or do we let our knees buckle under the weight?

In the meantime- Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!