As you all know, October 28th has been celebrated by Discordians since 2015 as a day to take a break from all this shit. You can relax and be normal for 24 hours. As your Holy Man™, it is my duty to assist you in this, so here are your assignments.
LMNO - You will go - alone - to a sports bar after work and watch a game of something. Football, maybe. You will chat with the bartender about the trivialities of your life, ignoring the hatred in his eyes as yet another small part of him dies.
Queen Gogira - You will spend all day talking about your projects, but not actually work on any of them. Discuss with your significant other the advantages of owning a minivan.
Nigel - You will be white all day long. And not Orkadian, either, that shit is weird. Your ancestors for the day all came from the English Midlands. If you must slice brains, wince all the time and discuss with others how you'd really rather be at Starbucks, drinking a nice Pumpkin Spice Latte. With skim milk.
Paesor - You will stand right side up and make fun of British people, Australians, and of course Americans.
Senora Paesor - Yoga pants. No superhero tee shirts. Ugh boots. Pick a side in the abortion debate and fly right off the handle.
Cain - You will spend the day accepting the fact that Western civilization isn't in any way responsible for how those horrible people in Middle Eastern nations live or how they behave. They're just naturally terrorists, and always have been. Consider being a Tory.
ECH - You will spend all day talking shit, but if anyone gets upset, get all passive-aggressive and remark that you were "just saying". When they leave, explain to everyone how you were this close to kicking their asses.
The Wizard Joseph - You will not shave on Wednesday, and explain to everyone that you're growing a beard to demonstrate your independence. You will drink deliberately shitty beer and claim that it's just as good as the expensive stuff that poseurs drink.
Muenster - You will listen to Metallica. All of it. Argue with those around you as to the merits of old Metallica vs new Metallica. Also insist that anyone who listens to pre-1990 Aerosmith is a complete philistine.
Cainad - You will wear a ball cap, jeans, and talk endlessly about economics, blissfully ignoring the fact that you are not an economist. If anyone talks about politics, you're thinking you're an "independent", but you find you simply must vote republican this time around because Sanders is too radical and Hillary personally killed those diplomats in Benghazi.
TheWake - You just keep doing your thing, man.
Richter - You will spend the afternoon and evening on the couch, playing video games until your eyes bleed. Nothing will be sharpened, and you will respond with grunts to anything anyone in the house has to say.
Waffle - I'm at a loss, here. I don't know if Norway has a mainstream. Act German or something.
If I've forgotten any active members, pipe up and I'll hand you something suitably beige.
QuoteMuenster - You will listen to Metallica. All of it. Argue with those around you as to the merits of old Metallica vs new Metallica. Also insist that anyone who listens to pre-1990 Aerosmith is a complete philistine.
b-but I don't want to be 13 again.
:horrormirth:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 25, 2015, 08:15:32 AM
TheWake - You just keep doing your thing, man.
Good, I'm thankful none of this bullshit gets in the way of my masturbation habits.
I've decided I can better represent the current paradigm by punching a Free Tibet supporter (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/uk-accused-of-doing-chinas-bidding-after-police-raid-home-of-tiananmen-square-survivor-over-peaceful-a6704911.html) in the face then getting a Chinese takeaway on Wednesday.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 25, 2015, 08:15:32 AM
ECH - You will spend all day talking shit, but if anyone gets upset, get all passive-aggressive and remark that you were "just saying". When they leave, explain to everyone how you were this close to kicking their asses.
Naturally, I'm going to need an Ed Hardy shirt and a Tapout hat worn backwards to pull this off convincingly.
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on October 26, 2015, 12:02:18 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 25, 2015, 08:15:32 AM
ECH - You will spend all day talking shit, but if anyone gets upset, get all passive-aggressive and remark that you were "just saying". When they leave, explain to everyone how you were this close to kicking their asses.
Naturally, I'm going to need an Ed Hardy shirt and a Tapout hat worn backwards to pull this off convincingly.
I would expect nothing less. :lulz:
:argh!: I suppose I am to ea4 the cheetos and drink of mountainmdew as well.
I may explode, or sharpen a game console
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 25, 2015, 08:15:32 AM
Waffle - I'm at a loss, here. I don't know if Norway has a mainstream. Act German or something.
ZIS IS UNANNEHMBAR
Quote from: Richter on October 26, 2015, 05:09:08 AM
:argh!: I suppose I am to ea4 the cheetos and drink of mountainmdew as well.
I may explode, or sharpen a game console
NO sharpening.
Quote from: The All-Seeing Waffle on October 26, 2015, 11:32:40 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 25, 2015, 08:15:32 AM
Waffle - I'm at a loss, here. I don't know if Norway has a mainstream. Act German or something.
ZIS IS UNANNEHMBAR
Wenn Sie in meinem Ort parken will ich euch in den Kopf stechen. :)
Great, now I have to buy a ball cap. And I think all my jeans have giant tears in the ass...
Do I have to ditch the mutton chops too? :cry:
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on October 26, 2015, 02:57:35 PM
Great, now I have to buy a ball cap. And I think all my jeans have giant tears in the ass...
Do I have to ditch the mutton chops too? :cry:
Naw. No changes are required that can't be changed back on Thursday.
:lulz: :lulz: I love it
SO. DAMN.NORMAL.
And it'll probably be the World Series. Like, whatever.
:lulz:
I haven't shaved in almost a year, but I'll happily call it a matter of expressing my independence rather than my compulsive need for a beard to pull on while I think.
As for the beer... ok, but only for the holiday then I go back to drinking shitty beer in full awareness of how horrible it and Wisconsin really are as usual.
Hey -- why do I have to bring suffering to someone who brings me alcohol/comfort? I'm OK with lowering my standards, why do I gotta be a shit to him?
Quote from: LMNO on October 27, 2015, 04:11:21 AM
Hey -- why do I have to bring suffering to someone who brings me alcohol/comfort? I'm OK with lowering my standards, why do I gotta be a shit to him?
Because it's Mainstream Day.
You think YOU have it bad?
I am uncomfortable with how much mainstream day resembles my life atm...
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 27, 2015, 12:58:36 PM
I am uncomfortable with how much mainstream day resembles my life atm...
Then once again, for different reasons, it is serving its purpose.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2015, 04:55:44 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 27, 2015, 12:58:36 PM
I am uncomfortable with how much mainstream day resembles my life atm...
Then once again, for different reasons, it is serving its purpose.
This is how you get your Holy Man cred.
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 27, 2015, 05:51:30 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 27, 2015, 04:55:44 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 27, 2015, 12:58:36 PM
I am uncomfortable with how much mainstream day resembles my life atm...
Then once again, for different reasons, it is serving its purpose.
This is how you get your Holy Man cred.
Yes. If you have to act differently on mainstream day, it reminds you that you ARE in fact a mutant. Which is good.
If you find yourself acting the same way, it reminds you that you are LAZY about your mutations, and that you should get your happy thoughts back. Which is also good.
In preparation for Mainstream Day, I conducted my first expedition to a Walmart and purchased some cheese in a can.
Ahem.
Faust:
Watch publicly or, if feasible, attend a sporting event and drink heavily while shouting incoherently and making expansive gestures. This would be most fun in a bar, but sitting inextricably on a sofa in your private residence is actually MORE mainstream as by sheer volume most folks really don't go out to watch The Game. If you do stay home make it public by tweeting or otherwise excitedly updating at least one other person regularly about how the game is going.
The Good Reverend Roger:
Attend a "prayer warrior" meeting. If you are unable or unwilling to locate one on short notice start one. If nobody will be a prayer warrior with you, for some reason, you may instead make a donation to The 700 Club or other Pat Robertson affiliated charity but must consent to any and every attempt to "up sell" you into a higher donation (b)racket and praise The LordTM for the opportunity to do more for the Kingdom with the bounty He's blessed you with. Every time.
LuciferX:
Go to a bank or credit union and open a new account. Request to see a financial advisor or loan officer right after to find out what your composite "credit score" is and what it qualifies you for. Deeply personalize this arbitrary abstraction as a true measure of your relative self worth. Fantasize about what you could do if only your worth was greater, but ONLY fantasize. Do this as often you safely can for the rest of the day.
Quote from: Gone with the Sin on October 28, 2015, 01:53:21 AM
Ahem.
Bearman will be polite to whitey all damn day. Dawn to dusk.
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on October 28, 2015, 03:37:12 AM
The Good Reverend Roger:
Attend a "prayer warrior" meeting. If you are unable or unwilling to locate one on short notice start one. If nobody will be a prayer warrior with you, for some reason, you may instead make a donation to The 700 Club or other Pat Robertson affiliated charity but must consent to any and every attempt to "up sell" you into a higher donation (b)racket and praise The LordTM for the opportunity to do more for the Kingdom with the bounty He's blessed you with. Every time.
I already have my assignment.
What's your assignment Roger? I'm curious.
Quote from: Meunster on October 28, 2015, 05:26:23 AM
What's your assignment Roger? I'm curious.
I have to perform my employment duties while being nice, and pretending it's a regular business thing. Wearing dockers and a polo shirt.
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on October 28, 2015, 03:37:12 AM
LuciferX:
Go to a bank or credit union and open a new account. Request to see a financial advisor or loan officer right after to find out what your composite "credit score" is and what it qualifies you for. Deeply personalize this arbitrary abstraction as a true measure of your relative self worth. Fantasize about what you could do if only your worth was greater, but ONLY fantasize. Do this as often you safely can for the rest of the day.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
This, was an incontrovertibly valuable lesson.
Since I am bed ridden today I know the perfect forum to talk about my task with.
I refrained from making any progress on non-work projects and goaded someone into NaNo without actually committing to writing myself.
I did fall of the bandwagon and scribble some sadsack poetry in the evening, though :/
God, this SUCKS.
PLUS, this bartender thinks I'm hitting on her, in the worst way, by making myself look pitiful, with my wedding ring in plain view.
Garh.
Six pack of Old Milwaukee tall cans is the truly authentic way to choke down beer. All else is hipster bullshit like PBR. Gonna probably not get very drunk, bit who wants to bet I'll have a nice debilitating hangover that no mere beer poseur would tolerate in the morning?
Wasn't sure what to do with the beard, so I'm updating my pic to reflect the dominant trend in facial hair.
Hang in there LMNO it's just a few more hours to midnight!
I just want to say that this truly authentic flavor in Old Milwaukee outshines my memory of it. This holiday is terrible.
One can down, a five pack of unfiltered awesome to go. :sad:
Quote from: LMNO on October 29, 2015, 12:47:02 AM
God, this SUCKS.
PLUS, this bartender thinks I'm hitting on her, in the worst way, by making myself look pitiful, with my wedding ring in plain view.
Garh.
See, now you know why we are what we are.
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 29, 2015, 12:45:58 AM
I refrained from making any progress on non-work projects and goaded someone into NaNo without actually committing to writing myself.
I did fall of the bandwagon and scribble some sadsack poetry in the evening, though :/
Yeah, but the bolded part means you passed.
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on October 29, 2015, 01:49:17 AM
I just want to say that this truly authentic flavor in Old Milwaukee outshines my memory of it. This holiday is terrible.
One can down, a five pack of unfiltered awesome to go. :sad:
This is why we only do this once a year.
On the plus side, dressing up to shake people down seemed to have a really strange effect.
Not gonna keep doing it, though.
Today was really lame, and I can't believe that you people do this ALL THE TIME.
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 29, 2015, 02:58:03 AM
Today was really lame, and I can't believe that you people do this ALL THE TIME.
We do. And then we shame each other with it.
"NOT IN FRONT OF THE BLACK PEOPLE!"
\
:horrormirth:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 29, 2015, 03:23:02 AM
Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 29, 2015, 02:58:03 AM
Today was really lame, and I can't believe that you people do this ALL THE TIME.
We do. And then we shame each other with it.
"NOT IN FRONT OF THE BLACK PEOPLE!"
\
:horrormirth:
:lulz:
So, uh, my co-worker's lesbian Muslim girlfriend came in tonight.
I decided to refrain (in case she chopped my head off).
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 29, 2015, 02:44:07 AM
Quote from: LMNO on October 29, 2015, 12:47:02 AM
God, this SUCKS.
PLUS, this bartender thinks I'm hitting on her, in the worst way, by making myself look pitiful, with my wedding ring in plain view.
Garh.
See, now you know why we are what we are.
I feel like I should go back, and act like a mutant. Or a biped. At least I tipped well.
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on October 29, 2015, 01:49:17 AM
I just want to say that this truly authentic flavor in Old Milwaukee outshines my memory of it. This holiday is terrible.
One can down, a five pack of unfiltered awesome to go. :sad:
it's an acquired taste, but once acquired it will never leave you
Quote from: rong on October 29, 2015, 07:40:33 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on October 29, 2015, 01:49:17 AM
I just want to say that this truly authentic flavor in Old Milwaukee outshines my memory of it. This holiday is terrible.
One can down, a five pack of unfiltered awesome to go. :sad:
it's an acquired taste, but once acquired it will never leave you
The taste was very much like Hepatitis, yes.
Fuck, I missed this? Boo.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 26, 2015, 02:53:29 PM
Quote from: The All-Seeing Waffle on October 26, 2015, 11:32:40 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 25, 2015, 08:15:32 AM
Waffle - I'm at a loss, here. I don't know if Norway has a mainstream. Act German or something.
ZIS IS UNANNEHMBAR
Wenn Sie in meinem Ort parken will ich euch in den Kopf stechen. :)
Und ich werde es genießen