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Messages - Doktor Howl

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Apple Talk / Re: The "Dead Internet" theory
« on: December 01, 2021, 02:51:18 pm »


Hey, what's it like to be a real person in a world of zombies?  It has to be kind of special.

Feels like it did when 80% of people stayed home and I was driving to work on an empty highway because I was termed "essential".  Essential to what?  No one knows.

It's a shame and a disgrace that you were literally the only person that happened to.

I wish Generalissimo was still around.  He'd hold your hand and dry your tears.

Apple Talk / Re: What the fuck
« on: December 01, 2021, 02:48:39 pm »
What in the everlasting fuck is going on here? I haven’t read a single post l, but I’m appalled!

Everything fell apart, nobody did anything.

Oh, wait.  Are you talking about the world in general, or just this board?

Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: November 30, 2021, 06:44:59 pm »
Yesterday, at work:

Billy:  "Why is your phone making that awful screeching noise?"

Me:  "That's not my phone, that's the Geiger counter."

Principia Discussion / Re: Crossdressing for Chaos
« on: November 21, 2021, 02:51:51 pm »
srs tho can I use it or not?

As long as you send me some nice frilly undergarments each time you do.

The Commander

You need to give her your size info if you're gonna make that kind of request.  Otherwise you might end up looking like a lacy sausage.

Except the satellite thing.  That's new.

I think it was done as a message to the West...if we try to intervene should they decide to invade Ukraine, all communication that travels via satellite is at risk. That could seriously have an impact on commerce and military ops.

Let's put it this way...the US government is concerned enough that I am going on orders for the entire month of Dec, and receiving training in Battle Damage Assessment.

The Commander

While this level of assbaggery would be encouraging, I have been let down too many times.

Except the satellite thing.  That's new.

Out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on current events in Eastern Europe/Russia? Migrants in Belarus, Russian troop buildup near Ukraine, Russia blowing up a satellite in LEO. Put in seems to be getting awfully squirrelly.

The Commander

Well, it's just that time of the century.  You can go back 600 years, and they do this shit in the first 30 years of any given century.

Because they're NUTS.

Apple Talk / Re: Last one to post in thread wins
« on: November 21, 2021, 04:31:49 am »

Apple Talk / Re: baseless hostility thread
« on: November 21, 2021, 04:31:23 am »
Dune is just Star Wars for edgy nerds.

Apple Talk / Re: So I caught a 30 day ban on Facebook, again...
« on: November 20, 2021, 01:19:23 am »
This time?
For appealing a 7 day ban.

Anyways, I still haven't gotten Dok's 90 day mega ban. I must know his secrets.

What's up, spags?

My megaban happened because I protested a 30 day ban.

Don't protest if you're guilty as sin.

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: November 18, 2021, 06:24:56 pm »
Over the last few months i've come to realize that the american left (as opposed to leftist movements elsewhere) is a bunch of useless wankers at best and a bunch of Puritans minus the funny hats at worst. Now the healing can begin.

Been saying that.

Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: November 16, 2021, 12:18:10 am »
Norton:  *gets minor burn from equipment*

Me:  "You have to work more carefully, kid."

Me:  *falls down the stairs less than a second later*

Sideways Dave:  *grin*

Norton:  "You hurt?"

Me:  "Just my dignity."

*3 hours later*

My name plate on my office has been replaced with "Gerald Ford".

My little Norton is growing up.  :( 

This doesn't mean horrible retribution won't apply.

« on: November 13, 2021, 02:23:20 am »
Bump for use in the new book

Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: November 12, 2021, 11:55:35 pm »
So, my son still works at my old company.  They fucked him over to get back at me for quitting and taking Billy (they fucked with his overtime).

Then Gil (one of the company officers) calls me.

Gil:  "Hey, Hamish, how do you get rid of the solvents?  Which permit is that under?"

Me:  "Hang on, I have you on speaker phone.  Did you want the book way, or the real way?"

Gil:  "Um, the real way?"

Me:  "You take the solvents and the manifests and you shove them up your ass."

Billy:  "You have to stick your dick in the solvents first to make it official."

Gil:  "This isn't funny."

Norton:  "Actually, it kind of is."

Sideways Dave:  "HAW HAW HAW" (really loud)

Gil:  "What the fuck was that?"

Me:  "That was Sideways Dave."

Gil:  "Who or what is a 'Sideways Dave'?"

Billy:  Sideways Dave is basically a criminal enterprise."

Norton:  "A loud criminal enterprise."

Gil:  "Are you going to help me or not?"

Me:  "After you fucked my son over?  Let's see, you took him for $400, so my hourly rate for helping is $800."

Gil:  "You're fucking with me."

Billy:  "Also a set up charge of $900 per job."

Norton:  "Hey, Gil, there's something I always wanted to tell you."

Gil:  "What?"

Norton:  "Goodbye."  *Hangs up phone*

Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: November 11, 2021, 11:40:38 pm »
Today at work:

Sideways Dave:  "..."

Me:  "I know you're sneaking up on me, Dave."

SD:  "How?  I was being totally silent."

Me:  "I could hear you sweating."

SD:  "Bullshit.  You're using webcams again."

Me:  "I am an aging drug addict, Dave.  Paranoia is one of my virtues."

SD:  *sad face*

Me:  "You know, even if you did kill me, they won't give you my job."

SD:  "I know.  I was just practicing."

Norton:  *prairie dogs out of his cube*

Me:  "Don't worry, Dave won't kill you either."

Norton:  "Yes, but I haven't seen Billy in a while, and he might."

SD:  "I never liked him.  He is shifty."

Me:  "LOL.  Dave, you are the platonic ideal of shifty."

SD:  "Yes, that's why I know not to trust him."

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