I propose to travel deep into the hipster world, the hipster mind. I will document my experiences for posterity, and the practice.
I will drink PBR and ONLY PBR. (whatever is cheapest as subst.)
I will purchase and wear any hat that is moderately hips and wear it in that way they do, I will purchase skinny jeans and appropriate shoes, other clothes as needed to ensure MAX Hipness.
I will only listen to hipster music.
I will only watch hipster movies.
I will take ALL advice concerning what is and what is not hipsteriffic.
I will apply this advice broadly and like unto a piston in the face to those who are less hip than I.
My goal will be to see what life is like as a bona fide, trying as hip as you can hipster. Then, when I am genuinely trying to be a hipster and irony fades into the dust I will no longer be a hipster because I'm trying and that means that I'm just a poseur and not a real for real hipster because their whole thing is not thinking about what you think about them THUS:
I will destroy the quality of hipness from all that associated with being a hipster THUS:
Changing the entire world.
Suggestions: GO!
I approve of this plan.
-The Hipster
TWEED. YOU NEED SOME. GET ON IT.
You are truly a martyr for SCIENCE, Alty. I shall pour a little out for you. Real beer, I mean.
Damn. The Front Lines.
Here, you'll need this. (http://pitchfork.com/)
Flannel and fixed gear bike?
Hipsters don't want to think of themselves as hipsters, so to try to be a hipster you need to try to not think of yourself as a hipster. Thus you will only have succeeded when you feel you have failed at becoming a hipster.
Quote from: The Freeky of SCIENCE! on March 21, 2012, 02:54:32 AM
TWEED. YOU NEED SOME. GET ON IT.
Is that what Kotter wore in Welcome Back...
(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/27/article-0-117A30F4000005DC-979_468x442.jpg)
Do hipsters still wear pork-pie hats?
(http://streetetiquette.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/lester-young.jpg)
Sorry. I live in the country. Very much in the country. My neighbour said he might have spotted a hipster, about five years back.
We don't have them yet either. Just emo skater types. Dok says they're proto-hipsters.
I see them in the cities, though. They're the snotty people at the shows walking around pretending they're too cool for it all and failing miserably. :lol:
Quote from: Alty on March 21, 2012, 01:17:52 AM
I will drink PBR and ONLY PBR. (whatever is cheapest as subst.)
Oh, wow. You are a braver man than I.
Get some thick black glasses and flannel.
Also, if you aren't a pretentious dick, start being one.
Reading Kerouac and then acting smarter than people who don't has done wonders for my pretentiousness, if you need a jumping off point.
I think I can handle everything except the bike.
I don't want a super tall fixed gear monster that will certainly kill me if used to face the elements of my home.
It'll be interesting to compete with Alaskan hipsters. There are a lot more than you'd think, I've seethed drunkenly in their bars before.
What am I saying? They're MY bars now. W00t!
I'm thinking of taking a few months with this, if I spiral out of control I expect proper erisian perspective to be brutally applied to my face.
I do fortunately already play the ukulele.
This'll be easy!
:lulz:
Oh, oh! Also you need khaki pants that are a few inches too short. And some sort of button up shirt that is tacky as hell.
:looks around bus for inspiration: none here right now but i saw a few last night. Grow a mustache and curl it. Or also neckbeard.
This should help you with your fashion sense:
www.latfh.com
Facial hair is a no go, sadly. Maybe someday! After some hormone treatments...or something.
I actually need glasses so I know what kind of frame to get.
After watching this video though,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYYKOa2KNBY
I am beginning to think I am going to hate myself before very long. Anything for SCIENCE!.
Thanks for the links, guys.
Das Racist (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ8ViYIeH04) are pretty cool and hipster-ish rappers. They might have become too mainstream now, sadly.
Ill-fitting suitjackets, preferably with leather elbow patches. Trucker hats. Hightop sneakers - the more 70s looking, the better. Retro printed t-shirts or super unique ones, ideally made by you or locally. Post-rock (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-rock) forever. Grandpa shoes and suspenders. Anything from your grandparent's attic and anything your parents are embarrassed to admit every having worn when they were young.
Abandon all concepts of complimentary colors. The clashier and gaudier, the better.
Keeping in mind the fine line between Hipster and Dr. Demento.
Although, having the "Fish Heads" song as an ironic ringtone would be perfectly in line.
Get a ring with a bird on it, and wear it on your middle finger.
have sex with cute skinny girls
Quote from: MMMW on March 29, 2012, 10:41:27 PM
have sex with cute skinny girls
I sense some resentment.
Doesn't the post imply that all male hipsters are out having sex with cute skinny girls? I know a bunch of hipsters, and some of the hipest of them have a terrible time with women. But eh, no matter.
You know, Danny, I liked you better as Malcoid.
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=5265
But that's not saying much.
I'm sure I didn't leave much of an impression one way or the other.
Quote from: Danny Muffin on March 29, 2012, 11:24:09 PM
Quote from: MMMW on March 29, 2012, 10:41:27 PM
have sex with cute skinny girls
I sense some resentment.
Nope.
Quote from: Danny Muffin on March 29, 2012, 11:40:58 PM
Doesn't the post imply that all male hipsters are out having sex with cute skinny girls?
No. Hipsters are always defined by a huge grocery list of attributes which never fully implies to most of them anyways.
Yeah, sorry I was being flippant. I'll shut up now.
Ok, so I was gonna do a write-up of how horrible PBR is in grotesque detail.
Then, turns out. I just like PBR, until you get to the bottom of the can and it's all warm. I don't even mind warm beer but JAYSUS.
Yeah, I like PBR. What are you gonna do about it. It's no Miller High Life, it's no Coors, it's no MGD.
So yeah, dickfucks, say something.
ETA: Show me to these skinny girls. Or any girls, really. Actually, no. No girls. Women, ok. Girls, no. The horrah.
ALSO, whoever is responsible for pointing me toward Nicolas Jaar is in for a world of pain.
Quote from: RogerIHow can you not be Coors? If its not- I mean, you're at the bottom, at that point.
He is baffled. :lol:
PBR has CLASS and SOPHISTICATION.
OK, maybe not. But it is crisp and refreshing and not at all like my own tears shed from pure irony.
Also, in most places around here, $5 gets you a tallboy. FUCK YEAH TALL BOOOOIIIIII.
QUERY:
In what ways are hipsters and emo kids alike?
How are they different?
I mean, it's all about style, right? So, bwuh.
Would putting chicken hearts in a chocolate box, each one filled with a small round, be emo or hipster behavior? How would a stranger react? I'm more in thinking that doing such a thing for no good reason is more of a discordian thing. It's trying to shake someone loose a little bit, plus you get to kill time with chicken hearts. When dating sites ask you "What are you interests?" you can say "I like leaving chicken hearts filled with live ammo on people's doorsteps."
But how would some jackhole who hunts out hipness with every pore so they can avoid being a hipster react? Would they perceive it as anything more than SUPER CREEPY?
Inquiring minds must know.
SCIENCE! :lulz:
Quote from: Alty on March 30, 2012, 02:37:09 AM
Ok, so I was gonna do a write-up of how horrible PBR is in grotesque detail.
Then, turns out. I just like PBR, until you get to the bottom of the can and it's all warm. I don't even mind warm beer but JAYSUS.
Yeah, I like PBR. What are you gonna do about it. It's no Miller High Life, it's no Coors, it's no MGD.
So yeah, dickfucks, say something.
Your taste in "beer" is akin to Dan Quayle's vice-presidency.
:walken:
Oh. Oh-ho!
It's going to be like that, is it?
I can do that. BRB WOMP CANONS.
Quote from: Alty on March 30, 2012, 04:09:35 AM
:walken:
Oh. Oh-ho!
It's going to be like that, is it?
I can do that. BRB WOMP CANONS.
Watch me be not afraid.
WOMP masters, I hear, wear granny underpance and shiver in weak-kneed fear of me.
Quote from: Alty on March 30, 2012, 02:59:22 AM
QUERY:
In what ways are hipsters and emo kids alike?
How are they different?
I mean, it's all about style, right? So, bwuh.
Would putting chicken hearts in a chocolate box, each one filled with a small round, be emo or hipster behavior? How would a stranger react? I'm more in thinking that doing such a thing for no good reason is more of a discordian thing. It's trying to shake someone loose a little bit, plus you get to kill time with chicken hearts. When dating sites ask you "What are you interests?" you can say "I like leaving chicken hearts filled with live ammo on people's doorsteps."
But how would some jackhole who hunts out hipness with every pore so they can avoid being a hipster react? Would they perceive it as anything more than SUPER CREEPY?
Inquiring minds must know.
HEY, YOU
not that she's reading this. Just that the box is still in the fridge because we didn't get to it this weekend.
ALSO
PB±R is one of those beers which is delicious when fresh, but goes nasty quickly.
Quote from: Alty on March 30, 2012, 02:37:09 AM
Show me to these skinny girls. Or any girls, really. Actually, no. No girls. Women, ok. Girls, no. The horrah.
www.suicidegirls.com
Skinny girls lack hipness.
WHN,
Hip for hips.
Yeah pbr is fine unless it gets warm and it gets warm fast for a beer.
Rwhn- ive noticed a fair share of chubby hipsters.
Alty- emos are unable to feel happy unless theyre happy about how sad they are. The hipster is normal emotionally. Theyre just fucking intentionally weird in any other way.
Also your token nonwhite friend must be japanese. Other asians wont do. They must be artistic in an unconventional sort of way and preferably from japan rather than japanese american. Dating your token japanese friend is an optional add-on.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on March 30, 2012, 02:40:56 PM
Also your token nonwhite friend must be japanese. Other asians wont do. They must be artistic in an unconventional sort of way and preferably from japan rather than japanese american. Dating your token japanese friend is an optional add-on.
Hipsters are Lennon wannabes?