Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: James Vagabond on March 19, 2012, 05:29:42 pm

Title: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: James Vagabond on March 19, 2012, 05:29:42 pm

Free Will and Testament by Robert Wyatt

Given free will but within certain limitations,
I cannot will myself to limitless mutations,
I cannot know what I would be if I were not me,
I can only guess me.


So when I say that I know me, how can I know that?
What kind of spider understands arachnophobia?
I have my senses and my sense of having senses.
Do I guide them? Or they me?


The weight of dust exceeds the weight of settled objects.
What can it mean, such gravity without a centre?
Is there freedom to un-be?
Is there freedom from will-to-be?


Sheer momentum makes us act this way or that way.
We just invent or just assume a motivation.
I would disperse, be disconnected. Is this possible?
What are soldiers without a foe?


Be in the air, but not be air, be in the no air.
Be on the loose, neither compacted nor suspended.
Neither born nor left to die.


Had I been free, I could have chosen not to be me.
Demented forces push me madly round a treadmill.
Demented forces push me madly round a treadmill.
Let me off please, I am so tired.
Let me off please, I am so very tired.


Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 19, 2012, 09:33:44 pm
How do you get pushed around a treadmill?   :?
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 19, 2012, 09:38:40 pm
Just looked Robert Wyatt up.

I was under the impression that England outlawed bad poetry during Elizabeth the First's reign.  How have they come to this?
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 19, 2012, 09:40:53 pm
As a bad poetry piece (sober) I give it 6/10.

As a bad poetry piece (high) I give it 9/10.

(ETA: Note that the parenthetical states of being refer to the writer's, not the reader's.)
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 19, 2012, 09:41:50 pm
As a bad poetry piece (sober) I give it 6/10.

As a bad poetry piece (high) I give it 9/10.

Somewhere, Rudyard Kipling is weeping tears of homicidal rage.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 19, 2012, 09:43:59 pm
As a bad poetry piece (sober) I give it 6/10.

As a bad poetry piece (high) I give it 9/10.

Somewhere, Rudyard Kipling is weeping tears of homicidal rage.

Yeah but he wrote good poetry.  This is just awful.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 19, 2012, 09:45:18 pm
As a bad poetry piece (sober) I give it 6/10.

As a bad poetry piece (high) I give it 9/10.

Somewhere, Rudyard Kipling is weeping tears of homicidal rage.

Yeah but he wrote good poetry.

Well, yes.

That garbage at the top of the screen makes me want to go out and kick an emo kid in the junk.

Really, it's awful.  It makes no fucking sense.

But I bet you and I could top it!   :lulz:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 19, 2012, 09:46:55 pm
As a bad poetry piece (sober) I give it 6/10.

As a bad poetry piece (high) I give it 9/10.

Somewhere, Rudyard Kipling is weeping tears of homicidal rage.

Yeah but he wrote good poetry.

Well, yes.

That garbage at the top of the screen makes me want to go out and kick an emo kid in the junk.

Really, it's awful.  It makes no fucking sense.

But I bet you and I could top it!   :lulz:

OH HELL YES.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 19, 2012, 09:48:24 pm
Poor Banana, stripped of his rights and peel
Laying there without dignity
HARK! I am a Llama's illegitimate offspring!
I can't help myself.  I must be riding off now.

Who writes shit like this?  I shall tell you.
A man with no country, a man with no shame
Who isn't even Irish, but talks like James Joyce
After a stroke.

Someone push me over the carousel!  I am the madman
of Coney Island, do you hear me?
I cry bitter tears in the darkness, because
that unfortunate angel looked into the darkness in my heart.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on March 19, 2012, 10:03:12 pm
That is not what i expected by you saying that you channeled ireland :lulz:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 19, 2012, 10:03:44 pm
What be the difference
between body butter and lotion?
They both go on the skin.

Harken to the children
They shriek when Little Sister tries to kill them.
A tear falls down my face;
I want to play, too.

Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 19, 2012, 11:46:55 pm
A duck killed a cow,
Woman, don't mess with my space.
I walk like a tree.

(needs bongos)
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 19, 2012, 11:47:36 pm
That is not what i expected by you saying that you channeled ireland :lulz:

Horrible poetry is as Irish as starving to death.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on March 19, 2012, 11:49:43 pm
I think our poetry was pretty good centuries ago but since i dont understand middle irish i cant back that staement up.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 12:02:16 am
Laying limp in her crate beside a bowl of mash
feathers never to ruffle again, nor a cheep to utter
the little brown pullet has given her last breath
a hen never to be, nor a single egg ever laid.

O hen! Hen that would have been, henhood lost!
Her valiant struggles to overcome the poison
in vain, in vain, alas, in vain, for in surviving
the marauding raccoon, she caught cold.

She lies so still, a once-glossy Buff Orpington
dulled by defeat, silenced by the cold hand
of wicked fate. No more cheep-cheep-cheep
to ring out across the kitchen tiles, not even

a single cluck to utter from her tired corpse.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 20, 2012, 12:03:01 am
A cloud is passing over
that mountain over there.
Not the whole range,
just that one mountain.
Not the whole thing,
just the top half.

It must be a small cloud.
I weep for its tinyness.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 20, 2012, 12:04:02 am
Laying limp in her crate beside a bowl of mash
feathers never to ruffle again, nor a cheep to utter
the little brown pullet has given her last breath
a hen never to be, nor a single egg ever laid.

O hen! Hen that would have been, henhood lost!
Her valiant struggles to overcome the poison
in vain, in vain, alas, in vain, for in surviving
the marauding raccoon, she caught cold.

She lies so still, a once-glossy Buff Orpington
dulled by defeat, silenced by the cold hand
of wicked fate. No more cheep-cheep-cheep
to ring out across the kitchen tiles, not even

a single cluck to utter from her tired corpse.

:(  Poor chicken.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 12:05:21 am
Laying limp in her crate beside a bowl of mash
feathers never to ruffle again, nor a cheep to utter
the little brown pullet has given her last breath
a hen never to be, nor a single egg ever laid.

O hen! Hen that would have been, henhood lost!
Her valiant struggles to overcome the poison
in vain, in vain, alas, in vain, for in surviving
the marauding raccoon, she caught cold.

She lies so still, a once-glossy Buff Orpington
dulled by defeat, silenced by the cold hand
of wicked fate. No more cheep-cheep-cheep
to ring out across the kitchen tiles, not even

a single cluck to utter from her tired corpse.

:(  Poor chicken.

Yeah, that bums me out.

It also bums me out that people are always having me "take care" of their dying pets. I'm like the Grim Reaper.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 12:05:38 am
A cloud is passing over
that mountain over there.
Not the whole range,
just that one mountain.
Not the whole thing,
just the top half.

It must be a small cloud.
I weep for its tinyness.

 :lulz:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 20, 2012, 12:06:27 am
Laying limp in her crate beside a bowl of mash
feathers never to ruffle again, nor a cheep to utter
the little brown pullet has given her last breath
a hen never to be, nor a single egg ever laid.

O hen! Hen that would have been, henhood lost!
Her valiant struggles to overcome the poison
in vain, in vain, alas, in vain, for in surviving
the marauding raccoon, she caught cold.

She lies so still, a once-glossy Buff Orpington
dulled by defeat, silenced by the cold hand
of wicked fate. No more cheep-cheep-cheep
to ring out across the kitchen tiles, not even

a single cluck to utter from her tired corpse.

BRAVO!

See here, this pullet, this thing upon my plate
It may well have been the Einstien of its species
But we shall never know
Because we never learned to speak chicken

What symphonies it may have created
What learned papers it may have published
If only we humans had not
hogged up all the intelligence

I cry for the lost genius of this chicken
I cry for its siblings and mother
As I reach across the table
For the salt and pepper.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 20, 2012, 12:11:35 am
 :lulz:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 12:42:51 am
Hark! A siren! Oh sweet wail
passing by my street at 60mph
in a 30 zone, racing up Fremont
in hot pursuit of a drunk, or
perhaps of a single mom.

Justice, shine! SHINE ON!
The brave men in uniform
enforcing PEACE and doughnuts
and occasionally shooting
crazy old ladies in grocery stores.

Turn on those flashing lights
red-blue-red-blue, GO GO GO
rush to  the scene of the crime.
Surely you have a black guy
to beat up, right coppers? Eh?
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 12:43:58 am
Here it is almost six
the first few days of
Spring break.

I hardly know what
to do with myself.
I need a beer.

Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 20, 2012, 12:44:56 am
Hark! A siren! Oh sweet wail
passing by my street at 60mph
in a 30 zone, racing up Fremont
in hot pursuit of a drunk, or
perhaps of a single mom.

Justice, shine! SHINE ON!
The brave men in uniform
enforcing PEACE and doughnuts
and occasionally shooting
crazy old ladies in grocery stores.

Turn on those flashing lights
red-blue-red-blue, GO GO GO
rush to  the scene of the crime.
Surely you have a black guy
to beat up, right coppers? Eh?

I want to have your babies.   :lulz:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: EK WAFFLR on March 20, 2012, 01:00:22 am
Oh ye of little faith!
Come hither, my lads
touch my elbow
They have pads

Believe ye me not?
Then ye shall forever burn
like a roasted chestnut
in a well-used urn.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 01:28:26 am
Hark! A siren! Oh sweet wail
passing by my street at 60mph
in a 30 zone, racing up Fremont
in hot pursuit of a drunk, or
perhaps of a single mom.

Justice, shine! SHINE ON!
The brave men in uniform
enforcing PEACE and doughnuts
and occasionally shooting
crazy old ladies in grocery stores.

Turn on those flashing lights
red-blue-red-blue, GO GO GO
rush to  the scene of the crime.
Surely you have a black guy
to beat up, right coppers? Eh?

I want to have your babies.   :lulz:

:thanks:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: ThatGreenGentleman on March 20, 2012, 01:40:49 am
Roses are red
Grass is green
I'm gonna smack you
Just like Charlie Sheen
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on March 20, 2012, 01:44:08 am
How do you get pushed around a treadmill?   :?

Like this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWXwnotALHY
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 01:47:35 am
Roses are red
Grass is green
I'm gonna smack you
Just like Charlie Sheen

 :lulz:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on March 20, 2012, 01:52:15 am
WHAT THIS THREAD NEEDS IS CERULEAN PRESBYTERIAN FOOTBALLSEASONGOONYBIRD (http://bluechristianwinterhawk.wordpress.com/)
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: ThatGreenGentleman on March 20, 2012, 01:54:16 am
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 20, 2012, 02:01:47 am
WHAT THIS THREAD NEEDS IS azure buddhist springchicken. (http://bluechristianwinterhawk.wordpress.com/)

You know he threatened Faust with legal action over that, right?  There was paperwork involved, I hear.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 20, 2012, 02:06:30 am
I think he threatened Faust over the thread where I said that I was pretty sure he'd taken some of my kitchenware.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on March 20, 2012, 02:12:09 am
THA FUCK???

So we can't even say Cobalt Pentacostal Fallbuzzard anymore?
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 20, 2012, 02:13:51 am
I think he threatened Faust over the thread where I said that I was pretty sure he'd taken some of my kitchenware.

Oooh. 

I still have this feeling it was about all the name bombing that was going on, which made Faust kill the joke.  I might be wrong though, and most unfortunately have no time right now to hunt for it.

THA FUCK???

So we can't even say Cobalt Pentacostal Fallbuzzard anymore?

We're not supposed to, I think, and that's what Dok is saying.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on March 20, 2012, 02:18:59 am
Need more info.
Just to see where the edge is so I can skate close to it without actually getting anyone's ass in a sling.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: LMNO on March 20, 2012, 12:11:15 pm
Klaxon howl
Scraping bitter crust
From unrested eyes

Painful crawl
Depress for respite
Morning light cracks

Skin puckers
Beneath scalding waters
Make sure you wash your taint.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 20, 2012, 03:45:36 pm
It occurs to me that we could just have LuciferX post in this thread, and get the same result.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 21, 2012, 05:07:11 am
It occurs to me that we could just have LuciferX post in this thread, and get the same result.

Ooooh!
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Freeky on March 21, 2012, 06:10:52 am
Klaxon howl
Scraping bitter crust
From unrested eyes

Painful crawl
Depress for respite
Morning light cracks

Skin puckers
Beneath scalding waters
Make sure you wash your taint.

Wow. :lol:

Unk.
Gmy gnose id gtuffy.
Ifv we hadh Obamagare,
Deat panhels wouldh kill hme.

*snapsnapsnapsnap*
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: the dreadful hours on March 21, 2012, 12:10:48 pm
daylight ascends
into the cottonball sky
of happy funtime unicorns
where love bears frolic
and fun fish soar

i too wish to soar with them
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Lenin McCarthy on March 21, 2012, 04:08:45 pm
I am Somalia
Civil war has torn me apart
You're the Transitional Federal Government
Still clinging on to my heart

Islamists and pirates are indulging in my bowels
Secessionists are messing with my head
But one day we'll be one, dear

...or maybe we'll just be dead.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: N E T on March 21, 2012, 07:23:01 pm
Quit dropping bombs on my feelings,
I'm just trying to develop nuclear power plants of love.
Yeah, nuclear power plants of love.
Drone strikes won't keep me down,
but set me back a bit from developing
nuclear power plants of love.
Yeah, nuclear power plants of love.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Doktor Howl on March 21, 2012, 07:29:35 pm
Quit dropping bombs on my feelings,
I'm just trying to develop nuclear power plants of love.
Yeah, nuclear power plants of love.
Drone strikes won't keep me down,
but set me back a bit from developing
nuclear power plants of love.
Yeah, nuclear power plants of love.

:mittens: :lulz: :mittens:

I just had a vision of Davy Jones singing that.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 22, 2012, 12:18:59 am
Quit dropping bombs on my feelings,
I'm just trying to develop nuclear power plants of love.
Yeah, nuclear power plants of love.
Drone strikes won't keep me down,
but set me back a bit from developing
nuclear power plants of love.
Yeah, nuclear power plants of love.

OH MY GOD

This is epic. I read it out loud to EFO (who is currently working on terrible beat poetry) and she said that it is the worst poem she has ever heard in her life.

Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: hirley0 on March 22, 2012, 12:23:16 am
there once was a 4 &  A  9
even if they did not rhyme
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: N E T on March 22, 2012, 02:18:40 am
:thanks:
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 22, 2012, 05:48:46 am
Also the rest of you TOTAL DICKS

Have written some abysmal poetry, make no mistake please.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 22, 2012, 05:49:55 am
I am Somalia
Civil war has torn me apart
You're the Transitional Federal Government
Still clinging on to my heart

Islamists and pirates are indulging in my bowels
Secessionists are messing with my head
But one day we'll be one, dear

...or maybe we'll just be dead.

I mean, this is an offense to all aesthetics
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 22, 2012, 05:51:09 am
daylight ascends
into the cottonball sky
of happy funtime unicorns
where love bears frolic
and fun fish soar

i too wish to soar with them

This entirely consists of cringe components
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 22, 2012, 05:53:21 am
there once was a 4 &  A  9
even if they did not rhyme

And FUCK YOU MAN

WHAT THA FUCK??????
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: AFK on March 22, 2012, 12:31:09 pm
the dreadful hours is truly a master of his craft.

or something.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on March 22, 2012, 12:36:25 pm
Nuclear power plants of love is just fucking brilliant. Thats probably one of the best phrases ive heard in a while.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on February 17, 2017, 01:36:32 pm
Poor Banana, stripped of his rights and peel
Laying there without dignity
HARK! I am a Llama's illegitimate offspring!
I can't help myself.  I must be riding off now.

Who writes shit like this?  I shall tell you.
A man with no country, a man with no shame
Who isn't even Irish, but talks like James Joyce
After a stroke.

Someone push me over the carousel!  I am the madman
of Coney Island, do you hear me?
I cry bitter tears in the darkness, because
that unfortunate angel looked into the darkness in my heart.

Do you want your usual attribution for intentionally bad work like this? Because I love it and I'm stealing it, just wanted to check in on correct attribution in this case.
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on February 21, 2017, 12:54:09 am
bamp?
Title: Re: From the handcuffs thread: Really bad Poetry
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 21, 2017, 05:04:08 am
Poor Banana, stripped of his rights and peel
Laying there without dignity
HARK! I am a Llama's illegitimate offspring!
I can't help myself.  I must be riding off now.

Who writes shit like this?  I shall tell you.
A man with no country, a man with no shame
Who isn't even Irish, but talks like James Joyce
After a stroke.

Someone push me over the carousel!  I am the madman
of Coney Island, do you hear me?
I cry bitter tears in the darkness, because
that unfortunate angel looked into the darkness in my heart.

Do you want your usual attribution for intentionally bad work like this? Because I love it and I'm stealing it, just wanted to check in on correct attribution in this case.

Oh, yeah, no problem.