http://www.reddit.com/r/fifthworldproblems
- One of my bathrooms is stuck in 2011. Will next month's water bill be charged to multiple timelines?
- My adrenal gland and Jupiter's Great Red Spot are in trans-dimensional opposition.
- TIL that slowing down time makes it possible to count to infinity
- I accidentally deleted 1,500 seconds from my alternate timeline.
- Bacon from pigs doesn't exist here. In fact, pigs don't even exist, and my bacon comes from fetuses. WHY?!
Oooooooo!
I followed that subreddit for a while, it was amazing at first, but got a bit repetitive after a while. I'm certain we can do better :-)
My root identity provider got me a new ego, but it got transcended and now it's delivering itself to the wrong continuum. In triplicate. Then, I found out the new Zv0 model got discounted half an atto-second to the blue but they won't change my order because "it is against our policy to violate causality" :kingmeh:
The drink dispenser has stopped accepting integers.
The zeitgiest module keeps telling me to display funny patterns and text in helvetica to others on my ARI display as a prank.
The doctor told me to take less soma. I'm suing.
The ancients used to live over there, before the Gods destroyed them. Don't go over there. It's haunted.
My clone is filing a lawsuit against me for my bad genes. :sad:
I think my garbage disposal and my dishwasher are having an affair. You would not believe the noises coming out of the kitchen.
My parents won't let me get genetic recoding! How am I meant to express my individuality without gills? :x
My replicator is broken and now everything it makes tastes like bratwurst. Anyone got some spare toothpaste?
The line at the teleporter is awful, its going to take me at least five minutes to get to work.
Someone linked me to a picture of the sun going supernova. Ugh! Spoilers!
My Big Brother has frozen and wont update my status reports to my friends list
The Gray Goo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey_goo) dispenser turned into gray goo. :sad:
This argument is going in circles. I keep telling him, "No, I'M the copy, YOU'RE the original." Eventually, one of us is going to have to go to work.
Nobody powered great-grandpa down last night, and when I got up this morning, he was fucking the microwave.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 05:40:36 PM
Nobody powered great-grandpa down last night, and when I got up this morning, he was fucking the microwave.
Roger, this thread is for unrealistic, made-up problems
ETA: Please tell your great-grandfather he shouldn't put metal in the microwave
Quote from: Cramulus on January 05, 2012, 05:43:07 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 05:40:36 PM
Nobody powered great-grandpa down last night, and when I got up this morning, he was fucking the microwave.
Roger, this thread is for unrealistic, made-up problems
ETA: Please tell your great-grandfather he shouldn't put metal in the microwave
Um, that's ME. I thought we were talking about the future.
I am enjoying Bill Cosby.
I had a nightmare when I was a kid about showing up to school and being quizzed on a base case I totally hadn't studied for. I've been having the same recursing nightmare about that nightmare ever since.
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 05, 2012, 09:58:39 AM
My clone is filing a lawsuit against me for my bad genes. :sad:
I think my garbage disposal and my dishwasher are having an affair. You would not believe the noises coming out of the kitchen.
My parents won't let me get genetic recoding! How am I meant to express my individuality without gills? :x
My replicator is broken and now everything it makes tastes like bratwurst. Anyone got some spare toothpaste?
The line at the teleporter is awful, its going to take me at least five minutes to get to work.
Someone linked me to a picture of the sun going supernova. Ugh! Spoilers!
These are brilliant.
bump
source (http://www.reddit.com/r/fifthworldproblems/comments/pghpg/i_microwaved_my_time_cube_and_now_im_stuck_in/)
"I microwaved my time cube, and now I'm stuck in temporal displacement where The Phantom Menace is being released every 13 years. Please help."
My own brainfarts:
I applied the new rapid evolutionary algorithms to my liver yesterday so I could drink all night. Now I'm hung over and my liver is suing for independence.
Apparently my future self will think it's simply hilarious to send me cryptic text messages right before major life events.
Quote from: Cainad on February 10, 2012, 04:35:51 AM
Apparently my future self will think it's simply hilarious to send me cryptic text messages right before major life events.
Thank you Agent, your contribution has been added (http://principiadiscordia.com/memebombs/kwotes.pl?action=show&id=4913) to the central One Line MemeBomb Database.
:banana:
I awoke from my eternal slumber within an ancient sunken city to wreak havoc, only to discover that the denizens of my universe had all died due to environmental pollution. Does anyone know of civilizations that aren't scheduled to be destroyed by an Elder God? (http://www.reddit.com/r/fifthworldproblems)
Love the one about Virginians.
Somebody uploaded a pirate copy of me and my co-workers have been wanking to wet dreams I haven't even had yet. Can I sue them for spoilering?
You don't have problems. I have problems.
My clone is cheating on me again. :cry:
I'm all out of Oxi-Clean anomaly scrubbing pads.
I woke up in a loop. Again. :sad:
Every time I shove cats into the food recycler I get borscht. Not okay.
I signed up at hirley0's forum and logged into 2013. How do I get home?
My kid's out of diapers but the GPS is broken on my microchip so I totally won't be allowed to buy any until I get a new one inserted on Tuesday. :(
It's totally sweet that the family I clean for lets me have their dog's leftover filet mignon and I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I wish they'd refrigerate it if it's going to be sitting out more than an hour or two. :(
I didn't get the job at the bottling plant. Yeah, some things in my purchase history and internet browsing popped positive for lost time/excessive breaks risk and I just can't afford the $90 internship fee to prove my efficiency for three weeks. :(
Holy shit. That was perfect.
Quote from: navkat on March 06, 2013, 10:56:18 PM
My kid's out of diapers but the GPS is broken on my microchip so I totally won't be allowed to buy any until I get a new one inserted on Tuesday. :(
It's totally sweet that the family I clean for lets me have their dog's leftover filet mignon and I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I wish they'd refrigerate it if it's going to be sitting out more than an hour or two. :(
I didn't get the job at the bottling plant. Yeah, some things in my purchase history and internet browsing popped positive for lost time/excessive breaks risk and I just can't afford the $90 internship fee to prove my efficiency for three weeks. :(
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU...THE FUTURE!
:aaa: