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Messages - LadybirdJohnson

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 30, 2007, 06:48:14 pm »
SQUIRREL!!!  :argh!:

Eh, Orgies… just butts and elbows to me.   :?

In College I hung with some pretty crazy folk, most of which were discordian, we used to do crazy stuff… or rather I watched them do crazy stuff.  :oops:
I didn’t join in because it was wrong or anything like that… heck I did my share of cajoling and causing of orgies just when it came to the actual sex part I had a tendency to turn people to the closest warm body that wasn’t mine.  But for me I never felt safe; I had lost my virginity to a brutal rape and beating right before I met that crowd when I was 19 or so.  Feeling safe is important even if it is illusion.  Now I am at a point in my life where I could with out a doubt participate, but it doesn’t interest me anymore.  Don’t get me wrong… Sex for simple base physical pleasure is GREAT, but I am looking for More, weather with 1 or 9 people… I just think it would be easier to reach a more interesting level with one.  Recently actually sex started evoking emotions in me.  Which is great, but Seriously odd.  (In my recovery from my experience I spent along time in Robot fuck mode.)  Anyway, I started giggling and laughing with orgasms, or crying, or getting scared.  Quite a trip for me really.  Of course I am 28 and this is the A-typical time when sex becomes REALLY interesting for women anyway… but it is REALLY nice that I have gotten far enough already to be enjoying this Ripening as it were.

Eh.. hm.  Well hm in secoundary reading and thought... I am not sure that is something that was particularly appropriate.  I find that sometimes talking about something like that with strangers can really fuck them up as far as their perseption of you goes.  but I am going to leave it, only with the preface that Yes i mentioned it ... but lol I'm over it.  I just think that my contined evolution is interesting... thought it might be interesting to others.

Hm…
You know…
Just like with the orgies I have gotten people to those experiences, as acting high priestess… but never had a chance to actually do it myself.  Part because of ego… But I Method act a Great high Priestess, so it’s a natural role that I pick up in ritual.  Haha but I was such a fake.  Really that doesn’t matter what matters is if the ritual worked… and it did, so I helped a lot of people get to something new, or experience things that they reported to have really blown their minds.  So ha I thought Ya I got this shit down.  But… I didn’t really realize that I was decorative.  A breathing symbol but in the end only watching… not doing and certainly not learning anything new.  No that wasn’t true… I always knew what a fake I was.   :x

But that is why we have adolescents isn’t it?  :D

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 30, 2007, 05:28:47 pm »
Yes yes yes I know and I agree with you… to an extent.

At some point I think it would be fine to stop experimenting pick an alteration, remove the filter, and do it.

I think you may find that the filter is MUCH harder to remove then you would think.  Stupid filter.
OR at least it would be for me.  With all of my talk of insubstantial-ness I have to admit I am Stupidly grounded (NO bad word!) I am going to go with Repressed.  Repressed is a very specific version of grounded, like all jays are birds but not all birds are jays, you can be grounded (in the sense we discussed) without being repressed but if you are repressed you are probably at least grounded. 

Anyway… My mind tends to be stubborn, uncooperative, and dull at parties.  Especially when I am trying to make it do a trick! Or I am at a party.
Of course the second I am not trying to actively change it… bang I am a different person.

I know Freaking Dancing around the central idea…

I am just restating at this point
DANG IT

Bear with me though… I am just trying to work this out.

Ah… OK here is the motorcycle.  Or rather the question who’s answer may be the motorcycle…

How the Fuck did you get yourself to let go enough to invoke Therion.  Oh ya that’s it.

(Gulp Tear)

Now OBVIOUSLY my repression leads to my chaotic behavior and emotional imbalance. 

Let me preface that with I am probably less repressed then the average joe, but my partial lack of repression only serves to remind me of how much farther I have to go.  I’m THERE!  If you have been here you know what it looks like.  Like … Like a puppy struggling to crawl free of its mothers dead uterus.


MERCURY!!! Well done. 4 pts.

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Or Kill Me / Re: Baiting 9/11 Truthers
« on: November 30, 2007, 04:26:42 pm »
nice

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Or Kill Me / Re: READ THIS SIGN
« on: November 30, 2007, 03:24:33 pm »
YES YES YYYYYYEEEESSSSS!!

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 30, 2007, 03:09:41 pm »
 :argh!: You Could always deflate the ball and then reinflate it on the other side.

I think that is why some people take lots of acid and then are never really the same again.

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 30, 2007, 03:06:06 pm »
It's usually not a good sign when people waste their free posts trying to get to the flames

Hmm… Well I was promised verbal abuse… Generally I like to get things like that out of the way.  No sense getting comfortable only to find that you were never welcome to begin with.   :wink: Besides, Waiting IS the hardest part.

Don't get me wrong when it comes to lasting postive self change from ANY mechanism the last thing it should be like is Banging.   :lulz:

I think our minds while Squishy to real pressure are very much like a beach ball sitting on the surface of the water.  But instead of more water on the other side of the surface there is a “Different mental state” so you can gently, slowly and consistently push that beach ball across the surface and into the other state where it will happily float on the opposing surface.  Kind of like passing through the looking glass… if my analogy is a bit messy.

So I KNOW that with time and effort you can pass threw to the other side as a completely different person.  Except you are Still the beach ball… and that is Still the surface of the water.  So nothing ever really changes.

I am not trying to be confusing… sorry.

You know I just have to say that I am apposed to this wording, “If a person can't ground themselves in everyday reality”

Specifically “Ground”

I am a highly ungrounded person, it’s both my nature and my nurture… but I think that being Grounded is a highly unnatural state.  I think that comes from my background in eastern religions.  Neither who you are OR reality are solid, permanent, or stable.  How could you possibly expect to ground two things together that have such chaotic qualities.  I think trying too could make you madder then a hatter.  I know what you MENT, I just don’t like how you said it.  Unless you really meant what you said in which case… I don’t agree.

(Did you know that hatters were truly mad?  It is because they used… was it Eather to make the hats… to work the beaver pelts… or was it the formaldehyde?  4 points to who ever knows the name of the chemical!!)

Hm… have to say I like it here… nice to talk all Adult like.   :fnord:

RYGD: NO NO That isn't them... Dang it all!  I'll keep looking

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 09:06:00 pm »
 :x
40??!!!

or 41...

Do i get docked because I fucked up my count down?

35?

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 09:05:06 pm »
 :eek:42

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 09:04:39 pm »
42 :argh!:

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 09:04:13 pm »
43

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 09:03:42 pm »
44
Hm…

Well I am a fucked up little cookie myself.

::Magic is really useful in effecting changes to your own perception and psychology... but you have to be on a pretty even keel to begin with.::

 “Have to be”
As in for it to work or for it to be safe?

My main purpose for using CM is to alter my psychology.  I am not terribly attached to the current version of myself and would like to try a new one. 

That isn’t to say that Doctors and therapy and medication don’t have a place… Eris knows I have seen my share.

But ultimately if you can change yourself you can change your universe… seems only right to start at the source.

By saying that the idea of “Dealing” with bad emotions is crazed…

I meant that most people would be happier if they only realized that it is perfectly ok to not be happy all the time.  That and didn’t we just decide that deciding that a emotion was “Bad” and then Repressing it was a bad thing? :p

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 06:50:58 pm »
Yes.

However:
Perceived Life is at best only metaphor.
Normal life experience is to deny normal human experience.  Hehe

Yes Symbolic ritual is key.

No of course it isn’t.  The problem I find is the ritual has to really stimulate that demon, it can’t be too abstract or it wont work.  Or it doesn’t work for me.  But with any sleight of mind if you perform the ritual while thinking of that goal you have already failed.  

Anyway this:
("OH oH Lets stab ourselves in the throat and jump out the window!!”)

Isn’t a thought that occurs out of any desire for suicide at all… instead it is more like a part of my self that is deeply cynical and likes to tease the other aspects of myself with these silly commands.

Or am I simply denying my true desire even now?

It seems wrong to me to be deeply conflicted about weather or not you want to do something of this nature, but at the same time how else could you possibly be.

If a person never long for death even in a philosophical sense then wouldn’t they be overcome with fear of mortality… if a person never desired to live then they would … hehe be dead.

SO I am probably right where I want to be, on the teetertaughter.

But in the case of your friend who seems to have lost control of that balance… he would have to come up with a really good ritual.

I think mine would involve a bungi cord.

How about you?

On a side note.

“you didn't deal with your emotions”

Haha that is the problem in the first place!  The Crazed idea that (Bad) emotions are things that have to be dealt with. 

On a Side side side note
Any of you ever hear of a cult, “Foundation school” or something like that… What do you think of it if you have.  I think they have some pretty neat ritual…but wholly crap it’s expensive.

So far it seems to be over priced watered down Zen with a Kick of discord… which is a nice combo but I can get it for free.

13
Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 03:42:23 pm »
 :mrgreen:Apple talk would be fine!
47 posts before a good hazing.

I am DISAPPOINTED!

Yes Repressed Vs Expressed Emtion... but where i am really going is far far deeper then that, atleast i think so.
Or atleast i think it could be when drawn to the finel conculsion.

See throwing all of your monney away with the intent of being broke only to be constantly under seige by large gifts of cash.  Of course the Monney goddess is trickier then that and you would have to get over all of your hang ups and truely desire to be broke.

Let me Quote the book... Since i was basicaly asked too.

SLEIGHT OF MIND IN DEMONOLOGY A surprise addition. "Liber Boomerang"
A god ignored is a demon born.
Think you to hypertrophy some selves at the expense of others?
That which is denied gains power, and seeks strange and unexpected forms of manifestation.
Deny Death and other forms of Suicide will arise.
Deny Sex and bizzarre forms of its expression will torment you.
Deny Love and absurd sentimentalities will disable you.
Deny Aggression only to stare eventually at the bloody Knife in your shaking hand.
Deny honest Fear and Desire only to create senseless neuroticism and avarice.
Deny Laughter and the world laughs at you.
Deny Magic only to become a confused robot, inexplicable even unto yourself.

So with that said, and knowing that a demon is only a god acting out of turn: I had manifested this Mega-hate by trying to deny it in the first place.

What if I Attempt to deny love for the same person?  While expressing my loathing and thereby disgorging the demon I created… Would I fall madly in love with him?

In a more complex and more interesting serenio…

Let’s say I have a fear of being alone.  I do.  Like a good soldier I repress most of my weaknesses.
So my fear of being alone is a mega-demon in it’s own right.

Can I Liber Boomerang this?

How… First Express the fear and disgorge the demon…
Second, intentionally deny any desire I have to be alone?

Fear Rejection?
Fear Poverty?
Repressing the nagging desire to kill your self?

Repressing the nagging desire to kill your self is another of my favorite hang ups.  Completely out of the blue my mind will say, “OH oH Lets stab ourselves in the throat and jump out the window!!”

“Shut UP you moron I am watching TV.”

So Now I have Denied that.
Which is why it wont go away!
So how do you express a suicidal erge without, well causing permanent damage.

That would be some serious sleight of mind.

Pyritru... No I make a rule never to name a self something that the other selves can't pronounce... it makes them unhappy.  And then they tease the self with the funny name.

I am:
carmen
ishondra
julia
rose
lady
terretiz
maggotshield
and many others.

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Literate Chaotic / Re: I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 05:41:26 am »
 :argh!:

I posted that in the wrong place.

I am SUCH a noob.

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Literate Chaotic / I think I just Liber Boomeranged in my pants
« on: November 29, 2007, 05:38:17 am »
I am re-reading Liber Kaos... I haven't read it since college and that was when it was called The Phyconomicon... and had all the Math.

Anyway

It has reminded me painfully of that Oh So simple truth of Liber Boomerang.  In it has been a while for you it is the effect of creating whatever you struggle against.
"deny aggression to find the bloody knife shaking in your hand."

So with that in mind: I simply can't let go of how much I hate a particular person, Because I have been er Ashamed of how much I didn't like them in the first place (that is a fucked up little place to be by the way.)... that struggle has in turn caused me to Violently loath them more then I have ever loathed anyone in my life, (which is both Annoying and Highly educational).  I have created a Mega-Demon of hatred.  And the only way to escape it is to express it.

Which is why while passing his jeep this evening I paused to spit a giant loogy onto his window.

I am not proud. :oops:

But I do feel better.  :D  Just thinking of him scraping my frozen lung snot off of his passenger side door the entire time thinking... Who the fuck spat on my car!  Having held in my hate like a fart he would never expect me.  This is by the way the most ridiculously stupid childish thing that I have done in a long time.  (See how repressed I am!  How did I let this happen! :sad:)

And... the best part is for the first time in MONTHS I can think about this guy without feeling intense anger.

So I am working on other things to take full advantage of this method of Sleight of mind...

I was wondering if anyone else has played with it, and if so what was the "goal"... what was your result?

I have also been thinking about thinking of myself as a conglomeration of beings... which is different from Buddhism where you spend most of your time thinking of yourself as an illusion (no not illusion... but you know the theory)... I used to look in the mirror and think, MY GOD!! I AM!  It is frightening to suddenly realize that you are a SINGLE flesh and blood person, I would rather be everything and everyone present in the room.  Of course that is just an illusion too.  Flesh and blood person, sure Single ha ya not ever.

So has anyone else frightened themselves by looking in the mirror and remembering what they are supposed to think of themselves as... or am I nutty?  Or look in the mirror and remember that you exist.  oh that is a eye opener.

Well... I read the Noobs please read post.   So tell me what a stupid fuck hole i am. I know you arn't impressed i know i just waisted your time, i know i have huge and distracting boobs that you can't see but you KNOW are there pressed up against...  err

What I mean to say is...

I mean Let the Hazing begin!

My Masochistic personality is rising to the surface as I type excitedly awaiting you verbal abuse!


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