I am re-reading Liber Kaos... I haven't read it since college and that was when it was called The Phyconomicon... and had all the Math.
Anyway
It has reminded me painfully of that Oh So simple truth of Liber Boomerang. In it has been a while for you it is the effect of creating whatever you struggle against.
"deny aggression to find the bloody knife shaking in your hand."
So with that in mind: I simply can't let go of how much I hate a particular person, Because I have been er Ashamed of how much I didn't like them in the first place (that is a fucked up little place to be by the way.)... that struggle has in turn caused me to Violently loath them more then I have ever loathed anyone in my life, (which is both Annoying and Highly educational). I have created a Mega-Demon of hatred. And the only way to escape it is to express it.
Which is why while passing his jeep this evening I paused to spit a giant loogy onto his window.
I am not proud.
But I do feel better.
Just thinking of him scraping my frozen lung snot off of his passenger side door the entire time thinking... Who the fuck spat on my car! Having held in my hate like a fart he would never expect me. This is by the way the most ridiculously stupid childish thing that I have done in a long time. (See how repressed I am! How did I let this happen! 
)
And... the best part is for the first time in MONTHS I can think about this guy without feeling intense anger.
So I am working on other things to take full advantage of this method of Sleight of mind...
I was wondering if anyone else has played with it, and if so what was the "goal"... what was your result?
I have also been thinking about thinking of myself as a conglomeration of beings... which is different from Buddhism where you spend most of your time thinking of yourself as an illusion (no not illusion... but you know the theory)... I used to look in the mirror and think, MY GOD!! I AM! It is frightening to suddenly realize that you are a SINGLE flesh and blood person, I would rather be everything and everyone present in the room. Of course that is just an illusion too. Flesh and blood person, sure Single ha ya not ever.
So has anyone else frightened themselves by looking in the mirror and remembering what they are supposed to think of themselves as... or am I nutty? Or look in the mirror and remember that you exist. oh that is a eye opener.
Well... I read the Noobs please read post. So tell me what a stupid fuck hole i am. I know you arn't impressed i know i just waisted your time, i know i have huge and distracting boobs that you can't see but you KNOW are there pressed up against... err
What I mean to say is...
I mean Let the Hazing begin!
My Masochistic personality is rising to the surface as I type excitedly awaiting you verbal abuse!
Anyway
It has reminded me painfully of that Oh So simple truth of Liber Boomerang. In it has been a while for you it is the effect of creating whatever you struggle against.
"deny aggression to find the bloody knife shaking in your hand."
So with that in mind: I simply can't let go of how much I hate a particular person, Because I have been er Ashamed of how much I didn't like them in the first place (that is a fucked up little place to be by the way.)... that struggle has in turn caused me to Violently loath them more then I have ever loathed anyone in my life, (which is both Annoying and Highly educational). I have created a Mega-Demon of hatred. And the only way to escape it is to express it.
Which is why while passing his jeep this evening I paused to spit a giant loogy onto his window.
I am not proud.
But I do feel better.
Just thinking of him scraping my frozen lung snot off of his passenger side door the entire time thinking... Who the fuck spat on my car! Having held in my hate like a fart he would never expect me. This is by the way the most ridiculously stupid childish thing that I have done in a long time. (See how repressed I am! How did I let this happen! )And... the best part is for the first time in MONTHS I can think about this guy without feeling intense anger.
So I am working on other things to take full advantage of this method of Sleight of mind...
I was wondering if anyone else has played with it, and if so what was the "goal"... what was your result?
I have also been thinking about thinking of myself as a conglomeration of beings... which is different from Buddhism where you spend most of your time thinking of yourself as an illusion (no not illusion... but you know the theory)... I used to look in the mirror and think, MY GOD!! I AM! It is frightening to suddenly realize that you are a SINGLE flesh and blood person, I would rather be everything and everyone present in the room. Of course that is just an illusion too. Flesh and blood person, sure Single ha ya not ever.
So has anyone else frightened themselves by looking in the mirror and remembering what they are supposed to think of themselves as... or am I nutty? Or look in the mirror and remember that you exist. oh that is a eye opener.
Well... I read the Noobs please read post. So tell me what a stupid fuck hole i am. I know you arn't impressed i know i just waisted your time, i know i have huge and distracting boobs that you can't see but you KNOW are there pressed up against... err
What I mean to say is...
I mean Let the Hazing begin!
My Masochistic personality is rising to the surface as I type excitedly awaiting you verbal abuse!