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Topics - Suu

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Melanie's Marvelous Measles!!!

Melanie’s Marvelous Measles is a book written by Stephanie Messenger who has devoted her life to educating people about vaccines and natural health choices. This book takes children on a journey to learn about vaccinations for childhood illnesses, like measles and chicken pox.

Or Kill Me / One Millennial's Experience of a Lifetime.
« on: June 05, 2014, 01:42:08 pm »
(Warning: I spewed this on Facebook in response to the graduation from every grade bullshit. This is what happened, with no coffee.)

Preschool is arguably cute. The kid has no idea what's going on and its 99% for the parents. But when you get into grade school, and you have these step-up ceremonies, what are you teaching your kids? My brother had to repeat 2nd grade, what happens to him? Oh wait, nothing, because of NCLB. You're making these kids entitled, til when they get into middle school, and realize they aren't getting a cookie for advancing to 7th grade, and they're surrounded by kids with uncontrollable hormone changes and the like becoming little balls of hate rage. I know this, I was a little ball of hate rage in middle school, and suddenly there's no more pats on the back or smiley face stickers when you get a C on the math test. Now it's referrals to the office when you blow a fit, and detention, and your parents coming in to yell at the teacher for giving their special snowflake a C in math.

Then finally, they're rewarded with an 8th grade graduation, ya fucking hoo, you got out of the bootcamp that is middle school and we're throwing you into the lion's den.

Now it's no longer a cookie at the end of the year, it's a, "You need to pass or you don't get into college or do anything when you grow up." The pressure is on. Life isn't fun anymore, the kids are mean, you've been rewarded with everything up until now and then suddenly it's all on you. All those trophies they gave you for showing up to soccer don't mean a thing when you try out for the school team and don't make it, because you suck, but you've been told your entire life that you're a WINNER and YOU ARE A STAR! Suddenly, your parents can't help you anymore, the coach laughs in their face when they go to fight for your slot on the soccer team. You're not doing so hot in Algebra 2, which is a requirement for graduation, but you don't ask for help, assuming that your ingrained entitlement will save you. Your parents bitch, but there's nothing they can do, and you're put into remedial math classes to help, which slows down your progress toward a college-ready diploma, and your guidance counselor keeps shoving this in your face. "GET INTO COLLEGE."

That's all she cares about, because it's a statistic. You begin to wonder if college isn't really for you, but you apply and apply, because you were told to do so, and aren't accepted into any of them but the local expensive tech school and the University of Phoenix online, both of which tell you that you need to pay with every student loan you are eligible for or they can't accept you. Frantic, you sign your life away on Promissory Notes and finally walk across the stage. Your parents are so happy, you graduated high school and got into "college." They're telling all of their friends of your great accomplishments, and you seem to coast through whatever online class Phoenix throws at you, because they're designed to be easy so they keep getting more of your money.

In 4 years you have to fly out to Arizona, on your own dime, to walk across the stage or they won't give you your diploma. So you do that, your parents fronting the bill because DIPLOMA TIME AGAIN, and you walk and you get that expensive piece of paper so you can be qualified to work, so you start applying for jobs, because these loans are expensive and you have to pay them off. Unfortunately, a lot of places aren't sure about your degree's accreditation, and continue to pass over your application for others from viable institutions. This depresses you, and you sit at home, your mother comforting you.

Finally, you get a call back, it's a retail position, but it's SOMETHING to "hold you over" until the big one hits, you tell yourself. So you stop applying for other jobs, and just work...for 2 years at minimum wage, with tiny raises here and there to help offset the cost of living, but you're still living at home, because your loans are killing you. You're already behind on payments, and your credit rating is shot, so you can't get a car, or an apartment, not that you could afford one anyway at your meager wages and loan payments. Your parents are getting frustrated, and you know you need to do better. Finally, after 2 years, your boss promotes you to assistant manager. It comes with a raise to $11 an hour, and you immediately become super excited, YOU DID IT!

The next day, you expect to come into work to cake and a party and a ceremony to "step up" to assistant manager, but instead, you find a new set of keys and a stack of paperwork, oh, and one of the employees that was caught stealing from the register. You need to figure this out, you're told, because the manager is playing in a golf tournament today. Holding back tears that you weren't rewarded for your great accomplishment, you perform your duties as requested. Then on the way home, you stop by the gun shop, because you'll show them what you deserve, rightfully! Unfortunately, your credit is too bad to purchase an AR-15, and the tears in your eyes tell the clerk that you probably shouldn't be filling out the forms for a background check right now, anyway.

So you go home, and your mother comforts you again.

Welcome to the American Dream, Special Snowflake.

TL,DR: This is how my mind works on half a cup of coffee 30mins after I wake up.

Somebody took the "Dark Dungeons" Chick Tract, got the rights, and FILMED THE FUCKER.

 :fap: :fap: :fap: :fap: :fap:

For those that have never read the win:

...because it's covered by a libertarian site.

But my favorite part was when the police were called.  :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Apple Talk / Jews ordered to register in East Ukraine?
« on: April 17, 2014, 03:31:04 pm »

Apple Talk / Chicago Spags, need advice.
« on: April 16, 2014, 06:41:53 pm »
I'm going to be laid over in Chicago twice on my train ride, each for about 6 hours give or take train delays. I've never been to Chicago, and I'm allowed to check my bag and take in what I can in the area. I know the Building Formerly Known As The Sears Tower isn't far from Union Station, but other than that, I have no idea. I'm open to suggestions, bearing these tidbits in mind:

-I'm on a budget, think college travel budget.
-I'm on a diet, but I may have to splurge for a proper piece of deep dish.
-I'm on a schedule.

I hear that Union Station is an impressive piece of architecture from the days of old school rail travel, so I anticipate to be spending some time just wandering around inside, because that's what I do. But I definitely want to get out and walk around the city for what it's worth. My first layover is next Thursday from about 8:45am to 3pm, and my second layover is Monday the 28th from 3:15pm-9:30pm.

Or Kill Me / Eat my fucking gravy.
« on: April 16, 2014, 02:45:51 am »
(copypasta'd from Open Bar du jour)

Apparently I offended people on the Facebook today.

They got offended that I swore like a sailor on one of my SCA groups, so they said it was unfitting a woman of my education to speak such a way, and that I should try harder with a dictionary and thesaurus. So I responded in Latin, and I was called a child-like bitch and blocked.  :? I even used a dictionary!

I'm offended so many fucking people get offended by me.

No wait, no I'm not, I'm happy, because if you can't handle my extra special rants about seams on a fucking corset, you're not cool enough to be my friend, goddamnit. I've been behaving lately, really, I have, because some folks have found my anger a bit harsh and have asked me to keep things cool, and I have. Really. I started this whole mellow thing of being mellow and taking deep breaths and yoga stretches and shit, and all it does it make me extra flexible with extra hate to go around.

Goddamnit, fuck your goddamn request. Who the fuck are people to come on my goddamn cyber front lawn and picket my anger? What the fuck is this shit? The goddamn Westboro Fucktard Church of Bad Reenactors? Eat shit and die, poseurs, you're talking to the goddamn industry professional. Somebody gave me fucking DIPLOMAS in this shit so I can tell you you're wrong and be okay with it, I mean, I would have been okay with it anyway, but expensive pieces of goddamn paper are like more street cred. Bonus if I can make those cool Chinese throwing stars around it.  And then you have the fucking balls to call me a goddamn child after saying I needed to act more educated AND I DID. Latin ain't dead, that shit is immortal, and I just proved your point.

This shit always reminds me of Maria's Art of the Brag, because my goddamn ovaries DO shoot motherfucking ball bearings, and I LIKE IT. I like being on top of the goddamn food chain as one of the educated ones, and still be able to throw an F-bomb on the table like it's a goddamn Sunday pot roast, that's what. Eat it. EAT THAT, WITH MY SPECIAL GRAVY OF DISDAIN AND CHASTISEMENT, because every time you try to knock me down a peg, all I do is let that shit sit a bit until I remember I'm fucking awesome at what I do. And if I want to call a friend of mine a pussy because we joke all the goddamn time, I can do so, in English or Latin, and you can kiss my shiny Classicist ass.

No, this ain't no special fucking rant about anything deep, all it is, is a reassurance, that even though I cry sometimes, and I fuck up, because I'm a goddamn human, that's exactly why, because I AM a goddamn human being, and I'm good at it. Be awesome at your own humanity, and I'll be awesome at mine, just eat my fucking gravy first.

Apple Talk / The Hipster Hobby Generator
« on: April 07, 2014, 05:48:13 pm »
Because we need more wastes of time on the internet.

On the first click, I got, "Underground gnome garden, inspired by something you heard on NPR."


« on: March 26, 2014, 11:48:23 pm »
I just had a sewing machine needle fly right for my FUCKING FACE. AGAIN. Fortunately, I was wearing safety glasses this time as I've been known to get a little hardcore. Ask Richter, I accidentally his crotch last workshop day. With Luna's machine.

Apple Talk / Roger goes to Providence, and this shit happens.
« on: March 17, 2014, 11:37:46 pm »

Somebody put a dead seal with a "Free Seal" sign in front of a house.

I wish I could make this madness up, but it made NATIONAL FUCKING NEWS IN FLORIDA.


WTG, Providence, you've out Florida'd Florida. All of my friends here are now like, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE UP THERE?!"

Discordian Recipes / Suu's Soap Making Adventure.
« on: February 26, 2014, 03:21:25 pm »
So we do these little medieval craft swap thingies in my local group twice a year. So far I've made some clothing (duh,) drink syrups, and painted an icon in return for a lovely handcrafted wooden box with my coat of arms on it, some Roman-style jewelry, and a fantastic Byzantine hat. This round appears to be trickier, since it has a theme, spring or camping. I picked camping, but the recipient of my gift picked spring, and she likes the 16th Century and "useful things." Well, nothing screams more medieval and useful in the spring than stuff you need for your annual bath.  :lulz:

(Trufax: They bathed more than once a year. More like once a month in the winter and once a week or more in the summer.)

Contrary to popular belief, soap was known to exist for a while, and although the Romans were aware of the cleansing properties of using oils to deter dirt from the skin and pores using a strigel, they washed wool with lye, good old fashioned sodium hydroxide, a natural byproduct of wood ash and rainwater, which is dozens times more caustic than baking soda. The lye reacted with the lanolin on the wool, and it got bubbly and low and behold, removed dirt. So prior to the 11th Century, some soaps, primarily used as laundry detergent not people detergent, because they didn't quite have the mix right and people were getting caustic burns...was made with tallow (lard) and lye. Sometime during the 11th/12th Century, the Spanish got smart and tried olive oil. This resulted in a gentler soap, and is still made today in the form of Castile soap, which I am about to try my hand at making. I'm also going to see if I can collect enough bacon grease to make soap that way also.

What I am about to achieve is 100% pure fucking SCIENCE. My measurements have to be pretty sharp. But first, I need something to scent the soap: Essential oil. I cannot legally distill my own oils, so I'm infusing olive oil with lavender for 12 days, replacing the flowers every 3 days per a document I found from the 1500s. I'm also going to make another batch to be used as a perfume, which I'm going to blend with water and grain alcohol.

So far, the fun stuff has been ordered.  :lulz: I should be able to make the soap next week. I found an Excel worksheet that does all the scary math for me, so all I need now are the ingredients and good food scale.

Here's my recipe:

32oz of Olive Oil
4oz of Lye
10oz of Water

I'm making a 2lb batch to start with, if in the event I fuck it up, it's not a real heavy loss of materials and I can start over. I'll make sure the husbandthing is home to take pictures of this, because I have a feeling it's going to be hysterical.

Apple Talk / Suu's unlimited moving thread.
« on: February 18, 2014, 01:09:18 pm »
Movers are here...short staffed. I have two semicompetent guys that seem to have gotten short staffed. They're miserable, and keep telling me it's not my fault. They weren't fucking kidding when they said that the Navy goes with the lowest bidder.

I can't make this shit up.

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) - There's another call to make Rhode Island-style calamari the Ocean State's official appetizer.

Rep. Joe McNamara said Wednesday that he's reintroducing the legislation, which he says honors one of Rhode Island's best dishes while highlighting its fishing industry.

Similar legislation passed the House last year but died in the Senate. This year, McNamara's bill has a Senate sponsor, Sen. Susan Sosnowski, a South Kingstown Democrat.

McNamara, a Warwick Democrat, says the bill is an easy way to celebrate Rhode Island's fishing and restaurant industries. He says the state should be proud to have the largest squid fleet on the East Coast. The state's squid catch is shipped to all 50 states and around the world.

Rhode Island calamari consists of fresh squid, lightly fried and served with banana peppers.

This is what Luna, Richter, and myself pay taxes for, ladies and gents. Living in NH is going to be a breath of fresh not-stupid for a while.

« on: February 07, 2014, 07:37:43 pm »
Who will think of the children?!

Me, damnit. I don't usually buy Girl Scout Cookies, but when I do, I  fill my fucking freezer with thin mints and flip teabaggers the bird.


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