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Anyway, it's all over now, everyone can go back to not giving a shit about Scotland, Ignoring Wales and getting twitchy when those Irish fellas ask about their referendum.

This, totally. But what is a "Wale"?

Fizzy Pickles. Not sure if they've been invented yet, but they will be.

I'm thinking of that Judge Pickles. . . . James, was it?

So no more accidental pickle gobbling at all? 'Cisco Pickle can come out of hiding?

Well, as long as it was a freak accident . . . you can't have that shit happening like regular accidents. People will notice.

What happened to him then?

Yeah, I found my desire to follow Crossed waned pretty much when I began struggling to stay enthusiastic about any of it, except Si Spurrier's online epic Wish You Were Here. It's  by far and away the best arc, and closest to Ennis's original, twisted vision. WYWH delivered, every week with short, but quality serialisation, but it ended a few weeks ago. (good ending too) So I've been following Spurrier's other ongoing free online offering, Disenchanted, and I'm pleased to say it's up to his usual standard of complex, but followable plot driven Fairy (I know, right?) Shantytown shenanigans. It has the potential to become truly massive, and has growing wiki support so it looks like it's going to run and run. Avatar only have Disenchanted being serialised at the moment, but as a showcase for their stable of talent, their free webcomics are the Jewels in the Avatar Crown. Warren Ellis's FreakAngels is a staggeringly epic piece of literature, and beautifully drawn and painted by Paul Duffield, whose artwork I'd put up there next to Jacen Burrows. And Ellis seems to be able to manage long, epic Graphic novels with an ease and flair that's up there with Neil Gaiman easily. Grant Morrison is peerless when he's on form, but his consistency hits very flat spots, and his ability to tie all the loose ends up in a satisfactory ending is his obvious weak point (Invisibles) But I'm still a big fan of his work.

But Alan Moore is a comic book God. He's at least a generation older than  . . . . well, he must be older than Stan Lee was, maybe even  . . . well, his Methusalah like beard suggests well over 100 years, and he probably augments his vitality with mainlined Chaos Magick from some ancient Hebrew God he has trapped in a lead box somewhere. His stunning work on "From Hell" has me convinced he actually WAS Saucy Jack himself, how else would he know all that minute little details? If the Victorian Police who worked the (first ever forensic investigation any Police Squad) case were around today, they'd haul the old bastard in for some very serious questioning. But enough speculation, Moore practically invented the Graphic Novel format with "Watchmen", and set the bar so high that the only worthy peer competition was Gaiman's Sandman. He also took a well ropey Monster comic that no-one else wanted to bother with, because frankly, the whole thing was based around a walking, talking, depressed compost heap looking for revenge upon some hokey Frankenstienian Mad Professor, who's Niece he was in love with, and turned it into the flagship for any quality excercise in ret-conning old characters, "Swamp Thing". That was his opening into DC, and the American Comic Market, and the title ran and ran, outselling Batman, and Soops and making the other DC writers up their fucking game considerably. Then there's V for Vendetta, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Watchmen, Promethea, and the launch of DC's "Vertigo" titles on the back of "Watchmen" I think, because it was certainly aiming for a different demographic than DC was catering for at the time.

Vertigo paved the way for a whole wave of British writers and Artists that took America by storm really. Warren Ellis, Grant Morrison, Neil Gaiman, Jonathan Hickman, Brett Ewins, Mark Millar, Pete Milligan, Jamie Hewlett, Paul Cornell, And artists like Simon Bisley, Kevin McNiell, Bryan Talbot, Sean Philips, John MCcrea, the list really is endless. But more than anything, I think he inspired a whole generation of young British Talent, to write, write, write.

And before he even had a sniff at the American market, he was instrumental in the developement of 2000 AD, the benchmark for all those Brits who went across the pond, most of whom (Ellis being the main exception) had cut their teeth on Judge Dredd, Strontium Dogs, Slain, or ABC Warriors. Moore wrote some beautifully crafted serialised stuff for Fleetway and 2000AD like Halo Jones, Skizz, and lots of Dredd. But the most entertaining thing he's been involved in lately is his ongoing epic squabblefest with fellow Chaote and writer of no mean caliber, Grant "pass the anusol" Morrison. When interviewed, niether of them need much of a nudge in the other's direction to add some slow burning but long lasting fuel on the pyre of their Mage-Wars.

I'll drop this quote from Sci-Fi stalwart, Michael Moorcock,, regarding Morrison who in all fairness, DID start the whole bitchfest about derivitism or some such highbrow bollocks by being so fucking precious and sensitive, and continued to "not really give a shit" just as painfully for like, over 25 years now.  Anyway, Moore's friend, Michael Moorcock, on Grant Morrison.

  ~ "I've read the work of Grant Morrison twice. Once when I wrote it. Once when he wrote it."~ Shots fired!

(Moore and Moorcock have almost come to blows over which one of them Morrison has plagarised more over the years)

"The only bone of contention between me and Michael Moorcock is which of us Grant Morrison is ripping off the most. I say that it's Michael Moorcock, he says it's me. We've nearly come to blows over it, but I'm reluctant to let it go that far"

That's very prudent of you Alan. Moorcock may be 20 years older than you, but he's the size of a Grizzly Bear.

Moore, in July, 1990 ~ "The reason I haven't spoken about Grant Morrison generally ( ) is because I'm not very interested in him, and I don't really want to get involved with a writer of his calibre in some sort of squabble"  ~ Well, how's that coming along then Mr Moore? 

And a little something from the long winded and very erudite Gwant Mawissun on accusations (Not from Moore I hasten to add) he copied Moore's style to get an industry break in America.

Morrison ~ *clears throat* ~ "Doing my own approximation of the "in" style to get gigs on Marvel UK books was, I thought, a demonstration of my range, versatility and adaptability to trends, not the declaration of some singular influence it has subsequently been distorted into over four decades – mostly by Alan Moore and his supporters, in what can sometimes feel like a never-ending campaign to undermine my personal achievements and successes and to cast me, at all times, in a subsidiary role to the Master" 

Ouchy wowchy Grant, would you like some whine with that cheese?  What? there's more?

Morrison on Moorcock ~
~"On the basis of the "couple" of things of mine he claims to have read a long time ago, to insist that not only do I rip him off on a regular basis but his friend Michael Moorcock too? Can anyone tell me from which Michael Moorcock novels "Zenith" and "Animal Man" were plagiarized? (And if Moorcock made any complaints to DC in the '90s, I never heard about them."

"Not content with deliberately misinterpreting a mere ten pages of my fifteen hundred page comic series, Moorcock – this "sweet, sweet man" – continues to this day to jeer and spit abuse. Here's Alan Moore's mate Michael Moorcock"   

Morrison quoting Moorcock, on Morrison  ~ "As far as I'm concerned my image of Grant Morrison is of someone wearing a mask, a flat hat and a striped jersey and carrying a bag marked SWAG." ~

"Please Miss, Moorcock and Moore keep picking on me!" ~ Miss "Oh do sack up and stop whining Morrison, it's not very becoming. Now dry your eyes, blow your nose, and just ignore them."

""But . . but Miss!~ "MY practice of Chaos Magic during the 1980s and early '90s clearly played into Alan Moore's decision to declare himself a magician in 1993."! ~

Miss (probably Karen Berger) "I WON'T tell you again Morrison, you sound like a smug little Princess"

GM.~ "But it's just as plausible as Alan Moore's outlandish attempts to claim that my entire career rests on two stories he wrote 30 years ago!" *sniffs*

Miss Berger ~"Right, that's it, you're fired!" fuck off, and take that pile of shite "Gideon Stargrave" with you . . . send in the Ellis boy on your way out"

Additional quotes by "Miss Karen Berger "based entirely on speculation, and gleeful faux-spite towards Grant Morrison.

Whom I actually revere as a writer, admire as a Chaote and a Thelemite, but I'm buggered if I can follow that garbled Porridge wog patois he speaks with (And no doubt campaigns for the dissolution of the Union with) Probably got all his wedge invested nicely in North Sea Oil too . . . .

. . . . . Well you're not having it Scotland, We English found it, drilled it, and sold it to the fucking Ruskies and the Septics. You can pay $20 a gallon for the shit we import back from the Dutch.

Same as we do! And make no mistake me Boyo, we can still jump on any Terrorist / Republican sedition nonsense, just as hard as Longshanks or Good King Billy ever did!

SO, if you all vote "Yes" we're putting a 60% Export duty on Buckfast, just because we can! Can? Cans of Tennant's Super are to be rescheduled as a Class A Drug South of the Border, so you can keep the "oul Purple Can" to yourselves. And Irn Bru. (We only used to ever use it as Screenwash anyway . . . )

You can still have the concession for selling "Lucky Heather" to the Gyppos, and we'll make sure the EU still buy all your cheap, blended Scotch. Malt Whisky however, can now only be sold through the Royal Franchise of  "The Duchy of Cornwall Ltd" now. Got it? We'll send Harry Hewitt up with the details on Friday, if you're not still in The Union . . . Got that?  . . . . .


Wow, where did all that come from? Must be some Nationalistic Jingoism left from my WWI You tube comments thread,where I've been roundly bashing Septics, Belgians, Prussions Serbs and of course, the fucking French for  . . .well, over 2 years longer than WW1 actually lasted now.

Apologies to any Scotsmen I may have inadvertently abused, offended, or outraged with that dyspeptic little outburst, especially my man Pent the Gent, probably paddling covertly round the Border Coastline like a pent up pissed off Armada of paddling Tartan Terror representing the possible magnitude of what could quite credibly become The Scottish Navy's S.B.S. Or even the Whole Scot's Sea Defence deployment

Who needs English Trident equipped Nuclear Subs, when you have Pent paddling a Claymore equipped Tartan Kayak around Scapa Flow  In fact, I can see Denmark and Norway stepping up their own Sea Defences on the strength of that alone. I seem to have wandered a little bit off topic, but it's the vote today. And you know what? No-one in England really gives much of a fuck either way. Props if you boot the Westminster Crew to the kerb, it'll be worth it, if only to watch Cameron Baaaw and bleat like the little pissy panted bitch he is. It'll leave his coalition of Cawksukkin Cunts completely rekt, and what with a General Erection just around the corner too. I can see Boris leading the Tories this time. Like a Giant, Albimo Downs syndrome kid with ADHD and pockets full of Ritalin. Yet another Bullington Bastard at the Helm. Unless something awfully loud and "splodey happens in the House of Commons in the meantime. Metaphorical my scratchy English arse, I mean Semtex. Shape Charge. Big Dirty Barrels of six inch nails, tipped with depleted uranium, and radioactive ball bearings. And if anything does happen, It wont be the Muzzies, it will be the disgruntled Militant tech savvy "Phones 4 you" Crew, with backing from the redundant Lib Dem Shadow Cabinet. Who now have a Liberal Party reduced back down to the popularity they had under Jeremy Thorpe. The Dog murdering little Iron. Norman Scott, thy poor dead Labrador art avenged. OK, I'm done for now, I have to go and hunt down a Doner Kebab and a four pack of Stella Artois. Bye fer nao! 

Heads up for any Crossed fans, Alan Moore is to write a new Crossed arc, for reals.

Here's a couple from my favourite post modernist Poet Bob Calvert. Similar I suupose, to Adrian Henri, less bleak perhaps, but with a rare flow, seemingly very loose and freestyle, but deceptively, it's as precise as Iambic pentameter. Enjoy.

Wage War

I would see the city as a mutant among the wonders of the world.
It's chimneys polluting the air.
Its roots poisoning the earth.
It's tentacles setting one man against another
and strangling them both in their hopeless contest.

I would map the cities' highways and tunnels and bridges,
its subways and canals, its neighbourhoods adorned by beautiful homes
filled with priceless objects, rare libraries, and fine rooms.

Its clever networks of pipes and cables and wires under the streets.
Its Police departments and communication stations.
Its hospitals, churches, and temples.
Its administrative buildings crowded with overworked computers,
telephones, and servile clerks.

Then I would wage war against this city as if it were a living body. I would welcome the night - sister of my skin, cousin of my shadow, and have her shelter me and help me in my battle.

I would lift the steel lids from the brothers and drop explosives to the black factories
and then I would run away and hide, waiting for the thunder which would trap, in mute telephone wires,
millions of unheard words.
Which would darken rooms full of white light and fearful people.

I would wait for the midnight storm which whips the streets and blurs all shapes
and I would hold my knife against the back of a doorman,
yawning in his gold braided uniform, and force him to lead me upstairs
where I would plunge my knife into his body.

I would visit the rich, and the comfortable, and the un-aware,
and their last screams would suffocate in their ornate curtains,
or tapestries and priceless carpets.
Their dead bodies pinned down by broken statues
would be gazed upon by slashed family portraits.

Then I would run to the highways and speedways that surge forward towards the city.
I would have with me bags full of bent nails to empty on the asphalt.
I would wait for the dawn to see cars, trucks, buses
approaching at great speed and hear the bursting of their tyres,
the screech of their wheels, the thunder of their steel bodies
suddenly growing weak as they crash into each other,
like wine glasses pushed off a table.

And in the morning I would go to sleep,
smiling in the face of the day,
the brother of my enemy.

-------------------------------------
It's the last three lines that really make this piece for me. ^^

And . . . .

Frog God

On a hard night of rain the road was full
Of glaring eyes alive in the headlights.
I thought of demons as I slowed.
Winding the window down, I saw them all
Blindly staring; rows of frogs with their throats
Fizzling song. The green digits glowed
Like ghosts on the dashboard; the cassette played

A Bartok string quartet. I turned it down
And heard the rain`s deep drum on the bonnet.
The wipers were on slow and ticked
Like an instrument payload on the moon.
These bags of bone are scaled lemmings, when it
Rains like this you find they have treked
Into the headlights´ tunnel and are blocked

Up inside their falling walls of brightness.
Not long before they were pupils gazing
From the complex vision of spawn -
Now, in all this dark and rain, they are eyes
Again: targets threaded out on a string
To face a double - barreled dawn.
I wondered how many my wheels had mown

As I got out of the car, taking care
Not to tread on any of these soft buddhas.
I herded them back to the mud -
To who on earth knows what jaws lurking there,
Then, with the feeling perhaps a god has,
Knowing his motives to be good,
I got back in the car and hit the road.
---------------------------------

He died of a heart attack in 1988, but last year, his son published a whole load of previously unreleased material, so if you likie him, more can be found here.
http://www.aural-innovations.com/robertcalvert/calvertbio/calvertbio.htm

Thank me later:
http://www.mrwiggleslovesyou.com/archive/1/

eta- NSFW

Fucking appalling. I don't think I've ever seen such a blatantly perverse and twisted portrayal of a Teddy Bear. Pedobear has nothing on this monstrosity. I loved it. 

Badbeast - Lay your hands on the bloodlines run ASAP. It's right up your proverbial. 

Wow yeah, that was a really compelling read, and added a much needed sense of depth and gravitas to the whole "Crossed" thing. But I wouldn't expect any less from Garth Ennis, especially as the whole franchise is his baby. Ennis is well known for his disdain for politicians, but despite this, I think he portrayed Gordon Brown with an exceptional amount of sensitivity and pathos. It would have been easy for him to show Brown as the bumbling insensitive idiot that the popular press would have us believe he is, but no. Ennis is better than that. In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd say he was getting soft in his old age. But he shows him in a rather complimentary light, being able to make the hard decisions, from a morally anguished point of view. And true to form, Ennis made sure Brown "got it" in the end.  A thoroughly enjoyable read.

How did we miss this one?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Denning 

I've never heard of him, but that's probably why he's been lower profile than other Operation Yewtree catches. He hasn't worked for the BBC since 1969, but he still worked there, so were he to be overlooked, it might reflect badly on the BBC.

However, he's hardly been "low profile" in Europe, judging by his conviction history. And he seems to be connected to other "less famous" paedos like Tam Paton, as well as people like Jonathan King, Gary Glitter, and (at least half of) The Bay City Rollers. He's got quite a rap sheet, seeing as he's spent thirty years in Prison though. Doen't look like he'll be getting out anytime soon either. 

Also, "Gave it the benefit of the 'bad joke' doubt, just this once" Cheeky cunt.

Yeah, I don't usually bump old threads, but seeing as how I got the link in here from Telarus, I thought I'd make an exception. Oglaf is funny in all the right places. (And some of the "wrong" ones too)

On an only slightly related note, (I don't mind my threads wandering anyway) Since wywh finished, I've been reading Si Spurriers other Avatar online comic "Disenchanted"

http://www.disenchantedcomic.com/webcomic/1/

A worthy enough comic, with lots of potential. But in the Avatar Whitechapel forums, I just got a bollocking from Spurrier for this. (Not that offensive, surely? And relevant to the story)


Then followed this


Then, a whole week after it was posted, Spurrier, (Horrible warning Si, who is admin on the site  ) decided I needed to edit it, because he didn't think it was very funny.



I almost pushed the point and said "I didn't think your first episode of wywh very funny when you had a Crossed fucking a dying Dolphin in the blowhole" but I didn't. (It would have been a lie anyway, I thought it was hilarious) Still, a bit oversensitive for a man who writes gratuitous rapezombie comics for a living.

Nearly spoiled my whole morning, but I'm over it now.