Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Two vast and trunkless legs of stone => Topic started by: navkat on March 05, 2013, 01:49:22 AM

Title: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: navkat on March 05, 2013, 01:49:22 AM
Or, as my friend Cedric in New Orleans put it: "This is pants-on-head stupid."

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/argument-against-gay-marriage-california-hinges-accidental-pregnancies-095158941--election.html

QuoteIn a brief filed with the Supreme Court last week, the Obama administration slammed the unusual legal argument now key in the movement against gay marriage: that gay couples cannot become accidentally pregnant and thus do not need access to marriage.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 05, 2013, 01:55:03 AM
Well, that settles it.  We'll have to go annul the marriages of everyone who hasn't got kids.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 05, 2013, 01:58:17 AM
Oh no, does that mean that since I had a hysterectomy, I can't get married? :(
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: navkat on March 05, 2013, 01:58:32 AM
Already done. What God hath joined, no man shall put asunder...unless the State gets an injunction and dissolves it retroactively. You know, because God made a mistake.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 05, 2013, 02:02:21 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 05, 2013, 01:58:17 AM
Oh no, does that mean that since I had a hysterectomy, I can't get married? :(

Yep.  I went to the man with the laser in 1998.  All of my marriages have been farces because of this.  The sanctity of ALL BUT ONE OF THEM is ROONT.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: navkat on March 05, 2013, 02:10:45 AM
The Lord spoke to my heart about this. I mean, I prayed on it all night and He said to me, he says "Juniper (that's His pet name for me), Juniper, you have a callin'. I'm tellin' you that you need to keep my word on earth. I do NOT WANT ladies marrying ladies and men marrying men. I'm getting really tired of being forced into sending blessings down and joining these people in Holy Matrimony because you haven't got this under control yet. This needs to stop. My magical union-dust is supposed to be reserved for ONE man and ONE woman. If you keep on letting this go on, there won't be any marriage-dust left for the straight people who NEED it."

So I'm sorry but He, in His most merciful wisdom is TELLIN' us what to do and we're just not LISTENIN'. He's warnin' us of Things To Come and we're not gonna like it if we disobey.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 05, 2013, 02:25:28 AM
Quote from: navkat on March 05, 2013, 01:58:32 AM
Already done. What God hath joined, no man shall put asunder...unless the State gets an injunction and dissolves it retroactively. You know, because God made a mistake.

If I find out here's an afterlife and I'm married to my first husband FOR ALL ETERNITY in it, I will kill a motherfucker.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: navkat on March 05, 2013, 02:31:26 AM
It's okay because He also stated what man has bound on earth is also bound in heaven and vise-versa. So basically, we can do whatever we want and God has to bless that shit.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 05, 2013, 02:34:15 AM
Quote from: navkat on March 05, 2013, 02:31:26 AM
It's okay because He also stated what man has bound on earth is also bound in heaven and vise-versa. So basically, we can do whatever we want and God has to bless that shit.

SWEET. I'm going to use that to go get gay-married.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: navkat on March 05, 2013, 02:50:53 AM
WAIT! That's not...YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: McGrupp on March 05, 2013, 04:10:00 AM
Well, first Leviticus and now this, Case closed.

I noticed on the side one of the articles you can link to is entitled are Americans getting smarter
http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/americans-getting-smarter-143840511.html

No, no we are not, but we are getting better at taking tests apparently.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on March 05, 2013, 04:33:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 05, 2013, 01:55:03 AM
Well, that settles it.  We'll have to go annul the marriages of everyone who hasn't got kids.

And everybody who CAN'T have kids. Like old people.

OMFG NANCY REAGAN WAS LIVING IN SIN FOR DECADES
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 05, 2013, 07:05:55 AM
Quote from: McGrupp on March 05, 2013, 04:10:00 AM
Well, first Leviticus and now this, Case closed.

I noticed on the side one of the articles you can link to is entitled are Americans getting smarter
http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/americans-getting-smarter-143840511.html

No, no we are not, but we are getting better at taking tests apparently.

Actually, we do seem to have gotten significantly smarter, and it is now leveling off. I'll give you three guesses at what the increase in average IQ scores is related to.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Bruno on March 05, 2013, 10:18:40 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 05, 2013, 07:05:55 AM
Quote from: McGrupp on March 05, 2013, 04:10:00 AM
Well, first Leviticus and now this, Case closed.

I noticed on the side one of the articles you can link to is entitled are Americans getting smarter
http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/americans-getting-smarter-143840511.html

No, no we are not, but we are getting better at taking tests apparently.

Actually, we do seem to have gotten significantly smarter, and it is now leveling off. I'll give you three guesses at what the increase in average IQ scores is related to.

Getting rid of leaded gasoline?
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on March 05, 2013, 11:32:37 AM
Making the testing centres really hard to find?
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 05, 2013, 02:23:10 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on March 05, 2013, 11:32:37 AM
Making the testing centres really hard to find?

:lulz:
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on March 05, 2013, 03:51:13 PM
Interbutts?

Yeah, it's 99% derp, but it beats teevee.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: Jez on March 05, 2013, 06:33:21 PM
First we make access to birth control difficult in as many ways as we can without being so obvious as to make the average person care, then we scream about how marriage is necessary because straight people can't keep their genitals in check.  Makes sense to me.
Title: Re: Oh yeah, THAT's why you don't need to get married: y'all can't get pregnant DUH!
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on March 05, 2013, 06:37:48 PM
Quote from: Jez on March 05, 2013, 06:33:21 PM
First we make access to birth control difficult in as many ways as we can without being so obvious as to make the average person care, then we scream about how marriage is necessary because straight people can't keep their genitals in check.  Makes sense to me.

The wheels are in motion to effectively BAN the pill (and all other means of female-employed BC) in AZ.

And then our politicians makes noises about "If Those People insist on having loads of kids, how can the taxpayers1 be responsible for them?"

The implied message, of course, is "CLOSE THOSE LEGS, YOU FILTHY SLUTS".



1 "Taxpayer" in Arizona is code for "those people to whom I give sweetheart deals, with the money we said we'd use on roads and schools".