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So. I'm sitting here, as I always do these days, stewing in my own juices (basting if you will). Smoking cigarettes, drinking all the booze in the house, yes even the girly-girl ones. I think a bit, maybe that should be 'regret' a bit, about the last couple years, then the last decade. Hell, I say, why not my whole damn life.

People I've known, and let down, or who let me down. Oppurtunities squandered. T.V. shows I missed.

The last six months in fact, I haven't even DONE anything. Except run away, retreating into an ever tighter corner. At times its easy to make myself believe that I achieved something by fucking up. At times I can even make myself believe that continuing to do nothing about it is a Good Thing.

I owe things to people who can't find me. Money, Goodbyes, Explanations.

Political ideologies, religious mantras, 'common sense'. I used to think I was clever, I used to think I was smart, but I really am no more than a cabbage. No, worse, I'm a toy. A clockwork one wound up by my own hand, to amuse others. To glimpse my reflection in the McBurgerHut window and amuse myself with my antics and tomfoolery. And every day, with my first cigarette, and putting on my glasses, just before I go for a piss, I wind up the spring again.

See him chatter, roll around and stumble!

It says no user servicable parts in raised letters, next to the poorly manufactured tin key on my back. But maybe thats a lie.

So one day, I stumble onto a website, well off my beaten track of boring, inane subjects. I read a funny little book written by a couple stoners. I find it amusing, given that as a semi-ex stoner stoner, I always have a weakness for people who write shit when they're out of their faces. O.K. That was fun.

I follow the trail to a disturbing little forum, well removed from the coiffured, primped little holes I usually find myself in. This place is seriously strange. Bizzarre names and avatars, and scary posts. I read another little book, not so funny, inviting me to a jailbreak.

O.K. the toy has been busted out of its box now. I just need to find a way out of the toy. Suck it up man, cause this is really going to hurt...

A "young father of one" was shot'n'killed here recently. The shooterists defence was that he didnt know the gun was loaded, and was only trying to scare him. Of course the shootererist had already stabbed the guy in the chest....

In the UK, very few people have guns. Only (mostly) farmers tend to have them. For shooting at rampging death squads of mutinous foxes I imagine.

The cops don not carry guns, unless they are guarding somewhere very important, like the prime ministers ass, or suchlike (you catch my meaning).

However, this does mean that its very rare that shootings take place.

In london a little while ago, there was a spate of killings related to gun crime, and that was national news for weeks. The total number of deaths could be counted by the fingers of two hands.

I will perhaps look up some statistics to back up what i say, or totally shoot down my argument. We'll see.

However, in conclusion, I think that the right to bear arms automatically morphs (in some peoples heads) as the right to use arms.


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EdIt:

From http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs06/hosb0206.pdf

In England and Wales of the UK in 2004/2006 there were in total 10,964 recorded crimes involving firearms, of these 1/5 resulted in some kind of injury and only 1/40 resulted in death.

Im sure you have access to better statistics for the US, as you know where to find them.

Also these figures do not include those killed "legitimately" by our government such as Jean Charles de Menezes, they guy who was shot in the head on the london underground by armed police, who suspected he was a terrorist.

I did a bit of research before i signed up in here. I read the threads pertaining to n00bs.

One analogy was some random desperate attention junky butting into your conversation at the boozer. I like this analogy, it makes perfect sense to me, cause its how I feel comin in here.

I'm not gonna do an ambassador Kaos and try to get involved or show how discordian I am. Im gonna use these first 50 posts to get my name known and ask pertinant questions. Then I'm gonna bone up on all the discussion had in the past by others more steeped in the lore than I.

Any contribution I could make just now would be dumbassed, or very much in the wrong forest, never mind the tree, so i'm gonna keep shutted up for now.

'''
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Meow

[hero]

you're my hero hunter.

Because it's YOU, I will try. I cannot make any promises, as the 'txtual spk' of the age seems to have rotted my previously "Proper English Language Bully" brain.

Hell I used to moan about apostrophes and all, now I'm trying to get my head around apostasy.

Meh.

The Gin and Dr. Pepper are now all gone. And I'm out of weed.

Hola!

Feel the need to stick my nose into this debate, even though no one here has said much to me, if at all... And Vice-Versa.

I am a complete newcomer, and yes, perhaps a condensed version of what this is about would be good. However I feel it more productive to trawl through all the earlier discussions and find out HOW this stuff was put together.

Of course, I have the time to do that, cause I am a total bum. Hell I've even raided the only booze/mixer in the place and sip merrily as i write this nonsense (gin? and dr. pepper? not recomended folks, unless ur {edit: you're} desperate)

Don't mean to step on any toes or stick my nose in, but let the ppl do their work.

P.S Cheers for the directions LMNO, I chose the path but u {edit: you}vaguely waved at it in a noncommital way...


{edit:  }

Pixels make square clouds
artistic temper tantrum
caused by sneezing paint

NT:snails

certified school yard chant, by the good folks of aberdeen, who know where its at.

Steven Payne went to spain,
in a chocolate aeroplane,
when he got back, his face was black,
this was the end of steven payne.

to be recited endlessly, with various orchestral sections. in place of percussion, a healthy kick to the kidneys will suffice.

meh! bother me not with this pocket calculator stuff.

Oh, and by the way.  Welcome Mr. Payne.  Pardon the lame funny.  Deadline pressure and all that.  

quite all right old chap, pressure gets to us all 

The extra finger was bitten off recently in an encounter involving real hot twins.

I was told goats will eat anything, but did i listen???

ANNOUNCER:  ...And Payne gets another 3 points!  Folks, this kid is just rocketing up the charts.


However, your screename reminds me of an extremely bad Wayans bros. movie.

Yeah I know, see the thing is, before i was gettin about this bitch, i checked it, and everyone has the total inter(mittant)net masks on, with mondo bizzaro names.

Payne is my actual IRL last name. And it sux like my sheep...

23, blah blah blah, mystical 17 etc blah, 5 testicles on the right hand path of magic. blah.

personally, reading illuminatus trilogy while stoned turned me off all the numerology. that and jim carrey.

if it helps, im actually the bearer of a canadian passport as well as the plague.

I only live here for my sins.

My introduction.

Yowza! Im a total noob, having only read PD, very quickly, and a couple RAW bks while totally zonked.

My chat will be boring and inane.

I hail from Stonerhaven in Scotland, consider myself a drunken bum with various unsavoury addictions and habits, a speaker of shite and general waste of space.

Where N=Cabbage, I am N+1. Maybe.

Flame me....