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Finally digging into modern funk rock in an attempt to bolster my theory that funk rock and nu metal are related. Loving this stuff. Howl, you'll love this.

https://theexilemusikmob.bandcamp.com/track/mad-dash

Good to hear things aren't all awful, Scribbly.

I also have issues with work, though it's finding work in my case.

I'm alive.

On Tuesday night, I was driven from the place I was living by one of the people there going on a total power trip because I dared use common spaces to exist when he wanted to eat food. Nothing I was doing would stop him from eating, but because I wouldn't leave the common, shared spaces while he ate, he lost his shit.

The dude wasn't the homeowner. He had a whole table to use, which I used a single seat at (the table seats 3 comfortably, WHILE I'm set up). I did have sound coming out of my laptop -- but only because he disconnected the internet, so I had to switch my headphones to my phone to talk to my partner.

Yes. Really. He disconnected the internet to try to drive me out of common spaces. Then because I wouldn't he locked me out of my bedroom, locked me out of the house (fortunately, I had my keys), and my partner was legitimately worried for my safety staying in his presence. She came to get me at great personal expense and risk, and I am safe now, but I'm far from okay.

I'm hoping this train of nightmares and suffering has ended now.

While struggling to get through this zero-income stretch (this is brutal, I'm not sure I survive this time), my partner, the Orrery, died.

I want it known she beat the fucking brain cancer. She killed it. It was the recovery from that fight that took her down, but she still fucking won.

She got away from her shitty abusive live-in partner, in the end.

My last communication with her was me parsing through the aphasia to understand her, and her KNOWING I understood.

Now I have to pack up everything I own again, and move to Wisconsin (and maybe, if G-d is kind to me and this relationship works out, Sweden some years later), and hope I can find a way to ride out the month or so of complete emotional breakdown I'm going to need just to get back to looking for fucking work again.

There is too. Fucking. Much.

1: I am here because I've been here for ages and some people I like are here. Where the hell else would I be?

2: I am provably weirder than you. Like, it's actually possible to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, regardless of context, that I am weirder than you.

Some examples:
--I have 199 people living in my head. Not a joke, this is diagnosed, although using "people" for some of them may be a stretch.
--Actually, example of that: there are not one, but two individual consciousnesses in here that perceive themselves as a hive mind inhabiting a large pack of walking, predatory clams. Like, wobbling around on a fan of geoduck siphons, navigating by sonar using their beards to receive sound and scraping their valves together to make sound, and beating prey to death with their sharpened, beak-shaped valves. They aren't even the weirdest things in here. This isn't lol-random shit, this is literally a fair description of precisely 2 of the 199 beings in my head.
--My actual legal name is "Curse Fraudulence Null". Yes, for real.
--I ask everyone to refer to me as they would an object, an idea, an abstract notion, an unexpected xenomorph folded up in the closet. "It". "That". "Thing". Half of this is that I hate people and being associated with them, the other half is setting expectations.
--I have befriended and worked with multiple successful musicians, videogame developers, film directors, published authors, etc. They see me as one of their kind, even though I have never released work.
--I'm in the process of gearing up to write a queer-plural exegesis of Torah and the Zohar, using the Talmud as a guide, but with the recognition that a being like me would not have been foreseen or understood by the sages.
--I've constructed a half-dozen complete languages, just for fun.
--This list continues.

This, my reaction to your garbage on the floor, is not you being too weird. This is you being too normal. I've seen this shit a thousand times. There are thousands of people exactly like you, speaking only from personal experience, which means there's bound to be millions.

3: Discordianism is not nice. Discordianism is a religion whose goddess is one of chaos and strife. Here, from Wikipedia, is Hesiod describing Eris's children. Parentheticals are the translations of the names of her children, and a fair description of their roles.

"And hateful Eris bore painful Ponos (Hardship),
Lethe (Forgetfulness) and Limos (Starvation) and the tearful Algea (Pains),
Hysminai (Battles), Makhai (Wars), Phonoi (Murders), and Androktasiai (Manslaughters);
Neikea (Quarrels), Pseudea (Lies), Logoi (Stories), Amphillogiai (Disputes),
Dysnomia (Anarchy) and Ate (Ruin), near one another,
and Horkos (Oath), who most afflicts men on earth,
Then willing swears a false oath."

If you don't like that Eris, don't worry, there's another one. From Homer:
"... and Discord [Ἔρις] that rageth incessantly, sister and comrade of man-slaying Ares; she at the first rears her crest but little, yet thereafter planteth her head in heaven, while her feet tread on earth. She it was that now cast evil strife into their midst as she fared through the throng, making the groanings of men to wax."

I should stress, yeah, these two Erises are generally considered to be different goddesses with the same name. I feel kinship with the latter, who I tend to call "Eris Militant". Interestingly, that's also definitely the one who threw the original Apple of Discord. Hm.

"Hippie shit" is a distortion. It's not a wholly untrue one, it's just missing the coat of paint for the filth and shit underneath. Eris is not a nice lady. She's a shit-stirrer and menace. She makes people fight for her own entertainment, and doesn't particularly care if they live or die, so long as it's funny.

Bluntly put: no, you're wrong.

4: There's nothing formal about bumping ancient threads that have nothing to do with whatever the fuck you're doing. "Word salad" is not a valuable addition. It is, by definition, all noise, no signal.

As for the forum being so quiet that they wouldn't ban anyone, don't worry! I can make everyone, especially the admins, sick of my shit in a hot second. And I can 100% take you with me.

Same. I just signed him up for so much Christian fundie and pregnancy newsletter spam it would be impossible to block it all, honestly.

End of the fucking line again.

I was spending so much time focusing on climbing out of the hole I live in that I didn't notice the ground crumbling under my FUCKING FEET.

No income. No rent means no housing. No good money and SNAP actively fucking me over means I will not have food anymore either real soon. I am so fucking tired of struggling for nothing, of fighting so fucking hard and making progress and having EVERYTHING TAKEN FROM ME yet the fuck again. I'm 33 and i have NOTHING

I'm juggling too much shit.

Gluten-free diet, relearning how to prepare foods that don't come in pre-packaged forms, finally have pans that won't hold gluten because no one else will be (no one else had BETTER BE) using them, building a small database of recipes I can prep myself (thinking about shepherd's pie, but with corned beef and frozen-section roast beef since I can't handle raw meat until my fingers stop bleeding, and replacing the gluten-containing gravy with a mixture of bone broth and queso), trying to visit a crush of mine and a friend of mine because it's cheaper that way, trying to get healthcare back (no luck so far...), etc, etc, etc...

I cannot be trying to quit smoking again right now, absolutely not, but I'm zeroed out. Also, I need to come up with 100 dollars for unrelated reasons that relate to maintaining housing and sanity. (If I explained this one, you probably wouldn't believe me, but suffice to say: Wisconsin is currently a better bet for me than Chicago.)

And because of Elon Musk, crowdfunding has all dried up. I'm this || close to being able to hit self-sufficiency, and I have made actual strides toward it. I cook my own food! I wanted a little treat and I had a tiny bit of money for it but realized I had butter and generic gluten-free rice krispies cereal and marshmallows and I made myself a little treat INSTEAD! I'm capable of trading energy in to save money now, where I wasn't before!

But one manbaby's ego has made it so I can't make it the rest of the way up. Well, okay, there's that and the nature of our capitalist hellscape in general, plus the unique awfulness of USAian healthcare, etc, etc, but I would be able to just say "fuck you" to all of that and muscle through... if.

The screaming in my head is around 17 or 18 kHz, and it's not alone.

My brain is full of the THX logo sound, but tuned two octaves lower.

In fairness, Dok, it can be very fun and rewarding to have nothing in your head but a 23Hz drone. Or so I'm told.

I have apparently been told I'm blocked from the PD(dot)Com facebook page, which I had never heard of am not interested in.

That will show me!

Do they think that's like a coup?

First week at the new place! They might be fucking me on taxes but otherwise looking good. Had some time and energy to do some flyering, including putting Two Weeks up at the intersection in front of my old job, because I am a petty bitch sometimes always.

Good.

On the jobs front, I'm actually considering working at Google.

Yeah.

It's the only place that has true-remote positions right now.

I'll trust your judgment and good will.

We haven't been introduced, so I'll just think of you as "prey".

Aren't they always, though? It's just polite, honestly.

Which is not to say that there are no good ideas within Discordianism, but I also don't think those ideas are unique to it or need to be expressed within the existing Discordian framework.

I've heard this referred to as post-Discordianism, and it's more or less where I think things have gone here and in the most closely-aligned splinter groups of this place for a long while.

I'm marking all as read.