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Messages - Sepia

Or Kill Me / a sense of self
February 09, 2024, 12:53:24 AM
I remembered. The ghosts of death that I see, these ghosts that I breathe, lingering, demons of scent. Pour me a heart, let me become dream in this, let me see these ghosts that fill my dreaming life, out there on the streets where the street-walkers walk in silence, sleeping and dreaming, dreaming a better world they can cope in, something else than this, a different idea than this as we turn again and again onto the same lanes, the same streets we flit through as we wait for death/life/hope/love/rebirth as we wait for mistress' boots to shine in perfection and we gaze into the darkest of mirrors and what we see reflected is pink filled with hearts giffing along and we make the ahegao face as they do now because real life isn't enough, we've spent it and used it as we've seen it through our monitors and as we've seen it through our screens but we need something more and we look for something more as the chorus fills our ears the bold chorus of bold men and bold women climbing the highest esoteric peaks where they're sniffing the cremated remains of junkies, wanking to porn none have ever seen and they look with jealousy upon those that have reached nirvana, ascended and become a part of the void flatlining the moment before the comey, a ruined orgasm marking their sacrifice pumping the future out steadily in streams, a river of semen trickling through, trickling down on kissinger himself as he raises his glass of cum and drinks it and the crowd gives a polite applause until kissingers weaponized black sperm tries to kill anything with an uterus and man himself is reborn, quoting Conan
Or Kill Me / i am the human lizard king i can do anything
February 27, 2023, 06:12:39 PM
this is it, this, this is the existence

we die into this life from another one, once lived, still emulated within our heads - death defiant and dreaming, dream of deaf defiance, blinded as we walk through a life that has offended us, taking pills labelled hope to get through the day as we wait to die, we wait for the happiness to end, we wait for the spark to extinguish we wait for an end of good things for there is our death, when the books balance our lives, gives us an equilibrium and like a bad trip we are swallowed by all the emotions we try to keep at bay, to keep from influencing us becoming us so we shan't become them, become enveloped by them, every theoretical life we lived here for the taking and here for the living but we remain frozen in fear and stilled as we die into this existence flooded with every emotion conceivable and the plan hatches in our collective subconsciousness and we long to be birthed out of this world plane reality existence and through every multiverse the unconscious desire of socially accepted suicide gives birth to entropy itself, confirming what we are and what we always will be, the constant force that will always move towards the ending

a linear thought-fashion and a limited alphabet to keep us in our chains

and the smiths hammer day and night burning the coal and wood to forge our new manacles, yesteryears fashion recycled into the haute couture of a new world, a new season and the light that ever or never hit our hearts weep silently and solemnly, time travellers looking ahead or behind into the heart of the folly and the magician nods knowingly, we do what we have to do we do what we have always done and what we will always do, it doesn't matter if you know the history because it will always repeat itself in circles ad nauseum like magic spinning teacups, vomit trailing and tracing through the air, splattering the faithful and the heretics all the same as we learn but still limited by our needs and wants, we are not the pupae the optimists believe, there will be no future Foundation but there will be a dazzling display, a catwalk not even the gods could conjure and dream and there will be no event, there is no apocalypse and the eschaton was immanentized the second the idea was furnished and this is it, this is the utopian dream we are living and breathing, this is the vision of jesus christ, this is the sacred light that fills our heart, our time our prime the best versions of who we could be, who we are

as we race through our lives we scream and shout in anger we cry in frustration as our capacity to love mirrors our capacity to hate, emotional creatures refusing to believe nobody has a plan and as we write these words we look down upon our wrists and we rub balm where our prisons chafe and there is a feeling of pride because we decided it, we did what we had to and what we had to do was to be there as the runway lit up and out they came out we came and as we bathed in holy light like moths revelling in death we oohed and aahed and we were entertained and the madman observed the neverending empire, finally understanding the magicians role, writing luminary texts

illuminating us
enlightening us
transforming us
becoming us

we were always us, no gods no demons, no light no darkness, no institutions no laws, just us
Or Kill Me / an idiot prayer of empty worlds
January 06, 2023, 08:56:54 PM
Our love starts out sullen, it dreams of us, you and me.

A sickness spreading upon oneself, loosing, lost time because we forgot/forgot to rewind the clock we figured time would be atomic now in any case even though planet of the apes is coming closer and in that far future it will still be charlton heston cryogenically preserved and as the credits roll future heston sees the empire that never ended

the death of the kings son as the king is dying and in the instant of his death he sees his kingdom with clarity - the seed spurred by creativity forms and deforms life, what are these dreams of life if not wispy and bubbly, bubbles bubbling in your ear closed eyes asmr style as you touch yourself and rudely awaken to a loud hammering at the door and there he stands, bubbles, smiling through his broken teeth and offering you a hat, following the globalized american dream and your eyes glaze

the homerun is a fact as the crowd goes wild and captain benjamin sisko runs smiling cackling that laughter, that bellowing belly full of disarmament, i wish i still believed in the good of mankind but when you go for banalities like good the only people who ever were good were fictions or myths and as you say these words my brain goes a different way and i connect the cables and i set the dials and i push on the controls and i set the course for the heart of the multiverse, elon musk and jeff bezos following right behind but im winning the race im becoming something there is a process a transition a transformation and everything that is me is flipped on and i see it, i see the eternal burning heart that scorches every man and woman under the sun as its own sun ouroboros connecting each and every one of us and as i arrive/become at the heart of the multiverse i see the end of 2001 and then i am remade as a sperm cell and as i breach every wall in every existence i hear the groans and moans of every elon musk and every jeff bezos in all existences and i feel the me becoming the starchild becoming the multiverse becoming the vast consciousness of a multiverse of a universe of a reality of me

screaming like an infant barely born

emptying my lungs, gushing out every part of me that i thought you didn't want this is it why im here this is why we are all here and we all have this weapon but so few of us ever use it and when we use it is for petty reasons, personal reasons to live by gordon gekkos words as we seem to live in it but it is the tip of a spear, the end of the lance, perhaps his lance but longinus it's christmas now, not easter, it was His gift to us and as he died upon the cross he didn't die for us because he was born for us and except the mercy of longinus it was His gift to us that killed him, disobedience

I will kill you with my kindness, I will end you all by smothering you and the apocalypse that is coming is my apocalypse and it will destroy you all by enlightening you

our words spread across the globe, across planets, across solar systems like poison for our words come not from the heart but from the desires of the city virus, carrying our unseen masters and doing their deeds in our name whilst the seen masters monitors everything, all the world seen through cctv eyes and they're men of course they are men but this seems fitting blurred faces commanding the future so we can sleep well at night
so elon musk can sleep well at night, sucking his thumb, dreaming sweet orwellian nightmares for the good of humanity and we recognize our sun-king, warrior-philosopher our chosen one and the rest of us accept the fact that a new idiot king for a new idiot age is the only thing that (doesn't)make sense so we go along with it, every man woman and ostrich in our flock a willing judas, opensource writing a new idiot bible for an idiot god dreaming idiot dreams sucking his thumb

shadows fill the crevices and light fills the cul-de-sac as love and her lover hate is revealed
Or Kill Me / all we want is to be praised
August 09, 2022, 12:42:13 AM
we imagine the narratives and we change them

let me die in this sun now as I'm finally being birthed, one throatscream at a time, one hovel filled with shit to set fire to the imagination and full burn out of our solar system out of our lives

turned sick and something else, choirs dream of their boys, dreams possess their choirs, charlatans sinking their teeth into us, singing our flesh singeing our flesh

we erase history so we are not forced to remember it, we erase history so we can build on its rubble, new ignorances

the memory sets in, purges light and dark and becomes nothing becomes all becomes us

so many deaths we've had, every day a death when our day turns into our night and we disappear from the waking world as we visit the real world easing us in as we get better at dying with the lesson wasted until one day it clicks and we explode into another consciousness as prepared we were when birthed last but it could have been worse we could have been birthed in the 40th millennium
the god emperor sits not on his golden throne but lies dormant in his diapers, he is waking, transcending what it means to be human even though he never was to start with, what hand brought this sliver of divinity to our dark and bysmal shores?
what light burned so bright that it would be seen millennia from now but we did not recognize even as he walked in our midst he felt more a prophet of chaos than an atheist, trying to dissolve and decipher the mithraic mysteries because only the divine holds power over crusades

and banks

and i think to myself, what a wonderful world

we want to do good, we want to know that we have done good so we can get a pat on the back or a pinched cheek or a pinched ass because we want to be something, anything to anyone out there willing to throw a bone or a lifeline and we just want to go home every night after work and silently

in a bubble double helix sings

breathe in this life old snail let it fill your nostrils let it fill your heart and your rage do not be tired old snail do not retire into your stolen shell, vibrate and reverberate with life and become renewed feel the thud of your heart and the sear of your rage
we, the rudderless

a child to linger and dreams to die in a shelter along the river one man two cups of coffee a horse on the outside and a sasquatch with a rope around his neck eating hay waiting for his masters return one of them breathes still and it smells like master

we should never abandon our shame we should transform it transport it but never to remove from our repertoire, suppression of it only extends the time we need to cling to it like the tedium of life we need to cling to, to make it seem worth, something more than the hollowness we feel when we think it's how life is but it is a slump, a depression, something wrong with us and our outlook because everyone keeps saying that everything will get better as long as we shoulder the burden, did you read that article on the internet about that girl who was depressed but thought herself out of it she thought about sunshine and rainbows and people not meaning what they say and strangers with differing political views discussing and debating, learning more and adjusting their own meanings, thanking their opponent for broadening their views, all in public with blitzes raining, live casted on twitch and the most important question is will you see the livestream or will you watch hasans reactions to the livestream, check the embedded chat for the poll which will only be up for 66.6 seconds and if you participate you'll get part of an nft where donald trump is all the participants of lemonparty

if you're lucky you might get part of his scrotum, i hear the scrotum market is up this year, joe rogans ass sold for an undisclosed sum by an anonymous oligarch based out of a palace by the black sea, upcoins are also up, musk bezos branson coins are all on the rise, they're all headed for up there and you know it will just turn out to be some shitty flick, like battle angel alita or some other middle-of-the-road concept because that's not safe enough, i mean we are talking about continuation of the human species, we are furthering humanity because we can and if these people are the visionaries that will define something then fuck it

i'd rather strap myself to their rocketcocks, hoping for enough idiots to do the same to weigh them down and keep them down and turn the narrative where they have no escape, where they are the prison and we are rorschach come launch day 1001 idiots lungs and eyes squish and collapse, happy smiling guntoting flagwaving assholes underneath, wishing the future good luck and getting spayed with blood shit cum earwax and the luckiest will catch a vial of scrotumjuice, handing it over solemnly to the monarch of united nations, selling it as an nft BUT NOW, limited time offering, available as an nft on 666 different blockchains, come on son, you gotta catch them all

I feel guilty, sometimes, occasionally because it feels like my fault, i was young you see once and i'd read something that i really wanted to understand because i wanted to be one of the few selects who understood something that famous critics did but others didnt, i was probably sixteen so it was pynchon, orwell, huxley, koestler and i'd probably started on beat because i wanted a world where nothing meant anything and earlier i was in a slump so i thunked about this and i understood i had just been sheltered, sorry for the pause there im just so high right now,  i had been sheltered all my life or pretty lucky or perhaps i hadnt been paying as much attention to politics as i should have but its always been like that

we've always been like that, it is who we are and i wish i had the tenacity and will to rejoin the part that truly cares but the timeframe for the human evolution is just too daunting, it is too enormous a silhoutte a contour like how you feel it when you are regressing projecting inwards on acid, the naked introspection but its not just you, its your elderly neighbour you shovel snow for that keeps muttering about them damned foreigners or your coworker who watches alex jones just for the lulz but then turns into him with pride/hubris and it falls, the fool forever falling out of the tower so drive like a demon

from station to station
Or Kill Me / sick zero sense
November 30, 2021, 01:31:11 PM
I see two women, one with a dick and one without and one of them tells me of the future and the other tells me about the past

then we burn.
terminator 2 dreams where waves of fire crash over humans, washing us away in a second flood, I know it is a dream because all I can think about is how much it smells like bacon, how it looks like pigs slumped over
poles sharpened in both ends at their side
we never had any other lord, gods and goddesses came and went, their offspring too, some were pure fiction but not until all religious awe had been spent and the ancient gods invoked by spell, manifesting as fiction in pulp magazines, the untarnished truth found among those with nothing but their own truths

dream and sleep and slumber, one thousand and one eyes/nights watches us as we fall into god as we fall into reality and nothing is a coincidence, only

this thought creates the presence

someone utters obedience is victory and victory is life and i look around and i join my brothers sisters and other siblings in the savage madness, screaming tekeli-li at the top of my lungs

here is our sickness, plain in view and like us it is plain, mundane no intrinsic meaning but for us it will carry the burden of meaning as we ascend/descend into light/dark because that is as far as we have gotten in this life/civilization/planets life
our alphabets contain many runes but still we write our minds with 0s and 1s

i keep having dreams from lives i didn't live

of dreams i never dreamt but mostly those lives, that emptiness within, heart to heart man-person child, blessed warrior and protector, bulwark of these great nations that still fight for sovereignity, cash instead of blood but other than that it is business as ususal in this heaven that will be sunk and the world above will become hell as man devolves and has to go the long route without a guiding light but prophets meant to spread confusion unto masses not yet prepared for confusion

no emancipation for any man in any age, nor woman or anything inbetween. a thirst for the new, a fear buried deep inside our minds, this fear of missing out that drives us into this brave new world, this fear that drives the richest of us to have 60s scifi visions of legacy and fate having read and reread foundation too many times having being banned from we sell enough cars and we sell enough shit to quagmire us even further and then there is a sudden global shortage of snakes

and the refineries stand silent

we do not know what free is for we have never been free and we will never be free and this is the realization that drives our fear, this fear that will embed cocacolas image on the moon fired by ion cannons made by george lucas in a basement in mt. weather overseen by elon musk and operated by jeff bezos and they scream geronimo as they land on mars, all of them, all of the industrialists and the visionaries of this age, left and right, oil and tech, pharma and government

and claim it for humanity
Or Kill Me / from kether to malkuth
May 14, 2021, 01:15:31 AM
the heart submits to golden fallacies, once sunk once sunken cities - leave them be down in their abyss for their magics and superstitional ways have no place up here in the light, the light of reason the light of science the light of god
there are churches in the abyss that tell their pupils that the world is ending because languages dies out, popular dialects deform and transition into something else but the king of atlantis knows that this is progression, this is time, the screams of the eternal machine is heard throughout the multiverse and it trudges forward once more, time

time will come to the king of atlantis and all his kin and they will be thrown up into the light once more as science is replaced

anger dreams of destiny, rage dreams of the tower

chains dream of freedom and the tower dreams sweet dreams about not falling, never needing to be caught, never needing to be quite so melodramatic again but it would be folly to deny what we currently (do not) understand as magic

as language devolves as language becomes guttural as language transforms into new shedding old, the king walks from his winter palace and the new sounds sound like the old sounds and every conversation every discussion becomes clear and the sweat runs like tears as we discharge are discharged into this

to be bribed to be buried, here under the tower, underneath the shadow

in thine kingdom, the shadows are long and no man speaks the truth and no man speaks a lie, we hear what we want to hear having perfected the reversed glossolalia, building the anti-tower of babel into the heart of every breathing soul as nobody understands, everything is a conversation about bros talking feelings and none understanding but everyone empathic enough to nod, weep and share something like we all share something and nothing means anything but we are never lonely just wishing we were alone

the kingdom, where magic and science exist in duality and in this impossible scenario we will still be dreaming utopian dreams

Or Kill Me / sprïng
March 22, 2021, 05:36:26 PM
impatient, strolling through, stone cold through the fumes, stoned, cold through the fumes
fuming he, king cotton toiling amongst the bones of king cobweb, a destroyer for the new age building the churches for the old in the same soil in the same sand in the same salt in the same memories because as the clock keeps ticking nothing else does

i can sense the fear inside myself, i have forgotten but more importantly i have forgotten how to remember once i have forgotten so i can continue to build on what i am supposed to be and remember myself before i die and become one consciousness sharing tales from the lands of the living with everything else

sinking deliberately floating downwards huffing and puffing and as we drown we see the lights there in the end, attached to hope and hate, emerging from the water and from life we settle and coalesce as spirit moves through us

the fear is palatable

to live in fantasia is my only goal in life, this and the next under the iron fist of mickey mouse, a mouse cast in iron velvet, velvet iron with no revolver in sight to kill the mouse and end the eternal empire where walt disney is portrayed as hp lovecraft in the pantheon of the mouse and on the mouse throne sits mickey with donald at his side and all is good and all is well   eternal

we hurry with no purpose and slow with too much purpose, man will never find the perfect middle because why should we? questions left unanswered or answered by those who know the truth with a big the serving as a further perfect example for this train of thought that is ending now

i have no taste buds and i must eat
Principia Discussion / Re: Hi
October 15, 2020, 02:58:33 PM
Not often I venture out of or kill me but this place is sprawling harder than way back when and it was already pretty incomprehensible to me.
Principia Discussion / Re: Hi
October 15, 2020, 02:51:23 PM
Principia Discussion / Re: Hi
October 15, 2020, 02:25:15 PM
Or Kill Me / hëärt hëäd höpë
September 22, 2020, 06:45:43 PM
i sat in the chair and the chair was mine
i sat in the chair and the chair wasn't mine


look to windward look to inward look
intuition becoming more, survival instincts watered down by lack of wars happening in our gardens they are just in the backyards of those we use to live the life we feel is necessary for us, this proud culture, what a time to be alive - moons and mars and adventures with elon musk at the helm do you get that ken kesey  elon musk is driving the bus and its yellow and we will go further and we will do it quietly in one of elon musks chariots and we will do it green and ecologically sound as we power through the coal belt through the dark the black the pitch but we are white we are green and oh so white

(but only for the cameras)

stepping on the gas we vomit as the acid kicks in not the bicycle acid but the new and improved streamlined acid run through the pipes of capitalism and efficiency acid as a ritual evaporates and mysticism dwindles in one area but is moved into science man runs through the maze smashing one brick wall at a time knowing that some day he will be free to smash other walls and fences, man is the great liberator of bricks

i sat in the chair and the chair wasn't mine, it wasn't a very fine chair but it was good enough to hold my ass away from the floor and as i sat there i started to sing

and around me gathered all the deer of the forest and all the birds in the air the worms in the ground the foreign predatory species of the inlands waters the crassostrea gigas of all our seas

and as i sang they interrupted me told that it could be worse, you could be living in a banana republic they said and that was true and i remembered the life i might have had where i lived in a banana republic but that wasn't for me, banana monarchy babe

america get well

Cockatiel cock crow, crow magpie stones scissors papers

I have seen it, the future bright and gleaming, a shattered ship against the shores of nevermorewater the flying dutchman finally finding land and rest and humanitys shining landscape, a moose walking into the sunset colours so vibrant it should never be reproduced but spent, disposable art

ikea popup down at the docks, enjoy it pre-gentrification with swedish meatballs and dark-roasted peas 2 more weeks until starbucks

bene gesserit, whore-mother

something new will be born, some of use hope for wonderful others hope for dreadful but we all agree that it will be worse

we sit solemnly and pray as we face our mirror image, a pandemic potentially matching us, in mental fight we stand locked one will against one will, our brother will always be there, one more enemy we have made simply by existing and that will always be the enemy of poor, the downtrodden, the ill-educated that gives their wealth to those who hoard, dragons sitting in their lairs but less handsome than benedict

there is no difference between us and another virus

dead are we dogs and dreaming too

die and live and dream too, forget and become, obsess and possesss

join a posse; sing please brother sing no it doesnt matter if you cant sing sing with your voice i want to hear your beautiful tones, your beautiful dissonance, i want to live the dream butthole surfers dreamt when they tried to make an amp that would make you shit yourself, i just dont want to be there, i want to live interestingly vicariously

you can feel yourself so close, you can feel the shape and contour of you of me of I and you can feel the shape the contour of where you keep yourself from, a hidden id in a hidden room inside a hidden dream banging on a door somewhere, always heard like a rhythmic thump from somewhere and even when i walk without rhythm i feel the 60 bpm
Or Kill Me / sümmër
June 05, 2020, 11:11:11 PM

i have dreamt the dream, lived the dream and forgotten the dream and I will dream it once more, live it and forget it, we will cycle our emotions, to and fro like a child skipping like hopscotch and i drank it for a while in my early tweens but then i was more of an irish man and the only thing i use whiskey for nowadays is torching pancakes for my nieces or irish, coffee
my dream was one of digressions, without soundtracks, the opposite of reality and filled with meaning so i made it my reality and i lived it until it became my reality also, there is a difference there and then it bled into each and other and once more i had forgotten so I kept watching myself and then it slid into observation and into apathy and it slides towards the maelstrom for some of us before we get it together before we remember

it rains and it feels hollow, it should feel more like a television moment with hot chocolate and blankets and something, something more than last time i saw the scene, it might have been ferrero rocher it might have been frozen pizza, it might have been the past and it might have been the future but i was stuck in the presence for all of it

i have      into enough realities, i have seen enough transgressions, i have seen so many different people do the exact same shit in so many different ways and they say theres variables but it feels binary, it should seem vibrant and filled with different dimensions but it doesnt matter if its alan moore or marjorie liu, it still looks flat

like earth