Things Payne is responsible for in the event of my gruesome demise, #32:
If it's a closed-casket funeral, Payne will force the organist to play "pop goes the weasel" in the middle of the service, so that everyone is waiting for something awful to happen.
Regardless of the circumstances of your death, there will be no closed casket.
Pop goes the weasel will still be played. I may need to install some articulating gubbins and what-not within your body to make full use of this.
As such procedures are likely better performed before rigor really sets in, I will require 24 hours notice of your impending death to fly over there.