Messages

1

Apple Talk / Re: How to Spend $1200

« on: April 15, 2020, 03:23:40 pm »

55 gallons of WD-40, with freight shipping

there's something very suspicious about how you clearly looked up the exact number of gallons and the shipping cost, but didn't share the link

I'm assuming this came from one of your "Truck Nut Porn" sites.

((pulls curtain over "sexy Caterpillar Front End Loader" costume))

Don't kink shame me.  Not now.

2

Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Subpoenaed by Congress, but still refusing to testify

« on: April 15, 2020, 03:01:19 pm »

Grats! 

When I made my final student loan payment, I intentionally overpaid by 5 cents.

Then they can't close your account until your balance is 0, so they mailed me a check for 5 cents.
Receiving a check from Sallie Mae felt incredible. I still have it.

 

3

Apple Talk / Re: How to Spend $1200

« on: April 15, 2020, 02:46:26 pm »

55 gallons of WD-40, with freight shipping

Also LOTS of GUN OIL® Lubricants

PROTIP :  Put both on your Glock.  See what happens.

4

Apple Talk / Re: How to Spend $1200

« on: April 15, 2020, 02:39:09 pm »

55 gallons of WD-40, with freight shipping

5

Apple Talk / Re: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

« on: April 10, 2020, 03:26:06 pm »

Of course that's not a drill. That's a well, actually.

 

That was bore-ish

6

Apple Talk / Re: NEWCOMER LANDING PAD

« on: April 09, 2020, 03:57:13 pm »

I'm glad Richter is back.  I've been shouldering the NO burden for too long.

There needs to be more NO before some fool starts jabbering about mystical space sex saving everything.

7

Apple Talk / Re: messaging apps are obviously a discordian conspiracy

« on: April 08, 2020, 03:49:03 pm »

"They always pay for a new way to be misunderstood."  - "Bob"

8

Apple Talk / Re: Things that make you feel old

« on: April 08, 2020, 03:47:44 pm »

The damn kids on my lawn 

Where's MY fucking hoverboard you indolent tubes?

9

Apple Talk / Re: NEWCOMER LANDING PAD

« on: April 07, 2020, 08:19:19 pm »

I KNOW how the 3 seashells work.

Ah yes, "3 seashells", the mythical technique for wiping your backside when there is no toilet paper. We have dismissed that claim.

https://youtu.be/KjCO0thvlNY

10

Apple Talk / Re: NEWCOMER LANDING PAD

« on: April 07, 2020, 05:47:51 pm »

I KNOW how the 3 seashells work.

11

Apple Talk / Re: Richter Spotting

« on: January 28, 2019, 09:51:13 pm »

https://imgflip.com/i/20pbse

12

Apple Talk / Re: High Altitude Hell #7: The Texas Thing, in Photos.

« on: June 20, 2016, 01:35:27 am »

Academically I can understand the air plenum bearing.  Seeing it and trying to tell my brain it floats is kind of like Escher in reverse.  Reasonable, scientific reality that the hindbrain still doubts

The hindbrain is usually to be trusted.

For certain values of trusted.

Does temperature or barometric pressure change throw the rig off much, or is that compensated for?

13

Apple Talk / Re: High Altitude Hell #7: The Texas Thing, in Photos.

« on: June 19, 2016, 01:20:19 pm »

Academically I can understand the air plenum bearing.  Seeing it and trying to tell my brain it floats is kind of like Escher in reverse.  Reasonable, scientific reality that the hindbrain still doubts

14

Apple Talk / Re: High Altitude Hell, part 4

« on: June 11, 2016, 12:34:19 am »

The ends are begining to be pronounced, as we dream of leaving.

There is no writing.
There is no recording
There is only ccetaintly, and how we must do until our neuron give way, as inevitable as the collapse of the universe.

For my part, I am to eat whatever I have cut wrong.

Your fate may not be so easy.

15

Apple Talk / Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)

« on: March 05, 2016, 02:30:39 am »

I was freebasing a hit of First Nation Privilege in the speakeasy booth over bad gin and a few musty lagers when it hit me.

"Fuck.  FUCK...."

"You finally hit too much of that crap?" Roger offhandedly mentioned.

"They cut our shi..." was about all I got out.  No good.  We got burned, and I has been hitting off a bag padded out with cultural appropriation.

"I need feathers."  My eyes were wide.  Stock straight, and trying to immitate a nickel I'd seen once.

"OK.  You're not new to this, ride it out.  And you sound like a tool."

"Some braids.  I don't care, I've ripped enough Irish through my nose, I'm the next best thing to Blackfoot..."  I was removng my trousers and improvising a breechclout from my shirt.  I was eyeing the barkeep's toupe for a scalp to hang from my belt.

"Cut teh crap.  Fast.  We've got work to do and I need you at least passing for professional"

"Don't make me pull a fucking rain dance!  I'm thunderbird material right now.  I need to use every part of a whole hobo to buckskin some..."

About then Roger kaiboshed my misbegotten high with a barstool.  I woke up in the trunk a few hours later a boot of the ford.