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Topics - Sepia

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46
Or Kill Me / Random Debris
« on: June 12, 2012, 01:26:45 am »


"Life.. Life is like running when you were little and you won't remember it but when you see a toddler trying to wobble over to the smiles and cheers of their parents, that is what we're doing, we're still toddlers but we've learnt so much that we have taken other roles, some of us have tried to tell ourselves it is the meaning of life that we search for, where our lips seek when they are not sealed and some of try to map the desert or the mind but some remember the goal"

"Adulthood is hell." - HP Lovecraft

"Netley: "I just don't know where I am anymore"
Jack the Ripper: "There, there Netley. I shall tell you where we are. We're in the most extreme and utter region of the human mind, a radiant abyss where men meet themselves"
Netley: "I don't understand, sir"
Jack the Ripper: "Hell, Netley. We are in hell"" -
 - From Hell, the movie




His is the fear and I try not to be him, at first it seemed impossible, the concept of his persona was so off that I didn't see nor understand and he was forgotten, remembered later in a different world and a different time where it feels like life both connects and severs and my hatred for him resurfaced, my agony of even knowing anyone of his caliber and slowly but surely and six feet deep somewhere Horselover Fat whispers the Empire never ended and even deeper, at the depths where we will find atlantis and mu HE shudders a moment in waking and sensitives the world around feel the apocalypse growing and no word is heard from the vatican. For the second where he wakes, we see his Empire


"No light is here emitted" - Austin Osman Spare, Promethea


No moorish man, not an othello, not a iago, his own. His own destiny, his own fights, his own road and like his roads it is magical, he strips the mystery from everyone but the stage magician who will still leave by the third door and reading his ideas, his interpretation of magic makes magic sense and it's weird and I never could find myself to believe heartily in something because there is too much shame in it, a fear of blindness, an instrument of a will more dedicated than yourself because there's atleast always one more dedicated and more ambitious than yourself, and the fear of the blind men that dwell in the one-eyed man's kingdom where life is very long, the fear is that I should not know myself but thinking I do and the shame of belief in an age where our idols become younger for each day and everything is watered down into something primordial that holds everything that needs to be held but nothing more and there is no soul anymore, there's an x factor, there are no balls and there is no hair, there is nothing but plastic infront and on stage and this is our hatred for reality, so deep does it descend through us that as we accept it and wake to it, we take a country and then we stripmine it and then we move on, this is our nature as we bring the subcultures into hyper-reality


They fight holy wars, still. Never-ending wars found from old texts speaking of a never-ending war. Everything profound written are empty words when spoken, giving reason to a cause that has nothing to do with theirs. I can hear their shadows even here, so far from that civillization I hear their shadow-drums through the night and their zeal overwhelms the cricket but the vibes are no longer good

I wish I could see the light but all there is, darkness. The sun is released from exile and as it explodes onto our planet and onto our faces and bodies and cocks and cunts we expect to react like we used to but we're not, something changed while we were looking the other way, something dropped or someone, the ball that keeps on rolling and while we were different, someone got a strike and it might have been me but noone knows because how do you ask about that from someone however dear, I lost something in a haze that used to make me me but now it's not there and all I can feel is the perpetual dread of never-ending existence, please help???

HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the ftaghn, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire, HIS is the empire

47
Or Kill Me / The last frost
« on: May 29, 2012, 02:18:32 am »


The last of the cold, the last of the dying season is ending and hope springs to life once more, the promise of summer, the kiss of a sun seldom seen only heard through the ages, the rock of these ages, the monsters in the living room, crept up on me when I was a wee child and something grew, something started growing then, an old cancer, a new idea, a heart stopping and waiting for the green man, we've all had days when we're just sitting there, waiting for that man, hoping and dreading his arrival, not realizing it is ourselves

The asphalt is pale and it seems like winter is still here, not feeling the full truth of spring but a make-believe a pretend and nothing really ends sinks in as we understand what is happening, we are samsa but it is the world outside us for we are caught in the belly of the whale and as we live our lives and bide our time waiting for our mother who have protected us for so long and given us food and shelter where we have found love and the meaning of life is still what georg samsa saw out of his window in the world where franz kafka wasn't a freak

Something we'll never know because we do know the devil we know and it will be our undoing and our civillization will collapse from it but then, we went out the way we lived didn't we, isn't this what we should strive for? Wouldn't that be the most just representation of who we were or who you are and if gods lightning did indeed struck and if I died as I lived, I'd die in my sleep

Not like Elvis or Hendrix who seemed to die according to a plan, pawns shifting as the sun tortures us with a few beams, surrounded by clouds and the world feels like it has little silver in it but is doused in water or kerosene leaving this membrane, unshatterable except by understanding like you walking up to tell him you love him and him saying

The last frost comes always after a period of warmth, so we shall not forget our true hearts, the lumps of ice embedded in the oil that pumps through all of us, it's not enough that we got lucky, we're being smug about it, we're being good

monsters playing to be people, before we had one god we had many, now only brought forth to explain metals of various kinds or burning churches but are we men or are we the trolls of past ages learned to walk like man? Did we come from his third way, was that our birth into this?

48
Or Kill Me / Ĉon
« on: May 11, 2012, 12:06:57 am »

The 23rd path

"There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven."

 - LED ZEPPELIN


""Light down, light down, now, True Thomas,
And lean your head upon my knee;
Abide and rest a little space,
And I will shew you ferlies three."

"O see ye not that narrow road,
So thick beset with thorns and briers?
That is the path of righteousness,
Tho after it but few enquires.

"And see not ye that braid braid road,
That lies across that lily leven?
That is the path to wickedness,
Tho some call it the road to heaven.

"And see not ye that bonny road,
That winds about the fernie brae?
That is the road to fair Elfland,
Where thou and I this night maun gae."

 - The ballad of Thomas the Rhymer


"hell above and heaven below
all the trees are gone
the rain makes such a lovely sound
to those who're six feet underground
the leaves will bury every year
and no one knows I'm gone
leave me golden tell me dark
hide from Graveyard John
the moon is full here every night
and I can bathe here in his light
the leaves will bury every year
and no one knows I'm gone"

 - And no one knows I'm gone, T. Waits



The 32nd path

Heavy words descend upon our adams apples and knots tie in bellies and a man is said to be left standing after the invasion, he is questioned but released, never picked up by any of the locals and when the revolution comes he is the first against the wall but again he is released and is tolerated for his lack of actions. When the revolution has feasted upon its fathers and mothers and children, the revolution, now lacking what fueled the hatred turns into what it once was but more brutal, more sincere. The revolution learned alot about others pain and we are protected now, by the same gods, the same vaults and the same moat

Mother Guillotine, have you come to see me off as I escape your city and your enthralled henchmen? The skies are bloodred as is fitting with a passing like this for I shall see you never again and even though you were newly built and only recently used, you are an old monster and rarely do you stand in the sun, aye, but when you do you are horrible to look at, you are retarded compassion built for efficiency, you are the monster in the abyss but you are more importantly purpose given form, you are destiny manifested and in a world where they tell us god creates destiny, not man

You learned me alot, this is the city that never sleeps, this is the city of the morning, this is the city of the harvest, the sleight of perpetual motion, the curve as time seems to sag and then speed up and I can feel the interference and it feels like nothing else and the hum and the beat and the snare and the light, like being on e only so much more, so much more detail so much more reality stop ask yourself why and know the answer already, see, magic

Never magick or magique for those are barren words nested in hollow shells of the people that so hardly want to believe when there is not much to believe in and why would you want to believe in something so vague that few people take responsibility for what they've written about it, hiding behind dry pseudonyms, a mish of religion, philosophy and bible trying to become science as they interpret religion with science and science with religion and this is magic, when the penetrator becomes the penetrated when night becomes day and if you really want to read about magic, I'd pick up Promethea seeing it's excellent handiwork

But the city sleeps, the city doesn't yearn for me as the miles become hours and night turns into day and everything shifts and the world is hollow, there are no friendly faces among the fires, there are no warmth in the rain but we press on and after the second night of sleep we hear the sounds of the ocean, we hear the life and hope fills our bellies like the finest of champagnes and we enjoy the last night, having reached the future of what we will become, the something is planted in us, something new that most likely will fade and flicker but it is there NOW

we realize it doesn't really matter what happens now, we've seen it, we did it we lived up to our own standards, we understood the consequences of our actions.

Some men say the world ends whn two watery stones meet on dry land, some say it will be consumed by dragons, others believe a dark lord is rising in the east, some say it will happen this year, some say its already happened

Some say that in his wet tomb of R'lyeh, he weeps for the end of time as his ĉon begins

49
Or Kill Me / What the spider saw
« on: April 27, 2012, 11:49:36 pm »

We were jealous of you because you were so full of life while we sat silently waithing for our own death rattle. Later in life we would descend to hell and ascend to the sacred city, we would see all the reflections in the net and gaze upon the abyss, the eternity of un-never, the eternal vague magic of truth would be revealed to us, its significance, its meaning, its purpose and we would find it as

I walked out of the seven with a pack of smokes and a bag of munch and it had gotten colder, spring was nearly here and through the din of drunken children and tourists, the men of the bridge offering their diluted goods, the surest way for those who wish to wake up at the er or not at all and as I thought this I heard in a broken norwegian dialect I love you and I've never heard anyone mean it so much, the desperation and longing equally genuine. There was no love in her voice and there was little hope, there was the hard cold guilty conscience hitting you coming down on something bad one of the boys on the bridge said would rock your world

There are no dreams anymore, there are no roses, dropped by protestors, crushed by swat, picked up by people in employ of the salvation army, there are no dreams but there is work to be done. Perhaps that is the time ending, the abscence of the youthful yearning for something more, always more and different and new and change and hope and fear and love and god and murder and all and everything of potency, the smell of rose, the multifoliate life

There is work and work is always good when it extends your being but I guess it has to when the shifts are 12, it becomes part reason of life of meaning of this, brave new world that I gaze upon with fresh eyes again, reborn once more amidst the din, making status and filling out lists, making plans for work

In lifes long corridor where we the dying men walk

50
Or Kill Me / Steel tomb, mother lung
« on: March 24, 2012, 12:15:06 am »


I will not wait for you as I climb the steps to the abattoir, I will not wait for you as descend into hell nor will I wait for you as I ascend, I will not wait for you as we board the trains leaving for poland, I will not wait for you as you try to understand, you were always better than me, you always managed this shit so much better, I will not wait as the gate closes to the courtyard, I will not wait as I crawl into bed

The world whispers but is not heard, memories are intertwined with ideas or scenes from movies and books, life itself is merely a reference, valid according to knut hamsuns law- remembered for hundred years and that is all and Kurt Weill had it right when he damned posterity

Time, we get greedy as it passes, as damnation passes and we see as it curves the decisions leading up to it but still we yearn for it, confident we can crack the code, break the crypt and we all suffer from dunning kruger but us most of all, you and me babe, like guns and ammo

We pass through the downbelow and we walk in the suicide fields as the towers of Dis claw against the sky, pitch black but completely clear as we pass through the serene valley where the true magicians dwell, men of such a faith filled with the most barbaric personalities, forever skirmishing with themselves on the battlegrounds they are and we as arrive at the steps of the city itself, the towers still looming, the streets of despair all run to the source, a tower forever looming, a four dimensional object casting a three dimensional shadow and we are all enveloped in it

You understand why I won't wait? You understand the impossibility of that situation, you realize death, birth, rebirth transcendence are all personal, where nothing else but you exist and the world is tranquil. I will not wait for you- I will not wait for you as you try to understand, mother tomb

51
Or Kill Me / Alone, Unmourned & Unloved
« on: March 15, 2012, 12:38:40 am »


Of the living men, we hear naught but the dead stay up chattering all night and into the mornings before sleep also claims them as the living men go out into the world and learn its' secrets so they can live a life, prospering and doing everything they wanted and the way they first wanted it and life is filled with the dreams of the sixteen year old

Everything is dumbed down, it seems like offending someone of their ignorance is frowned upon and children are permitted to walk on their fists made of ham and there are no mysteries in the bank

The bank is the silent kid, closer to the middle than the last row, dressed nice but cheap and he raises his arm only when it is needed and speaks only when spoken to, a grey child by all accounts but here is not what he does but who he is because that's what defines him, his being  not his doing

Some of my friends say what is this world turning into and sometimes I say it's turning into what it always is, it's only the glamour that changes, only the faces that change while the hearts or lack of remain the same, that is all, that's how it works, pragma finding philo, raping him

There isn't a balance, there is nothing here except patterns, repetitions, change is always doing its' thing but so is tradition and while the name of it may transform, it still requires a cup and a wand

Here we hear the death-god's whisper, here we see the man behind the curtain, here we build the grand guignol where all our children will grow up in, all our plants, watered by us, grown by us, incubation lasting longer than previously stated, thin ice reaching like talons on black boards

Gods live in us but they are always remembered in the past, when truths change and turn to myths and as long as one mind believes nothing truly dies but in one hundred years, old knut, all will indeed be forgotten

52
Or Kill Me / What you should've done but couldn't
« on: March 13, 2012, 01:19:44 am »


We are the frayed men, broken bone in bleak landscapes where dry grass is like glass under our feet as we walk past the mesas and into the heart of it, the heart of the older gods and their sons and daughters, their da vincis and bathorys left here in the fields in the feeble gallows, whistling in the wind as you turn to pendulums, marking something with your movements and it seems orchestrated, it seems like something more is seeping in here from a different world, this is a soft place, where the walls are soft

We touch them as we peak and they feel so rough and alive or so soft and cuddly but we end up playing with water, feeling it, seeing it as the droplets die so we shan't smell and we go far, we go deeper, our love tunneling and propelling us further and every touch is a touch of bliss and every vision, every word every bite peaks us further from what we were and towards what we should do and we glimpse it, we see it before everything turns bad

Change, they'll ask for it and it will come, not by polls or decisions, it'll just come when it is time, the fruition of the idea, the illusion of orchestration, the veil of conspiracy being torn, misunderstood for something of importance but only the pond of Narcissus, and not himself, his honey-pot forever creeping with changelings, those who got their fifteen minutes and have now been changed, by voodoo, black magic or science into the insect-slaves of Narcissus, forever roaming hospitals, preying on those who are weak in body but rich in talent, gifted

The midwives let them roam as the midwives themselves roam the corridors, endless white halls filled with the secrets of death and life but seen as a checklist but it's ok, they're old and tired and shouldn't be here anymore, even their glamours are aging and the age of fairies is over and all that remains from it turns to dust before it turns to oblivion, to be forgotten- to be remembered once more

To think of time, to reflect upon its nature and your entanglement with it, the nature of the beast is found inside it, coventry is in there somewhere and time is the question that needn't be asked, time is the grand guignol

We should have

53
Or Kill Me / _Life is very long
« on: March 07, 2012, 11:32:01 pm »


It feels like we are running, it feels like there is something to be found, unlocked and pulled out of its' chest and be placed once more under the sun, the task seems time-sensitive but there is no sensation of time passed nor of time itself, there is only the feeling of the task at hand forever nagging in the back of your skull, a question that always lead to more, questions and moments in life worth snapshotting for the gallery on the other side where we lie to dry with our jars and dogs and concubines, there

that is where we are, not in limbo because there is none, like there is no heaven no hell nor xenu but the concept hasnt been translated since the old gods dwelled here, in the deltas and by the fata morganas too deep into the desert like we are enveloped in dunes of skin but still do we feel it, the skin hunger, eating us, taking us back to other times and showing us how the past looks like the future but we don't know that- yet, for we are in the eternal chambers where there is no rest but the mind is intact

Did you wake up one morning with the answer or did it hit you as you walked through the graveyard smoking a joint with your best friend and it's summer and hot and green or did you read it, were you pushing yourself when it happened or weren't you, crouched on the couch, did you stop asking for more?

We weep for we do not know who we are, some of us prepared by trying to read the symbols that rearranges reality and we know what is coming to us but for those who don't know that the world ends as it begins and that the stakes are higher than what one realizes as we don't ourselves, stuck infront of a telly with a beer, stuck infront of a computer with a joint, stuck but feeling it somewhere, distant like the way it'll sound when we die and we're in the pure white light and a female voice that is the mother of all calls out after you and you let go and you find the rest that was prophesized and as her hand touches yours you explode like a thousand suns into a new universe, filled with life and light, filled with meaning

The snow falls on memories, taking them away for just long enough to let them fade, still to be cherished but not a part of the now but part of the somewhere, a piece of a shadow lingering and will not be whisked away and both of them are always there, both faces but after a while, shadow-boxing becomes tiresome even though you know and you settle for pleasant and you no longer try to fight and understand your demons but live on the grace of angels where you build your Silver City, your Jerusalem, your Babylon and you inhabit it as you listen to the angels and leave the demons only to come out when they must and what fiersome beasts they are when you no longer know them as brothers, know them by names but only by their howling

The drift thickens, black talons curse the sky and all men and women below it hoped like americans hope for their presidents that it wouldn't snow just yet, the sensation of spring in march makes it feel outlandish, different and new, like seen with fresh eyes, innocence walking out and onto the platforms and entering the City to try to learn the secrets of the virus

54
Or Kill Me / the day people
« on: February 27, 2012, 01:23:06 am »


They sing, those who toil the earth above, they sing songs of harvest, they sing songs of the weather and their gods and trolls, their aberrations their beliefs their dreams their hopes their fears all around the earth we have heard their song- slaves sing songs of freedom and hope, words disguised in chains, housewives singing of freedom but knowing hope to be a lost cause, thinking that none give her flowers

The songs are everywhere, among all men and all women, their shadows sing the songs of lost children, demented grannies and sick old people out in the streets, crying for something different, hoping for god or somesuch to come down from above and lift us anew into the realm of our own realities, comfortable underneath the skin, feeling the skin hunger vanish, seething dreams filled with poisonous pillows and covers drenched in sweat from every night, every waking nightmare, consuming

Did someone talk to you? Was that the regression from light, was that the abandonment of the day people, were they buried there or was it something else we dragged away into the night? Burdened were our shoulders but the weight of what world was upon it? We heard the whispers ourselves sometimes when we visited you in that basement but perhaps we were too weak

Perhaps our wills bent in other directions, perhaps god himself observed us perhaps this is a petri dish, dreams coated in agar and viewed through a microscope through time and we are just this new race of pets this overlord race wants to breed and

The sickness is in us, the destruction is final, it is fatal, it is a dream kept within a song, the song that was sung to begin the world and there will come a song that will end it if there are any left to sing it but the virus is spreading and mutating and its manifestations can not be seen as connected now but the army of the twelve monkeys did its

55
Or Kill Me / Of ends, beginnings, you me and everyone we know
« on: February 22, 2012, 11:17:28 pm »


"You will never understand
how it feels to live your life
with no meaning or control
and with nowhere left to go." - Common People by Pulp


In the holy machine where we worship the old and the few, where the dormant screams are heard for millennia across barren cities and drier lands, where the grass smothers like glass as ancient feet put one in front of the other as the holy machine opens up, reveals its rose amid the rubble, celestial shall they walk upon us, dreaming like we are as we walk through life but not believing anything for no age ends and no age begins, we are still in the dark ages, we are still in the renaissance we are still figuring out the same questions that plagued them then and will plague us till we all are dead, till the last light has been turned off till we have answered the questions ourselves

and moved on

Everyone comes into their proximity and through some unknown beam of memetic qualities, they are ideas, questions and concepts to be carried with you, some will find them by religion, others by popculture, most by philosophy, some by science some by insight others by drugs some in a downward spiral others going up but the questions remain like infatuations or a particulate pretty face or cute ass, we carry our emotions with us, we carry our questions and the answers we know in our gut but not the phonetics to describe the silver city, afloat on splendour and made holy by the machine or the city of dis, nestled close to the heart of all mankind for hell is in our hearts, hell is where rebellions will be sat into motion, hell is where those who descend ultimately will ascend, hell is chaos, hell is friction, hell is emotion while the tower, ivory white is doomed to fall to answer a question

Who am I?
A collection of meat blood and bones, an animal of intellect but an animal still- I have a craving for something more that most likely will remain with me until my death, Who I am does not matter, I like everything else has already been interpreted, weve already gone through a different machine and I am me only as far as your own skillset of references go

What was your face before you were born?
How were my emotions, how was my frame of mind before I had that shot and brew or before I smoked this joint, who was I when I woke up this morning? It was a beautiful morning and I woke ahead of time and it felt like cheating because it wasnt part of the plan, it was free time to marvel in the fog before coffee and cigarettes take it all away, I think thats the closest, those twenty minutes as the world wakes and your light isnt on and nothings on you just peer outside and you know you are invisible and none else have woken and here alone in your god-time you gaze at the unborn masses

Will the soufflé collapse?
Yes.

Here is our midlife crisis, coming onto us like mortal men twixt the monsters of Crowley and Spare battling the nephilim in the middle of our lunchdate with the girl that was quite hot back in community college and here we are brought back to Steve Reichs cave as we talk to the bartender on how much a sidecar is with the various brands and his words are wrapped around the items coming out of their mouths, one future wrapped around the face of a distant past, here

56
Or Kill Me / Made in Norway
« on: February 15, 2012, 11:34:24 pm »



We used to have trolls here, in the old days they lived in the parts of our hearts where mystery still exist or did, like they did, by the still lakes and the waterfalls or just in a clearing, a ring of mushrooms where each witch would partake every moon, where the lesser creatures in the night would make mischief in it while every fable visited us every year, at least once we saw them, waving them good-bye like old relatives whom we are not sure will be living or somewhere else, in the nothingness or in his dreams in his belief, all will turn gray and all gray will fade and I think we are beyond ends and beginnings now, childrens tales told by damned souls working for a buck, we are onto something else, we are moving furthur along the edges of the known, where reality is newt gingrinch telling the world that in eight years if god permits the moon will be made a state in the land of the free

We had trolls for the longest time, our silent partners in the rise of our nation, from being kinda good at pillaging way back to being in unions with elder brethren who understood the world so much more than us but then it hit us and it was trolls in specially fitted scuba gear that found it, many dying and never compensated and they were around but growing uncommon as a different age dawned, with their frequency being replaced with a louder signal, never nothing but louder

Soon, the forests cleared of the elvenkind and what is actually typically norwegian but none will tell, it was in the furthest trenches the opposition was fierce, older stories and ghosts, older nisser, vetter, haugetusser and the old knight, Ridder Vold, Knight of Violence whom would haunt the graveyard, killing passers by as he did, collecting the gold to pay passage on the river styx or perhaps the cover on the houseboat

The last trolls were the trolls that ran the subway in oslo, they stayed with us into the late eighties before they also vanished, creating the ghost of their station now only seen in bigger ad campaigns


There are still trolls here, some are sleeping and waiting for warmer times, others have passed on, their stories truth on with them and some await being born and some were birthed and active now but the distillation of knowledge is something we will never see, printed in schoolbooks 70 years from now or the information is just injected into your left eyeball, giving the never-ending Empire what it wants as it seizes your temporal lobe and you lie in blissful agony in a tank filled with LCL and the world is at your fingertips and you know who you are and you know you will emerge victorious as everything emerges and you know you are their black swan and youre playing it cool and humble and there comes the seizure again and youre heading there now, you are moving through thoughtspace to the allnow where all matter is condensed into time and no shadows are cast, by some seen as a swamp, a mesa or a plateau but youre deep in the dark heart of mythologys

57
Or Kill Me / The year the world would end
« on: January 03, 2012, 10:37:06 pm »


There is a fire in the sky and fireworks in the rain, here we were, the masses gathered to watch and participate and rejoice and be overcome by it, the sensation, the death of it us meager men and women scratching for something. Lost but none know where, there are shadows here, dreams are uneasy and uncertain but we know that god is watching, we know he sees us, we know he becomes us as our transition comes and every interpretation of death will now be sat to eary december twenties and there are probably many peope that believe it will end and more will come this year, the gathering of crows looking for their profit, smelling their pound of flesh but will there be a prophet, will there be a Promethea to usher in the end of the world?

Some say we are the shadows of four-dimensional objects, others say we are the lost colony that ventured out from kobol, some say we are the future and that the end of the world is an evolution in the sense of the mind because we use so little of it some say it is when the river of souls intersect with our reality and we meet them all, all the dead gods some say it is the wrath, the reckoning, others say it will be nuclear but all of them believe in the disintegration of our civilization

How many hope that it is the end?

At times I hope for it, I long and yearn for it but that is a passing darkness mended with coffee and cigarettes, a bite to eat or something else trivial, like ants we specialize and we are monsters now, we are shadows being trailed and now everyone might question themselves how we are going extinct but none will ask the heavens above if we deserve it

If the world ends it will end for no good factual reason at all but that will never matter, we will cease to be in that apocalyptic moment when Terim and Tarim join again

Do we deserve our death? is the question that will not be asked because it cant be sold or bartered with but just based on myself I would say yes and if I look around it feels more and more that this feeling of deja vu and it is a future memory and a bullet in the right place in the right time can change the world

58
Or Kill Me / let it burn (pt. 7)
« on: December 19, 2011, 03:51:18 am »


The brightest smile was what held us back, was what held us- there, in place. We do not know where we are going but that has never been a point, it was never a point until we had burger king talking to us about individuality

in a whopper and in us

I can see the reflection, it works, we are it, like punk was supposed to be something different but if you want to remake jazz you have to make it unsellable- there can only be one component in it and that must be its soul

Some time in the future I will lie next to her and I will ask why me and I will remember the answer I got, sixteen and tender but in such a love, such an undying passion, filled with the broken, filled with us and their hearts

We are not ourselves, I is an illusion and the silliest of them all, tried by philosophers and sci fi authors to find and define us, what we are, what makes us us and what would in the end unify us and Philip believed too much in the human condition but in the end, the good will not prevail and it is not because greed is more than good but we were never supposed to be sentient, we should never have left the trees but like a virus

we did

We have been here for so long, who remembers the ancient history? According to some, we have been here for six thousand years, others, a lot longer but lets fly with the six thousand, lets say we had four thousand years of civilization before the son of god was born and now two thousand years later we still find his lyrics viable in our society, still people believing that the world will end in a little over a year still people who believe something is sacred in this world, still people who believe in the profound,

the love

you never showed nobody other than yourself, hi, this is us in a handbasket being enveloped rather than developed

You walk in a different street on a different continent it will work out in the end i tell myself, it will not end as prophesized, it will be different like our difference, a connection I failed but still there, passing through the world, shallow as the hearts that wear it, never forget that you are one of them and in fact, I would recommend everyone to sell their soul at least one time during their professional careers just to see, to watch what you oppose, to remember it upon your body and to see the failure that makes the cogs turn the wheels spin for mediocrity is what is, what makes but it does not really matter

like us

59
Or Kill Me / Qliphoth or ghost in the machine (pt. 6)
« on: December 15, 2011, 03:13:16 am »


They are beautiful now, perhaps they have always been perhaps it was a different eye I used, perhaps I was someone else with different thoughts when I saw them for the first time, I might have changed, I might not have changed only realized that I have or should do or would do or could do

I have a recurring dream where I write a poem. The dream and the poem are always different but the title of the poem remains the same, I am a child of four, nothing more

Im going to watch my nephew as he turns four and I will answer you if it is sufficient or not but I am

a child of four, I will die a child of four and there will be no mother but no parent should outlive their child, they should never, it is the opposite of what should happen it might be me being conservative but bear with me, it might be the worst emotion I can imagine, that and or giving birth, I mean I can understand the love and the humanity of a future growing but there is also something more there, perhaps it was put there by hr giger, perhaps it wasnt but some say it is a disease

They say addiction is a disease and some say we are a virus, others will say anything so they can be portrayed as important and intelligent and some will just do something they are good at, do something good at their computers and they will be nerds but they will ask you

what can change the nature of a man?

and then they will present you with one of the most important experiences of the nineties and to me personally, it shows you only learn anything useful

there should be love, meeting us here at the threshold, the combination of worlds where men and lizards meet but the shadows are broken, the veil is true, it is true that all meetings end with departures but how those feasts will move and shatter the world and how a game of thrones will happen before we end

before we think, before we are and all dreams lie jumbled, lie sacred like lies and dreams but always closer to the lie, the lie to sleep, the lie to wake, the lie to dream, the lie to live, the lie to work the lie to exist the lie to love the lie to fear the lie to do because truth is something that hits us but it doesnt illuminate us, doesnt change us only make us into bitter comedians, thrown from windows, descending but not changing, dying, unchanged, knowing but unchanged

I know of worse deaths, I know some of the demons, they have sat with me and we have conversed and I have felt their nails like the first tendrils of mushroom making its way to where it is going feeling the tug of somethingmore, what michael bay calls the allspark that black stone down in mecca and the plateau of leng

As long as our evolution remains technology, no stories or experiences will be obsolete, everything will be the same or as solomon said, there is nothing new under the sun and you you fuckers you have said it, you have had it as a thought an idea and a concept but what if it was just a simple truth, told in the simplest of manners, where would your thoughts lead you?

What did you do when you found the abyss, when you saw the vortex and the maelstrom at the same time, watching you but with eyes more trained

There is only one road to hell and that is the one we travel and if you have to think about, what is there to fear for us in hell? A black sheep is still a sheep someone wise once said but you are allowed to choose and it is even sanctified by that dead dude who wrote the book and an ostrich or a czar can choose, it is the path with no choices that lead to a true hell

and some say the answers lie in a rock in australia, some say the queen of england has them or the bilderberg has them or mona lisa has them  just that someone has them, someone is possessing it all

like we possess the world, living ghosts kept alive by our ingenuity and our machines

60
Or Kill Me / 5th of December II (pt. 5)
« on: December 05, 2011, 11:59:15 pm »


Breathe. Breathe through me, you are me, I am your exhalation and the other one of us is you inhaling. Did we want a future when we sang no future, when the years didnt seem as real as they do now but now comes the exercises in breath. Here she comes, we can see her head now we can see it, the birth and the death, simultaneous creatures living in each others shadow, the same but different, yin and yang, a simple

I will die of a tumor first I think or a smoking related disease, yeah, that will fit the bill as well and it will be a hard one and it will be a struggle but as the machine fades

I will fade and there is a greater absence than when we were born and we seek the oblivion of memory, we seek the fade, the holy word and the indifferent world, the sensation of a hawk lifting from your arm, the sensation of the first plateau, this trip of life so beautifully unenhanced, so perfectly normal

Where would Crowley have gone? If he lived a couple of decades more, what if Crowley saw us through the war? Where is our world going where no one is seeing, where do we set aside our ideas ideals and concepts and play with the rest of them, giant retarded kids made of plastic, pliable

I am not who I am, I am someone different, something none have ever seen or will ever see but I am not me, I am me contained and I dont know why because all I would ever want to be is ethereal information, like gas or rain
I never woke up as myself, I was the body that Gregor Samsa once woke in, nothing more, a shattering of hearts

I was never me, I never chose to be me, I chose to be me from recollections of myself from when I was sixteen, what I wanted to be and what I remembered myself being because time is a bubble but I dont think the deja vus are memories of our future but we have those but they feel different, they feel worse, harder edges, a sense of dread and paranoia creeping up alongside them and in there the memory is found, in a flash but accurate like smell, this feeling like the first time

who is holding you except you?

When the warrior is broken, who will step in? Will it be the priest, armed with his faith or the magi, armed with his knowledge, will it be the whore, the uncorruptible, will it be the chef, the corruptible, the librarian, the waiter the assistant the janitor

Who will follow in his steps? Who will pick up the sword and continue the fight, who of me, who of us, all our aspects will accept what the warriors once did or are these traditions so watered out that when push comes to me, will reason win in the end? Even now? Is it reason that will break it as we realize we are somewhere else now and the warrior is no longer needed or is it madness that will tell us that they cannot defeat us now, now we strike those who wished for peace

but prepared for war

Like Hell attacking Heaven, here was the war born anew, within continents within unions within countries within counties, there is always something that we are looking at while doing our preordained tasks

and that is us, that is me and everyone I know, something that makes us human, a boring obersvation but a truth, no epiphanies or perfect epitaphs, no simple hits of wisdom, quotes of wit to be quoted for social redemption and popularity

it will end in grey, it will fade and blur out, it will have the effect of being cancelled out, disappearing into the shadows, mortal beings, astronomers astrologers three kings went to a barn and three men came out but this was a new god wasnt it why would the old gods want their servants those filthy stinking dirty terrist arabs to hail a new king or did the put someone else there had they given birth to a fake messiah these three men or was it witchcraft

something that didnt float, weighted down with stones, a splash is heard in the thames but never seen, what do they want to show us, intrepid ghosts of this past as they commit an atrocity to god

century after century

They chose, they made a choice, every cautionary tale you ever heard of made the bolder the stupider the riskier choice, the one with the most profit and so did every other tale you ever heard, the just landed on the flipside, the made splashes, there were no military style dives as we went for the pearls of life down the cliffs being watched by horny mothers, drunk at noon on goblets they wear twixt their fingers and they are practiced in the art of deception

but here we go, here go the ripples like when your toe shoots up through the water descending into air, growing in impossible angles but perfect

like a death

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