Do you ever wanna just divorce ReAlItY? Do you wanna divorce unreality too? Do you wanna SERVE service and fire your bosses? Do you wanna get legally divorced from the courts? Do you wanna divorce religion, government, family (though they are quite valuable), and blithering bad influences like me?
Well now you can. Here at the Gefuckout Divorce Chapel, you can channel your anger into any divorce you lovely well please. Just five minutes of anger damages the relationship for ten generations. So go on. Give it a shot. I now declare you mono y mono.
I have a really annoying friend who calls me on the phone at least twice a week.
When I answer, she says "Yeeeessss?" - like I'm the one calling and she's annoyed about it.
Pisses me off and I told her we're gonna get a divorce if she doesn't knock it off.
She did it again today, so she's history. :evil:
How long before the divorce is final and can I offer you a cookie for this great service you're providing?
Oh I'm divorced from cookies, pop-up ads and the like. And divorces are always final, but you can always make-up using the finest perfumes, blushes, polish, and assorted toiletry ointments at your local bathroom sink.
I'd like to divorce from my mind, but the problem is that I've been cheating on it with my heart, and now we (heart and I) have children of ours, lovely little relationships and passions, whom I want to be proud of both their parents openly, so I have to divorce my mind and then marry my heart.
Can you help me Devin ? What do I have to do so that my mind does not get control of half of my body and other worldly possessions ? I'd hate it if my mind started making me do things just to make me pay for ditching it in favor of my heart...
Well, you could just divorce your whole self. Lots of people do that. It's a rare couple that talks about the self as if the self is who the person actually is! Why, that would be preposterous. The self is merely a possession. But then the mind can be a tricky bastard so I'll just smash the filthy thing in for you.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
I'm divorcing most things concerning any religion including this place so you guys are just gonna have to divorce yourselves. Slaps and kisses! Bye bye!
~Me
::waves::
lol.
:roll:
Hoarb, yyou should divorce something...
Quote from: HotsumaHoarb, yyou should divorce something...
chemical marriage is eternal.
more or less...
i sorta divorced consoles tho, now that i ponder long and hard. damn that mario and his crazy mushroom war! damn him to eternal hell!
I was thinking of divorcing myself from sobriety.
Quote from: illusionI was thinking of divorcing myself from sobriety.
diviorce is final tho, and i for one like a good little quicky wioth sobriety here and there for ol times' sake.
I would like to divorce my plastic friend jim.....
jim came to me like a new found hope. I bought him a local boutique called "doctor johns." he was kinda ugly a skinny ron jeremy looking fellow with tiny little legs and no man parts to be had. I think i bought him more as a joke. i blew him up and would tease my lovely friend tim with him often asking if he could sleep in bed with us.. of coarse it mad tim jealous and was kinda amusing to watch his reactions to the plastic beast.
one horrible day I came home to find jim laying on my bed.. My foster dog merrick shredding his head off. Who thought this sight would disarray me like it did.. I flipped out grabbing jim's body that was left and holding him close to me.
The next day armed with a lighter and straight iron i proceeded to melt jims neck back together.. he was headless but for the most part, fixed. jim was later colored on by angry lesbians. (also jealous of him) a fake penis with premature ejaculation problems, explosive diarhea, itchy athlete's foot, etc. etc. now tattooed his body. If anything i loved him more with his flaws...
that was ages ago...I've made plans again and again to "rid of jim" but never follow them through. Tim is gone, the lesbians are gone, I've even moved 300 miles away. jim is still with me.. I feel it's time to set him free, He is my secuirity, but i am starting a new chapter in my life. One hopefully jimless..
Any ideas on the disposal?
Quote from: Demon seed#threeI would like to divorce my plastic friend jim.....
jim came to me like a new found hope. I bought him a local boutique called "doctor johns." he was kinda ugly a skinny ron jeremy looking fellow with tiny little legs and no man parts to be had. I think i bought him more as a joke. i blew him up and would tease my lovely friend tim with him often asking if he could sleep in bed with us.. of coarse it mad tim jealous and was kinda amusing to watch his reactions to the plastic beast.
one horrible day I came home to find jim laying on my bed.. My foster dog merrick shredding his head off. Who thought this sight would disarray me like it did.. I flipped out grabbing jim's body that was left and holding him close to me.
The next day armed with a lighter and straight iron i proceeded to melt jims neck back together.. he was headless but for the most part, fixed. jim was later colored on by angry lesbians. (also jealous of him) a fake penis with premature ejaculation problems, explosive diarhea, itchy athlete's foot, etc. etc. now tattooed his body. If anything i loved him more with his flaws...
that was ages ago...I've made plans again and again to "rid of jim" but never follow them through. Tim is gone, the lesbians are gone, I've even moved 300 miles away. jim is still with me.. I feel it's time to set him free, He is my secuirity, but i am starting a new chapter in my life. One hopefully jimless..
Any ideas on the disposal?
get a gun(a powerful pistol is good), and take jim otu to the desert. prop him up or weight him ro whatever and have at er
but i would still keep his body.... i've killed him before...
but i.....
always....
..
bring him....
...
home.......
:SIGH:
then your hopeless.
dam
A burial at sea is befitting any good headless pirate
Quote from: DonkeyotayA burial at sea is befitting any good headless pirate
if i mail him to you.. would you do the honors?
i'll chicken out
Quote from: Demon seed#threeQuote from: DonkeyotayA burial at sea is befitting any good headless pirate
if i mail him to you.. would you do the honors?
i'll chicken out
Of coure I will! Maybe I will even take pictures.
:shock: Donkey! shame on you....
you know we shouldn't talk about that kind of stuff here......
We should only talk about demonseed's private secret #4 identity!
I was one drunken Apollo when I wrote the previous post. #4 secret identity? I doubt that I want to know because knowing is half the battle and when Armagedon's done, the world's done for.
Quote from: AnonymousI was one drunken Apollo when I wrote the previous post. #4 secret identity? I doubt that I want to know because knowing is half the battle and when Armagedon's done, the world's done for.
Armagedon is coming.. it will be here sunday :twisted:
Darn! I was gonna go to the beach.
armageddons come and go but beaches will be here for a while
you knwo that movie beaches is a sign of the apocalypse.
beaches? that sounds nice...
maybe i'll hike out into the desert with a bottle of water and create one of my own!
:::Grabs sea shell, holding it up to her ear:::
8)
beaches huh?
Just got back from the beach. And for a running count; two hours untill the armageddon.
QuoteJust got back from the beach. And for a running count; two hours untill the armageddon.
Shotgun!
Yes, I agree. Why was there no shotgun in the entire movie "Signs?"
Because all they needed was crucifixes and holy water?
I divorce the entire idea that M. Night Shyamalan is a revolutionary filmmaker. So he made one good movie. So what?
Quote from: 8Because all they needed was crucifixes and holy water?
No, it was just a baseball bat and plain water.
That movie was such a Wizard of Oz ripoff. Aliens from outer space come to earth and can't even handle water. What a stupid movie.
I would like to divorce my hormones :roll:
And then he made The Village which was even worse. Let the bad color be not seen! That movie can be flushed down the red sea for all I care.
Maybe you can feed all your hormones to Jim and then sell him for fun and profit as a magically imbued love doll. No more hormones and no more Jim.
Oh yeah. I'm not supposed to be around Eris anymore. Don't tell the judge.
Quote from: Demon seed#threeI would like to divorce my hormones :roll:
I don't think they will grant you one