Messages

lugnuts.

cause theyre like tools... for tools.

vexati0n,
not with it tonight.

i'm not being humble, i just thought a reply should go there.

but i do like the idea of a word for newer noobs.  something with the same connotation as pinky mice, maybe.

heh.

vexati0n,
207 posts later, still a n00b.

and quick.

Note:  Maria doesn't believe in the internets, but she is a ranter of epic proportions.  I give you The Brag of the UberYetiEss:

HEY, STICKBOY!  I am the uberwoman!  My ovaries are full of ball bearings and my tampons are radioactive!  I shit concertina wire, my vibrator has a kickstart, and I go drinking with Themis and Columbia!  My boogers are made of stainless steel!  You better stand back, little man, because I'm a dead shot and a live wire, with ass-penetrating boots!  I use mascara on all 3 eyes, and I have no king but Elvis!  My legs are 3 miles long, and I can slam a revolving door!  I drink whiskey and puke kerosene!  I got busted by DHS and copped a feel!  YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU'LL ONLY DIE TIRED!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

can i have maria when you're done with her?

Jenne:

yeah, you're right.

RWHN, i had the same thought this xmas.  it's ridiculous how everybody has to put on so much stress and worry so much about having the perfect christmas, that by the time it's over everyone is in a sour mood and hasn't had any fun at all the whole time.  we keep the kids out too late, we cook the 'whats in this year' food for the so-called "feast" (you know, the one where you're not allowed to eat til you're full because that's uncouth), we snap pictures of fake smiles and fake comaradarie while everyone is wishing they could have just stayed in bed.

that isnt christmas.

even if your opponent in a debate isn't serious about getting to the bottom of a topic, it can still be useful to talk to them.  you can learn your own argument more thoroughly, or learn a few things about why idiots think like they do.

and sometimes, they don't consider the possibility that they're wrong, because they aren't.

our wallets used to carry proof of identity.
now they carry our actual identities.

pictures that tell us who we are.  why we are here.

plastic cards that tell us we need things.

this is the detachable identity. because studies have shown that 6 in 7 people wouldn't go home after their boring work day was done if they didn't remember they were supposed to.

steal somebody's wallet, and put pictures of your own kids in their and take theirs out, and see how long it takes them to notice.  see if they show off your kid to somebody else and put it back in their pocket without even blinking.

buy them a beer, they need it.

also,

jesus is one fucking hell of a guy.  my dad knows jesus, or at least that's what he told me.

jesus is always blessing him.  last year, he blessed my dad with a grand piano for only $2500. a baby grand piano.

a couple months ago, jesus blessed my dad by issuing him a notice from the IRS that he owes $32,000 in social security payments they never should have given him because somebody behind a desk didn't file a paper in time.  jesus is awesome.

yesterday, jesus came through with yet another blessing, and has probably given my dad the best gift of all: leukemia.

if i had a friend like jesus, i'd feed him a banana split with cyanide sprinkles.  just sayin.

[attn: noobs]

attn: noobs

the OP in this thread should be ignored at all costs.  do NOT behave like a good little monkey, especially not around the holidays.  please disregard all warnings in this thread and act like you know What's Really Happening, just because you got a chuckle from the one about the toilet falling on the guy's head.


vexati0n,
didn't get any pumpkin pie this year, and eating you alive is the next best thing.

i'd just like to say,



that's all.


oh, and merry xmas.

[Q:]

It only works if you sacrifice 6,000,000,000 men, women, and children.

ha!

BAD JOKE:

Q: How do you save a species heading for self-destruction?
A: Kill them. (or kill me)

we already tried swinging through the trees and living in caves.  obviously, it just led us to where we are today.

REPEAT HISTORY! IT WILL SAVE YUO FROM THE FUTURE!

did you know: Earth has resources and arable land capable of supporting 100 billion human beings?

what's sad isn't that there there are people starving in the world right now.  what's sad is that so many people have been convinced that euthanasia and selective breeding are more realistic answers to starvation than distributing resources fairly.

then again, given humanity's track record in the field of social justice, pregnancy licenses and 'mercy' killings probably are more realistic.

expect the CIA at your house in T minus 35 minutes.