A few hours ago, I learned a good friend of mine committed suicide. In addition to heartbroken friends such as myself, he leaves behind a wife, son, and daughter.
He was one of the last great people I know. They certainly don't make them like that anymore. He was a wood carver, and had made some of the most beautiful works I have ever seen. He had lost a 2 year old daughter early last year, and hadn't really come back from that.
I'm pretty shaken up, but what's really getting to me is the stupid things people say. "He was depressed and wasn't seeking treatment...", "He wasn't coping with the loss well," and "I'm shocked, but not surprised."
What the hell is it with people? Why do they say shit like that? Why say anything at all? If we simply spent 10 minutes in silence on the phone, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. Even a "man, that sucks..."
I wish he was here. He was the type that would call this shit for what it was. I remember around Christmas when a relative asked him "How many kids do you two want?" Yeah, asking the guy going through his first Christmas without his youngest. His reply, "All of them."
I'm hurting, but after these conversations, I'm angry too. I'm starting to see the shitty support system he had. Why are we stuck with such dipshits, this day and age?
Sorry... Just needed to let loose. Take care PD'ers.
I'm sorry for your loss. Let as loose as you want.
Why? Mental illness.
Mentally healthy people don't kill themselves, barring horrible terminal illness, etc.
This is one of the three main problems I have with the Catholic church's beliefs.
Shit in everyone of those jackass's mouth!
IKK, that's a horrible thing to be going through.
You have my sympathies, and my ear, though I don't have much to offer.
Hopelessness is a hard thing to bear.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 30, 2014, 02:12:02 AM
Why? Mental illness.
Mentally healthy people don't kill themselves, barring horrible terminal illness, etc.
This is one of the three main problems I have with the Catholic church's beliefs.
Pretty sure the question isn't "why did my friend kill himself?" but "why are people such shitbricks about my friend killing himself?"
My sympathies to you IKK, and to your late friend's surviving family. It's going to be hard for them making it through the next while and I hope that you and those of their friends that aren't shitbricks can help them through it.
Shitbricks? I think it's more about "what the hell DO you say about something like that?"
American culture does not train people to be silent. They have to say SOMETHING, so they fuck up, with nothing but the best of intentions.
I am so sorry man, I wish there were words I could say that would help what you are feeling.
Vent as much as you need.
I think you're pretty much right about that, Rog. I feel like in each interaction, the wheels were turning and they were thinking "Man, I need to impart some sort of wisdom to make this conversation a valuable one."
But in situations like these, I don't want anything. Everything that was of value was spilled onto the bathroom sink. Just let me know, somehow, that I'm not the only one who feels beaten down by this. After that, shut up. Just wallow in it with me. There's no reassurances, just a new nothingness. Maybe at some point I'll need a hug, but stop with the armchair psychiatry and office poster philosophy.
Anyway...thank you, everyone, for the kind words.
I spent a good amount of time on the phone with his wife. Hardest thing I've ever done. We didn't say much, we just recalled a few old stories and shared long exhales and quiet in between. It's almost like she and I were doing our best to convince each other that we witnessed him, and it wasn't just our imagination. I don't know. I just hope none of those people said any of that dumb shit to her. She's really fragile right now. She's lost two members of her family in less than a year. She said the last thing she said to him was "Don't forget the stuff in the dryer." It seemed like any other day, this morning. Now, it's just completely fucked for her.
My wife is driving out to try and help. She texted me a bit ago and said "I hope [son] and [daughter] are in bed. I'm not ready to see them" and that hit me pretty hard.
Have a good night, all. I'm going to stare out the window for a while.
There's nothing I could really say to make this any easier. I wish there was.
I'll say "I'm so sorry."
I know how lame that sounds when someone you care about just offed themselves, though.
I'm so sorry, IKK.
It's incredibly difficult to make sense out of suicide. It just is. No platitudes or attempts at reasoning make it easier to come to terms with.
There's just a lot of stupid people out there. I've wanted to hit people with folding chairs at funerals. Badly.
My condolences, man.