Messages

First you must put on your hard-hat.

No, seriously, dude, this place is a hundred years old and hasn't seen any repairs in the last twenty.

Now, we've got to rip this plaster and lathe down. It's moldy back there. Once that's done, we get to replace any of the studs that are rotted. You'd think that would be easy, but this place has settled over the years. There's not a single straight line left in it, nor one square angle. No two of these studs will be equal.

What's that? It wouldn't be that way in a new house? There's one across the street. Take your tape measure and go find me two walls exactly the same size.

It goes deeper than that. That 2x4 is really a 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.

It's all about approximation.

Because Eris hated that Pythagoras was smarter than her. He had to show off, and us poor grunts who actually do stuff have been paying for it ever since.

Get all misty for about ten seconds and then recall that my prank is ruined - by a mortal.

I reward him with immortality, Moorcock style, where he's yanked out of his existence at random to go heroing in other continua.

Then I invent the game of bridge because I can.

Here's what I have so far.


"T'was a cold night, and the moonlight
Danced upon the quay
THAT ASS, THOUGH

Stuck right there.

Quite took my breath away

In the moonlight, in it's cold light
As the waters danced
THAT ASS, YO
Made me want to skip romance

...

Kinda hard to poetry from a scene I never saw...

Yup. Jalapeños, greasy meat of some sort, cheese and carbs of some sort will almost always come out delicious.

Itll kill you eventually, of course, but it's worth it. Sort of like smoking, driving, drinking or watching Fox News.

That may be thé most awesome thing I've read today.

Also,

Ridiculously Easy Beef and Bean Burritos

1 lb hamburger (70/30 for purists)
1 white onion
1 tsp minced garlic
Cumin and jalapeño and salt to taste
1 can refried beans
1 pkg flour tortillas

Fry burger, half the onion, garlic and spices. When burger is done, add beans.
Cook until mixture is hot. Remove from heat, glob onto tortillas and eat.

EDIT - forgot to mention, chop the remaining onion into mixture for added piqaunce
Garnishes such as cheese, salsa, sour cream and/or lager to taste.

You mean there are actually places where you can't find chorizo?

I guess I figured if it can be found out here in the wastelands of Iowa, it must be universally available.

For those poor bastards who can't find it locally - mexicanchorizoproducts.com.

Because it's that good.

Wow.

It's like Tijuana in allegedly liquid form.

Have people actually managed to swim in this?

Sweet. Ima go for a dip before the bureaucracy gets in gear.

The pool is the first place I was planning to check out. It hasnt been quarantined and/or nuked yet, has it?

Couldn't help myself. There was an old lady who sold burritos off a cart outside my apartment building when I lived in Juarez. This foulmouthed crone served up some of the best food I ever had.

The Burrito Lady's Super Secret Breakfast Burrito Recipe

1 pack flour tortillas
1 pkg pork chorizo
1 jalapeño
6-8 eggs
1 lb Oaxaca cheese (mozzarella works if you can't get Oaxaca)
1 bottle Dos Equis

Grate cheese.
Remove chorizo from casing and fry.
When chorizo has degenerated into a sloppy mess, open Dos Equis.
Sip Dos Equis. After five minutes or half a bottle, stir chorizo, lower heat and add eggs.
Scramble eggs into chorizo. Chop jalapeño.
Increase heat and stir in cheese and jalapeño.
Stir until the aroma drives you insane with gluttony.
Remove from heat, warm tortillas, wrap mixture in them and glory in the awesomeness.
Also, drink the other half of the Dos Equis.

Hi all. I've been lurking around here for a while now, and after this I plan to lurk still more until I get my computer fixed and have something to post from that's not a tiny little cell phone.