Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 17, 2013, 05:58:45 PM

Title: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 17, 2013, 05:58:45 PM
Zero Structural Integrity Peanut Butter Cookies

     > 1 cup peanut butter (creamy or crunchy)
     > 1 cup brown sugar
     > 1 egg

Preheat oven to 350
Mash together everything in a bowl
Scoop out onto ungreased cookie sheets (optionally lined with parchment paper).
(Optional: mash flat with fork dipped in granulated sugar)
Cook for not very long
Take out of the oven when edges are firm but the centers are still mushtastic.
Leave on the cookie sheet until you're afraid they'll start burning
Transfer to wire rack


FAQ:
Can I add stuff to these cookies?
Yes! Remember that the more stuff you add the more they will crumble.

I made these cookies and they have structural integrity, what did I do wrong?
Those cookies are burnt.

Can I make these cookies with a non-zero value for structural integrity?
Yes. Add a couple tablespoons of flour. More flour = more structural integrity.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Suu on April 18, 2013, 12:34:41 AM
I have everything I need to make those RIGHT NOW.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 18, 2013, 12:36:26 AM
Quote from: Suu on April 18, 2013, 12:34:41 AM
I have everything I need to make those RIGHT NOW.
It's THE BEST for that! Also because I can always remember it.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Salty on April 18, 2013, 12:53:53 AM
I SHALL TRY THIS WITH SUNFLOWER BUTTER!
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 18, 2013, 01:06:31 AM
Chocolate Covered Sea Urchins

     > 1 cup peanut butter
     > 1 cup brown sugar
     > 1 egg
     > 3 or 4 heaping tablespoons flour
     > Chow Mein or other crunchy noodles
     > One bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
     > 2 or 3 tablespoons butter
     > a little heavy cream

Follow the recipe for peanut butter cookies above, but add the flour and roll cookies into small balls about 1 inch before putting on the pan
While the cookies are still hot after coming out of the oven, stick in noodles so they look like little tentacle monsters
Melt the chocolate
Add a little heavy cream
Freak out because the chocolate is getting grainy
Look up the recipe you were trying to remember off the top of your head
Melt butter into chocolate
Relax as chocolate takes on nicer shiny texture
Add a little more heavy cream
Using a rubber spatula to keep the chocolate moving over very low heat, drop one sea urchin into the pot
Drizzle chocolate over the sea urchin until covered
Using some kind of slotted spoon or fork, remove the sea urchin and place on a lined cookie sheet
Repeat until you are out of sea urchins or chocolate
Put the finished urchins in the fridge to solidify
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Suu on April 21, 2013, 04:18:57 AM
Okay, THOSE sound like fun! Messy, messy fun!
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 21, 2013, 05:23:36 PM
And just challenging enough to be interesting. I like the chocolate suspense.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 25, 2013, 12:16:46 AM
Chocolate Salty Balls

     > 8 oz semi-sweet chocolate
     > 1/4 cup heavy cream
     > 2 tbsp butter
     > 1 1/2 tbsp vodka
     > cocoa powder
     > powdered sugar
     > coarse-ground sea salt

put the chocolate in a food processor and chop the fuck out of it
put the cream and butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke them until the cream is boiling (~ 1 min)
pour the cream and butter into the food processor and run until the chocolate is melty
add vodka
put it all in a bowl, cover it, and leave in the fridge overnight
sleep
mix remaining dry ingredients in a shallow bowl or dish
scoop out truffle mixture, roll into balls, and roll in the dry mix
serve in pairs
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Suu on April 26, 2013, 06:56:41 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 25, 2013, 12:16:46 AM
Chocolate Salty Balls

     > 8 oz semi-sweet chocolate
     > 1/4 cup heavy cream
     > 2 tbsp butter
     > 1 1/2 tbsp vodka
     > cocoa powder
     > powdered sugar
     > coarse-ground sea salt

put the chocolate in a food processor and chop the fuck out of it
put the cream and butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke them until the cream is boiling (~ 1 min)
pour the cream and butter into the food processor and run until the chocolate is melty
add vodka
put it all in a bowl, cover it, and leave in the fridge overnight
sleep
mix remaining dry ingredients in a shallow bowl or dish
scoop out truffle mixture, roll into balls, and roll in the dry mix
serve in pairs

Oh. My. God.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 26, 2013, 07:17:21 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 25, 2013, 12:16:46 AM
Chocolate Salty Balls

     > 8 oz semi-sweet chocolate
     > 1/4 cup heavy cream
     > 2 tbsp butter
     > 1 1/2 tbsp vodka
     > cocoa powder
     > powdered sugar
     > coarse-ground sea salt

put the chocolate in a food processor and chop the fuck out of it
put the cream and butter in a microwave safe bowl and nuke them until the cream is boiling (~ 1 min)
pour the cream and butter into the food processor and run until the chocolate is melty
add vodka
put it all in a bowl, cover it, and leave in the fridge overnight
sleep
mix remaining dry ingredients in a shallow bowl or dish
scoop out truffle mixture, roll into balls, and roll in the dry mix
serve in pairs

The Grail of cookies. Thanks!

And I'm contemplating experimenting with various flavored liqueurs instead of vodka. Oh, dear...  :lulz:
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: LMNO on April 26, 2013, 07:30:00 PM
That's not a cookie.  That's an angel's nutsack.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 26, 2013, 07:45:34 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 26, 2013, 07:30:00 PM
That's not a cookie.  That's an angel's nutsack.

The Grail of angel's nutsacks, then.
OH HELL YEAH.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 26, 2013, 08:36:28 PM
It's a lightly modified version of a black russian truffle recipe I found online, I just omitted the coffee liquor. I wanted to make sure that they would have the longest shelf-life possible, which meant reducing the overall available water and including alcohol. The nice thing about using vodka as a base is you can roll it in almost anything (the plans for next batch include orange rind and red pepper flakes).
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 26, 2013, 09:20:36 PM
Mini Fruit Pies

     > 1/2 cup softened butter
     > 1/4 cup brown sugar
     > 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
     > 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
     > 1/4 teaspoon salt
     > 1 egg
     > 1/2 cup honey
     > 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
     > 2 1/2 cups flour
     > Apple jelly (about half a small jar)
     > 1 cup chopped mixed dried fruit (as delivered: cranberries, mango, and apricot)
     > 1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts

Beat the butter. Cry because you do not have an electric mixer and this is the fourth recipe in a row that thinks you do.
Add brown sugar, coriander and salt.
Substitute baking powder for baking soda because you don't know the difference and you have one but not the other. Add it.
Mash everything a lot.
Add egg, honey, and vanilla.
Add the flour.
Wish you were born part-gorilla.
Cover and stick it in the fridge 3 hours or overnight.
-wait-
Preheat oven to 350
Grease every other cup in a muffin pan.
Roll out the dough in small batches and push into the greased cups.
Drop fruit and nuts into pies.
Drop a spoonful of apple jelly over fruit and nuts.
Roll out more dough for the top crusts.
Pinch the top and bottom crusts together.
Bake.
Take out of the oven when the edges of the crusts threaten to burn.
Flip onto a wire rack to cool.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on April 26, 2013, 09:29:41 PM
Those fucking chocolate balls were so amazing that I took them and ate them ALL. Omnomnom.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on April 26, 2013, 09:48:15 PM
Cinnamon Challenge Cookies

Short version: take a normal chocolate chip cookie recipe, replace chocolate chips with cinnamon chips, replace vanilla with about hald as much ground cinnamon, sprinkle cookies with cinnamon sugar before baking.

Long version later.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Pergamos on April 28, 2013, 09:15:42 AM
I think i will have to make a batch of salty balls at some time in the near future.  Those were so amazingly delicious.  I don't usually like salt with sweet but dear sweet goddess those were yummy.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 28, 2013, 05:53:41 PM
Yes, they made chocolate pretzels look SAD.

They're like a SECRET CHOCOLATE WEAPON OF WIN.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 22, 2014, 09:57:27 PM
Fuck! I thought I put the Apricot bastards recipe here!
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 22, 2014, 10:00:05 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 22, 2014, 09:57:27 PM
Fuck! I thought I put the Apricot bastards recipe here!

Uh-oh.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 22, 2014, 11:53:01 PM
cookie baking is Not Going Well.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Doktor Howl on November 24, 2014, 12:43:36 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 22, 2014, 11:53:01 PM
cookie baking is Not Going Well.

So do something unexpected. 
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 24, 2014, 02:02:08 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 24, 2014, 12:43:36 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 22, 2014, 11:53:01 PM
cookie baking is Not Going Well.

So do something unexpected.

Day 2 of baking went much better. Only sacrificed three cookies to the floor and one fail brownie to the children. Also the Apricot Bastards are done.
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Doktor Howl on November 24, 2014, 02:07:49 PM
:banana:
Title: Re: QG's Cookie Recipe Thread
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on December 11, 2014, 04:55:36 PM
Peppermint Surprise Brownies

     > 1 1/2 cups melted butter
     > 3 cups sugar
     > 5 eggs
     > 2 cups flour
     > 1 cup cocoa powder (+ extra for dusting)
     > 1 tsp baking powder
     > 1/2 tsp salt
     > 12 york candies

Melt butter, mix in sugar, delight in unabashedly  sugary, fatty mess.
Add eggs.
In another, larger bowl, mix together the dry stuff. Combine wet and dry ingredients.
omg you guys this looks so good seriously
Grease muffin tins and coat with cocoa powder*
Fill tins halfway with brownie batter
Place one candy in the center of each
Add enough brownie batter to cover the candy, leaving a little space to the top of the muffin cups
You will have extra brownie batter, reserve it for other recipes.
Bake for a while -- maybe half an hour? -- until the tops of the brownies are firm and generally "seem done"
Extract from muffin tins and let cool on a wire rack.


* OR use muffin tins that haven't lost their non-stickiness from years of abuse OR make regular brownies instead of muffin tin brownies and use 24 candies instead of twelve, cooking for about 55 minutes.