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Messages - Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#31681
Quote from: Triple Zero on January 23, 2012, 01:53:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 23, 2012, 05:34:40 AMECH is guilty of many crimes, and his bizarre deformities are no excuse.  You ever notice that his pictures are always high angle or from the waist up?  It's because his legs are only 6 inches long, and he smacks his balls on the floor with every step...And he LIKES IT.  This only serves to make that weird dance he does on the wharf all the more horrifying, but he just won't fucking stop.  It makes no Goddamn sense, he just does that strange high-speed jitterbug on his stumpy legs, right down the pier, while all the NORMAL sailors scream in terror and try to hide behind their hookers.

The rumours of the CIA's project to create an army of mutant gorilla-penguin hybrid warriors are of course just rumours.

And the official story is that none of their experiments survived for more than a few hours, days tops, before getting locked into an ejaculation loop, doesn't stop until he's dead. The whole body just gets consumed in producing semen, you can eat all day and all night but you can't keep up when you're shooting the moisturiser like a fucked up oil rig. It's officially denied that none of them ever figured out how to properly perform the ball-stomping dance to prevent squirting your squid to death.

The comments on that are hilarious! Youtube never fails to remind me of how moronic people are.
#31682
Or Kill Me / Re: Hollywood Must Be Destroyed
January 23, 2012, 06:45:57 AM
Quote from: Don Coyote on January 23, 2012, 06:42:20 AM
Just at the other two people. The young lady looks like some sort of mind control is being used on her and her friend has to look of, "I have seen things and I am not allowed to speak of them"

WHAT MIND SORCERY ARE TWID AND VILLAGER PERFORMING???
#31683
Bring and Brag / Re: Yes, I am a hooker.
January 23, 2012, 06:44:23 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on January 23, 2012, 06:24:21 AM
Quote from: Nigel on January 22, 2012, 09:58:13 PM
Quote from: Doktor M. Phox0 on January 22, 2012, 08:42:10 PM
Quote from: Nigel on January 22, 2012, 08:35:19 PM
Quote from: Doktor M. Phox0 on January 22, 2012, 08:22:13 PM
Quote from: Nigel on January 22, 2012, 08:17:35 PM
Quote from: Doktor M. Phox0 on January 22, 2012, 08:13:45 PM
Don't you know, Nigel? Trade shows are completely free and require no time investment whatsoever. You could go to a trade show in Boston and be home in time to make 800 beads before lunch. Clearly, you are just doin' it wrong.

:lol:

The one about hiring people to make my beads always cracks me up. IT MAKES NO SENSE.
That one is just bizarre, yeah. I mean... all I can relate it to is telling van Gogh that he should hire someone to paint for him.  :lol:

Well, there's the art aspect (if I didn't make it, I can't really sell it as my own work), but even with simplest beads it makes zero economic sense; I would either have to pay someone an hourly wage and teach them how to make beads, or buy them by the piece from someone who already knows how, and there is no conceivable reason that anyone would sell me their work for half what they could sell it for themselves. And, even if I could find such people, at that point I'm not a beadmaker, I'm just a bead store.
And unless you sell enough beads that you can't actually produce them as fast as you sell them, you will simply hemorrhage money in you try to hire someone, right? PEOPLE ACTUALLY DID NOT REALIZE THIS?  :aaa:

They actually did not.  :lol:

Next time someone suggests something like that, I'm going to suggest that they hire someone to do their job so that they have more time to do other things. Because in an alternate universe, that makes COMPLETE SENSE.

Outsourcing *sage nod* even the Amish are doing it, with their quilts. I'm sure there's some starving kids in Guatemala who have access to all the equipment they'd need to make your beads in 1/3 the time for 1/10th the price. Then you could make BILLIONS.

BAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA

Yes. Dude, we should just both be like "hey, email my rep" and then my friends can email you and your friends can email me, and we can both tell each other's friends and acquaintances that they are idiots.
#31684
I never watched Twin Peaks but now have a feeling as if I should.
#31685
Or Kill Me / Re: Hollywood Must Be Destroyed
January 23, 2012, 06:40:05 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 23, 2012, 05:39:38 AM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on January 23, 2012, 12:58:36 AM


^Twid,
Guilty of the anarchy thing, even if it is economy specific.

Villager always has that sinister-looking smile on her face.  It isn't a happy smile, it's a BAD SMILE.

You know, I was thinking this, but I didn't want to say it.







Because I don't want her to hurt me.
#31686
This post completely triggered my PD gland, and it made me go
:peedee:
#31687
Or Kill Me / Re: My dad
January 23, 2012, 06:25:14 AM
Thanks. He is an amazing man.

In some way, I sometimes wonder if everyone has giants in their lives... or if there is a factor in which those of us who are affected by giants find each other.
#31688
Or Kill Me / My dad
January 23, 2012, 06:16:34 AM
My dad comes over every Saturday and... well, I kind of just wish that there was someone here besides the kids to listen to this shit. It's a recap of the same things he's told me every week for the last 5 years, intermixed with horrifyingly personal reminiscence and personal information. This is a very different dad from the one I remember from just a few years ago... no less long-winded, but more scattered and less filtered. I have been getting (and trying to hide from) the feeling that this is the last wind of a man who is on the decline into dementia. He corners me in a room while I clean furiously, and tells me deeply personal stories, stories that often make me uncomfortable, but I can sense that he feels like they are important, and that I am one of the few people... or maybe the only person... he can tell them to. I am, he likes to remind me, his baby girl. His littlest daughter.

I'm not sure if this is better or worse than what we used to do on Saturdays, which is argue about politics. He said that I was the spitting image of his mother, Ida Bea, in personality as well as looks, and so Ida Bea is the name he calls me when I'm being obstinate or argumentative or opinionated. My dad used to love to get me riled up, because he said that everyone else is scared of him and I'm the only one who will get in his face and argue. God fucking damn, that man could piss me off. He would come over and almost before he was in the door he would posit some ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY BULLSHIT premise, and I would tear it apart while he defended it and I became increasingly enraged and frustrated, pulling myself as tall as I could and glaring up at this big smug motherfucker in his fucking green beret and yelling "THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!".

Eventually I would defeat him and he would ruffle my hair and say "OK, Ida Bea, you win." After years of this, when he revealed to me that he was just messing with me because he liked that I would argue, I was a combination of angry, proud, and relieved... because it always dismayed me that this man I knew was brilliant (Well, he's also a medic and a chaplain, commander of a ranger base, and has a Master's degree in education) would come to me with arguments that it seemed to me only the mentally defective (such as Tea Partiers) could support. My dad is--or was--a troll. Most of the time I thought he was full of shit until he started taking me to his council meetings and dinners and events, but I realized one night when he left me alone at a table with two generals who laughed at the fact that I bossed my dad and he meekly said "yes, dear" and went to do my bidding... oh. Oh... my dad, Daddy, he is the real deal, even though he's just a sergeant. They said "In all these years I've never seen him take orders from anyone... little girl, you don't know your power!" and they laughed and laughed, making large of it. Years later, another dinner at a table with other generals, and one of them said "You don't really know who your father is, yet". It was a statement, not a question. So I know that in addition to the pages of documents of things that I know, some of which were declassified the year I turned 30 (That's when I found out why he was gone during my infancy, for which my mother never forgave him) there is a great deal more to come. Probably among them things that I don't want to know.

In addition, of course, to the things he tells me that I already don't want to know. I won't go into details but my father's romantic history has more shocking, more tawdry, and more tragic than anything I've ever seen in a movie or read in Henry Miller. Fucking hell, dad.

A year or so ago my dad was convicted of voter fraud. Voter fraud. What the shit, dad? For voting under my dead brother's name and the name of my missing-presumed-dead uncle (allegedly a mercenary; also allegedly a crossdressing burlesque performer who, in his youth, went by the stage name of "April"). Local news and a random "debunking" website latched onto the story and attempted to debunk my father's military record, accusing him of fraud based on the inconsistency of his stories with public military records. During the trial I learned two things; one, that my father has been diagnosed with Alzheimers, and two, which the judge said while looking me straight in the eye, that my father's military record is exactly what he has claimed, and more. The judge said in court, on record, that my father is a bona-fide hero. So, while I know he has also been a wily old bastard, and fuck-all knows what kinds of schemes he's planned up and what I have yet to learn, I also know that all the crazy tales he has told me are true. That he has taken part in incredible, historical POW rescues. That he is a remarkable, and honorable, man.

He talks a lot, recently, about how everyone will come out of the woodwork when he dies, looking for a slice of the pie. They don't know that there is no pie, that he has put all of his properties into other people's names, that there is no inheritance to be had there. That his inheritance is the act of having put up with him over the years, his trolling and stories and bigness and loudness and sharp, sharp eyes. That his inheritance is him putting his big brown hand on my head and saying, "OK, Ida Bea".
#31689
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on January 23, 2012, 01:23:07 AM
See, if coke actually kept me up all night and made me gregarious I might like it. But it makes me cranky and sullen. And it turns EVERYONE into an asshole. What a stupid "party" drug.

Plus the part where every time you buy cocaine, you're doing your part to murder Mexican peasants. So it's stupid AND horribly immoral.

I have done it twice, and the second time I thought "OH FUCK I hated this the first time, why the hell did I do it again?"

ick.

Plus, yeah, the murdering Mexican peasants thing.
#31690
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on January 23, 2012, 01:05:15 AM
Personally, I never saw the point of E.

A dose of the real stuff (pure molly, none of those crappy press-tabs) used to go for about $25.

I could take a $5 hit of acid and do a little speed and get twice the (essentially same) high for less than half the price.

I always liked it; it was a very calm, lucid high.
#31691
I still like mittens.  :sad:
#31692
Oh, Nigel!  :lulz:
#31695
Quote from: Doktor M. Phox0 on January 22, 2012, 11:06:33 PM
Quote from: Nigel on January 22, 2012, 10:59:55 PM
People tend to say more or less the same things about whatever clique/club/group they're involved in. Rainbow Tribe, Burners, the club/rave scene, etc.

It's some kind of "feeling like a part of something greater" thing that seems ingrained. And it is important (maybe even vital for mental health) for people, especially young people, to "belong" somewhere.
I think you've nailed it, Nigel. And I do think that it's possible that being part of a scene can better an individual and turn them into a revolutionary. That, however, is not necessarily reflective of the scene as a whole, and probably quite the opposite, in a majority of cases.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to get at, pretty much.