The other day I found that my mom had a travel guide for fucking Scotland!
However, she will not be taking me.
So, in order to complete my mission of punching you in the kayak, I need you to get back to your roots and commit a crime:
Kidnap my mom!
This way I can get all intense like in Taken and tell you about my skills. Then I'll come over, we'll have a few rounds (of PCP) and then you give her back.
I will PM her travel itinerary when I get it.
Sound good?
Sounds fair, other than the - posted on the internets / confidentiality - issues you've raised. However, it's essentially a kidnapping job. It'll cost you more than a straightforward hit, since it's much harder work keeping someone alive than it is disposing of their leftovers.
I mention this in case you'd rather save some bucks. It is a recession, after all. Anyway, I'll PM you some ballparks in lieu of a comprehensive brief and we can take it from there.
What?!
You're fucking charging me?
You're such a fucked up, greedy cunt.
I don't even have the fucking Buick anymore, I'm a Honda man now.
I'm telling your mother.