I am here at no risk to myself or others to tell you the TRUTH about the Discordian menace.
1. Discordians always tell you all about their evil plans. Then they rarely actually DO anything. What this means is that we've cried "wolf!" so many times that we can say and do as we please without any possibility of anyone believing us.
Another way to say this is that there are no secrets in the Church of Discordia, and I will not be endangering myself or my family in any way, despite rumors to the contrary...Because you, dear reader, will probably not believe a word of it. This is all just more quaint fiction.
2. Discordians pretend that they disagree on everything, even what "Discordianism" MEANS. This is to convince you that they have nothing nefarious in the works, because they can't stop bickering. It worked on YOU, so it will probably work on the FBI.
3. Discordians hate the American way of life...And so should YOU.
4. Discordians don't stand out in a crowd. That's what anarchists are for. While the dumbfuck with the day-glo hairdo and the Anarchy Now™ shirt is being watched by the security guards, the Discordian is fucking up all the toilets.
5. Discordians aren't trying to change the world. They're trying to keep it just as weird as it already is.
6. Discordians aren't here to help you become enlightened. Enlightenment is for Buddhists, which is a totally different religion entirely, no matter what the Facebook tards tell you. Any Discordian parable that involves Buddhists or monks is a put on, designed deliberately to WASTE YOUR TIME while the Discordians sneak into the bathrooms again. Sucker.
7. Discordians know all about Tucson and Providence and Portland, and you don't. That's why Discordians laugh so much while everyone else is staring at the news broadcasts in shock.
8. Discordians know who was REALLY behind 9/11, but we aren't telling, because the RIDICULOUS conspiracy theories out there are endlessly amusing. Likewise, we aren't saying SHIT about the Kennedy assassination, so shut up.
9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest.
10. Discordians can't be bothered with your political or religious views. Because they're BORING and you're BORING when you try to explain them.
Noobs, here's why you get shit on: You are here to tell us all about YOU and YOUR zaniness. But it's been DONE, and it's NOT FUNNY and what's more, it's NO FUN. If you're FUN, then we'll get along fine (as opposed to funny, which you probably aren't). The whole POINT of the exercise is FUN, and if you're here to show us WHAT'S WHAT or what a REALLY REAL DISCORDIAN you are, then you aren't FUN.
Also, walking into a group and acting like a DUMBSHIT will provoke that group to TREAT you like a dumbshit, and it makes no difference WHAT group we're talking about. So take your butthurt and shove it up your ass, because that's where it's going ANYWAY, and we can all save a little time if you just go ahead and do it yourself. Also, rejection by a group does NOT mean that one person controls that group, it just means YOU PISSED EVERYONE OFF.
So shut up.
WORD SALAD/PINEALIZM
REALLY REAL DISCORDIA
YUO! MIND LAZ0RZ!
*BUTTHURT*
Pissed everyone off like that? :lulz:
Well said.
However, I'm going to call shenanigans. I am almost positive you wrote this shirtless. JUST BECAUSE WE CAN'T SEE IT DOESN'T MEAN IT DOESN'T COUNT, MAN YELLOW. :argh!:
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on October 11, 2012, 09:17:57 PM
Well said.
However, I'm going to call shenanigans. I am almost positive you wrote this shirtless. JUST BECAUSE WE CAN'T SEE IT DOESN'T MEAN IT DOESN'T COUNT, MAN YELLOW. :argh!:
I'm guessing pantsless, considering the orange terror alert hornet.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Bump for use elsewhere.
Missed this way back when in October.
I like it, alot
Permission to slap together a print/flyer version?
Well worth the bump, if you ask me.
Yep, I missed this then first time. Awesome.
We are freaks. We are genetic stuntmen. We are the weaponized ape. We are so far ahead of everyone else that we are constantly accused of cheating. We are the 5th hosrie of the apocalypso. We sing in the shower, we dance in the shower, and we laugh at the emergency room personnel who bitch about the results. HEALED HEAD BAD, BLEEDING HEAD GOOD.
We KNOW we'll PAY TO KNOW WHAT WE REALLY THINK, so we put our brains on LAYAWAY, because it turns out that the payment isn't in green, it's in slackin' and froppin' our way to a bright new tomorrow, with fresh fears scrawled on horror's scrolls. We are the last humans, we know rock n roll and what James Brown was trying to scream out the window while the cops chased him across 4 states.
We are Discordians, and we don't need your stupid Causes and political theory, because we know the TRUTH, and that Truth IS, "The Future Isn't Done With You Yet".
TESTIFY, BROTHER!
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 30, 2013, 06:47:01 PM
TESTIFY, BROTHER!
The Future is BAD for you. That's why we all went back to 1979 and only kept the good shit. Time is LOOSE, Brothers and Sisters, and sometimes it gets downright GOOEY...But would you REALLY want it to behave itself? No, of course not. Because if it DID, that would mean you'd ONLY get Taylor Swift right now, and no Rehab to make things better, singing about being down in the dark where the sickness lives.
And do YOU have The Sickness, friends? Do you know what it's like to RANT UNTIL YOUR SPLEEN EXPLODES in front of perfectly harmless bystanders AT THE GAY BAR? CAN YOU, in fact, GET DOWN WITH MY SICKNESS? I hope so. This new-style America sort of DEMANDS it, and it will crush you like a fucking bug if you aren't prepared, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.
There's no way to go farther back than 1979, for reasons that are too technical to explain, but would you really want to? 1979 was the absolute HEIGHT of American FABULOUSNESS, and that is really all anyone wants. Even the hard core Christian right just wants to ensure an ETERNITY of FABULOUSNESS for themselves, although they'll KILL YOU if you try to make them admit it.
Can you, my people, SHIT YOUR PANTS IN THE FACE OF AUTHORITY? Can you slap the snot out of what's EXPECTED OF YOU? Can you drive that militarized Studebaker down the Lost Highway, blasting the Boogie Pimps on 8-Track and getting ALL the puke out the window?
Shit yeah. This century was MADE for us, and it is OURS TO PLAY WITH, TO KICK DOWN THE STAIRS, provided only that WE remain safely in 1979.
CAN I GET A WITNESS?
OH LORDY
ROGER HAS THE HOLIES AGAIN!
:penis: :angrymob: :penis:
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on April 30, 2013, 07:01:08 PM
OH LORDY
ROGER HAS THE HOLIES AGAIN!
I was just trying to EXPLAIN. To offer my EXCUSE. They bought us and sold us and lied to us and stuffed us full of filters and slammed us into these...these
uniforms. I don't WANT a uniform, I want to be ROGER and I don't really want everyone ELSE to feel like THEY have to be Roger. I just want more froppin' and less PUNISHMENT.
Life was supposed to be FUN. It's about 80 years of screeching hysterical laughter and getting your monkey on in ways that CONCERN NOBODY ELSE. But They made it about TERRORISM and PRISON and NOT GETTING CAUGHT, YOU CRIMINAL BASTARD. They killed Johnny Cash and They killed Elvis and They shut down Motown and gave us GUNS and WAR instead. And LIFE IN PRISON if you say SHIT about it.
But that's not for you and I. We KNOW. We UNDERSTAND. There is no "They", there is only "Us", 312 million profoundly retarded primates in this nation ALONE, all terrified of SHIT THAT DOESN'T EXIST. Yeah, you heard me. None of the things you've been trained to be afraid of are REAL. They are social fictions generated to PUNISH people, because that is the easiest mindset for homicidal apes to adopt.
But we are not apes. We are Yeti, and we scoff at their "speed limits" and their "moral rectitude" and their "APPROVED SOCIAL ACTIVITIES"! That's why we have shit like TUCSON and PORTLAND and PROVIDENCE, AND THAT'S WHY WE WILL ALWAYS ESCAPE, until such time as THEY KILL US.
AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
The Good Reverend Dillinger,
Ain't saying nothing til my mouthpiece gets here, see?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 11, 2012, 08:31:45 PM
I am here at no risk to myself or others to tell you the TRUTH about the Discordian menace.
1. Discordians always tell you all about their evil plans. Then they rarely actually DO anything. What this means is that we've cried "wolf!" so many times that we can say and do as we please without any possibility of anyone believing us.
Another way to say this is that there are no secrets in the Church of Discordia, and I will not be endangering myself or my family in any way, despite rumors to the contrary...Because you, dear reader, will probably not believe a word of it. This is all just more quaint fiction.
2. Discordians pretend that they disagree on everything, even what "Discordianism" MEANS. This is to convince you that they have nothing nefarious in the works, because they can't stop bickering. It worked on YOU, so it will probably work on the FBI.
3. Discordians hate the American way of life...And so should YOU.
4. Discordians don't stand out in a crowd. That's what anarchists are for. While the dumbfuck with the day-glo hairdo and the Anarchy Now™ shirt is being watched by the security guards, the Discordian is fucking up all the toilets.
5. Discordians aren't trying to change the world. They're trying to keep it just as weird as it already is.
6. Discordians aren't here to help you become enlightened. Enlightenment is for Buddhists, which is a totally different religion entirely, no matter what the Facebook tards tell you. Any Discordian parable that involves Buddhists or monks is a put on, designed deliberately to WASTE YOUR TIME while the Discordians sneak into the bathrooms again. Sucker.
7. Discordians know all about Tucson and Providence and Portland, and you don't. That's why Discordians laugh so much while everyone else is staring at the news broadcasts in shock.
8. Discordians know who was REALLY behind 9/11, but we aren't telling, because the RIDICULOUS conspiracy theories out there are endlessly amusing. Likewise, we aren't saying SHIT about the Kennedy assassination, so shut up.
9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest.
10. Discordians can't be bothered with your political or religious views. Because they're BORING and you're BORING when you try to explain them.
Noobs, here's why you get shit on: You are here to tell us all about YOU and YOUR zaniness. But it's been DONE, and it's NOT FUNNY and what's more, it's NO FUN. If you're FUN, then we'll get along fine (as opposed to funny, which you probably aren't). The whole POINT of the exercise is FUN, and if you're here to show us WHAT'S WHAT or what a REALLY REAL DISCORDIAN you are, then you aren't FUN.
Also, walking into a group and acting like a DUMBSHIT will provoke that group to TREAT you like a dumbshit, and it makes no difference WHAT group we're talking about. So take your butthurt and shove it up your ass, because that's where it's going ANYWAY, and we can all save a little time if you just go ahead and do it yourself. Also, rejection by a group does NOT mean that one person controls that group, it just means YOU PISSED EVERYONE OFF.
So shut up.
Bumped for good cause.
Quote9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest
:lulz: This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 29, 2016, 03:23:46 AM
Quote9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest
:lulz: This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!
Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 03:51:46 AM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 29, 2016, 03:23:46 AM
Quote9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest
:lulz: This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!
Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.
Your anecdotal moments of enlightenment should be compiled. "The acts of The Good Reverend Roger" or perhaps "Confessions of The Holy Man
tm From Tucson"
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 29, 2016, 04:02:15 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 03:51:46 AM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 29, 2016, 03:23:46 AM
Quote9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest
:lulz: This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!
Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.
Your anecdotal moments of enlightenment should be compiled. "The acts of The Good Reverend Roger" or perhaps "Confessions of The Holy Mantm From Tucson"
No, I'd kind of like everyone to forget this kinda shit when I die.
I bet Jesus never punched himself repeatedly in the balls. And the kid that lived next door to him didn't look over the wall just in time to see THAT, but not WHY he was doing it.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 04:04:52 AM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 29, 2016, 04:02:15 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 03:51:46 AM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 29, 2016, 03:23:46 AM
Quote9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest
:lulz: This is SO true. In a way it's the surest way to get off of your ass and stay off it. In a way I OWE certain other Discordians a debt... I will repay with interest!
Shortly before ranting that, a couple of days or so, I was cooling down from the treadmill, and a hornet flew across the yard like it was on a mission, went up the leg of my shorts, and went totally batshit.
Your anecdotal moments of enlightenment should be compiled. "The acts of The Good Reverend Roger" or perhaps "Confessions of The Holy Mantm From Tucson"
No, I'd kind of like everyone to forget this kinda shit when I die.
I bet Jesus never punched himself repeatedly in the balls. And the kid that lived next door to him didn't look over the wall just in time to see THAT, but not WHY he was doing it.
Fair enough. I do sometimes wonder if there's a supernal "blooper reel" of sorts in any possible afterlife, but I don't particularly look forward to seeing any kind of stats on my life either. I don't have the same apparent ease and willingness to even occasionally share my difficult moments that you do. I'm working to get my momentum going on fictional storytelling again though. Been spending most of my will on reconnecting to my fam quite successfully if at great cost to my pride.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2016, 03:01:34 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 11, 2012, 08:31:45 PM
I am here at no risk to myself or others to tell you the TRUTH about the Discordian menace.
1. Discordians always tell you all about their evil plans. Then they rarely actually DO anything. What this means is that we've cried "wolf!" so many times that we can say and do as we please without any possibility of anyone believing us.
Another way to say this is that there are no secrets in the Church of Discordia, and I will not be endangering myself or my family in any way, despite rumors to the contrary...Because you, dear reader, will probably not believe a word of it. This is all just more quaint fiction.
2. Discordians pretend that they disagree on everything, even what "Discordianism" MEANS. This is to convince you that they have nothing nefarious in the works, because they can't stop bickering. It worked on YOU, so it will probably work on the FBI.
3. Discordians hate the American way of life...And so should YOU.
4. Discordians don't stand out in a crowd. That's what anarchists are for. While the dumbfuck with the day-glo hairdo and the Anarchy Now™ shirt is being watched by the security guards, the Discordian is fucking up all the toilets.
5. Discordians aren't trying to change the world. They're trying to keep it just as weird as it already is.
6. Discordians aren't here to help you become enlightened. Enlightenment is for Buddhists, which is a totally different religion entirely, no matter what the Facebook tards tell you. Any Discordian parable that involves Buddhists or monks is a put on, designed deliberately to WASTE YOUR TIME while the Discordians sneak into the bathrooms again. Sucker.
7. Discordians know all about Tucson and Providence and Portland, and you don't. That's why Discordians laugh so much while everyone else is staring at the news broadcasts in shock.
8. Discordians know who was REALLY behind 9/11, but we aren't telling, because the RIDICULOUS conspiracy theories out there are endlessly amusing. Likewise, we aren't saying SHIT about the Kennedy assassination, so shut up.
9. A hornet in your shorts is worth 10 in the nest.
10. Discordians can't be bothered with your political or religious views. Because they're BORING and you're BORING when you try to explain them.
Noobs, here's why you get shit on: You are here to tell us all about YOU and YOUR zaniness. But it's been DONE, and it's NOT FUNNY and what's more, it's NO FUN. If you're FUN, then we'll get along fine (as opposed to funny, which you probably aren't). The whole POINT of the exercise is FUN, and if you're here to show us WHAT'S WHAT or what a REALLY REAL DISCORDIAN you are, then you aren't FUN.
Also, walking into a group and acting like a DUMBSHIT will provoke that group to TREAT you like a dumbshit, and it makes no difference WHAT group we're talking about. So take your butthurt and shove it up your ass, because that's where it's going ANYWAY, and we can all save a little time if you just go ahead and do it yourself. Also, rejection by a group does NOT mean that one person controls that group, it just means YOU PISSED EVERYONE OFF.
So shut up.
Bumped for good cause.
(http://i.imgur.com/czywc5j.jpg)
Given the state of things right now, I'd like to bump this.
This one came out super pretty