I wrote a script for the IRC bot that will text message me whenever someone types: !textburns
<text>Here's what was sent since July 23rd.
I substituted characters for the parties involved.
DON'T FORGET THAT SOME OF THE LINKS ARE NSFW.
http://files.g4tv.com/ImageDb3/289306_S/even-batman-poops.jpg
http://shitporn.org/galleries/fresh-brown-shit/base/brown-shit-fullsized-pic-15.jpg
poop pooop poopity poop | Oct 4
DOES THIS WORK TOO | Oct 4
burns PEEEE | Oct 4
Goooooodddddmoooorrrrrniiing Viiiiieeeeetnaaam! | Oct 2
find the hidden dong
http://media.cmgdigital.com/shared/lt/lt_cache/thumbnail/960/img/photos/2013/01/11/d4/b3/51bJaEAaAYL._SL500_AA300_.jpg | Oct 2
http://englishmum.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/oh-shit.jpg | Oct 2
http://eurokulture.missouri.edu/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/vladimir-putin-riding-bear.jpg | Oct 1
http://www.drfloras.com/wp-content/themes/drfloras/images/DrFloras-colon-cleansing-day-8-pop-2nd.jpg | Sep 27
http://www.imgur.com/7LGBe2P.jpg | Sep 26
goes out | Sep 25
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttekLBqa6sQ | Sep 25
8 D | Sep 25
http://youtu.be/XgbU_8Fxv6k?t=3m18s | Sep 25
http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/photoshop/9/7/4/318974_v1.jpg | Sep 22
http://i.imgur.com/YwFNU8T.jpg careful when this is flying about as you sleep | Sep 22
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ByAMLSgCYAAy178.jpg | Sep 20
eris hey what's the deal with people thinking a microwave can charge their cellular devices | Sep 20
http://www.mum.org/violet1.jpg | Sep 20
burns | Sep 20
http://streaming.crocreview.com/galleries/hardcore/bigsausagepizza/carolyn/bigsausagepizza-carolyn-1.jpg | Sep 19
http://media.fukung.net/imgs/d27f12631ab7218f30f3a66defb556dc.jpg | Sep 18
http://i.imgur.com/P7x5fnK.png | Sep 18
http://i.imgur.com/ifOm27s.gif | Sep 18
http://i.imgur.com/JFRjjxt.jpg, | Sep 18
http://bondage.redteens.com/c/dm/tags-ass-bdsm-blindfold-blush-breasts-122728.jpeg | Sep 18
http://i.imgur.com/DhzUZGN.jpg | Sep 18
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bx06Z99IUAAsr-D.jpg:large | Sep 18
https://i.imgur.com/bKNKwaI.jpg | Sep 16
http://galleries.adult-empire.com/98/9849//48/name8.jpg | Sep 16
http://i.imgur.com/VEb8k.jpg | Sep 16
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LWdj-Gq1P-o/TYWUPrYDpOI/AAAAAAAAAMQ/2TD4p0ltGtg/s1600/ellen3.jpg | Sep 14
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4LxHI8uV9A | Sep 13
http://rule34-data-002.paheal.net/_images/53869c2bb137e537ee90c405538cfe42/162170%20-%20Nakoruru%20Purple_Nakoruru%20Samurai_Shodown%20Shitting_dick_nipples%20Tao_Yan%20meme.jpg | Sep 12
pickup lasagna for dinner hunny | Sep 7
aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | Sep 2
lol | Sep 1
morning | Sep 1
good | Sep 1
http://pbs.twimg.com/media/BY6TKGmIgAAoyaV.jpg:large | Aug 31
was it you that collected music with Alan Watts samples?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcEDw82vw1c about 5 minutes in, although Folky Celticy stuff rather than chillstep | Aug 28
she led me to your office where you were playing a game with what might have been a nintendo | Aug 28
last night, I had a dream about you, and in this dream, I went to visit you in your new house | Aug 28
http://youtube.com/watch?v=AaWyFlXqpHc | Aug 25
http://i.imgur.com/B4pdRQE.jpg | Aug 23
Encephalopedophilia* | Aug 22
and the subsequently awkwarder moment, when you realize that this is Brainchild pedophilia | Aug 22
That Awkward Moment when you think your Code be so Sexy you wanna Stick in in the USB port and make sweet love to it | Aug 22
http://illuminatiwatcher.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Giorgio-Aliens.jpg | Aug 22
can you pick up pork chops for dinner, honey? thx love ya | Aug 21
INTERLOPERS HERE TOO | Aug 20
CECI N'EST PAS UNE TEXTMESSAGE | Aug 19
I wonder how long it will take before this gets supremely annoying | Aug 19
it's poo time | Aug 19
http://i.imgur.com/kRdzH.gif | Aug 19
Don't let the evil goat in | Aug 18
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | Aug 18
HI BURNS PHONE | Aug 18
YOU ARE AN UNREGISTERED MUTANT | Aug 18
COME ON POOKY! LET'S BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN! | Aug 15
Insects outnumber humans 100000000 to one. | Aug 6
OMG THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE, GET TO DA CHOPPA | Aug 1
YOUR PHONE HAS BEEN VISITED BY THE TEXT MESSAGE OF HAPPINESS | Jul 30
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXqvqXofQcQ| Jul 30
IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way -- in short, the period | Jul 30
THERE'S A MONSTER IN THE HALLWAY | Jul 30
<@
[spag]> The moon landings were faked. No, really. FAKED, I tell you, FAKED. | Jul 27
it does nothing, nevermind it | Jul 27
<@
[spag]> legalize armadillos!!! | Jul 26
ONE CENT FOR ONE ONION #ocfon | Jul 26
we have an IRC emergency, please call 867-5309 asap | Jul 26
BURNS, this is Elbert Huberdink from down Mesa Puerta, do you have free time in your schedule today for a meeting? | Jul 26
when cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses? | Jul 26
I shall now commence texting you the complete text of "Atlas Shrugged" | Jul 25
Got milk? | Jul 25
You up? | Jul 25
what are you wearing | Jul 25
text me! | Jul 25
| Jul 25
girl, you must be an einstein-rosen bridge, because I want to come inside you and be somewhere else. | Jul 25
THE SKY IS FALLING! | Jul 25
I value our friendship | Jul 25
i sniffed ur poop | Jul 25
I hope you have enjoyed reading this twice | Jul 25
[spag] is making unreasonable demands of you | Jul 24
HI BURNS | Jul 24
| Jul 24
GET IN DA CHOPPA | Jul 23
Thanks for letting me suck the pickles from your Big Mac! -- luv Mandy xxx | Jul 23
you left you front door unlocked | Jul 23