I KILL U ALL IN A SHOWER OF ARROWS WITH MY +4 BOW OF ELVENDOR AND PLUNDER YOUR INVENTORY
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THE ELF IN MY PARTY WISHS TO SHARE A FAMOUS ELF JOKE WITH YOU OVER YOUR DEAD BODY
Q) What kind of music do elves like best?
A) Wrap music!
QuoteI KILL U ALL IN A SHOWER OF ARROWS WITH MY +4 BOW OF ELVENDOR AND PLUNDER YOUR INVENTORY
I've got a tower shield. I'll fight in the shade, you bet I will.
If I get a dice roll of 5 or over it negates your Tower Shield effect.
ELF WISHS TO SHARE ANOTHER JOKE
Q) What kind of money do elves use?
A) Jingle bills!
(rolls constitution to avoid the death effect from the jokes)
NP the Magnificent observes his enemy Dr Semaj the Beggar-Queen, begging for medicine to cure his poor Conjunctivitis.
Heroically NP the Magnificent slays Dr Semaj the Beggar-Queen, thus winning the championships.
I SCORN EVIL IN THE EYE AND SPIT ON HIS YELLOW TEETH AS AGHAST I DRAW MY BREATH
I HEROICALLY FLEW IN AND SLEW THE WOUNDED BEAST AS HE GRAPPLED AT MY FEET BEGGING FOR MERCY
Quote from: NotPublished on March 24, 2010, 02:40:52 AM
I KILL U ALL IN A SHOWER OF ARROWS WITH MY +4 BOW OF ELVENDOR AND PLUNDER YOUR INVENTORY
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My inventory contains
1 downmarket cell phone
a piece of chocolate
TI-84 silver
glasses
ipod touch
..and some money
But not the quest item that you still need 35 more of.
OH YAH? I AM A LVL 46 WIZRAD, AND I CAST FIREBALL ON YOU! YOU JUST TOOK 300 POINTS OF DAMAGE!
I EQUIP 3% WATER RESISTANT RING FROM SIGMATIC's INVENTORY, NULLIFYING ALL FIRE DAMAGE
I MAGNIFY SUNLIGHT THROUGH SIGMATIC's GLASSES, SLIGHTLY WARMING UP YOUR HAIR MISTRESS FREEKY
DO YOUR WORST
I DUMP A BOTTLE OF WATER ON MY HEAD (FROM SIG'S INVENTORY) TO PREVENT GETTING TOO HOT.
"PREPARE TO DIE, SPAG!"
I USE NECROMANCY ON YOU! YOU ARE NOW A ZOMBIE UNDER MY CONTROL!
OK, almost none of that shit was in my inventory. You guys are CHEATERS!
I USE THE CRACKED MIRROR OF SEIZURE (Also from Sig's inventory) AND REFLECT YOUR LASER BEAM(s) OF NECROMANCY ONTO SIGMATIC
MY ELF WISHS TO SHARE ANOTHER JOKE.
Q) How long should an elf's legs be?
A) Just long enough to reach the ground!
Dude. I hate you so much.
:lulz:
I RUN AWAY SUCCESSFULLY AFTER ROLLING A 6 ON MY DIE.
I FIND MYSELF IN THE ENCHANTED GROVE. SUDDENLY, LIKE GREASE LIGHTNING I FIND A NEWS PAPER AD PERSONAL ON THE FLOOR AT MY FEET
"I like long walks on the beach...
Candle light dinner
And holding hands..."
I SUMMON THE CARRIER PIGEON USING MY +7 SCOUT SKILL AND AGREE TO GO ON THIS QUEST
I use my Talisman of Reverse Thievery to travel back in time and sneakily fill Sigmatic's pockets with the contents of my inventory.
One Cracked Mirror of Seizure.
One Bottle of Water.
One 3% Water Resistant Ring.
One Talisman of Reverse Thievery.
I use 1x Writing Feather and compose a message on 1x Writing Parchment and I submit it to the local news paper.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
I AM LOOKING FOR PARTY MEMBERS TO JOIN ME ON MY QUEST
HERE IS MY SKILL SHEET
+7 Scout
+5 Humming
+2 Archery
+6 Mining
+5 Elf Jokes
+1 Whispering
+6 Ant Trainer
CONTACT ME VIA CARRIER PIGEON.
Both items vanish upon completion.
:eek:
Hm Level 23 Archer would be a cool title for a Comic ... If only I could draw
Anyone willing to cast resurrection on me?
Dr. James Semaj
Dies in every thread
Can't afford it. However, if you're willing to take a couple of negative levels, I can Raise Dead you.
Fair enough. I'm pretty used to being a zombie. Zap me, Freeky!
*Groan indicating displeasure at the thought of more posts beginning with the word Groan*
Tired of that shtick as well. Going to find something else for petty amusement.
ANAL?
Hmm. Could be. I was thinking something more along the lines of further embracing my inner supervillain. Something to ponder...
The world needs more enemies. Go for it.
Fair enough. Going to research first, to better develop evil persona. Anyway, sorry for momentary derailment of thread, continue with rpg shenanigans.
DUE TO FUNDING COSTS DR SEMAJ WAS REVIVED IN A RANDOM SCENE THAT CANNOT BE FUNDED NOR WORDED IN COHERENT ENGLISH.
Semaj your alive! By the God/Goddess/Dieties and/or Hobbits
PLEASE TO BE ROLLING DICE! shouts an overly enthusiastic NP
Oh. Cool. (does a little happy dance).
Quote from: Dr. James Semaj on March 24, 2010, 09:49:04 PM
Fair enough. I'm pretty used to being a zombie. Zap me, Freeky!
SHAZAM! Ok, you're now a 1st level commoner.
(shrug) Time to power level.
NP was walking along the Gallery as he recieved an instant message via Carrier Pigeon
The message reads
DEAR SIR AND/OR MADAME,
I WISH TO JOIN YOUr PARTY. HERE IS MY RESUME
LOVE,
ME
Pinned to the Message is a pair of worn underpants, NP sniffs and does not like smell
WHO, THE HELL LEAVES PANTS WITH THEIR RESUME?
NP continues walking on and comes across a fair maiden who won't stop screaming
AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH
AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH
THE SCREAMING IT WONT STOP, said NP.
NP USES BOW OF ELVENDOR AND SHOOTS SCREAMING FAIR MAIDEN LEAVING HER TO WITHER AND DIE
THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE! SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO BECOME SANE.
THE QUEST CONTINUES ON
ELF WISHS TO SHARE A JOKE.
Q) Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A) Because he had low "elf" esteem!
Afer a long haitus of Debri and stuff.
NP finds himself stuck in the confines of an evil Arabian overlord cardealer.
The Overlord looks on at his subordinates with what appears to be a grin.. The muscles on the side of his mouth appear to be upturned, his purple swollen lips parted away revealing several rows of teeth that are rotten black, and it looks like he has a snake tongue, its flickering trying to catch something in the air... His turban mangy and looks like it was taken from a Feral Ginger Cat ...
NP equips his +4 Bow of Elvendor and tries to shoot, but only rolling a 1 he stumbles and breaks his bow.
The Overlord looks at NP again and smiles further, causing +5 Fear to NP
"Oh god I can't keep up"
NP plays the Flute of Hasty Returns and flies off in a storm looking for a Blacksmith
The blacksmith looks up as you enter his smithy. "You need a fletcher, not a blacksmith, if you want that bow fixed." He glares at you.
Then he flings his hammer at you. What do you do?
I put on my robe and wizard pants ... cause I like wizards too.
And I start memorizing spells, I'm level 8 I guess. But don't pin me on that when I can't be arsed to get the rulebooks.
I also buy a barrel of fish at the local market.
The creepy Shamwow guy watchs and stares at the Wizard Zero, hoping he comes in his direction, but the police are on guard after the prostitue bashing incident.
Also there are various Indians selling a combination of spices and shrunken heads, and there is a rambling old man screaming about setting his toaster to 3 medium-brown.
Times are tough, NP could not replace his +4 Bow of Elvendor, and is now reduced to fisting his opponents; after he forgot about everything and what the purpose of his quest was - or what was he even doing and what did this post have any relations to.
NP decides to use his +5 Alchemy ability and make some rice bubbles