Principia Discordia

I see M. Night Shamalan has made another movie, called Devil. I expect it to continue the long tradition of shitty movies whose trailers try to fool people into thinking they will be good. That is not really up for debate, since his track record proves it. This thread, instead, is to make up premises for terrible movies that he will probably make in the future, since the assholes in Hollywood seem bent on giving him movie deals because the entertainment industry needs more suck and fail.

I predict he will make a movie called The Shoemaker, which will be about an old-fashioned shoe maker who makes shoes. In his shop, there is a set of green shoelaces that come to life when the moon is full, and strangle children. The shoemaker is framed of course, until a fat detective who is down on his luck and addicted to alcohol and/or pain meds cracks the case after talking to a traveling Gypsy at a carnival. They eventually capture the shoelaces, and everybody goes home, and the second half of the movie is about what everybody has for dinner.

Eeeeeeeeeehgh. By the first 15 minutes you figure the whole story out then the end makes you go "WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S THE END?!?!?!"

he can suck it.

http://www.cracked.com/funny-5806-the-last-airbender-movie/
http://www.cracked.com/funny-2065-m.-night-shyamalan/

:lulz:

The only good thing about an M Night Shylmonkonic movie is that I took a date out to see "signs" at the cinema, and by about 20 minutes in we were both so bored that we started making out and fondling each other for the rest of the movie.

It was awesome.
And no, I don't remember *anything* else besides that the girl hates water and that had something to do with the plot "twist".
I'm guessing I didn't miss out on much.

Quote from: vexati0n on September 06, 2010, 08:51:02 AM
I predict he will make a movie called The Shoemaker, which will be about an old-fashioned shoe maker who makes shoes. In his shop, there is a set of green shoelaces that come to life when the moon is full, and strangle children. The shoemaker is framed of course, until a fat detective who is down on his luck and addicted to alcohol and/or pain meds cracks the case after talking to a traveling Gypsy at a carnival. They eventually capture the shoelaces, and everybody goes home, and the second half of the movie is about what everybody has for dinner.

Apparently, he is going to direct the sequel to Unbreakable.

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/09/movie_trifecta_at_the_mountains_of_madness_pirates.php

Quote from: Rumckle on September 06, 2010, 10:41:49 AM

Quote from: vexati0n on September 06, 2010, 08:51:02 AM
I predict he will make a movie called The Shoemaker, which will be about an old-fashioned shoe maker who makes shoes. In his shop, there is a set of green shoelaces that come to life when the moon is full, and strangle children. The shoemaker is framed of course, until a fat detective who is down on his luck and addicted to alcohol and/or pain meds cracks the case after talking to a traveling Gypsy at a carnival. They eventually capture the shoelaces, and everybody goes home, and the second half of the movie is about what everybody has for dinner.

Apparently, he is going to direct the sequel to Unbreakable.

http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/09/movie_trifecta_at_the_mountains_of_madness_pirates.php

Oh god, I have to shamefully admit, I saw unbreakable a long time ago, and actually *kinda* liked it, but I think if they make a sequel they're going to ruin what little shred of credibility the first had.

Also, from that site-

QuoteTom Cruise is being considered for the lead of the Guillermo del Toro-directed, James Cameron-produced adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft 's At the Mountains of Madness. I didn't know Cthulhu himself was actually going to be involved in the film's casting, but it makes sense. Seeing Cruise star in what will likely be the only big-budget Lovecraft movie of our lifetimes will certainly reduce me to gibbering insanity.

:horrormirth:

OK, WHO VOTED FOR "THEY DON'T SUCK"?

COME ON, IF IT WAS YOU, ADMIT IT, YOU'VE GOT A DATE WITH MY TWO BY FOUR WHO'LL SMACK SOME SENSE INTO YOU

DO I GET TO TAKE YOUR TWO BY FOUR TO THE MOVIES AND FONDLE IT?

SURE, IF IT'S M NIGHT SHYAMALAN MOVIE, YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO DO SO BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING ANYWAY

A protagonist with a single character flaw that is repeated ad nausium is confronted by a seemingly impossible series of events that lead along a tale of suspense and mystery before the shocking twist ending.

M NIGHT SHYAMALAN: MAKING OUT WITH A 2x4 IS WAY MORE INTERESTING AND LEAVES YOU FEELING LESS GUILTY AND STUPID

Quote from: Faust on September 06, 2010, 12:47:24 PM
A protagonist with a single character flaw that is repeated ad nausium is confronted by a seemingly impossible series of events that lead along a tale of suspense and mystery before the shocking twist ending.

Emphasis on "Shocking"

I liked the 6th Sense, Unbreakable was alright, and I liked Signs (it scared the fucking shit out of me in the theatre...but I was also stoned off my gourd) but after that they sorta...I dunno, fizzled. His stories always have potential, and they never work.

Personally, loved Sixth Sense, and as a comic book geek I really loved Unbreakable, but since then its been a kind of downward spiral. I didn't even see his last two movies.

I remember going to 6th sense in the theater and being the only person in a large group of ppl that didn't like it. At the time I chopped it up to the fact i see a lot of low budget, international and asian horror films so I end up seeing a lot of the influences for major Hollywood films before I see the Hollywood film.
Now I'm left with the opinion that movie just may have been the "right place right time", and may not be as good as ppl who liked it remember it to be. I really don't believe he is a misunderstood genius that both he and his acolytes on the Internet makes him out to be.

Having said that I do see the appeal of his movies. They do have good music, they're well shot, and they play a lot like fairy tales.

Haven't seen Unbreakable, which seems to be the crowd favorite, but I'm not into comic books so I probably wont seek it out.

M. Night Shamalamadingdong movies are great.  With rifftrax.

I liked the 6th sense, an d Unbreakable, AND lady in the water.
I fucking hated Signs, that was fucking retarded at the end.

I will admit I like the idea of aliens that are allergic to water invading a planet comprised almost entirely of water

It goes to show you that if there is intelligent life out there it is possible that they are even more retarded then us primates

The Happening is one of the worst things I have ever seen committed to the big screen. I don't think I will ever give him another chance.

M. Night Shamansalmon is clearly trying to see whats the worst movie he can make but still make money on

Quote from: Frederieke van Noodleberg on September 06, 2010, 09:14:15 PM
M. Night Shamansalmon is clearly trying to see whats the worst movie he can make but still make money on

Ooh! I can't wait for the Christmas special!

Quote from: Thurnez Isa on September 06, 2010, 08:06:17 PM
I will admit I like the idea of aliens that are allergic to water invading a planet comprised almost entirely of water

It goes to show you that if there is intelligent life out there it is possible that they are even more retarded then us primates

My beef was more with in the end turns out his god killed his wife so she would tell him to tell his brother to beat the shit out of an alien with a baseball bat, by hitting glasses of water that his crazy daughter left everywhere, and that his son's asthma saved his life from the vile alien death gas.

Quote from: Faust on September 06, 2010, 08:20:40 PM
The Happening is one of the worst things I have ever seen committed to the big screen. I don't think I will ever give him another chance.

What are you talking about?   That part when the old widow went all head through glass-y?  Pure comedy gold.

ETA:  Maybe my comed-o-meter is out of whack though.  I also laughed way too much when I saw The Ring.

Quote from: Sigmatic on September 06, 2010, 09:38:51 PM

Quote from: Faust on September 06, 2010, 08:20:40 PM
The Happening is one of the worst things I have ever seen committed to the big screen. I don't think I will ever give him another chance.

What are you talking about?   That part when the old widow went all head through glass-y?  Pure comedy gold.

ETA:  Maybe my comed-o-meter is out of whack though.  I also laughed way too much when I saw The Ring.

No, no. The Happening was the greatest comedy to come out of Hollywood in the last decade, bar none.

The Happening was funny cause it basically was Suicide Club mixed with a "Keep Off The Grass" sign

And, you know, people acting bored while offing themselves.  It's almost like schadenfreude porn.

For some reason, M. Night Salaamshalom just tries to create this message that never works and always turns into the same thing. I want to know what goes on in his brain and if he gets just as disappointed as the rest of us when he sees the final product.

I liked unbreakable.

That is all.

I like Lady in the Water, but it and The Village (which is awful!) are all I've seen of him.

Whats with all the signs hate?

Unbreakable and 6th Sense were amazing.

Everything else was crap.

Especially Last Airbender. It was like he went out of his way to ruin the source material.

Quote from: Lord Glittersnatch on September 07, 2010, 05:18:45 AM
Whats with all the signs hate?

Unbreakable and 6th Sense were amazing.

Everything else was crap.

Especially Last Airbender. It was like he went out of his way to ruin the source material.

Signs would have been OK if the trailers hadn't portrayed it as an actual alien invasion movie, when it was actually "Ex-Cleaver family huddles around TV and watches fuzzy news coverage from CNN."

Quote from: vexati0n on September 07, 2010, 05:27:56 AM

Quote from: Lord Glittersnatch on September 07, 2010, 05:18:45 AM
Whats with all the signs hate?

Unbreakable and 6th Sense were amazing.

Everything else was crap.

Especially Last Airbender. It was like he went out of his way to ruin the source material.

Signs would have been OK if the trailers hadn't portrayed it as an actual alien invasion movie, when it was actually "Ex-Cleaver family huddles around TV and watches fuzzy news coverage from CNN."

I dont remember the trailers nor did I see it in theaters. I guess I can see what the hate is about.

But seriously, Im still mad about OONG and SOAKA.

Quote from: Sigmatic on September 06, 2010, 09:38:51 PM

Quote from: Faust on September 06, 2010, 08:20:40 PM
The Happening is one of the worst things I have ever seen committed to the big screen. I don't think I will ever give him another chance.

What are you talking about?   That part when the old widow went all head through glass-y?  Pure comedy gold.

ETA:  Maybe my comed-o-meter is out of whack though.  I also laughed way too much when I saw The Ring.

I had pretty much glazed over at that stage.

6th Sense - okay. Not expecting plot twist. Came as pleasant surprise.

Unbreakable - went in hoping he wouldn't do another cheesy plot twist. He did another cheesy plot twist. Fuck him - he's a one trick pony.

Signs - I'll give him another go but this time some substance pls and no cheesy plot twists. 2 hours of coma-inducing tedium later and there it is - a cheesy plot twist that didn't even make fucking sense this time, how 'bout that. Protip: You improve cheesy plot twist movies by removing said cheesy plot twist, not by making the cheesy plot twist incomprehensibly fucking stupid.

The village - I don't want to see this but it's friday night, I'm drunk and me and my mates just feel like mocking a really bad movie. 12.7 seconds into the opening titles 4 drunken retards are screaming "It's in the middle of a modern city or something!" 2 hours of drunken mockery later it seems the director has figured out too. No fucking idea what happened during the intervening time - we were all way to drunk and enjoying ourselves to fuck it all up by paying attention to that shit.

The happening - didn't enjoy it as much as the village - getting drunk with your mates and shouting abuse at/ignoring MNS movies is only really that funny the first time.

Last airbender trailer - Wow that looks AWESOME!! Whoah, hang on ... says its MNS directed it. They ought to print that shit bigger on the screen - people might not notice and go to see it.

I liked Unbreakable.  Signs I went in wanting to like, but it basically was a long episode of the X-Files if Mulder and Scully missed their flight.  Except of course in the X-Files the aliens weren't cross-bred with the Wicked Witch of the West. 

Quote from: vexati0n on September 07, 2010, 05:27:56 AM

Quote from: Lord Glittersnatch on September 07, 2010, 05:18:45 AM
Whats with all the signs hate?

Unbreakable and 6th Sense were amazing.

Everything else was crap.

Especially Last Airbender. It was like he went out of his way to ruin the source material.

Signs would have been OK if the trailers hadn't portrayed it as an actual alien invasion movie, when it was actually "Ex-Cleaver family huddles around TV and watches fuzzy news coverage from CNN."

I still fucking jumped out of my seat when the alien walked past the camera for the first time.

Quote from: the other anonymous on September 06, 2010, 09:22:44 PM

Quote from: Frederieke van Noodleberg on September 06, 2010, 09:14:15 PM
M. Night Shamansalmon is clearly trying to see whats the worst movie he can make but still make money on

Ooh! I can't wait for the Christmas special!

I could see him doing O. Henry's "The Gift of the Magi" and killing everyone in the end.

I want him to direct the remake of "I Spit on Your Grave"

Quote from: Doktor Princess on September 07, 2010, 12:05:56 AM
For some reason, M. Night Salaamshalom just tries to create this message that never works and always turns into the same thing. I want to know what goes on in his brain and if he gets just as disappointed as the rest of us when he sees the final product.

And what message is that? Or rather what is the same thing that it keeps turning in to?

If you watch his commentaries on his films he is quite full of himself. Which is alright if you could deliver the goods, ie Mohammad Ali.
He has also been accused plagiarism several times - when I have time I could google those articles. The accusations are sketchy though.
Also I'm willing to let him off the hook for "the Village". In the commentary, or on the DVD interview I can't remember, he did say it was suppose to be marketed as a love story and period piece NOT as a thriller or a horror movie.

http://www.starswelove.com/scriptsphp/news.php?newsid=4724

QuoteWriter-director M. Night Shyamalan and The Walt Disney Co. are bracing themselves for legal action, after a children's author declared similarities between her book and new movie The Village. The Village, the latest thriller by Shyamalan, stars Joaquin Phoenix, Sigourney Weaver and Adrien Brody and has proved to be a hit at the American office. But now that much-needed success - Disney has endured a string of flops this year - has been marred by publisher Simon & Schuster Inc's announcement it is reviewing its legal options against the company and Shyamalan. Last week, reports circulated that The Village's plot and surprise ending were parallel to Margaret Peterson Haddix's first book Running Out Of Time, published in 1995. Haddix says she heard about the similarities last week when fans - and then journalists - began calling and emailing her and her publisher to ask if she had sold the book to Shyamalan. She claims she has never spoken to Shyamalan or to Disney, adding, "It's certainly an interesting situation. I'm just examining what my options are." A joint statement from Disney and Shyamalan's Blinding Edge Pictures says: "(We) believe these claims to be meritless". Simon & Schuster spokeswoman Tracy Van Straaten adds, "This is a children's book that sold more than half a million copies and won prizes, so it's not an obscure book for us." Shyamalan has previously battled a copyright lawsuit brought by a Pennsylvania screenwriter who claimed the plot from his 2002 film Signs mirrored his unpublished script Lord Of The Barrens.

The author never made the lawsuit

The Novel making the accusation... You could make up your own mind
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Running_Out_of_Time_%28novel%29

I can't find Lord Of The Barrens... so...

Sixth Sense is accused to be plagiarized as Lost Boys
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_Boys_%28novel%29
I don't see it. At all. It seams to be a movie much influenced by Owl Creek Bridge, Carnival of Souls, and The Other (72)

I liked the Sixth Sense and The Lady in the Water. I like fairy tales. I thought The Village could have been good... it was a good idea, but fell flat. Signs creeped me out initially, but failed to deliver and that pissed me off.