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hey d. honey. turn the tv up! that noodel chick is on enrico's show.

weird. i use those words, too.  

but he uses words like 'kafka' and 'bread dough' and i've noticed characters in different stories using the exact same phrase. it's kind of freaky how the same sentence can range from being spooky to funny to outright creepy depending on the story and who's saying it.

i'm reading a book called 'doc.tor weep and other strange teeth' by gary barwin. it's a collection of short stories, but i'm seeing a common thread in the way he uses the same words over and over. can't help but notice that the characters have interchangeable sizes. i never heard of this guy before but it looks like he's written a lot of stuff so i'll have to dig up some more of his books one of these times.

whatcha do next time enricco is grab him by the suspenders with one hand and push hard with the other hand. when he reaches the end of the elastic and snaps back, he'll practically skewer himself for you. do it quick enough and the bastards won't be able to stun you in time.

the world?

Where are the giant robots?  Where are the mutant morays?  The alligators in the sewers?
Why is it that we have only ourselves to fight?  I mean, world wars are amusing, but they've been done.  Where the hell are the bug-eyed

Why is there no D*ctor Doom?  
aliens, come to carry off our wimmenfolk?

Even in deepest Africa, there are no dinosaurs stomping around, gobbling up the locals.  And THEN, to top it all off, some fuckwads deep-sonar'd Loch Ness, and PROVED that there is no beastie!  Well, aren't YOU assholes the clever ones?  THANKS FOR PEELING BACK THE VINYL, YOU JACKASSES!

There are no cannibal faeries in Ireland.  No redcaps, even.

No Ogopogo monster.

It's...just...plain...WRONG.  And it cannot be allowed to continue like this.

Or kill me.

you don't understand. they just want you to think there's no monster in the loch. she's there. hell there's probably dozens  and dozens of them. same with the dinosaurs. shit, i've seen the dinosaurs and the aliens and big foot alive and well and roaming the streets looking for fresh meat.

i like anything johnny cash sang, especially this one. hank williams wrote it, but johnny sang it better.


I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry

I hear that lonesome whippoorwill
She sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could cry
Did you ever see a night so long
As time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind the clouds
To hang his head and cry
Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die
It's cos he's lost the will to live
I'm so lonesome I could cry
The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry
I'm so lonesome I could cry

if i told you..absolutely they would kill me...and no tin hat would save me - nikola tesla

the other night i was watching the demons crawl out of the woodwork again, which is why caulking is so damned important. if you caulk it hard enough and tight enough the demons can't get out of the fucking walls and suck your one remaining eyeball right out of your head. anyway, one of these demons kind of oozed up to me and said, "thayne, old buddy. you do realize that your very own government killed nikola tesla right? they let him live long enough to drain his brains dry of every idea he ever had, and then they killed him."

"and you're next boy. you're next. only they won't keep you alive long enough for you to spit. because after all, what does the uncle sammy want with heated toilet paper, floating lawn chairs and seeing-eye armadillos? well okay, so they might like the tp idea, but you know damn well they'd keep it for the bigwigs and let the little fellows continue to freeze their nuts off, right? of course right."

and i thought to myself, thayne, i thought, big brother is everywhere. and it's just like the old lady always says "goddammit,  leave your glass eye at home next time you go on a bender down at harold's lounge or it's just dejavu like when the cops  haul you away and you kick the cop in the knee and they cuff your feet together so even if you kick open the back door of the cop car and try to hop away (again), the truth is the police can run faster than you when you're cuffed at  the ankles. and you know they'll throw you back in the drunk tank where they don't care what happened to your glass eye, or maybe they took it and spit on it or are saving it for their hallooween costumes, or for a trophy. yeah, that's it a trophy eye hanging on the wall of the break room down at the jail. even if you get it back you don't know where it's been."

so anyway, back to nikola tesla, the fucking genius who immigrated here from Serbia , and either knew transmigration or teleportation or else had tunnels under his house that led to his secret lab. but then one day he decided to do things much as an ordinary man would and got hit by a car while crossing the road and died in the street like a dog and the fbi came in and took all his papers and his secrets when they raided his place. but he got revenge and the last laugh because the fuckers tried to photograph tesla in his casket and the photo blurred and they were unable to make the camera focus on his face. there's not one death picture of his face which is the way he wanted it. the question that begs here is this: what good is the last laugh if you're dead?

the moral of this rant is listen to your old lady, but not her mother.  leave your glass eye at home, never forget your ankles are cuffed and the man can run faster, caulk those cracks in the woodwork, dig your tunnels deep and don't cross the road like everyone else, or the they'll get you next.

your friend,
thayne

sure dude, i'll read your book.

Sorry Magee; GET A FUCKING EYEBALL YOU N00b!

P.S. You need to submit videos of your woman twitch-farting.

yeah right. on the day i wanna die, i'll do that. she's scary when she's mad. she makes my ears bleed, dude.

seriously, i wish i could accomodate you, pal. she never stops talking, but when she has to fart she kind of blinks and squishes her face together, tucks in her abs, lift-twitches that one leg up and lets one rip. then she says 'oh gawd, i'm so sorry.' and then she does it again and says "oh gawd."

you'd die. you surely would.

got it. i never even heard of the PD and all that before i got here. never heard the word discordian until then either. my friend has this site bookmarked on her computer and i got bored when i was housesitting for her. she has some weirdass sites bookmarked, and a bunch of shopping stuff, but this one looked pretty cool.

i feel kind of left out. nobody roughed me over when i got here and i'm as ignorant as any of these folks you're fussing at.

twice as ignorant maybe

we're all freeloaders in one way or another.

LMNO dude. i'm glad you came back. it was shitty not knowing the end or anything.

jello baths

flounce.  Cant be bothered with it.  Flouncing, that is.

me either, but i got to say goodbye and thanks for keeping me company the past few days. the boss lady rolled into town a little while ago so i'm heading back home to d. leilani tonight. adios and all that stuff.