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['Made-up quote' in Canadian satire site The Beaverton fools Time Magazine]

'Made-up quote' in Canadian satire site The Beaverton fools Time Magazine

Writer surprised fake story about U.S. ambassador to Canada tripped up publication

I did not know The Onion has a Canadian competitor. And, no one will ever accuse me of being an English Major. But, the number of typos, spelling errors, and grammatical errors I spot in my daily reading has been high for a long time. And now, stuff like this is happening at publications that are, supposedly, staffed by professional journalists. I've seen this type of factual carelessness on small political sites, but ...

As per this article:

""We don't try to trick people," said MacIntyre, who's also an editor. "I promise I wrote that line thinking this is the silliest joke I can write and people will obviously think it's a joke."

The Beaverton is a parody publication and doesn't claim otherwise.

"We're not trying to make fake news or hoodwink people, and it's always baffling when anyone thinks we're real, let alone a guy that was an important journalist," MacIntyre added."

I can't help but wonder if the author of the Time Magazine article utilized AI to do his/her research and/or writing. I've found that AI search engines are often a major time saver, but are not remotely close to being 100% accurate.

Yours is a timely work.

[The Original Snub]

I think I'd enjoy trying my hand at some genuine Erisiana. Would definitely be fun

You surprised me with how fast you came up with your concept for the date of The Original Snub. While you went right to the heart of the matter, I was still playing around with simply pinning down the calendar year.

And, while it's not critical to the story, I'll give you my thoughts on what I believe is the year of The Original Snub. It may, or may not, be of any use to your story, but here it is:

1. I'm inclined to go with Eratosthenes of Cyrene's dates for the Trojan War, 'cause if the guy who ran the Library of Alexandria isn't a reliable source of information, then who in Eris's Holy Name is?!

Now, Eratosthenes dated the Trojan War as occurring between 1194 BC and 1184 BC. So, I believe it's no stretch to assume that The Original Snub occurred a short time prior to 1194 BC. And, I'm assuming the start of the war is dated from the time the Greeks made their beachhead landing at Troy.

2. With five (5) squabbling goddesses on his hands, as per Discordian mythology, I doubt Zeus wasted much time setting up that infamous Judgment of Paris peace conference. So, maybe that took a week at most.

3. Even if Paris basked in the attention, and salivated over the offered bribes, of the five (5) goddesses, maybe the the Judgment of Paris took another week at most.

4. Once Paris selecting his bribe, and pronounced his judgment, I'm certain he wasted no time hightailing it back to Troy to badger dad for the keys to the royal yacht. And, being a royal yacht, I doubt it took more than a day or two to round up provisions and a crew, and head off down to Gytheio, the ancient port of Sparta.

5. Now, the Mediterranean around Greece is famous for it's Boreas, the North Wind, in the fall and winter. (And, having once steamed past Mount Olympus in the winter, I can verify it's a real thing.) So, I estimate the trip south took no more than three weeks, even with some stops.

6. The Odyssey is full of stories of heroes showing up unannounced at Mycenaean palaces and being wined and dined. So, Paris probably knocked on the door at Sparta, seduced Helen within a week, and then fled back to Troy.

At that point, it was maybe two months after The Original Snub, when Menelaus heads up to Mycenae to ask big brother Agamemnon for help. So, that meeting should still be within the calendar year of The Original Snub. But, even if it isn't, that meeting isn't the major factor for the period of time after The Original Snub required to gather ships, muster troops, and threaten the city of Troy.

7. Now, having read the stories, seen the movies, and having had the privilege of seeing a number of Mycenaean fortresses, I have little doubt those boys could gather ships, and muster for war lickety-split. And, while the average Greek hoplite may not have given a damn about Menelaus's honor, I'm sure the thought of looting a city as rich as Troy was ample incentive to get a move on.

8. Ancient armies are famous for going to war after the harvest, so they would be well provisioned.

And, I believe the Greeks had ample time to, gather their ships, harvest their grain, and muster their troops before setting off for Troy before the end of August at the very latest. Further, with loot on their minds, I doubt the warrior class would have been too concerned about leaving the grape and olive harvests to those staying home.

9. We've been told Achaean fleet was held up at the port of Aulis, in Boeotia, by a plague and lack of wind, because Agamemnon pissed off Goddess Artemis. And, this delay went on for so long that the King of Mycenae sacrificed his daughter Iphigenia to appease the wrath of the goddess.

So, just how long was the fleet delayed in Aulis before setting sail for Troy? I can't find a quick source for the length of that delay, but I don't believe it could have lasted anywhere near three (3) months, or the length of an entire season. Actually, given that, every day, Agamemnon would have had to deal with and army full of loot crazed, heavily armed hoplites standing around with nothing to loot, I doubt the delay could have lasted for more than two (2) months.

10. Given the much shorter distance from Aulis to Troy, and assuming Artemis had put in a good word with Boreas, and the other winds, after receiving her sacrifice, that trip could have been done in less than two weeks.

And so, I don't think it's unreasonable to assume the Achaean fleet made it's beachhead landing at Troy before the end of 1194 BC. And, with the above estimated chronology, that places The Original Snub happening in 1195 BC. Or, as per our Discordian Calendar, happening in 128 BYOLD (Before Year of Our Lady of Discord). (Our calendar includes the year 0 YOLD. The other guys didn't know about zeros.) On top of all of that, it's a fucking myth! So, for that alone we should get some slack for Goddess Eris's sake.

[Elon Musk's Grok Says It Would Kill Every Jewish Person on the Planet to Save Him]

Elon Musk's Grok Says It Would Kill Every Jewish Person on the Planet to Save Him

Well, now just who owns and operates that Grok AI chatbot? Oh, that's right, it's Elmo the Oligarch! Remember him? He's the same guy who was, temporarily, our Unelected Shadow Co-president Elmo the Oligarch (USCEO). And, the same guy whose loyal acolytes are hell bent on making keeping him the richest person on the planet, not to mention making him an outright, unprecedented trillionaire.

So, just what do you think that fucker will be not be able to do with a trillion dollars in wealth?

Do you honestly believe that Elmo will not be able to bribe, if not simply convince, one of the world's  many nuclear powers into buying an upgraded version of Grok for "national defense purposes?"
 
Now, I am aware there's more than one possible Great Filter in humanity's future. But, every time I leave the house, I become an unwilling witness to how addicted people have become to their smartphones, and how trusting they have become of our culture's ubiquitous electronic devices. And, every day, I become more and more convinced that AI is the threat that has the highest probability of eventually taking us down.

Think I'm joking? Why, just yesterday evening, an automated hospital security system demanded my email address, and my phone number, before allowing me entry as a visitor. Fortunately, an actual human being was still manning the reception desk, and heard me exclaim, "My email address?! Are you kidding me?!" (There were two women with a child in line behind me, so I, just barely, choked back an expletive.) And, upon hearing me, the receptionist came out from behind her security enclosure, and allowed me to skip entering an email address, while still insisting that I enter a telephone number on the machine. Then, the hospital's wonderful, new security machine took my photo, and issued me a stick-on visitor's badge, complete with my totally unrecognizable, pencil eraser-size, black-and-white image. Now, and here's the good part, at no time was I ever required, or even asked, to show an actual, legal form of ID. Not once, by either machine, or human.

So, exactly what was the point of all of that silliness at the hospital? I'd really like to know, because I can't see it as being anything more than automation for automation's sake.

I think I'd enjoy trying my hand at some genuine Erisiana. Would definitely be fun

Excellent!

Hail Eris!

All Hail Discordia!

[The Original Snub Holiday]

Themistia, a most "auspicious day" indeed.

Our Blessed Goddess Eris has a genealogy from Homer, and a second, different genealogy from Hesiod. And, of course, our own Discordian tradition acknowledges both genealogies, while favoring and embellishing the Hesiod version with the addition of Aneris. But that's okay, 'cause after all, our Blessed Goddess Eris is, among other things, our Blessed Goddess of Confusion.

Now, if our Aneris is actually Themis, who is both a Goddess and a Titan, Themis's original genealogy could simply be ignored. But, being a Titan is a really big deal, and I'd kind of hate to see that exalted genealogy go to waste. Or, as is our Discordian practice, the genealogies of Eris, or Themis/Aneris, or both Eris and Themis/Aneris, could be intentionally made even more confusing! There are a lot of possibilities.

Anyway, I think you've come up with an excellent conceptual embellishment to THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD that would allows the faithless to lay claim to the creation of a new, legitimate, important Discordian The Original Snub Holiday.

So, what do you think you might want to do with your idea? Do you have any interest in developing your concept into a bona fide Discordian scripture? It's entirely up to you, as this is entirely your concept.

Hail Eris!

All Hail Discordia!

[CHAPTER 3 - THE THESSALIAN CALENDAR]

Third- it was probably a civic holy day, as the leader of a power such as Thessaly probably couldn't be seen as a part of specific rural cults.

From this, we get the 12 civic holy days of Thessaly's calendar.

It's lunar calendar, unfortunately, but we'll get to those issues later.

All I knew about the ancient Greek city-states' calendars was that they did not agree upon a common, standard system (But, the Greeks didn't agree on much else either.). That's it. So, anything beyond that requires me to do some research, and I did find the following source of information:

CHAPTER 3 - THE THESSALIAN CALENDAR

Now, the information provided in this source appears to differ somewhat from your source(s). But, skipping way ahead to the bottom line, the interesting thing to me is that following either source(s) appears to lead one to your date for Themistia.

I still have a comment, or two, to write about Themis herself being part of the story. But, that can wait, as now I'm really liking your holiday date.

[now]

Now, I'm no expert, and there's very little in any record of that wild ride of a a wedding to indicate when it happened, but there's some clues and Discordian-style leaps of logic we can make to get closer to an ideal time for the holiday.

First- we know that the wedding took place on an "auspicious day"

Second- we know Peleus was Thessalian, so that narrows down our good days

I'm slowly working my way through your "Discordian-style leaps of logic." But, I believe you are definitely on solid ground using the Thessalian Calendar.

Not only was Peleus Thessalian, the wedding ceremony and wedding feast were held on Mount Olympus. Now, Mount Olympus may now be on the border between the regions of Greek Macedonia and Thessaly, but Macedonia didn't even exist during the Trojan War. So, being the nearest Greeks to Mount Olympus, it stands to reason that the Thessalians would have, out of respect and reverence, not to mention fear, readily adapted the Olympian Calendar for their own use. To put it another way, why reinvent the wheel? So, there's simply no good reason why the Olympian Calendar and the Thessalian Calendar would not be the same, identical calendar.

I hereby revoke his status within Discordia.

Given the vast authorities the members of our faithlessness possess, I don't doubt for a heartbeat that you can do that.

That being said, I have to ask, what exactly was Colbert's former status within Discordia anyway? (I'm asking because I've been thinking about giving myself a promotion within our Holy Order, and I feel I should know that kind of stuff before I just go ahead and do it.)

technically you can bestow whatever you want upon yourself. IF you happen to be following a certain poly-father or other 'leader' well then you must abide by what they say...unless you feel that what they say is stupid.

as for colbert...there was this campaign where both the discordians and the illuminati both contacted him..and he went for the illuminati side. i'm sure if you do a bit of digging/reading you will get most of the story

I did promote myself from Brother to Abbot. Then, of course, I congratulated myself for deserving my new promotion.

And, as far as this Colbertgasm Affair is concerned, I did a little reading, and I think I know as much as I need to know.

But, what I'm not understanding is how you've managed to generate so much animosity here with so few posts. It took me many, many more posts to accomplish that feat.

So ... long time no hear. How ya doin'? What else is new?

It's going to take me some time to work my way through your "Discordian-style leaps of logic," something that, at first glance, appears to be a totally acceptable orthodox Discordian oxymoron.

But, I admit, your calculation of this holiday's date does appear to have merit. Nice work.

It seems we've got a guest moon for the next hot minute, everyone say hello to 2025 PN7, our new quasi-satellite!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2025_PN7

I don't know ... I'm thinking that, just maybe, the Lligor are in some way involved in this. I mean, it sounds an awful lot like someone just might be utilizing 2025 PN₇ to keep an eye (Or, possibly some other cybernetic, genetically advanced, or even evolutionary advanced sensory organ.) on us. And, if not the Lloigor, then who?

[The Original Snub]

And yeah, I already know Discordians miss a lot of things, and couldn't give a care about even more. And yeah, I already know most of us, even those among us who still call ourselves Discordians, don't take our POEE Calendar and its current holidays seriously.

Still, I'm well aware of at least one other popular deity whose birthday is widely celebrated as a holiday. But, our Blessed Goddess Eris was born eons before calendars were invented, and we don't even have the slightest idea if celebrating her birthday, on any particular day in a Year of Our Lady of Discord (YOLD), holds any meaning for her. And, as Our Lady of Discord has always been immortal, with none of that she's immortal, then she isn't, then she's is again back-and-forth, there are no miraculous resurrections to be celebrated in her honor either.

So, what's left? What do we actually know for sure about our Goddess Eris that may be significant to her, and her followers? Well, I'm glad I asked those rhetorical questions, 'cause I'm thinking it has to be the date of her epochal response to The Original Snub. Now, I do realize the climax of her response happened on the exact same date as that Wedding and Wedding Feast of Peleus and Thetis. But, no one's bothered to celebrate their anniversary for thousands years, if anyone ever did. 'Cause, let's face it, those two are not exactly "the poster couple" for people desiring a life of marital bliss.

Yet, and this is the big question, if we, our Blessed Goddess Eris's faithless followers, wanted to declare any day in a Year of Our Lady of Discord to be our very own "The Original Snub Holiday," what particular day would be most appropriate for the festivities?

Now again, obviously, I believe such a day should clearly be chosen in accordance with The Law of Fives. But, beyond that, I got nothin'. I'm unaware of the day, month, or even the year of the Wedding and Wedding Feast of Peleus and Thetis ever being recorded in any calendar system. And, to make matters worse, even trying to accurately estimate the year of the Wedding and Wedding Feast of Peleus and Thetis appears to put us in the situation of having to assign a Before Year of Our Lady of Discord (BYOLD) date to it. But, I guess that's just par for the Discord. 

So, any potentially enlightening ideas? Anyone? After all, this could lead to we the Discordians actually celebrating a holiday that is truly worthy of, and directly, unambiguously associated with Our Lady of Discord herself.     

Hail Eris!

All Hail Discordia!

[POSOTUS Life Size Cutout Cardboard Figure with Your Custom Message]

Here's a gift item with a lot of possibilities! And, that's 'cause, depending upon "Your Custom Message," you could give this gift to either a MAGAt, or a member of the Resistance 2.0! Now, how many gifts can you think of, that don't contain alcohol, that can do that?!

And, on top of that, you could purchase one for yourself, and then become an instant "photo op worthy" sensation at the public protests many of us will be attending in the run-up to the 2026 Midterm Elections!

POSOTUS Life Size Cutout Cardboard Figure with Your Custom Message



(This item is also available in a variety of smaller sizes, at more affordable prices.)

[Kash Patel's behavior as FBI director has earned him a new nickname, according to former special agent]

Kash Patel's behavior as FBI director has earned him a new nickname, according to former special agent

"The nation's top law enforcement official has been referred to as the 'Make-a-Wish Director' behind his back due to his many extravagant trips and activities,"

As per this article:

""So he flies to see OV [Ohio Valley] score the winning goal on a 757, a jet that he used for the 'render safe' mission, on the ready to dismantle a nuclear bomb if it's found in the United States.
 
"He goes to UFC fights, he goes to the Boondoggle Ranch [a private hunting ranch in Texas] during a government shutdown for four days. He goes to a golfing outing in Scotland with his buddies on the G5 jet.

"He then flies to Happy Valley to see his girlfriend singing the national anthem at a wrestling match.""

What a guy. He definitely acts like Turd Reich material to me.

[The Friendship Statue - Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein - 2025]

Now, here's a memorable gift, a true "objet d'art," that any cultured MAGAt will treasure forever: 

The Friendship Statue - Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein - 2025



The Friendship Statue is destined to become the enduring symbol of, and immortalize, the Trump and Epstein Era of Western Civilization. Is there any doubt that when the prototype of this statue is built on the scale of the Neoclassical style Statue of Liberty, the Art Deco style Christ the Redeemer, and the American Romanticism style Mount Rushmore National Memorial, that it will be designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site?