Your innocence proves nothing.

Main Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Topics - Hagtard Celine Dion Mustard

Nothing I'm about to say will ever live up to that title. You can have it.

I've been sick. Coughing up a fit since getting back from Florida. Every single day, I thought I was done for. This virus likes a certain receptor that is found mostly in the lungs, but apparently in the heart. That's why people just drop dead.

I started feeling better, and what is the first thing I did? I got drunk.

And now I'm sort of coming out of the stupor, and I'm having shooting pains in my chest.


I guess I'll give the emergency line another call tomorrow if it persists. In the meantime, fuck it. But at least I documented it on this Internet backwater for zero purpose.
The 9th is a Saudi Arabian posing as a conservative, and the 10th is a Russian posing as a liberal.

Two-thirds of those are double-agents for the CIA. Half of those are triple-agents for MI5.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"


We want you to be DISRUPTIVE but also please be respectful to the rest of us when you do disrupt things because we have very sensitive assholes and we have very bad personal complexes that make us really vulnerable to anything that can potentially upset us so we'll probably hate you forever if you do anything that is in anyway offensive to anybody.

Hail Eris!
Imagine time as a solid object.

Imagine this solid object was created by an explosion of matter that turned into a web-like block of strands. If you repeated this explosion, the results would be strands that were in different locations than the last time. Each explosion is completely unpredictable.

Imagine the multiverse as every possible explosion of matter in this form. Each strand is a life.

Our four-dimensional unit is one particular result; time is simply us moving through those strands from the center of the explosion to the outer perimeter. We might not know what direction is coming next, but the way the strand moves is already set in stone.

But consider for a moment, that we live in a kind of Twilight Zone, where each one of us moving through those strands is a free-willed person. Everything is fine and dandy as long as our decisions go along with the route. But the moment we start trying to think outside the box, so to speak, we're going to be met with failure and massive amounts of almost inexplicable resistance from the world around us, because no matter how hard we try, we can't deviate from the path of the strand.

That's the Black Iron Prison.
And do our offspring need information faster than us?
Literate Chaotic / Nope
November 12, 2017, 04:53:45 AM

Fucking REUTERS, ground zero for neutral and objective reporting, is finally starting to sound like The Onion. If the autistic backwater of North Korea were even capable of getting out of its electric wheelchair to throw a punch, we'd be on the brink of nuclear war instigated in the same manner as a bizarre chapter from a Douglas Adams novel, save for the fact that our LEADERS aren't YET talking about each other's mother's.

Despite being creatively innocuous, apparently being called "rocket man" is enough to prompt Kim Jong Il - a grown man who has difficulty locating his sideburns - to shoot back with all of the fury of a SubReddit title. Donald Trump has been called a lot of well-deserved nicknames over the last nine months, but "Dotard" really combines the childishness of the Internet with all of the artistic nuance of a Jackson Pollock.

Finally, my wishes have come true. The headlines of my personal utopia have never been anything short of "Dotard to Rocket Man: U Mad, Bro?"
I'm a centrist and a rationalist. I value truth and honesty, measure and reason. In other words, I tend to Spock where others would Kirk. Except when I don't.

I'm passionate and easily frustrated. I get angry when people fall victim to the parlour tricks of the intellectually dishonest.

I am a poor Discordian.

I should delight in people being fooled; in believing nonsense, in being confused. But I don't. I feel like we live in a time of such overwhelming confusion and foolishness that people no longer need our help to be screwed with. The world itself has become chaos. The Information Age exhibits it in abundance.

It used to be different. It used to be that people were victims of government propaganda. Today, we're the victims of our own. Anyone with a cause can make up some bullshit infographic that deceptively appeals to the emotions of a whole swath of idiots and the fucking thing will spread like wildfire on every social media platform in existence. We are no longer the purveyors of chaos, my semi-friends. We are usurped by it.

What place does a Discordian have in this Brave New World? If you ask me, the only person "doing the work" is Ken M.

I'm at a loss.
I want to organize a Discordian protest. I think it would look something like this:


Obviously, I dismiss this poor guy as mentally ill (that's kind of what makes most homeless people homeless), but this clip is fascinating. Your homework is to draft, in any format (synopsis, script segment, chapter excerpt), some or all of an idea for a story based on the content. Start with a simple premise: everything he says is true. He is a police officer. They are killing people.
Major political parties want to bounce you back and forth between the same two non-working solutions. "It didn't work the last time we tried it, so we tried the other thing, and now we're going to try the thing that didn't work before that again!" Independent parties either want to try things that failed in other countries or things so crazy that knowing they won't work to begin with seems like the least boring option.

Be bored no more! In the next election cycle, vote for the Trial and Error candidate!

Trial and Error! We're going to try something and if it doesn't work, we'll try something we haven't tried before!

Think nothing of bi-partisanship. In fact, think nothing of partisanship! When is the last time we tried being un-partisan? Never! So let's try that! And if that doesn't work, we'll try ultra partisanship! Just as long as the party in question is Trial and Error!

This message has not been approved or funded since we tried to get both and wound up with neither, so we're trying it out without them.
I liked Big-Top Pee Wee. It was fucked up in all the right ways.

Congratulations, assholes, you inspired me again.

Original (derailed) thread here:,37961.0.html
This whole conflict is as scripted and staged as reality television. You guys are backing a fixed horse. It's like rooting for a pro wrestler, or gambling on the Internet.
Literate Chaotic / A Joke
July 03, 2017, 08:29:28 AM
A nihilist, an existentialist, and an absurdist are all having a conversation. The nihilist says, "Life has no meaning." The existentialist says, "Life has no apparent meaning." The absurdist says, "Apparent meaning has no life!"
Discordianism is the appreciation of chaos, not always an excuse to seek it out.

Chaos in the face of overwhelming order, yes. Things, however, are not in order. Struggle for chaos now is not warranted.

In the face of overwhelming chaos, the Discordian has no choice but to be uncharacteristically orderly... but not at all times.
If you're going to split posts any time someone merely offers an alternative point of view, then you may as well actively delete them.
Aneristic Illusions / Split from Offical betting thread
November 22, 2016, 07:29:35 AM
Aneristic Illusions / Welcome to the Hyperbolic Civil War
November 22, 2016, 03:02:07 AM
Cannons were loaded. Lasers were energized. Slingshots were pulled. Paper airplanes scribbled with insults were flung.

Facebook feeds would never be the same. Forty years from now, people will talk about the six-million who perished in the Defriendocaust. We're at the political forefront of a new kind of warfare. It's time to fight all this name-calling with even more name-calling! Vilify the voters! Polarize the politics! Marginalize the moderates!

:argh!: :argh!: :argh!: :argh!:

I think I found something you lot can actually get behind.
Aneristic Illusions / The Swing of the Pendulum
November 20, 2016, 04:43:52 AM
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Donald Trump is the president that America has earned. "He's not the hero we need right now, but the one we deserve." He's the American Dream; a Brawndo-drinking Monopoly Man who wants to bring down the IRL banhammer on the noobs and the trolls. He's a celebrity who rode into Washington on the back of a gold-plated dinosaur, firing AK-47s into the air and shouting about grabbing Mexico by the vaheena. He couldn't get any more American if he continuously shat out nothing but macaroni and cheese.

This is Necessary Disorder in the face of Too Much Order. It's the swing of the pendulum.

America has rarely preferred to Play It Safe, and that's exactly what Clinton's election would have been. The country was getting too complacent, too bored. What, with all this progress and tolerance, if we weren't careful, we'd have wound up turning into Canada!

There is, of course, a very real societal problem that comes with too much progress, and that's a nation of spoiled, entitled children who think it's their God-given right that you recognize them for the special and quirky unique snowflakes that they are. College campuses saturated with students invoking the Right to Not Be Offended. An Internet that replaces discussion with downvotes. Tapas.

Trump's AmericaTM is the kick in the pants we need to appreciate how far we've come. Nothing makes you appreciate something more than the fear that it might be taken away.

Personally, I'm not afraid. Maybe that's because I'm a poor, white, cis male with nothing to lose and enough video games to keep me entertained for the next four years, but I've seen the pendulum swing enough times to know that the system is resistant to radical change, even when the swing is violent and swift. Besides, our New Abusive Stepfather would be insane to completely take away our allowance, unless he wants the nuclear rage of a hormonal, Molotov-wielding teenager on his hands. I doubt that the total-leveling of every major city in the country by riots is something the next administration is particularly interested in being held responsible for.

Well, that, and the Democrats have an entire Fire and Ice anthology they can refer to for a fillibuster.

No, if Clinton had won, it would just be Reruns of the Same, a long and drawn-out melodrama against a Republican-controlled Legislative Branch, fighting tooth and nail just to barely pass an emasculated, poorly implemented, and half-assed Universal Basic Income as a last-ditch effort to fight the automation takeover of the inevitable Singularity. But at the cost of just one more high-budget season of The Apprentice, we get to clean the pipes of the DNC, whip it into shape for taking back the House and the Senate, and Lovable Socialist Grandpa will have had enough time to groom Tulsi Gabbard for the role of someone who actually deserves to be the first female American President.

See you all in 2020. That's probably how long it's going to take me to finally finish Fallout: New Vegas, anyway. And if I'm wrong and the real-world of four years from now looks exactly like the barren landscape of 2277, at least we'll have gone out with a bang... just the way the Founding Fathers intended!
Aneristic Illusions / Protestors Are Assholes
November 16, 2016, 10:23:36 PM
As someone who clearly remembers the inane fearmongering that was rampant among demonstrators just before Obama took office, I can absolutely say that the more important things to acknowledge are those which both groups have in common, rather than focusing on the subtle, irrelevant differences.

Every time we have a presidential election, these people come out in a full force of dehumanizing hypocrisy, carrying the message that if democracy isn't on their side this particular time, then it must be broken and the rules no longer apply to them. Then the people towards the middle either rationalize their legitimacy if they're on the same team or lambast the entire ideology if they aren't.

I'm fucking tired of it. Protestors are assholes.

Not to deny that sometimes it takes an asshole to get things done (Trump voters obviously think so), but can we stop pretending that these people are an exception to the rules just because we happen to support the same party? Can we at least just admit that they're being assholes?

Many of them didn't even vote. They seem to think that because they only care about one set of issues in the presidential election that everyone who voted the other way must have done so in order to undermine those particular issues. And don't get me started on character-assassination. Why are the assholes who rave about Donald Trump being a womanizer perfectly fine with the idea of the first First Gentleman being Bill Clinton?

The moderate liberals are looking the other way, just like the moderate conservatives looked the other way when the other set of assholes did the same thing in 2008 and 2012.
Aneristic Illusions / Misinfo Wars
November 15, 2016, 02:17:51 AM
We are (and possibly have been for some time - perhaps always have been) in an age where there is more disinformation than information.

True or false?