The Doktor Howl Children's Hour:
The 1970s were sort of the golden age of childrens television. You had the Banana Splits, HR Puffenstuff, and all manner of other brain damaged things spewing forth from the acid-damaged minds of TV producers that had come of age in the 60s. But by far the worst programming was the "variety show" format, and the worst example of THAT was the Doktor Howl Children's Hour.
The format of the show was standard; six minutes of patter, nine minutes (severely edited to fit) of something badly animated from the lower end of the Hanna-Barbera stable, four minutes of back-and-forth between Doktor Howl and his dreadful Ventriloquist dummy "Nigel", six minutes of commercials scattered about, and five minutes of closing dialogue.
About half way through the first season, things started to go a little sideways. The closing dialogue didn't seem to be scripted at this point, instead Doktor Howl would make a comment about what scientists were up to in those days, and then "Nigel" would rip him a new one for 4 minutes.
Compounding this was the fact that there was no background music, just the "sound" of an empty set, and the two of them talking (granted, the only music that could have done it justice was Tom Waits or maybe Tom Petty on his crazier days). There was no studio audience by mid-season, for reasons that will become obvious shortly.
Anyway, when talking to people who remember the show, the last 5 minutes inspired comments like "I felt like I was watching footage from Dachau" and "It was like watching your little sister torture a gerbil to death", and "It hurt me as a child. I hated it. It was like watching a bad car accident in slow motion".
The Nigel doll didn't actually start swearing until the third season, by which time Doktor Howl looked physically and mentally drained. There was no question of there being a 4th season, and in fact the Nigel doll taunted Doktor Howl with the claim that he would die during the final episode, right on national television.
Doktor Howl was almost fired multiple times, but after each "closed-door" meeting - to which he brought his Nigel doll - the show was allowed to continue.
Doktor Howl, obviously, became quite a sensation, especially after he apparently somehow altered the Nigel doll so that its eyes would glow red during the "5 minute hate", as the end of the show was nicknamed. Howl was interviewed about the doll's behavior on a couple of occasions. The first time he was asked, he just stared at the camera with a fixed smile and sweated, refusing to speak. The second time, he went into hysterics about how "...that THING, that fucking THING...it's POSSESSED! HELP ME!". The interview was never aired on television, obviously, but word got around.
The last episode was never aired. Doktor Howl was pronounced dead on the scene at the studio, of a massive coronary brought on by extremely elevated stress levels.
The Nigel doll was never seen again.
:lulz::horrormirth: :lulz:
I'm not exactly sure why, but this reminds me of "Bumpity", a local Portland children's show about a bump in the lawn.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 08, 2013, 05:36:00 PM
:lulz::horrormirth: :lulz:
I'm not exactly sure why, but this reminds me of "Bumpity", a local Portland children's show about a bump in the lawn.
I wrote it based on the emotions evoked by old variety format shows.
In Canada, we had one on CBC where the host dressed up as a Mountie. He had a monotone voice, and was allergic to the makeup used, so he looked like a frickin' corpse. Scared the shit out of all of us.
Then there was THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSwr-lPQxpc
This is what they did to us.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 05:44:27 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 08, 2013, 05:36:00 PM
:lulz::horrormirth: :lulz:
I'm not exactly sure why, but this reminds me of "Bumpity", a local Portland children's show about a bump in the lawn.
I wrote it based on the emotions evoked by old variety format shows.
In Canada, we had one on CBC where the host dressed up as a Mountie. He had a monotone voice, and was allergic to the makeup used, so he looked like a frickin' corpse. Scared the shit out of all of us.
Then there was THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSwr-lPQxpc
This is what they did to us.
Oh my god, I remember the mountie! I lived near the Canadian border and the only TV station that came in was the CBC one.
OMG, that girl is saying "Yoo hoo!"
Here is a fine example of the wonders of Bumpity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP3KtLFBH-o
It's like a strange, surreal purgatory.
:lulz: It just needs the addition of a "5-minute Hate" to be perfect.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 08, 2013, 05:57:23 PM
It's like a strange, surreal purgatory.
I keep expecting Bumpity to suddenly ask or say something totally inappropriate.
Then there was the Mary Tyler Moore show, about a female local news producer. It was a light-hearted show about endless sexual harrassment in the workplace. The one episode from season four was particularly egregious.
QuoteMary: "Lou, I'd like to try anchoring while Ted's on vacation."
Lou: "Well, then I guess you need to learn what your knees are for, girl." slides desk chair backwards
*laugh track*
And who can forget the
Chuckles Bites the Dust episode?
QuoteNews anchor Ted Baxter is hired as the grand marshal for a circus parade, but is ordered by Lou Grant to turn down the "honor." Ted is upset and tries to rally Mary to his side. Mary agrees that Lou was perhaps too hasty in his order, but then tells Ted that Chuckles the Clown had been asked and has accepted the honor as grand marshal.
The next day, as Mary and Murray are watching Ted deliver the live newscast, Lou rushes into the newsroom in shock and tells the staff that Chuckles has been killed during the parade. He had dressed as the character Peter Peanut, and a rogue elephant tried to "shell" him, causing fatal injuries. The unusual circumstances of Chuckles' death provoke a wave of jokes, especially by Lou, Sue Ann Nivens, and Murray Slaughter (e.g., "You know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut!" and, "He could've gone as Billy Banana and had a gorilla peel him to death"). Meanwhile, Ted tries his best to ad lib a eulogy for Chuckles, whom he admitted he didn't know very well. Everyone continues their uncontrollable laughter, with the exception of Mary, who is appalled by her co-workers' apparent lack of respect for the deceased.
At the funeral, the jokes continue until the services are about to start, at which time a final scolding by Mary encourages all of the attendees to become properly somber. However, Mary alone begins to laugh uncontrollably as the minister recounts Chuckles' comedy characters and comic routines. She tries to stifle her emotions, but simply cannot contain herself during the eulogy:
"Chuckles the Clown brought pleasure to millions. The characters he created will be remembered by children and adults alike: Peter Peanut, Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo, Billy Banana, and my particular favorite, Aunt Yoo Hoo. And not just for the laughter they provided—there was always some deeper meaning to whatever Chuckles did. Do you remember Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo's little catch phrase? Remember how, when his arch rival Señor Kaboom hit him with a giant cucumber and knocked him down, Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo would always pick himself up, dust himself off, and say, 'I hurt my foo-foo'? Life's a lot like that. From time to time we all fall down and hurt our foo-foos. If only we could deal with it as simply and bravely and honestly as Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo. And what did Chuckles ask in return? Not much. In his own words, 'A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.'"
Mary's co-workers appear shocked at her behavior. The minister tells the mortified Mary that laughter is actually in keeping with Chuckles' life and urges her to "Laugh... Laugh for Chuckles", at which point she breaks into uncontrollable sobbing.
I'll continue this when Nigel returns, tonight or tomorrow.
Liking this.
Are you taking the 80's or may I?
Quote from: Junkenstein on May 08, 2013, 06:34:05 PM
Liking this.
Are you taking the 80's or may I?
Anyone can do anything. I'm thinking 1970-1990 as the time frame.
I feel horror.
Late 80's-early 90's kidz (We use "Z"'s now because its Kool.) TV shows were a strange beast. This era took the great gift to society that is Tie-ins and "Pester-Power" and really showed what you could do when you turned the fully attention of the advertising beast upon formative minds.
With garish colours and hyperactive peers playing with plastic shit, a generation learned to find value in "Collecting the complete set". Tantrums were had in tens of thousands over the lack of a figurine. Could you face the playground indignity of not having all the things? Hard times for many.
These symbols and objects now prized by hipsters of all creeds and subjected to brutal hollywood half-lives present themselves in popular culture still with no appreciation of the horror they have wrought. The increased annual festive mayhems have seed here. The generation that needed all the toys is now the consumer base that must have all the things and a pay-day loan to get them NOW. I could name particular offenders, but the evidence is all around you.
The cycle continues to the modern day, and will accelerate gradually. Franchises are IP and will always be owned, overabused, forgotten and rediscovered. A new generation will pick up these cultural antiques and pass them on to their children. The generational message is clear. Collect all the things. Keep all the things.
And so the world will continue to descend. More to come.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 05:44:27 PM
Then there was THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSwr-lPQxpc
This is what they did to us.
:lulz: WTF was that and why couldn't I look away?!?!
Quote from: trippinprincezz13 on May 08, 2013, 07:02:33 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 05:44:27 PM
Then there was THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSwr-lPQxpc
This is what they did to us.
:lulz: WTF was that and why couldn't I look away?!?!
There was an even weirder one, but I can't find it.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 06:36:36 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on May 08, 2013, 06:34:05 PM
Liking this.
Are you taking the 80's or may I?
Anyone can do anything. I'm thinking 1970-1990 as the time frame.
We got kiddie shows out of Houston and Kitirik was live with mistakes, trolls and all manner of mayhem. Also hotness. Sadly, she was cancelled in the early 70's and of course Houston continues to circle the drain.
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NRvBlLgnV14/TVX-9FAKPUI/AAAAAAAACkU/kKXKyIsKnxE/s1600/KiTiRiK.jpg)
There was another Canadian show, The Beachcombers, about a guy named Nick Adonidas, who ran a lumber salvage operation on the coast of British Columbia.
The series was insanely gritty for its day, and dealt frequently with Nick's alcoholism problem, which was treated as being - in our terms - horrormirthy. Nick had a particular weakness with ouzo, and often was shown puking drunk, hung over, or in dire financial straits due to this.
The foil was a guy named "Relic", who used unscrupulous means to swipe lumber off of Nick, who wasn't above some shady dealings himself. Many of the characters were North American Natives, and their issues in dealing with Whites were explored fairly often, though they were also portrayed as "noble", in that they were virtually flaw-free (for example, they were the only characters that weren't horrid drunks).
Funny thing: In the 80s, the show was revamped, using more suspense and action, and tanked. The audience wanted sordid and awful social problems rubbed in their faces, which only proves that Canada is still very British.
Mention of the infamous call girl incident at about 1:50. :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x4-kfM_HKI
Quote from: stelz on May 08, 2013, 07:30:01 PM
Mention of the infamous call girl incident at about 1:50. :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x4-kfM_HKI
:lulz:
Guessing the kid was from Seguin or Houston.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 07:28:34 PM
There was another Canadian show, The Beachcombers, about a guy named Nick Adonidas, who ran a lumber salvage operation on the coast of British Columbia.
The series was insanely gritty for its day, and dealt frequently with Nick's alcoholism problem, which was treated as being - in our terms - horrormirthy. Nick had a particular weakness with ouzo, and often was shown puking drunk, hung over, or in dire financial straits due to this.
The foil was a guy named "Relic", who used unscrupulous means to swipe lumber off of Nick, who wasn't above some shady dealings himself. Many of the characters were North American Natives, and their issues in dealing with Whites were explored fairly often, though they were also portrayed as "noble", in that they were virtually flaw-free (for example, they were the only characters that weren't horrid drunks).
Funny thing: In the 80s, the show was revamped, using more suspense and action, and tanked. The audience wanted sordid and awful social problems rubbed in their faces, which only proves that Canada is still very British.
Wow, haven't thought about that show in a loooong ass time. Relic. Just wow.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 07:34:28 PM
Quote from: stelz on May 08, 2013, 07:30:01 PM
Mention of the infamous call girl incident at about 1:50. :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x4-kfM_HKI
:lulz:
Guessing the kid was from Seguin or Houston.
Houston, IIRC. But Seguin fits, too. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 07:06:14 PM
Quote from: trippinprincezz13 on May 08, 2013, 07:02:33 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 05:44:27 PM
Then there was THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSwr-lPQxpc
This is what they did to us.
:lulz: WTF was that and why couldn't I look away?!?!
There was an even weirder one, but I can't find it.
:eek: :eek: :eek:
Whose brainchild was that, Alejandro Jodorowsky's? It reminds me of some of the weirder shit in
El Topo. CANADA GOT ALL THE GOOD STUFF!!!!! :argh!:
Meanwhile, in Norway, this is what WE grew up with. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0kNJNe7HGE
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on May 08, 2013, 09:26:30 PM
Meanwhile, in Norway, this is what WE grew up with. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0kNJNe7HGE
GO HOME, NORWAY. YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP ON DRUGS.
Not television show, per se, but relevant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQlpDiXPZHQ
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 09:31:06 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on May 08, 2013, 09:26:30 PM
Meanwhile, in Norway, this is what WE grew up with. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0kNJNe7HGE
GO HOME, NORWAY. YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP ON DRUGS.
This was considered "Pedagogically correct" by the government run television station back then, which was also the ONLY CHANNEL THERE WAS. I'm a measly 31 years old, and I remember when we finally got access to more channels.
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on May 08, 2013, 09:36:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 09:31:06 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on May 08, 2013, 09:26:30 PM
Meanwhile, in Norway, this is what WE grew up with. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0kNJNe7HGE
GO HOME, NORWAY. YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP ON DRUGS.
This was considered "Pedagogically correct" by the government run television station back then, which was also the ONLY CHANNEL THERE WAS. I'm a measly 31 years old, and I remember when we finally got access to more channels.
In Newfoundland, in the 70s, we had two channels, but one was too far away, and was always full of static and noise.
The one we had that worked was full of nightmares about places like My Lai and the Watergate Hotel, so I went out and played in the forest that started at the end of my yard.
The time is 1971... the place is Hamilton Ontario Canada... the local station (CHCH) has exactly one person of talent, a little money, and an idea. The result?
THE HILARIOUS HOUSE OF FRIGHTENSTEIN
in which one man, Billy Van, plays approximately 75 characters - all gruesome... Vincent Price is somehow convinced to participate, after discovering a horrible place like Hamilton actually exists, which gives weight to his performances. On top of all of this, Julius Sumner Miller teaches about physics in an unduly angry manner, and sometimes people dance to unlicensed songs over psychedelic backdrops. Wait, did I say 'sometimes'? What I meant was ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
This program always seemed to be played around 6:30 in the morning, and scared the everloving shit out of a young Hoopla.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsaFDZfz8Lc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsaFDZfz8Lc)
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 06:06:06 PM
Then there was the Mary Tyler Moore show, about a female local news producer. It was a light-hearted show about endless sexual harrassment in the workplace. The one episode from season four was particularly egregious.
QuoteMary: "Lou, I'd like to try anchoring while Ted's on vacation."
Lou: "Well, then I guess you need to learn what your knees are for, girl." slides desk chair backwards
*laugh track*
:lulz: :horrormirth: :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 08, 2013, 06:08:45 PM
And who can forget the Chuckles Bites the Dust episode?
QuoteNews anchor Ted Baxter is hired as the grand marshal for a circus parade, but is ordered by Lou Grant to turn down the "honor." Ted is upset and tries to rally Mary to his side. Mary agrees that Lou was perhaps too hasty in his order, but then tells Ted that Chuckles the Clown had been asked and has accepted the honor as grand marshal.
The next day, as Mary and Murray are watching Ted deliver the live newscast, Lou rushes into the newsroom in shock and tells the staff that Chuckles has been killed during the parade. He had dressed as the character Peter Peanut, and a rogue elephant tried to "shell" him, causing fatal injuries. The unusual circumstances of Chuckles' death provoke a wave of jokes, especially by Lou, Sue Ann Nivens, and Murray Slaughter (e.g., "You know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut!" and, "He could've gone as Billy Banana and had a gorilla peel him to death"). Meanwhile, Ted tries his best to ad lib a eulogy for Chuckles, whom he admitted he didn't know very well. Everyone continues their uncontrollable laughter, with the exception of Mary, who is appalled by her co-workers' apparent lack of respect for the deceased.
At the funeral, the jokes continue until the services are about to start, at which time a final scolding by Mary encourages all of the attendees to become properly somber. However, Mary alone begins to laugh uncontrollably as the minister recounts Chuckles' comedy characters and comic routines. She tries to stifle her emotions, but simply cannot contain herself during the eulogy:
"Chuckles the Clown brought pleasure to millions. The characters he created will be remembered by children and adults alike: Peter Peanut, Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo, Billy Banana, and my particular favorite, Aunt Yoo Hoo. And not just for the laughter they provided—there was always some deeper meaning to whatever Chuckles did. Do you remember Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo's little catch phrase? Remember how, when his arch rival Señor Kaboom hit him with a giant cucumber and knocked him down, Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo would always pick himself up, dust himself off, and say, 'I hurt my foo-foo'? Life's a lot like that. From time to time we all fall down and hurt our foo-foos. If only we could deal with it as simply and bravely and honestly as Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo. And what did Chuckles ask in return? Not much. In his own words, 'A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.'"
Mary's co-workers appear shocked at her behavior. The minister tells the mortified Mary that laughter is actually in keeping with Chuckles' life and urges her to "Laugh... Laugh for Chuckles", at which point she breaks into uncontrollable sobbing.
:aaa: :lol: :aaa:
Seriously, that is... inspired. Or possibly possessed.
Bump for use elsewhere