Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Two vast and trunkless legs of stone => Topic started by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 07:42:41 PM

Title: You and your clone
Post by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 07:42:41 PM
Due to a scientific or magical mishap, you end up with an identical copy of yourself. The clone looks/acts/thinks/feels exactly like you do. It has your memories and experiences too. It is not aware that it is a clone.

What happens when you two meet?
Title: Re: Clone Day
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 07:44:16 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 07:42:41 PM
Due to a scientific or magical mishap, you end up with an identical copy of yourself. The clone looks/acts/thinks/feels exactly like you do. It has your memories and experiences too. It is not aware that it is a clone.

What happens when you two meet?

Several things.

1.  We nad each other reflexively.

2.  There's a lot of screaming.

3.  We hit Congress Street with a vengeance.

4.  Enabler walks around smiling a lot.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 07:44:50 PM
I mean, it's not cheating on me if she has sex with my other me too, right?
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: notathing on November 04, 2011, 07:48:51 PM
We would make passionate love together and hold each other all night and cry tears of indescribable relief, knowing that now... now, we finally aren't forever alone. we would swear to be together for our whole lives and take an oath in blood and, before probably rapidly descending into some demented foile a deux.  Then, it goes without saying that we'd likely be committed and subsequently placed in solitary confinement, due to the nature of our shared psychosis.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 07:49:23 PM
No joke, I've been thinking about this since I was like 12.


Step 1 would involve a battle of wits. This would be a game of chess, or perhaps smash brothers.

Step 2 would begin when the loser of step 1 physically assaults the winner.

Whoever loses the fight must submit to the winner in awful sexual ways.

Step 5 involves robbing a bank and one of us going to jail.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 04, 2011, 07:51:23 PM
Nope. I think shes in the clear there. As for myself
change rogers number one to jam session congress st to newbury st and enabler to villager and thats what i would do. Then wed get down to the business off which one of us gets to keep the identity.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 07:53:24 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 07:51:23 PM
Nope. I think shes in the clear there. As for myself
change rogers number one to jam session congress st to newbury st and enabler to villager and thats what i would do. Then wed get down to the business off which one of us gets to keep the identity.

1.  That's what I was thinking.

2.  Change my what to who?
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Juana on November 04, 2011, 07:53:45 PM
Highlander. And we take out half the town with us.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 07:55:15 PM
Quote from: Marcel on November 04, 2011, 07:48:51 PM
We would make passionate love together and hold each other all night and cry tears of indescribable relief, knowing that now... now, we finally aren't forever alone.

So this is what it's like when doves cry.
                                      \
(http://deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/lemon-of-troy1.png?w=512&h=384)
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Triple Zero on November 04, 2011, 07:56:52 PM
First, we have sex. I promised myself since i was 16 or so if I ever travelled back in time and meet myself, I'd have sex with me, and meeting myself as a clone would be pretty much the same thing.

I haven't really thought much further than this.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 04, 2011, 07:57:08 PM
Rog- my list is similar to yours but with appropriate changes .

Except the kneeing in the nads part.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 07:57:36 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 04, 2011, 07:56:52 PM
First, we have sex. I promised myself since i was 16 or so if I ever travelled back in time and meet myself, I'd have sex with me, and meeting myself as a clone would be pretty much the same thing.

I haven't really thought much further than this.

I'm really glad I'm not alone in that vanity.



Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 07:58:31 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 07:57:08 PM
Rog- my list is similar to yours but with appropriate changes .

Except the kneeing in the nads part.

Oh, we wouldn't WANT to do that.  It would just happen.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 07:59:23 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 07:57:36 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 04, 2011, 07:56:52 PM
First, we have sex. I promised myself since i was 16 or so if I ever travelled back in time and meet myself, I'd have sex with me, and meeting myself as a clone would be pretty much the same thing.

I haven't really thought much further than this.

I'm really glad I'm not alone in that vanity.





I wouldn't.  I mean, we ARE one sexy bitch, but we're straight.  No, it would just be Christmas every day for the wife.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 08:01:41 PM
I was going to pose the question - is having sex with your clone gay, or masturbation? But the more I think about it, I don't think it falls on that spectrum. I wouldn't fuck my clone because I'm attracted to him --- it's just about power.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 04, 2011, 08:02:03 PM
Straight thing doesnt exactly apply here. It just becomes really weird masturbation.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 08:02:25 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 08:01:41 PM
I was going to pose the question - is having sex with your clone gay, or masturbation?

Yes.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 08:02:58 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 08:02:03 PM
Straight thing doesnt exactly apply here. It just becomes really weird masturbation.

See, I can do THAT now.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 08:03:59 PM
it's clearly not incest though, right? at least I hope we won't be guilty of that.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 04, 2011, 08:04:22 PM
Apparently cram is among other things a self-rapist. :?
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 08:04:35 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 08:03:59 PM
it's clearly not incest though, right? at least I hope we won't be guilty of that.

Technically, yes.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 08:06:08 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 08:04:22 PM
Apparently cram is among other things a self-rapist. :?

seriously, FUCK THAT GUY.

:hashishim:

I know he's going to try to rape me, might as well beat him to the punch.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Triple Zero on November 04, 2011, 08:08:25 PM
Quote from: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 08:01:41 PM
I was going to pose the question - is having sex with your clone gay, or masturbation? But the more I think about it, I don't think it falls on that spectrum. I wouldn't fuck my clone because I'm attracted to him --- it's just about power.

Well yeah, I'm straight, but I would be having sex with me! How could I resist myself?

I don't quite get what you mean by the "power" angle, though?

Quote from: Cramulus on November 04, 2011, 08:03:59 PM
it's clearly not incest though, right? at least I hope we won't be guilty of that.

Nah, plus you wouldn't be making babies.

Though maybe more clones? :lol:
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Juana on November 04, 2011, 08:10:10 PM
I believe it would be selfcest, actually.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: notathing on November 04, 2011, 08:12:18 PM
I think it would just be redundant. :lulz:
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 04, 2011, 08:15:07 PM
I dont know do you consider the self to be a sibling?
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 08:16:59 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 08:15:07 PM
I dont know do you consider the self to be a sibling?

I'm in my family.

And outside of Kentucky, that's the definition.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Kurt Christ on November 04, 2011, 09:39:25 PM
We would groom our facial hair into different ridiculous styles and get into bare knuckle boxing matches in public over nonsensical insults.
We'd watch each other's backs until one of our paranoia got the better of us and we turned on each other. Then whichever of us survived would express his deep regrets at having to kill the other him on his deathbed.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Luna on November 04, 2011, 09:53:34 PM
Am I the only one who honestly wouldn't consider having sex with my clone?

Though, really, at least she'd know what WORKS...  That'd be a nice change, but...  No...

Well...

No, no...  That would be wrong in all sorts of strange ways...

Hm...

Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Don Coyote on November 04, 2011, 09:59:12 PM
I'd have to kill my clone, just on the off chance he is an evil doppleganger.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on November 04, 2011, 10:01:41 PM
We would pointedly NOT have an argument/existential dilemma over who's the "real" one.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 04, 2011, 10:13:08 PM
I would DEFINITELY immediately have sex with my clone. In fact, I always wanted to be a clone just so I could have sex with myself.

AND THEN,

AND THEN,

We'd pretty much do anything we wanted. With two of me? I would be invincible!
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on November 04, 2011, 10:59:08 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 04, 2011, 10:13:08 PM
I would DEFINITELY immediately have sex with my clone. In fact, I always wanted to be a clone just so I could have sex with myself.

AND THEN,

AND THEN,

We'd pretty much do anything we wanted. With two of me? I would be invincible!

Which one gets to sit in the throne.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 04, 2011, 11:06:59 PM
Take the throne in shifts. Round the clock tyranny!
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Kurt Christ on November 04, 2011, 11:09:46 PM
Modify the throne into a two seater. Proceed to instigate civil war over who keeps putting their leg on the other's side.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Juana on November 04, 2011, 11:25:29 PM
Quote from: Luna on November 04, 2011, 09:53:34 PM
Am I the only one who honestly wouldn't consider having sex with my clone?

Though, really, at least she'd know what WORKS...  That'd be a nice change, but...  No...

Well...

No, no...  That would be wrong in all sorts of strange ways...

Hm...


Nah, I'm with you.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 05, 2011, 04:55:28 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 11:06:59 PM
Take the throne in shifts. Round the clock tyranny!

This!

Man, having two of me would make my life so damn much easier.

What's funny is that I posed this question at the gallery last night and all of my friends immediately said that they would have to kill their clone before their clone killed them. :cry: And then they were all, how would you know your clone wasn't plotting to kill you?

But duh, if my clone is exactly like me, with all my memories and no idea that she's a clone, then she would be thinking the SAME THING AS ME. So she'd be all "SWEET, two of me! Let's fuck!"
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on November 05, 2011, 05:09:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 04:55:28 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 11:06:59 PM
Take the throne in shifts. Round the clock tyranny!

This!

Man, having two of me would make my life so damn much easier.

What's funny is that I posed this question at the gallery last night and all of my friends immediately said that they would have to kill their clone before their clone killed them. :cry: And then they were all, how would you know your clone wasn't plotting to kill you?

But duh, if my clone is exactly like me, with all my memories and no idea that she's a clone, then she would be thinking the SAME THING AS ME. So she'd be all "SWEET, two of me! Let's fuck!"

That's exactly what I'm thinking! Any plan I make now about what to do with a perfect physical and mental duplicate of myself will be the same plan my clone has. Why the gibbering fuckballs would I want to kill myself, when I can instead use this to my advantage and do half as much homework?
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Don Coyote on November 05, 2011, 05:11:52 PM
Quote from: Cainad on November 05, 2011, 05:09:29 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 04:55:28 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 04, 2011, 11:06:59 PM
Take the throne in shifts. Round the clock tyranny!

This!

Man, having two of me would make my life so damn much easier.

What's funny is that I posed this question at the gallery last night and all of my friends immediately said that they would have to kill their clone before their clone killed them. :cry: And then they were all, how would you know your clone wasn't plotting to kill you?

But duh, if my clone is exactly like me, with all my memories and no idea that she's a clone, then she would be thinking the SAME THING AS ME. So she'd be all "SWEET, two of me! Let's fuck!"

That's exactly what I'm thinking! Any plan I make now about what to do with a perfect physical and mental duplicate of myself will be the same plan my clone has. Why the gibbering fuckballs would I want to kill myself, when I can instead use this to my advantage and do half as much homework?
And that is EXACTLY why I would HAVE to kill my clone.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:19:41 PM
My clone would have to get her own account here, though. Otherwise it could get really confusing.

We could each work less, and take turns doing the shipping.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Triple Zero on November 05, 2011, 05:29:24 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:19:41 PM
My clone would have to get her own account here, though. Otherwise it could get really confusing.

Would you change the password on your original account though? :)
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 05, 2011, 05:30:11 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 05, 2011, 05:29:24 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:19:41 PM
My clone would have to get her own account here, though. Otherwise it could get really confusing.

Would you change the password on your original account though? :)


The clone would be able to figure out the new one.  8)
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:32:50 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 05, 2011, 05:30:11 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 05, 2011, 05:29:24 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:19:41 PM
My clone would have to get her own account here, though. Otherwise it could get really confusing.

Would you change the password on your original account though? :)


The clone would be able to figure out the new one.  8)

There'd be no need. We might have to flip a coin to decide who got to use the original Nigel account, though. Because, obviously, we would both be attached to the idea of being the original. It wouldn't kill me to make a new account, though, so I might volunteer.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Triple Zero on November 05, 2011, 05:39:52 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:32:50 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 05, 2011, 05:30:11 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 05, 2011, 05:29:24 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:19:41 PM
My clone would have to get her own account here, though. Otherwise it could get really confusing.

Would you change the password on your original account though? :)


The clone would be able to figure out the new one.  8)

There'd be no need. We might have to flip a coin to decide who got to use the original Nigel account, though. Because, obviously, we would both be attached to the idea of being the original. It wouldn't kill me to make a new account, though, so I might volunteer.

I see, well, I trust myself, but maybe not that much. Though maybe I could, because if I'd try to screw myself over I'd know exactly how shitty I'd make myself feel. But then, knowing my singular self, I don't always strictly act in my own best interest--which would probably become at least some source of conflict sooner or later, but maybe not by very much.

And Twid, if your clone can figure out your newly chosen password, then you probably need a better way of picking your passwords :) There's lots of external sources of non-determinacy you can use.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cain on November 05, 2011, 05:44:44 PM
I'd kill it first, to stop it from taking over my life.

Because, as me and my clone both know, getting proper, fake ID is very hard, and throw in biometrics, and we're both in for shit.  Only one can survive.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:50:30 PM
We would both be the mother of my children. How could I kill the mother of my children?
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cain on November 05, 2011, 05:52:43 PM
Over the head with a shovel and bury them under the patio, like everyone else.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Don Coyote on November 05, 2011, 05:53:19 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 05, 2011, 05:50:30 PM
We would both be the mother of my children. How could I kill the mother of my children?

SHOVE.....
Quote from: Cain on November 05, 2011, 05:52:43 PM
Over the head with a shovel and bury them under the patio, like everyone else.

GODDAMNIT CAIN!!!!!!!!!!! :argh!:
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Triple Zero on November 05, 2011, 05:56:59 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 05, 2011, 05:44:44 PM
I'd kill it first, to stop it from taking over my life.

Because, as me and my clone both know, getting proper, fake ID is very hard, and throw in biometrics, and we're both in for shit.  Only one can survive.

But you'd have identical biometrics, which is unlikely but not impossible for two people to have, biometrics can only positively determine that two people are not the same--and even then it's horribly inaccurate. Though with DNA and fingerprints you'd still be fucked in court, if you'd tried to screw yourself over :)

If you're certain you'd have to kill him, remember you're both equally strong and equally smart, so any edge would have to come from random circumstance factors, you might as well flip a coin and go for a painless suicide?

If you can rationally and honestly come to that conclusion, so would your clone.

Though if you secretly want to try and out-Xanathos-speed-chess them, all bets are off ;-) [but it'll probably hurt a lot, even if you win]
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cain on November 05, 2011, 06:01:00 PM
It would mean establishing any other identity would be impossible, because the DNA would link back to my ID, meaning mine would be the only viable one for my clone to have.  Any other would present the risk of being detected as going under a false ID, and so being brought in for questioning.

And like I'd fight fair.  You kill people when they're asleep, so they can't fight back.  With a shovel.  Or lock all the escape routes from the outside and torch the building (remember to knock over the tv and start it from there, so it looks like an accident).
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Triple Zero on November 05, 2011, 06:09:55 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 05, 2011, 06:01:00 PM
And like I'd fight fair.  You kill people when they're asleep, so they can't fight back.  With a shovel.  Or lock all the escape routes from the outside and torch the building (remember to knock over the tv and start it from there, so it looks like an accident).

NOTE TO FUTURE SCIENTISTS: WHEN CLONING CAIN, SET UP CAMERAS, ACQUIRE MOVIE RIGHTS

Most painless option: kill the scientist first.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 06, 2011, 02:10:40 AM
Part of the awesome of having a clone would be that it would share my identity. It would hardly give me an edge if she had her own identity, would it? We'd just use the same ID. It would mean that we couldn't leave the country together, but I don't see that being a problem.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 06, 2011, 02:11:20 AM
I guess it could be a little creepy for any prospective suitors, though.

Or, alternately, a HUGE BONUS!
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Luna on November 06, 2011, 02:27:31 AM
Then, there's always the fact that you've pretty much ALWAYS got "reasonable doubt."

"I'm sorry, your honor, what proof do they have that it was ME and not HER that did that horrible, horrible thing?"
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on November 06, 2011, 03:48:51 AM
Quote from: Luna on November 06, 2011, 02:27:31 AM
Then, there's always the fact that you've pretty much ALWAYS got "reasonable doubt."

"I'm sorry, your honor, what proof do they have that it was ME and not HER that did that horrible, horrible thing?"

Legally, we would be the same entity, so I doubt it would matter in a court.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: President Television on November 06, 2011, 05:57:36 AM
I'd fight him. No doubt about it. He'd fight me anyway.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Phox on November 06, 2011, 06:37:15 AM
I'd like to say, I'd do all of the above. Fuck, fight, murder.... on the other hand, there sheer shenanigans two of me could get up to.... it would be pretty epic....


ETA: Alternatively, I could pull a Dr. McNinja and get degrees in every field ever and figure out how to recombine into a single entity with all the acquired knowledge...
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Pæs on November 06, 2011, 11:10:09 AM
I'd kill him for planning to kill me based on the assumption that I am planning to kill him.
Then I'd use the body in a resurrection scam and convince people I was Jesus returned.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 06, 2011, 04:05:18 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 05, 2011, 06:01:00 PM
It would mean establishing any other identity would be impossible, because the DNA would link back to my ID, meaning mine would be the only viable one for my clone to have.  Any other would present the risk of being detected as going under a false ID, and so being brought in for questioning.

And like I'd fight fair.  You kill people when they're asleep, so they can't fight back.  With a shovel.  Or lock all the escape routes from the outside and torch the building (remember to knock over the tv and start it from there, so it looks like an accident).

One could always find a corrupt bureaucrat to create a birth certificate indicating identical twins. This would then give the clone the second identity necessary.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on November 06, 2011, 04:07:42 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 06, 2011, 02:11:20 AM
I guess it could be a little creepy for any prospective suitors, though.

Or, alternately, a HUGE BONUS!

Bonus.

There would be two of you. Two vaginas, four tits, and you're the same person so it's all good. What's not to like about that?

Which would also be a drawback when the suitor is in the dog house. Because then there's two of you mad at him. But he wouldn't think about that until it was too late.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Don Coyote on November 06, 2011, 04:45:26 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on November 06, 2011, 06:37:15 AM
I'd like to say, I'd do all of the above. Fuck, fight, murder.... on the other hand, there sheer shenanigans two of me could get up to.... it would be pretty epic....


ETA: Alternatively, I could pull a Dr. McNinja and get degrees in every field ever and figure out how to recombine into a single entity with all the acquired knowledge...

(http://drmcninja.com/comics/2010-04-02-17p49.jpg)
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Triple Zero on November 06, 2011, 07:56:20 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 06, 2011, 04:07:42 PM
There would be two of you. Two vaginas, four tits, and you're the same person so it's all good. What's not to like about that?

When their cycles sync up :)

QuoteWhich would also be a drawback when the suitor is in the dog house.

Unless that's what this means.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Phox on November 06, 2011, 07:58:27 PM
Quote from: Donald Coyote on November 06, 2011, 04:45:26 PM
Quote from: Doktor Phox on November 06, 2011, 06:37:15 AM
I'd like to say, I'd do all of the above. Fuck, fight, murder.... on the other hand, there sheer shenanigans two of me could get up to.... it would be pretty epic....


ETA: Alternatively, I could pull a Dr. McNinja and get degrees in every field ever and figure out how to recombine into a single entity with all the acquired knowledge...

http://drmcninja.com/comics/2010-04-02-17p49.jpg
I can imagine having that exact conversation with my clone.  :lulz:
ETA: Removed image tags.
Title: Re: You and your clone
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on November 06, 2011, 08:00:18 PM
Woah, I just realized that I could literally DOUBLE the rate at which I make terrible mistakes! This is awesome.