Messages

Oh shit.

I do a GREAT a capella rickroll.

*makes note*

*was already wearing earplugs. Under rifle range headphones*

I have a lot of patience for other people's kids.

A lot of patience.

But for fuck's sake, there is no reason, none whatsoever, for a grown woman with three children ages between about 6 and at least 10, to be completely unable to get said children to sit on their asses and keep themselves reasonably quiet for a bus ride. I'm not talking silence. I'm talking THE BUS IS NOT THE PLACE TO HOLD A RAFFI SING ALONG. FOR AN HOUR. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

If people are getting off the bus and looking at you in disgust, lady, that's because you fail. Your little darlings are perfectly capable of learning to be considerate riders of public transit. It is not their personal playground, it belongs to the whole metropolitan area. They sure as fuck don't help finance it. They're making it more expensive by jumping on the seats though, they are making it less optimal a solution for people who don't have to use it because if ALL people are afraid to tell off the trailer trash momma and her obnoxious kids, then the busses end up full of them, and who really wants to go to work or out to see ADULT PEOPLE after hearing an off key shrill rendition of Baby Beluga for 45 minutes?

And of course, oh dear mother who's kids I told off because you were too busy laughing at them running up and down the bus aisle nearly flying through the windshield, your kids don't even have a right to ride the bus at all. I don't give a fuck if they're "having fun". Their right to have fun ends where my rights begin. That includes the right to a nice glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP, and then of course there are actual laws.

Seriously, oh entitled mommies of tweens everywhere, if your kid is so obnoxious in public that a youngish woman who CLEARLY spends her time working with kids (protip: the shirt for a largely child-centered industry, that's a big hint) is so off-put by your kids that she can't stand them, NO ONE CAN. They are fully capable of behaving like civilized, considerate human beings.

Or kill me.

*hides from EVERYONE*
Don't even consider it.

I would sell my soul for one of these.

my votes (partly inspired by this thread, only ones I've read myself):

- The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, D. N. Adams

- American Gods, Neil Gaiman

I strongly second (or in the case of H2G2, more like thirtysecond) these.

I eat

a) a cheeseburger without the bun, sometimes with bacon
or
b) waffles or tortillas with peanut butter and honey
or
c) bacon, cheese, and cubed potatoes in a bowl, microwaved for about 5 minutes. Sounds gross but oh so tasty and easy.
or
d) leftover pizza or layered mexican dip (cream cheese/beans/salsa/shredded cheese, baked at 350 for 30).

Breakfast is generally my biggest meal because I'm so active at work in the afternoon, and I crash like woah if I don't have a pretty hefty dose of protein. Oatmeal and other cereals are midnight snack foods in my universe =/

When Tradition Meets Tomorrow-Jonathan Coulton

Hi N0p!

Do you, like, know this person?

Yeah, I've known him for 17 years-ish.

He's a real person, a fascinating fellow. Quite the Portland local character.

Is there anyone from Portland that isn't crazy in one way or another? 

No.

Not only that, but the place draws the crazies. If you're weird, you'll land here eventually.

My dad likes to say "Hello boys!" to a group of girl children.  They are stunned for a few seconds, and then incredulously cry "WE'RE GIRLS!!"

I like to ask kids where their husband or wife is.  They are always (always) shocked by the question.

My housemate has done something like that.

A favorite activity we share is pretending to be incredibly dumb, so that the children have to patiently explain very simple concepts to us. Then we act amazed and incredulous.

They're starting to catch on, though.

I use this one at work, though more as a teaching exercise than for the lulz. The resulting hilarity is incidental.

OCTARINE OR GTFO

Madjgiyickqual chains?

"You Say To People "Throw Off Your Chains" And They Make New Chains For Themselves?"

"Seems to be a major human activity, yes."

But my new chains are sparkly! And pink!

Really?

I'd have thought you'd go for an iridescent indigo.

I tend to prefer not to label myself, but here's giving it a shot:

Best description of my actual theology is Prachettist. Deities get power from the belief that people have in them, not from their innate power. It's belief that fuels Making Shit Happen. This allows me to be an unashamed paradigm whore and have as many short term personal saviors as I want, since it's the belief that makes them valid anyway.

Tried and true one if they're having an epic tantrum:

"Once more. With FEELING this time!"

They stop and stare at you like you've gone mad. Every time.

Am I the only one who thinks sharing an orgasm is saying, "Hey I orgasmed, it was pretty good."?

In that case, sharing an orgasm would not be creepy.

It still might be, depending on the situation.  What if your DAD said it to you?

That goes well beyond creepy into just-plain-wrong-ville.

*speaks from experience*

Am I the only one who thinks sharing an orgasm is saying, "Hey I orgasmed, it was pretty good."?

That's certainly not what I was thinking.