Fuck. Fuckity fucking fucktardery fucked FUCK.
Ok, I'll confess. I don't have a penis. Yep, there, I said it. I do not have a cock, dick, schlong, tube steak, or meat mallet.
Oddly enough? I'm still human.
To the vast majority of you, this isn't a news flash. This rant is not directed at you. For those of you still reeling from this concept being introduced into your worldview, however, sit down. Go ahead. Get comfy. I'll wait. Ready? Ok. Here we go.
Women are people.
Yeah, I know. Shocking, hunh? Here I am, all differently shaped and soft and nice-smelling, and yet insisting that I'm a person just like those blessed by the mighty and sacred phallus. What am I thinking? Have I gone mad? Has the lack of child bearing caused my uterus to wander upwards and strangle my poor female excuse for a brain, thus cursing me with delusions of humanity?
Nope. Just stating the simple facts, kiddies. Chicks are people, too.
Now, I know that this will be harder for some of you to accept than others. The most devout among you will be the most troubled. After all, Jesus had a dick, right? And God must, too, since Adam is made in his image and Eve was just a second generation knock-off of the real thing. Clearly, then, if the divine dangles a dick, a penis proves personhood. If it has a clit, it must submit.
Sadly, that line of reasoning just doesn't adequately support the facts. Women are in nearly every way indistinguishable from real people. We get mad in traffic. We go to the movies. Sometimes, we even like to get naked and roll around with someone else in pursuit of affectionate friction. So, if women are people, then what's the problem?
More specifically, what's the Baptists' fucking problem?
On June 26th, Baptist luminary Bruce Ware warned that them uppity wimmins is at it again. Apparently, women wouldn't get knocked around if they'd just know their place. Yep. Wife beating is all a result of women not submitting to the just and righteous leadership of their masters. Er. Husbands. Sorry about that slip up. Since I'm clearly so prone to mistakes, doubtless caused by my lamentable femininity, let me just allow Dr. Ware to explain it for himself. See, women want to have their way sometimes, which is a sin. And men? Well, they just have to respond somehow. "[H]usbands on their parts, because they're sinners, now respond to that threat to their authority either by being abusive, which is of course one of the ways men can respond when their authority is challenged--or, more commonly, to become passive, acquiescent, and simply not asserting the leadership they ought to as men in their homes and in churches."
Dr. Ware, I have no doubt that you are a chapter and verse man, a man who likes his sources cited. So I have a few chapters and verses to lay on you, complete with citations.
Did you know, Dr. Ware, that the leading cause of of death among pregnant women is homicide? If you're curious, I urge you to check out "Pregnancy-Associated Mortality at the End of the Twentieth Century: Massachusetts, 1990 – 1999," in the Journal of the American Medical Women's Association, Vol. 57, No. 23, Summer 2002. Quite a bit of interesting reading, there. I'm sure you'll see that in each and every one of those murders, the woman was asking for it by trying to get her own way. Those kooky daughters of Eve! Won't they ever learn?
Here's another little tale of a woman, Dr. Ware, who just didn't understand God's special plan for her and defied her husband. This time, I think I'll let her speak for a change; you can find her story for yourself at www.wadt.org if you'd like to check the facts.
"Hi, my name is E. Im telling my story about being ABUSED, for over 10 years of my life.
When I was first abused I didnt recognize the signs. It started with my daughters father, whom is now deceased from a drug overdose. He would abuse me, call me ugly, all sorts of bad names, fight me, tell me didnt nobody want me. I believed him for years. Because I didnt know better. He would beat me when I did not give him money for drugs and take my money or any anything of value to get the drugs.
Make me have sex with him without my consent most of the time. I was treated for a nervous breakdown. My hair would come out real bad because of my nerves. I was a total wreck. He also tried to kill me."
Silly girl. If she had just submitted to the will of her husband and given him that money to buy drugs when he asked for it, she'd have never had those problems. Leave it to a woman to mess up something that simple! It's all there in the Bible!
And that's just the beginning! Can you belive there are still women bringing this kind of abuse on themselves by their divinely appointed overlords? Those gals! What a hoot!
Just take the example of that Laci Peterson. I mean, her husband didn't want to have children, and she should've let it be. Pressuring him like that! I'm sure that if she'd just let the man be the head of the family as God is the head of the church, she wouldn't have been found floating in San Francisco bay minus her arms, right foot, left leg, and head. Neither would Evelyn Hernandez. And Jessie Marie Davis would probably be all right, too, if she hadn't sassed off.
Asking for it. Every one of us. We just don't understand our place in God's plan, do we? We so stubbornly refuse to be meek, humble, and appealing chattel. We tax our inferior, child-like brains with things outside our mandate. If we'd just concentrate on being wives and mothers, like the Bible teaches, the world would be a second Eden of peace and harmony.
Listen, you shriveled up piece of hyena shit, and listen good. FUCK. YOU. This is the TWENTY FIRST-GODDAMN CENTURY, and the rank medieval BULLSHIT you're peddling has EXPIRED. Fuck your self-righteous certainty. Fuck your unfathomable hardness of heart for blaming the victims of abuse for daring to stand up for themselves. Fuck your hatred. Fuck your fear. Fuck your raging stupidity. Fuck the idea of "affirming male headship in the created order." Fuck the idea that the only way half the entire fucking human race can be rescued from Eve's sin is by being "saved in childbearing." Fuck you and fuck you and FUCK YOU.
You don't get to decide shit for me, monster. You don't get to decide, and neither does your God.
Ok, I'll confess. I don't have a penis. Yep, there, I said it. I do not have a cock, dick, schlong, tube steak, or meat mallet.
Oddly enough? I'm still human.
To the vast majority of you, this isn't a news flash. This rant is not directed at you. For those of you still reeling from this concept being introduced into your worldview, however, sit down. Go ahead. Get comfy. I'll wait. Ready? Ok. Here we go.
Women are people.
Yeah, I know. Shocking, hunh? Here I am, all differently shaped and soft and nice-smelling, and yet insisting that I'm a person just like those blessed by the mighty and sacred phallus. What am I thinking? Have I gone mad? Has the lack of child bearing caused my uterus to wander upwards and strangle my poor female excuse for a brain, thus cursing me with delusions of humanity?
Nope. Just stating the simple facts, kiddies. Chicks are people, too.
Now, I know that this will be harder for some of you to accept than others. The most devout among you will be the most troubled. After all, Jesus had a dick, right? And God must, too, since Adam is made in his image and Eve was just a second generation knock-off of the real thing. Clearly, then, if the divine dangles a dick, a penis proves personhood. If it has a clit, it must submit.
Sadly, that line of reasoning just doesn't adequately support the facts. Women are in nearly every way indistinguishable from real people. We get mad in traffic. We go to the movies. Sometimes, we even like to get naked and roll around with someone else in pursuit of affectionate friction. So, if women are people, then what's the problem?
More specifically, what's the Baptists' fucking problem?
On June 26th, Baptist luminary Bruce Ware warned that them uppity wimmins is at it again. Apparently, women wouldn't get knocked around if they'd just know their place. Yep. Wife beating is all a result of women not submitting to the just and righteous leadership of their masters. Er. Husbands. Sorry about that slip up. Since I'm clearly so prone to mistakes, doubtless caused by my lamentable femininity, let me just allow Dr. Ware to explain it for himself. See, women want to have their way sometimes, which is a sin. And men? Well, they just have to respond somehow. "[H]usbands on their parts, because they're sinners, now respond to that threat to their authority either by being abusive, which is of course one of the ways men can respond when their authority is challenged--or, more commonly, to become passive, acquiescent, and simply not asserting the leadership they ought to as men in their homes and in churches."
Dr. Ware, I have no doubt that you are a chapter and verse man, a man who likes his sources cited. So I have a few chapters and verses to lay on you, complete with citations.
Did you know, Dr. Ware, that the leading cause of of death among pregnant women is homicide? If you're curious, I urge you to check out "Pregnancy-Associated Mortality at the End of the Twentieth Century: Massachusetts, 1990 – 1999," in the Journal of the American Medical Women's Association, Vol. 57, No. 23, Summer 2002. Quite a bit of interesting reading, there. I'm sure you'll see that in each and every one of those murders, the woman was asking for it by trying to get her own way. Those kooky daughters of Eve! Won't they ever learn?
Here's another little tale of a woman, Dr. Ware, who just didn't understand God's special plan for her and defied her husband. This time, I think I'll let her speak for a change; you can find her story for yourself at www.wadt.org if you'd like to check the facts.
"Hi, my name is E. Im telling my story about being ABUSED, for over 10 years of my life.
When I was first abused I didnt recognize the signs. It started with my daughters father, whom is now deceased from a drug overdose. He would abuse me, call me ugly, all sorts of bad names, fight me, tell me didnt nobody want me. I believed him for years. Because I didnt know better. He would beat me when I did not give him money for drugs and take my money or any anything of value to get the drugs.
Make me have sex with him without my consent most of the time. I was treated for a nervous breakdown. My hair would come out real bad because of my nerves. I was a total wreck. He also tried to kill me."
Silly girl. If she had just submitted to the will of her husband and given him that money to buy drugs when he asked for it, she'd have never had those problems. Leave it to a woman to mess up something that simple! It's all there in the Bible!
And that's just the beginning! Can you belive there are still women bringing this kind of abuse on themselves by their divinely appointed overlords? Those gals! What a hoot!
Just take the example of that Laci Peterson. I mean, her husband didn't want to have children, and she should've let it be. Pressuring him like that! I'm sure that if she'd just let the man be the head of the family as God is the head of the church, she wouldn't have been found floating in San Francisco bay minus her arms, right foot, left leg, and head. Neither would Evelyn Hernandez. And Jessie Marie Davis would probably be all right, too, if she hadn't sassed off.
Asking for it. Every one of us. We just don't understand our place in God's plan, do we? We so stubbornly refuse to be meek, humble, and appealing chattel. We tax our inferior, child-like brains with things outside our mandate. If we'd just concentrate on being wives and mothers, like the Bible teaches, the world would be a second Eden of peace and harmony.
Listen, you shriveled up piece of hyena shit, and listen good. FUCK. YOU. This is the TWENTY FIRST-GODDAMN CENTURY, and the rank medieval BULLSHIT you're peddling has EXPIRED. Fuck your self-righteous certainty. Fuck your unfathomable hardness of heart for blaming the victims of abuse for daring to stand up for themselves. Fuck your hatred. Fuck your fear. Fuck your raging stupidity. Fuck the idea of "affirming male headship in the created order." Fuck the idea that the only way half the entire fucking human race can be rescued from Eve's sin is by being "saved in childbearing." Fuck you and fuck you and FUCK YOU.
You don't get to decide shit for me, monster. You don't get to decide, and neither does your God.