The passion seems to have gone out of my relationship.
That is, my relationship with the government and the world. I find myself incapable of the depth and breadth of hatred I used to have. It's been too long since I felt a fire in my chest like I wanted to vomit magma at somebody. The recent issues with suppression of Wikileaks and the TSA have made me realize how cold and hollow my hatred of authoritarians has become. I used to want to eat their hearts and dance in the ashes of their empires- now I can't really stir much more concern than hoping that they at least leave me alone. Abuse of power has become pretty routine, and it normally doesn't affect me directly, but I even seem to have trouble stirring a fire in my belly against personal enemies. PD, this is a sincere request- teach me how hate with fire again.
I have this same problem. Has your life recently gotten much easier?
Yeah, I know what you are talking about as well: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=20720.0
As I said in that thread, I'm pretty comfortable now. We have a comfortable household income. My wife and I are both pretty well established in our professions. I've got a couple of great kids....
And that's how things are different for me now. I have these two kids who are going to be around for some decades after I'm gone. So, the fire seems to be roaring back to life for me. I have a vested interest in either this world not sucking so much for my kids, or, at least doing my best to prepare them to navigate what lies ahead. TFY,K. (Think For Yourself, Kids)
So I guess what I'm saying, is that this place you're in is probably temporary. That you are acknowledging it and recognizing it is a good thing. It means you will also be aware of those things which will cause you to boil up and spew anew.
What you need is not fire. You need to shock your system with apathy. Scare yourself straight.
Watch This
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4sOfO8Ei1g
Then read these
http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com/index.php?comicID=55
Then eat the most boring thing in your house.
And you will be tired of being sad and not caring about anything.
I have the opposite problem, though: the more "comfortable" my everyday life gets, the worse global shit gets around that everyday life. It's like nothing comes for free, and the pain of larger things has increased so the smaller, inconvenient things are quieted.
I think I'm also on "awful-overload," where so much has gone to shit, I feel like I no longer expect it to be great or good. Every documentary points to imminent disaster, and no immediate changes will have any effect. Life is spiralling downward at a trajectory I cannot stop or wage against to any degree that makes a difference. So...what? Go out laughing? (or larfing)
Probably. Most likely. I've been shocked so many times I'm freezerburned.
get a r r e s t e d.
Quote from: Ob_Portu on December 14, 2010, 01:18:10 PM
get a r r e s t e d.
Thanks, I'll be sure to take this into consideration.
I seem to have sublimated what was, in my twenties and thirties, a simmering, bottomless pit of bubbling, spitting hatred, hatred of all things mindlessly authoritarian, abuses of power, exploitative , governments getting more and more totalitarian, police brutality, etc etc, into a kind of numb cynicism. I still hold to my principles, to the detriment of my quality of life sometimes, but I just don't seem to be able to work up a full head of hatred anymore. It might be some kind of self defence mechanism, or just plain apathy setting in, but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by the festering pile of shit the World seems to be descending into. Hope for the future seems to be disappearing down the toilet, and although I still manage to to stay optomistic, it gets harder and harder to maintain. I'm not going to let myself get depressed about it, but it is puzzling, it's like something is sucking all the fun out of everything, and there doesn't seem to be as much room to manuever around it as there was. No room for any dissent, no room for anything different, no room for . . . well, just no fucking room for anything. I'm hoping it's just me, and I'll snap out of it sooner or later, but there's only so long you can tell yourself that one, and this has been getting progressively worse for decades now.
What the fuck is going on?
Invisible dementors sucking out your soul.
It's a common problem.
I suggest a spoonful of raw garlic a day and abstinence from masturbation.
Room to maneuver, like time, is something you have to make or take.
It won't come looking for you.
Maybe you have become too afraid of the consequences of your rage-fueled actions?
Quote from: Regret on December 16, 2010, 12:37:59 AM
Room to maneuver, like time, is something you have to make or take.
It won't come looking for you.
Maybe you have become too afraid of the consequences of your rage-fueled actions?
The worst consequence my rage fuelled actions have bought me, is a few weeks prison time, and after the first few days, I realised that if this was the worst they could do to me, then there really isn't very much to fear. I think it has more to do with the futility of personal action, and the general air of compliance that seems to have been setting in insiduously since the Thatcher / Reagan days.
Ah.
REmember: Fun is never futile.