from http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/sheawilson.illuminatus.shtml
Quote
The Illuminati are a secret society that (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) control everything in the world (SEX DRUGS SEX) including all governments, financial institutions, and (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) intelligence agencies. No, they're not. Well, yes they are but not really. (SEX DRUGS SEX) They originated in Bavaria in 1776 (DRUGS SEX DRUGS). No, actually they go all the way back to Atlantis. No, (SEX DRUGS SEX) Atlantis never really existed. Yes it did. It's not just one society (DRUGS SEX DRUGS), it's a whole bunch of them (SEX DRUGS SEX) together. No, it's just one, and they go all the way back to Atlantis, which never (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) existed, oh yes it did. They've had an uninterrupted existence since 30,000 years ago (SEX DRUGS SEX) -- no they actually only go back as far as the 1800s (DRUGS SEX DRUGS). Fnord.
:lol: Yeah, that's about the size of it. I just started on "Leviathan" and I'm still as confused as all get-out...and the Discordians in the book are pretty fucked up too...
8)
I found that link when I was about half way through the Illuminatus and laughed my ass off. That was the most confusing book I ever read, and that is saying something, trust me. But I ended up with a strange side effect, I was able to go to a deeper place meditating, to actually get to the outer edges of empty mindedness. Then I finished the book and the clutter came back. Keep with it, it is an interesting story. Borders on porn in spots, but that's cool too. :twisted:
Quote from: eldora_avalonBorders on porn in spots, but that's cool too. :twisted:
Yes, the cool thing about the Illuminatus! Trilogy is that at one moment you are watching a spy thriller, the other moment, an account on tripping, then a conspiracy theory, and then you got your porno, and your attitude keeps changing all the time and the book trips you slightly by muddling with your emotions so much.
AND it has both Malacypses in it. And lots of pot. And a guy fucking a giant apple(nobody told me THAT part of the initiation.)
Quote from: agent compassionAND it has both Malacypses in it. And lots of pot. And a guy fucking a giant apple(nobody told me THAT part of the initiation.)
I'd love to tell you that's the weirdest part, but it's not. In fact, I think it's not even close.
Quote from: pederoQuote from: eldora_avalonBorders on porn in spots, but that's cool too. :twisted:
Yes, the cool thing about the Illuminatus! Trilogy is that at one moment you are watching a spy thriller, the other moment, an account on tripping, then a conspiracy theory, and then you got your porno, and your attitude keeps changing all the time and the book trips you slightly by muddling with your emotions so much.
And false memories, you forgot false memories. I will need to read it again in a few months. It was to weird and too long to keep track of everything all the way through. :roll: :wink:
More digging around in the SF section:
Dune Messiah
By Frank Herbert
Ultra-Condensed by Daniel Saults
Everyone: We're absurdly over-intelligent with identical personalities.
(The Conspirators do some mysterious conspiracy stuff.)
Muad'Dib: Now that I have two children which need my support and care, I'll wander off into the desert and die for no particular reason.
Everyone: Wahh.
THE END
--><--
The Return of the King
By J. R. R. Tolkien
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard
Aragorn: We must travel the Paths of the Dead.
Eowyn: You'll die. (They don't.)
Gandalf: The Hordes of Mordor will destroy Minis Tirith. (They don't.)
Gandalf: We must attack Mordor. We'll all be killed. (They aren't.)
Gollum: Mmmm, yummy finger! (dies)
Frodo: The Ring has been destroyed, but now we will die in Mordor.
Sam: Buck up, Master Frodo. (A bunch of feathered DEUS EX MACHINAS come out of NOWHERE and save EVERYBODY.)
THE END
And the classic:
(The Earth gets BLOWN UP.)
Arthur
I'm a bit upset about that.
Ford
Yes, I can understand that.
(They fly around the galaxy. They go UNDERGROUND, where they see...)
Arthur
The Earth.
Deep Thought
Forty two.
THE END
lol. I keep wanting to buy the Illuminatus Trilogy, along with a text copy of the PD (so that I can make illustrations too!), but I'm a lazy fuck, and haven't done it yet.
Give me money, or give me sex. Better yet, give me both.
Illuminatus! is a fun read, but I usually glaze over during the dreaming/drugging/gee-I-wish-I-could-be-as-cool-as-Burroughs text cutups.
But the concepts are pretty clearly laid out.
::giggle::
illuminatus is getting progressively easier to find on filesharing programs, if you're too lazy to buy it but don't mind reading it on your computer. it's a loooooooooong read though.
(all those other book summaries were really great- the dune messiah one was very accurate too.)
i've read illuminatus 5 and 1/2 times.
i fucking hate robert anton wilson and robert shea!
The Schrodinger's Cat (I don't care about the O with th dots) trilogy is Confusing in the order (Illuminatus trilogy)*n where n is... I dunno, like, this REALLY BIG prime number or something.
I find it annoying when Wilson arbitrarily decides to write an entire paragraph without punctuation in that book.
Incidentally, is anyone else of the opinion that the "Alice in Wonderland" books are good discordian reading? (In the right context, of course).
only on several grams of mushroom, with some lunatic woman screaming "OFF WITH YORU HEAD!" every coupel minutes and jefferson airplanes on the radio.
shrodinger's cat is onyl; confusing when you forget it's all about sex with apes.
The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress
By Robert A. Heinlein
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker
Robert A. Heinlein:
I have a plan for the perfect revolution.
Reader:
Interesting, tell me more.
Robert A. Heinlein:
Step One: Live on the moon.
Reader:
Uh....
Robert A. Heinlein:
Step Two: Discover an omnipresent sentient computer.
Reader:
*sigh*
I <3 that book! I've always wanted to try and program a neural net that operates in the way he describes the various cells communicating, it seems like something worth exploring.
Have you finished it yet?
Quoteit's a loooooooooong read though.
It took me 5 days to read. Not that long. :)
Quote from: WishfarpleI <3 that book! I've always wanted to try and program a neural net that operates in the way he describes the various cells communicating, it seems like something worth exploring.
Have you finished it yet?
A few years ago, yeah. That's a good idea. If I get around to learning programming or whatever, I may steal it.
Foundation Trilogy
Hari Seldon
I used Psychohistory and set up two Foundations. Now it'll only be 1000 years between Galactic Empires instead of 30,000.
First Foundation
La la la, la la la, things are going pretty well.
The Mule
Ya-hah! I've ruined your plans!
First Foundation
Gasp!
(The Second Foundation fixes everything.)
THE END
=Dune
By Frank Herbert
Ultra-Condensed by Christina Carlson
Frank Herbert
I'm lots smarter than you are. I challenge you to understand even one of my paragraphs!
Reader
Gee, Frank Herbert is smart. I can't even find the plot.
END
all of the chronicles of narnia reviews are really good.
i want to re-read the chronicles of narnia. what a tripped out hippy pent er is it hexogy that is.
Horab. I say this out of love:
It's the bong or the keyboard. Choose one, and stick with it.
Quote from: horab fibslageri want to re-read the chronicles of narnia. what a tripped out hippy pent er is it hexogy that is.
It's actually a heptogy.
Quote from: LMNOHorab. I say this out of love:
It's the bong or the keyboard. Choose one, and stick with it.
Hey, don't spoil my fun or you'll be sorry
(http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/prank/fart.gif)
oops, too late
Quote from: LMNOHorab. I say this out of love:
It's the bong or the keyboard. Choose one, and stick with it.
lmno i say this also out of love:
even if you are stoned you have no excuse for no tbeing able to read my rather legible garbly goop. i fi had written soemthign to the effect of saijdjndgdsjkfsn sd aii asdfjisdf asj ijfsdijio dfj io sdgjadiosfj giasj then i would no t expect you, nor anyone else to hav eht eintlectual capacity to translate a glance, in fact if you were able to translate that at a glance then i would be pentaly astounded as that is all just abunch of random keystrokes, excepting the last three words that appear as such which is actually an invocation to the dead god sdgjadiosfj giasj who fell from grace due to a highly unpronounceable name.
the following i say barely contained by pure rage. my bong is broke, how dare you mention her. she was a fine, fine water pipe, but thenshe fell down the stairs and off teh table.and when she shattered my heart broke with her, how dare you, how dare you
how dare you?
::hangs head in shame::
::shame::
::shame::
::shame::
::shame::
::shame::
::shame::
::shame::
::shame::
::goes to the Open Bar to drown his shame in whiskey::
Ok, I want you guys to hug and make up.
(http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/happy/icon_beer.gif)
It was just a little misunderstanding. I would send a replacement for your lost love, but there is no way in hell that I am sending anything like that across the border, sorry sweety. :cry:
Quote from: eldora_avalonOk, I want you guys to hug and make up.
(http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/happy/icon_beer.gif)
It was just a little misunderstanding. I would send a replacement for your lost love, but there is no way in hell that I am sending anything like that across the border, sorry sweety. :cry:
NO NEVER DIE!!!!!!! ARRRGGRGRGGRRGERHERHRGEEHRE/me headshots lmno
for great justice!
Quote from: horab fibslager
NO NEVER DIE!!!!!!! ARRRGGRGRGGRRGERHERHRGEEHRE
When did you turn into a pirate?
(http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/misc/patch.gif)
yarrr i be sailin the seas a while plunder ye booty and whatnot arrrrr
Quote from: horab fibslageryarrr i be sailin the seas a while plunder ye booty and whatnot arrrrr
You'll not be plundering my booty, ye scurvy dog, I'll keel hawl ya, then make ye walk the plank, RRRRRRRRRR(http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/misc/patch.gif)
Quote from: eldora_avalon
You'll not be plundering my booty, ye scurvy dog, I'll keel hawl ya, then make ye walk the plank, RRRRRRRRRR(http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/misc/patch.gif)
I've got a plank ye can. . . BAD WISHFARPLE. :smack:
www.talklikeapirate.com
fuck those n00bs! i haven evn lookied thar bit i tell yar it be all lies! yaarrrr!
::wenchslaps horab::
yarr keep yer wenches to yerself thar lasseh, thar yer hubby get teh wrong idea now yarrr ;) :mrgreen:
heh i didnt slap ypu with a wench i lsapped you LIKE a wentch :P :P :P :P :P :P :P
slaps you with a large trout insrtead
ehehe
ye arrr!!!!!!
/me slapps agent compassion with a wench.
yarr ye'll never make me fish fodo ye landlubber ye!
arrrrr!
::slaps horab with a top 10 myths episode of mythbusters. wrapped around a wrench.
AC
I think Iliove you
IADORE that show
you ever wonder if jamie adn adam are gay lovers?
Quote from: MalaulAC
I think Iliove you
IADORE that show
you ever wonder if jamie adn adam are gay lovers?
I loved the one where they were testing whether you could get electrocuted by peeing on something and Adam was peeing the whole time. Women don't have to worry about that. We always pee indoors. :wink:
Adam is under suspicion, but not Jamie, which is kind of ironic on account of him having a girl's name.
Quote from: eldora_avalonWomen don't have to worry about that. We always pee indoors. :wink:
But we don't have to if we don't want to!
http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page002.html
(I can't currently find the page with instructions on how ladies can pee standing up without one of these devices, but it exists!)
Quoteyou ever wonder if jamie adn adam are gay lovers?
Hehe I don't know, I mean, Jamie is pretty butch, but Adam....shmaybe.
He's too cute to be straight, know what I mean? ;)
Quote from: DJRubberduckyQuote from: eldora_avalonWomen don't have to worry about that. We always pee indoors. :wink:
But we don't have to if we don't want to!
http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page002.html
(I can't currently find the page with instructions on how ladies can pee standing up without one of these devices, but it exists!)
That is hilarious, plus it looks like it could double as a dildo.
don't women already have enough things that can double as a dildo? You people have the best sex toys by far, so stop trying to stick everything you find up your cunt. I have this strong feeling that the whole reason women don't put out more is because they have too many other ways they can get off.
Quote from: Rev Thwackdon't women already have enough things that can double as a dildo? You people have the best sex toys by far, so stop trying to stick everything you find up your cunt. I have this strong feeling that the whole reason women don't put out more is because they have too many other ways they can get off.
Well, maybe. But at least part of it is that most men don't understand the female anatomy as well as you. We don't have to stick anything anywhere. A lot of women don't have orgasms from penetration, they need clitoral stimulation. Why should a woman put out if she knows
1 She is not likely to have an orgasm
2 She will fake an orgasm, so as not to hurt the guys feelings/ego/whatever
3 She'll have to go home and masturbate anyway.
Has anyone else noticed this thread has gotten almost as weird as the book itself. Or is it just me?
Quote from: eldora_avalonWhy should a woman put out if she knows
1 She is not likely to have an orgasm
2 She will fake an orgasm, so as not to hurt the guys feelings/ego/whatever
3 She'll have to go home and masturbate anyway.
1) most women I talk with say that there is a huge difference in feeling between an orgasm they give themself and one given by a guy (guy being better when they manage to do it).
2) Faking an orgasm is the whole reason that women don't have them more often... be honest with a man and you or more likely to have him get you off.
3) You say that like masturbation isn't fun.
Quote from: eldora_avalonHas anyone else noticed this thread has gotten almost as weird as the book itself. Or is it just me?
Weirdness is relative. Proportional to many things. I should try to calculate that soemtime.
Quote from: Slartibartfastfrom http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/sheawilson.illuminatus.shtml
Quote
The Illuminati are a secret society that (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) control everything in the world (SEX DRUGS SEX) including all governments, financial institutions, and (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) intelligence agencies. No, they're not. Well, yes they are but not really. (SEX DRUGS SEX) They originated in Bavaria in 1776 (DRUGS SEX DRUGS). No, actually they go all the way back to Atlantis. No, (SEX DRUGS SEX) Atlantis never really existed. Yes it did. It's not just one society (DRUGS SEX DRUGS), it's a whole bunch of them (SEX DRUGS SEX) together. No, it's just one, and they go all the way back to Atlantis, which never (DRUGS SEX DRUGS) existed, oh yes it did. They've had an uninterrupted existence since 30,000 years ago (SEX DRUGS SEX) -- no they actually only go back as far as the 1800s (DRUGS SEX DRUGS). Fnord.
Book a minute's got some fun and convenient book summaries, but they neglected to do the holy bible:
God kills thousands. Bow or die. Hedons feel My wrath! God kills thousands. Bow or die. Sacrifice human babies for the Lord! God kills thousands. Bow or die. God judges all humans as evil. God kills thousands. Bow or die. Glory be to eunuchs! God kills thousands. Bow or die. Amen.