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Wow, this thread has doubled in size since my last visit, and it appears that several of the posts are vain attempts to criticize my personal character. Very well, I suppose I'll start with the ones that I can't argue against.

Not enough to make me not want to smack him in the teeth a few times, but hey, honesty about yourself is a rare trait.

Even if is wasted on someone like him.

You have no idea how right you are, alot of rare traits were wasted on me, you know.

It's also low class. Definite trailer-trash behavior

Well, I am from Kentucky.

I like to be able to have a conversation with someone I have a sexual relationship with. Maybe I'm just weird. I find good conversation to be stimulating as well as a good sense of humor. Maybe this guy isn't capable of either and he only gets lucky with girls who can't speak English

I love to have conversations with women, it,Äôs good stimulation for the brain. However, for this one year out of my meaningless life I,Äôve taken it upon myself to learn how to ENJOY THE SILENCE for a change, its a good excersize in non-verbal communication, teaches you to rely on body language and facial expressions. That, and silence truly is golden you know, you never know what you,Äôll hear unless you shut your goddamn trap long enough to hear it.

Or maybe she likes him, and doesn't realize what a total piece of shit he is?

Nah man, she totally hasn,Äôt figured out what a total piece of shit I am yet, I,Äôm still waiting, and it also seems that she still likes me as well.

*And now the ones that I CAN argue against.*

He as well as those like him are the main reason so many people need cookies and pie. And why there are so many fat chicks. And why there are so many women with scars. The ones on their face from beatings, the ones on the inside you never see. The ones on the inside hurt more. And they are harder to heal. They are harder to find. But once you get to them, if you can heal them, you can wreak havoc with the social order. You can create something even more dangerous than a revolutionary. You can create an actual sentient being

Where the flying fuck did all that gibberish nonsense come from? So, by living a free-spirited sexual existence, and maybe occasionally enjoying a few good-natured laughs at my non-English speaking girlfriend,Äôs expense (she does the same thing to me, only way more often, remember, I,Äôm the minority here, not her) I am somehow responsible for fat chicks, abused chicks, AND wrist-cutting emo chicks? But somehow if you heal a wrist-cutting emo chick, then you create a sentient being... but then wouldn,Äôt I get the credit for being responsible for sentient beings since apparently I,Äôm the cause of the whiny little bitches it takes to create them? Listen here, goddammit, I have NEVER given ANYTHING to ANY woman who DID NOT deserve it. If a girl  shows me that she should be treated like a princess,  then that,Äôs how it will be. If a girl shows me she should be treated like a whore, then that,Äôs how it will be. If a girl shows me she doesn,Äôt even have the self respect to  treat HERSELF like a human being, do I stick around to try to make her a stronger person and heal her emotional wounds? No, I give her a nice fucking dose of reality, to show her how pointless and useless and disgusting  self-pity and self-loathing really are. You seriously discredit your own gender by blaming all their issues on assholes like me.  

Scumbags like him are a large part of what's wrong with the world. It isn't JUST our leaders that are assholes, you know

You know who else is a large part of what,Äôs wrong with the world? Those people who sit back and feel that they alone have the authority to decide who,Äôs responsible for the world,Äôs problems. Sorry man, but you're just words on the screen like the rest of us. Get off you're fucking high horse.

Guess the staples and hats aren't enough for some guys, so they gotta lie on top of it.

Please, tell me, how can I lie to a girl I can barely even talk to? I've already said, I only speak the Truth, although I do confess to manipulating that Truth and on occasion withholding parts of it. However, never once did I tell Veronika that I love her or that she's the only girl in my life or any of that nonsense. I did tell Katka that I would like to see her again, because I did want to see her again, she was a cool girl, but she hasn't popped up anywhere, and didn't leave me a number or anything of that sort. Our level of communication is quite low and pathetic, but Veronika keeps me around for the same reasons I keep her. Who knows what she does on the weekends when I'm not around her? I sure as hell have no idea, nor do I care. I don't lie to women. I just don't tell them everything.
I sure as hell don't ever get the "Why aren't you talking?" bullshit from Veronika, because she knows good and damn well why I don't talk; My Czech is quite limited to "How are you?" "What are you doing?" "You know where I can find some hashish?" and "hey, you got a cigarette?"
I've already stated, I despise false emotion, relationship games, and sentimenality. I'm young, I'm 5,000 miles away from home, I'm in a strange place where no one understands a damn word I say, what else to do to pass the time except chase girls and smoke anything that burns? The girls here are far to beautiful for me to only sample one of them, and I'm only here for a year.  I've had enough "serious" relationships. One girl held me in an iron grip and made me go to church with her every wednesday and sunday, and quite humiliated me on top of that. The girl who I give the credit of ruining/enlightening me was way more of a conniving whore than I will ever be, that and she gave me ALOT of scars just so I won't ever forget her. Any man who has been pissed on as much as I have would do EXACTLY the same thing I'm doing.
Girls are just as horny as guys are, they're just more subtle. No shame in that, who doesn't like sex?

On another note, I've found Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, gonna be gettin my hands on that rotten stuff pretty soon. Expect an interesting post afterwards.

Actually, Czech girls are pretty easy. I could get laid ALOT more than I already do, I'm just lazy, but yes, you're right, I definitly do have the exotic foriegner thing going for me. Actually, that very well could be ALL that I've got goin for me, I used to be a nice romantic type guy, but that all changed when I realized that sentimentality and false emotions fuckin suck, and it is very possible and much more preferable (even easier in some cases) to just cut to the chase, get the sex and leave, that is, until I can find one girl that I could actually stand long enough to carry on a relationship with and remain faithful too, which isn't likely, but I do hope for it someday deep down in the bottom of my heart. For now, I only love three women in the world, and that's my Momma, my sister, and my Mammy.
Turd man, if snow doesn't bother you, then you've got nothin to lose, I'm from Kentucky, where its usually nice and warm, so this weather is a big pain in the ass for me, thankfully, its over now. I think. Actually, if you decide to come here anytime before July, go to a town called Frydek-Mistek on the eastern end, outside of Ostrava, find a pub near the square called Pavlac and go there on a Friday or a Saturday night, and look for a big crowd of dudes with dreadlocks, and say "Ty Vi?° kde je Patricku?" and if I'm not already sitting there, they'll know where to find me. We'll drink some beer and smoke some hashish.
Exotic nookie kicks ass, my girlfriend Veronika can't speak a word of English, which is great, because that way I can't fuck up and say something stupid, like I usually do with women. What's more, I can tell my friends who CAN speak english about the other girls while Veronika is standing right next to me. Also she can't talk my fuckin leg off or ask me ri-goddamn-diculous questions like "what are you thinking?"  Good Gods, I fuckin hate it when they say that!
Parrots kick ass, and so do people who wear cool hats. I have a black rabbit fur fedora. It's purty.

also, yes, everything I write is true. As a gonzo journalist, it is my supreme duty above all others to ONLY SPEAK THE TRUTH. That being said, I should also warn you, Czech winters fuckin suck. I.E. The snow is just now starting to melt today. It's the fucking middle of March. Also, the Czech language is confusing as fuck. Kind of makes me think the Czechs are inherent Discordians. They're always doing things that just don't make any sense and serve no purpose other to baffle and confuse. Good People. A little on the stingy side. They really like ketchup. and Beer. two staples of the Czech diet.

Dude, Sweden is fucking expensive, as are all Scandinavian countries. A fuckin Guiness at the airport in Copenhagen cost me nine fuckin dollars. They do like pizza in the Czech Republic, actually, they like it alot, unfortunately, they like it with ketchup instead of real pizza sauce. The Czechs have the best beer and the best women in the world, hands down. Also, the beer is CHEAPER THAN THE WATER. I shit you not. But if you're set on becoming an ex-patriot, this is the place to go. Don't go to Prague, Prague is a big shithole as well as a trap for ex-pats. Go to Moravia, around Ostrava. The farther east you go, the better the girls get, also, less foriegners in eastern Czech, and that means less competition, the way I see it. As a rule, Czech girls ALWAYS choose foriegners over their countrymen. Pilsner-Urquell is THE best beer in the world, also here they have the ORIGINAL Budweiser, not to be confused with the American piss-water of the same name. The Czech currency is the Crown, about 25 of which are worth one dollar. It fluctuates. A pack of domestic Czech smokes will cost you 33 crowns, or 54 for a pack of Lucky Strikes. A pint of brew is 20 crowns, a plateful of chicken and noodles at the Chinese/Vietnamese restaurant is about 60 crowns. Watch out for gypsies. Gypsies fuckin suck.
A gram of weed is 100 crowns, a gram of skunk is 200 crowns, a gram of skera (*special ganja*) is 300 crowns. A block of Hashish is 300, and shrooms are 5 crowns a cap, so about 100-150 for a good trip. LSD is 300 crowns a sheet. If anyone tries to sell you a *special czech drug* called Pervatin, DON'T FUCKING BUY IT! Unless you really just hate yourself, of course...

Say "hello" to a Czech girl, and as soon as it clicks that you're American, you've got her. Its that easy.

^That was me. ^
   
Really, Czech girls are the BEST, they know how to take care of a man, most of them can cook pretty fuckin well, and most importantly of all, they are fucking beautiful. The only drawback is, after they hit about mid-thirties, all that beauty goes to hell. On the upside, the cooking only gets better.

i;d wager a loonie to your worthless paper money i've got bigger boobies than his "offical"(re:pretend) girlfreind.

Then you'd be a loonie short. C'mon, I'm an American in a foriegn country, and I don't think any of you besides maybe Hugh realize just how "accomadating" Czech girls can be, especially if they think they'll be getting a free English lesson out of the deal. Yes, I am an incurable asshole, and not much more than that, but if you can't get laid in this country, you can't get laid ANYWHERE.

If you can't effectively communicate your ideas, then of what use is the post?

Hey, FUCK YOU

Was that communicated effectively enough?

actually, if you didn't read it, you're probably better off. But thanks for the kind words, Hugh and Turd, glad you enjoyed it, next time I type up somethin like this I'll be sure and post it, possibly with more paragraphs and indentions for the poor bastards who apparently can't stand to see their precious literary order usurped. But if I do that, I'm gonna have to put all the paragraphs out of sequence to compensate.

i want them to mak ean mmorpg out of it, because i think more than any other series of books or universe, this sotry would make a great setting for roleplaying.


oh yeah, btw, there IS a wheel of time RPG out there somewhere, either it wasn't succesful or its still in development, I'm not quite sure. Not exactly a typical RPG from what I read. Also the game is only set in the wheel of time world, has nothing to do Rand or any of that shite.
You can choose from like five different characters or something, the Commander of the Children, The Amrylin Seat, and I forget which others. Anyway, its like a strategy game or something, your PC can only use ter'angreal, and aside from that you just order around your soldiers, Trollocs, Aes Sedai, or whoever depending on which side you're playing I can''t remember the website, unfortunately, just search it on google, maybe you'll find it, but its there somewhere.

Wheel of Time kicks ass, currently on Fires of Heaven. Yes, best part is, NO FUCKING ELVES, and seriously lacking in the long-bearded goofy hat wearing wizard dept. as well.
If you like fantasy without the typical fantasy bullshit that everyone rips off Tolkien, check out Sword of Truth also, which is a little more adult oriented than Wheel of Time. Also without the fucking elves.

I just read the part where Rand and a big fuckload of Aiel retake Cairhein from Couladin. Lots of shit blows up, lots of fuckers die.

I go to a weird ass European high school where all the classes are in some fucked moonman language that I can only barely understand, if it were not for Wheel of Time I would have died of utter boredom in class long ago. THANK YOU ROBERT JORDAN

I wast gettin ready to say Turd, paragraphs and indentions are against my writing style. Well, it depends on what I'm writing, actually, this was supposed to be an email to my sister back in the states. Then I realized if I told her about my crazy ass mushroom trip, she would probably tell Mom, not that my sis is a nark or anything, but she doesn have some trouble keeping her goddamn mouth shut sometimes. I guess some of this could use some explanation. Pavlac is a pub in Frydek-Mistek, where I live, in the east of the Czech Republic. It's where I can be found on any given night (except this night, incidently enough) If you want some killer weed or some Hashish, just ask the bartender. Shrooms are a bit of a rarity. Anyway, Agbar is a local Medieval Martial Arts group. They all have dreadlocks and they all listen to Bob Marley and Rage Against the Machine and all the other shit that people with dreadlocks usually listen to. They also fuckin love to get stoned every single day. At the moment I'm covered from head to toe with bruises from these bastards, they're all pretty fuckin good swordsmen, and training was yesterday.

The Enlightenment revealed itself over the course of a few weeks. I don't know if I could describe it in words anyone could understand. Its like, the universe is composed of souls, embodied and disembodied, and there is the one central axis in the universe that unites the three planes of existence, the Physcial, the Mental, and the Spiritual. All of these spirits, these entities, are constantly at odds with each other. The only thing that makes sense is that nothing makes sense. The two opposing forces in the universe are not good vs evil, black vs white, but rather, order vs chaos, however, when you examine the two quantitatively, you discover that they are in fact, one and the same. The enlightenment came from surrendering myself to these chaotic entities, to understand that there is nothing to be understood, to know that there is nothing to know.
Last night got a little crazy. I haven't told anyone about it yet, so you get to be the first, naturally. I was at Pavlac, expecting another Friday night like any other friday night, a little grass here, a little grass there, a few drinks and a knee-slappin good time. It was like that for the first part. Then these two girls that I had met there on another occasion told me to come sit with them, and they were smoking hashish and wanted me to partake. So I did. My friend Bobesh had rolled a couple joints the size of expensive mechanical pencils, and he told me to follow him into the billiard room upstairs to proceed with the festivities. As the night wore on, most of my friends who were there left, until I was there with the warriors from Agbar, two of which were on extasy and were swaying around the room, touching everything and everyone and laughing hysterically. I was startin to feel a little strange, and then Bobesh goes downstairs and dissapears. He came back several minutes later as giddy as a schoolgirl, and starts shouting something in Czech, I was a little zoned out and didn't catch it, but everyone started grinning like idiots and talking amongst themselves in excited whispers, and then finally he looks at me and says "Patrick, do you like magic mushrooms???" I shot up like something had bit me in the ass. They were selling them five crowns a cap, so I got twenty for a hundred crowns, which is like, five bucks. I had to be home at midnight, and it was already 11:30, so I took my bag of shrooms and got the hell out of the pub, giving my salutes and best regards to my be-dreadlocked barbarian pals as I left. I was already quite zoned out of my gourd when I stopped under a bridge to take a piss. You can piss anywhere in this country, it kicks ass. Everywhere you go, people will be there, standing on the edge of the path, pissing away to their hearts content. So after I finished, I opened my little cellophane of shrooms and emptied half of it into my mouth. I chewed, savored the flavor, and continued on my way. As I was walking, the wind started blowing violently behind me, and it made my coat flare out and swirl around, it almost felt like I was standing still, and the wind was blowing me home, but I knew I was walking. I felt like I was one with the streets and the snow and the night, the wind still swirling around me, and then I got home. I unlocked the door, went upstairs to my room, and put on a pair of boxers to sleep in, then I laid down to read a book. I had actualy almost forgotten about everything while I was reading, and I started to get tired, and then I felt like I needed to go to sleep, so I closed the book, turned off the lamp, and closed my eyes. I opened them again a few mintues later, and something wasn't right. The room was alive. I looked around, and didn't really see anything, until I looked next to the bed, and there was a white face like one of those drama masks, sneering and smiling and jeering at me. Terrified, I turned on the light, and that was when everything got really crazy. The wood grain on the closet doors was dancing about in waves, I kept looking at that closet door, it seemed like it was alive and breathing, the designs on the carpet were slithering in strange spiral patterns, the bedspread began to wave and shimmer like a troubled ocean, and the ceiling, the ceiling was by far the craziest. The ceiling in my room is wood panneling. All those little grains began to shimmer, and all the knots in the wood grain turned into eyes, which opened themselves wider and stared at me with strange expressions, until I began to see faces, and when the faces disappeared, all those little eyes turned into spiders, and began to scurry across the ceiling chaotically. By this time I had my blanket pulled up tight to my chin, and I was begging to giggle hysterically, it seemed as though the room was alive and was giving me one hell of a show. I kept staring at everything over and over again, the eyes on the ceiling kept winking and smiling, the wood grain on the cabinets kept shimmering, I was tempted to pull out the crystal ball or something to see what would happen, but then I though no, this is enough. I had to piss, I stood up. It felt like it was my first time walking. I looked at my feet and noticed that they were cloven, like a pig's. I was trying to keep my balance, all the while crazy circus music was playing in my head like some kind of broken record. I opened the door, and there hovering outside abouve the staircase was great white spectre, which wavered back and forth, seemed to smile, and dissapeared. I walked into the bathroom and pissed. It shot out of like a bullet, and I thought surely I must have soaked everything in the room. I felt around and discerned that that was yet another illusion, and then I looked in the mirror, and discovered I had no face. Only a mouth and the outlin of my head, no eyes, no nose, no nothing. Weird. I walked back into my room stepping like some sort of disembodied marionette, and sat back down on the bed in the dark. I layed down, and rolled onto my stomach, looking up at the window. There was a cactus plant, which silouhetted against the window looked like a man with a sceptre, but I could still tell it was a cactus. I then determined that the cactus was a new god, and that I was to be his first apostle, then I looked closer to area in front of my face, and saw a tiny head about the size of a cranberry pop out from what looked like a cave coming out of the chair behind the bed. Two more popped out, and I realized they were tiny people, tiny little pygmy warriors coming out of their cave to examine the crazy giant which lay prostrate on the bed before them. Directly in line behind them was the Cactus God with his sceptre, ordering his pygmy warriors to capture the beast, and deliver it at once, live or dead, for study.
I lay there in my inherant insanity for quite some time, staring at various objects in the room to see what kind of show they would give me, until finally, the madness began to fade, and the room gradually returned to reality
I closed my eyes and went to sleep. That was two days ago, and everytime I look at the ceiling now, I have to look twice to be sure that the eyes are not staring at me, that the ceiling light is not spinning wildly, that the Cactus God no longer demands my reverence, that the closet is not breathing.  I find myself convinced that I have begun the long journey toward becoming a holy man.