'Teams', in the olden days before computers, Pop-Tarts, and Botox were groups of people united for a common goal. Each member of the team had their function and their individual motivations uniting them to the whole. The 'team' itself then catered to the needs or some needs of the members, thus encouraging participation and smooth sailing. It was a relationship wherein the members were tended by the whole and the whole was tended by the members.
But this is straight from mythology.
'Team' is an out-dated word that has been replaced with "TEIM", which is an evolved form of the word 'time'. "TEIM" has solved that age-old saw which states "There is no I in TEAM".
Well, now there is.
And there is, in modern times, no reason to expect a furthering of other people's goals or a meeting of their needs. No, not in your TEIM. The TEIM, as implied, exists solely to further its own needs and yours. Those other fucks locked in chains with you? They're there to cater to YOU.
You, you darling little fuck, need only say the right key-phrases and go through the motions of marching. If these tactics are employed properly, the rest of your TEIM will carry you along while you lay back and eat bon-bons and moan about how hard your life is and how difficult this work is.
Because that's what life is all about and what it has always been about.
Exerting the least effort for the most benefit - to you. All mythology of 'teamwork' is propagated by the same people who encourage you to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
The first step of accepting this reality is to understand that when your boss says "You aren't being a team player", what they really mean is that you aren't working hard enough and fast enough to allow them their due - a siesta in the office and perhaps some chocolates stolen from another department.
The next step is to not care. Just jump in with everything you have and make your TEIM the best TEIM so everyone does their duty and their share of the boss's duty with the fewest ulcers.
Remember, you will be richly rewarded. In due time you will be appointed your own TEIM and directions on how to steal chocolates. But only after you put in your pound of flesh and another few ounces for the boss.
After all, they had to work hard in someone else's TEIM to get to where they are. It's only fair, right?
And we all want what is fair.
Or kill me.
I LOVE this.
May I print it out, for improper distribution through proper channels?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 25, 2013, 09:12:18 PM
I LOVE this.
May I print it out, for improper distribution through proper channels?
Absolutely.
I think my job would spawn more rants if I would just stop sleeping all day long on my days off.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on February 25, 2013, 09:53:37 PM
I think my job would spawn more rants if I would just stop sleeping all day long on my days off.
Yeah, that's why God gave you COFFEE.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 25, 2013, 09:55:36 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on February 25, 2013, 09:53:37 PM
I think my job would spawn more rants if I would just stop sleeping all day long on my days off.
Yeah, that's why God gave you COFFEE.
As with most of God's other gifts, I refuse to partake.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 25, 2013, 10:27:14 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on February 25, 2013, 09:56:48 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 25, 2013, 09:55:36 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on February 25, 2013, 09:53:37 PM
I think my job would spawn more rants if I would just stop sleeping all day long on my days off.
Yeah, that's why God gave you COFFEE.
As with most of God's other gifts, I refuse to partake.
You're weird, Mister.
Oddly enough, I get that a lot.
:mittens:
Would read again.
I've worked retail for nearly 12 years and began to note teamwork was exactly as you described when I was still in High School. As I slowly acquire a business degree I can see these things confirmed.
I sort of miss shouting: THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM, BUT THERE'S PLENTY OF MEAT during weekly meetings, pretending each time that it was the first time I had said it until THEY started yelling.
MAGNIFIQUE!
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on February 25, 2013, 09:10:49 PM
Remember, you will be richly rewarded. In due time you will be appointed your own TEIM...
Maybe. If they don't find an excuse to fire you because you're making a dollar an hour more than start pay.
TEIMS are for the NICE people. It's YOUR FAULT if you never offered blowjobs.
Quote from: Pope Partum Depression on February 27, 2013, 01:43:13 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on February 25, 2013, 09:10:49 PM
Remember, you will be richly rewarded. In due time you will be appointed your own TEIM...
Maybe. If they don't find an excuse to fire you because you're making a dollar an hour more than start pay.
TEIMS are for the NICE people. It's YOUR FAULT if you never offered blowjobs.
This is a truth.