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Messages - Doktor Howl

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 ... 2044
1
Apple Talk / Re: Brahman Fight!!!!! /throws nothing
« on: Today at 07:01:16 am »
Seriously. I get up to weird ass sci-fi shit in my head on a regular basis, and it's not even "being creative", it's "my brain is so broken that I'm time-sharing a body with a giant roundworm anthropologist and an industrial automation robot's user agent".

Whatever you're selling, I got better.

Me, I got obsidian snakes crawling up from Chihuahua (the state, not the dog), and behind every can of haggis, tiny Toltec assassins lurk.  It's not even safe to drive to Yuma anymore.  I mean, it never was, but that was just because of mundane dangers, like methed-up gas station attendants and feral Chihuahuas (the dog, not the state). 

My head is full of one-line diagrams of Shiny New War Crimes, and even I will never make that drive again.  I got as far as Winterhaven when I was abducted and given a proper probing1.

This is why you can't trust gods or aliens.  Because they're not humans.  It boggles the mind that this has to be explained.





1 The ONE thing you can count on in this busy workaday world is that the Greys don't skimp on the probing.

2
Apple Talk / Re: Brahman Fight!!!!! /throws nothing
« on: Today at 06:56:20 am »
/reserves everything.

Hey did you all know that the limbic system - the emotional brain of the mind - is the portal to the Brahman, which is the quantum, which is God, or 'might as well be'?

And if you destroy your own limbic system, you can force the download of a kundalini backup, complete with Goddess manifestations, quantum cognitive function, and uhhhhh...other...things?  Like, cats like you extra, now?  That's the best powerup.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this if I'm just going to talk to myself again, but you know sometimes I have some great things to say so why not.

Oui, has anyone seen the Kalki's white horse laying around?  Fucking thing where is it...

I hope all of me is having a lovely evening out there.

You came to the wrong part of samsara, brother.

She's right, you know.  We exist only to knock people out of satori, in our efforts to placate the fiendish Cramulus.

3
Apple Talk / Re: Brahman Fight!!!!! /throws nothing
« on: Today at 06:49:56 am »
/reserves everything.

Hey did you all know that the limbic system - the emotional brain of the mind - is the portal to the Brahman, which is the quantum, which is God, or 'might as well be'?


Did you know that Cramulus always has a fish in his hand? 

He does, at all times.  It's apparently some kind of upstate New York perversion, and they're running out of trout.  The mind boggles in horror about what that means for any other creatures in range, when those spags finally use up all the fresh water fish.  What will they slake their impure lusts THEN, eh?

"Quantum cognitive function" will not be on their minds. No.  They will simply start grabbing any fauna in the area and go to town.  You can't run fast enough.  Should you be so foolish as to enter swamp yankee territory, they will find you inverted with all your bones on the outside.  Also, don't trust that Cainad character.  He's not on your side.  He's in the pay of Big Cramulus, and - while not a fish-fondler himself - does whatever Cramulus tells him.  Nobody knows why.  Perhaps he has a bomb around his neck.  Weirder things have happened.

NEW YORK IS A DEAD STATE. Run while you still have legs.

4
Principia Discussion / Re: Local 73rd Hermits Cabal
« on: January 26, 2023, 03:11:31 pm »

factory machinery, order


I see you have never worked industrial maintenance.

5
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: January 20, 2023, 08:46:09 pm »
Owner 2 is probably going to try and sabotage everything at some point.

We're sort of counting on that.

6
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: January 20, 2023, 01:34:34 am »
First project for the new bosses.

Fucking MISSOURI, of all places.  There's this subcontracted factory there, which is supposed to make <widget> that is a critical part of <shiny new war crime>, only they aren't making very many, and half of what they DO make doesn't function properly.  Needless to say, this has left our new bosses concerned, because Goddamn, they love their <shiny new war crime>.

Turns out, subcontractor bought the factory to get the contract, and they got taken for a ride.  The plant's power is shit, their distribution is shit, their machine tooling is shit, and everyone is underpaid.

Now, does anyone else see the fatal flaw in underpaying people who make ultra-modern weaponry? 

So we spent Monday and Tuesday wandering around and taking notes.  Wednesday, we met with the owners.

Me:  "As much as it pains me to say so, I feel that you guys should be given a second chance.  A clean slate."

Owners/Sr Mgt:  *Look relieved. One even smiles*.

Me: "BUT."

SD:  *GRIN*

Me: "There are going to be some changes.  Rather drastic changes."

Owners/Sr Mgt: *alarmed look*

Me:  *details long list of upgrades to plant and equipment*

Owners:  *rage begins to grow*

Me:  *Details minimum compensation for employees*

Owners:  *Rage intensifies*

Me:  "Don't look at me like that.  You haven't earned the right to do so, and your ideas on sustainable profitability cause me to seriously question your status of 'bipeds'.  By which I mean your ideas are foolish and wrong.  Your employee turnover is bad for profitability and bad for plant security.  That's not good for anyone.  Anyway, the good news is, I figure the required changes are going to set you back about $16 Mn this year.  Stacked up against what you will make, that is fairly small potatoes."

Owner #2:  *starts to choke on coffee*

Billy:  "That's an alarming shade of purple, dude."

Tina:  "Just think of it as cutting the fat, Billy."

SD:  *GRIN*

Me: "Oh, and two members of my team will be remaining local for the rest of the year, just to keep you on the straight and narrow.  Billy and Norton have volunteered."

Norton:  "The fuck I did."

Me:  "Don't be stupid.  I asked your wives.  You get to live rent free for a year, you get to bring your families with, and you can just pile up cash while you handle *gestures vaguely at owners and sr mgt* these."

Billy:  "I'm down."

Owner #2:  "I don't have to take this shit."

Me:  "You are correct.  You don't.  You could in fact get yourself into a breach of contract with the big boys.  You're not hustling US Electric Boats anymore, or some hapless beltway bandit.  Now, I don't know if you know <corporation> very well, but I do.  They have a whole cube farm full of lawyers that are disappointed with their lives.  So, you have two choices.  You can either make money like Goddamn pharaohs, or you can be all butthurt and get sued until you wither up like George Burns.  You have to decide."

Owner #2:  "FUCK YOU JACK YOU DON'T..."

Owner #1:  *puts hand over #2's mouth.  "We accept."

Me:  "Then I guess our business here today is done."

Owner #2:  *glares*

Me:  "We're going to do great things to people, owner thing."

 

7
Aneristic Illusions / Re: Random News Stories
« on: January 05, 2023, 01:01:43 am »
If you havenít been paying attention to the House Speaker votes, you should go do that. Itís getting really, really fucking stupid.

I have been wheezing laughter for two straight days.

8
Principia Discussion / Re: Black Iron Prison
« on: January 05, 2023, 12:57:57 am »
This is great.  Except for the "new generation" thing, because it occurs to me now that I am ten years older than RAW was when I discovered Discordianism way the hell back in the 80s.

This is BULLSHIT, and was supposed to happen to other people.

THAT ALL BEING SAID, perhaps we should consider putting some new stuff together?  The world has changed in the last 20 years.

I know I've got some things to say.

9
Apple Talk / Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« on: January 05, 2023, 12:40:47 am »
So today I got word that the chances of the house funding our work for this year are somewhere between Kanye West winning a Nobel Prize and McCarthy winning the speakership.

We were rather politely informed that we should probably start tidying up loose ends and removing personal objects from our desks.  Even Sideways Dave.  Especially Sideways Dave.  We are not fools, however, and we saw this coming.  I've managed to secure a position for us with an unsavory defense contractor who shall not be named, and the best part is, we're doing the same exact work.

Everyone is on board, except perhaps Tina, who has been approached by the Federal Marshal's Service.  Dave and I told her to do what she thinks is best.  Obviously, losing her from the working team would hurt, but it also never hurts to have a friend in the federal police when you do what we do.  She has told me she will give me an answer on Monday. 

So, bad news:  No job.

Good news:  New job, more money, same team, less oversight.

10
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: January 05, 2023, 12:33:12 am »
I have the antiviral.  Dramatic difference.

I mean, everything tastes like shit now, and I have no sense of balance, but that beats what was happening.

11
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: January 02, 2023, 02:19:08 pm »
Holy fuck where am I? Sweet Eris' holy tatas WHEN am I??????

The Great Return to PD continues.

Greta Twitter LULZ aside, the state of social media right now is bonkers. Mastodon has been ok if you like the focus of the group-instance you join. Nothing like old school PD.com out there.

Twitter is being destroyed by this decade's Mol, Facebook has become basically the obsidian mirror, and I don't know shit about Mastadon.

12
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: January 02, 2023, 02:17:36 pm »
Jenn and TGG and I all have covid.

I was more angry I was sick than I was sick, but the chills and aches the first night were hell on wheels. Tylenol was the only thing that worked.

For us, the only thing that stops the horrible chills is theraflu (which may also be Tylenol).  Nothing stops the all over sunburn effect, or the total lack of energy.  There's an antiviral that works on this paxlovid or some shit, we're getting that today.

13
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: January 02, 2023, 02:15:42 pm »
Jenn and TGG and I all have covid.

Ah fuck that's lame. My household narrowly avoided it thru 2022. Get well soon! (& I hope its not BAD for anyone).

We've had our shots (not all of them mind you, just the first 3), so we're all breathing without assistance.

14
Apple Talk / Re: Open Bar: Curbside Pickup Only
« on: January 01, 2023, 08:06:36 pm »
Jenn and TGG and I all have covid.

15
Literate Chaotic / Re: Saying Hi to the Goddess at the End of 2022.
« on: December 27, 2022, 02:25:16 am »
Oh hey, more trans Discordians! Nice.

It's been a hellish decade and change. I'm glad you've apparently done better than I have.

I write queer hate-poems and stare bitterly at the wreckage-strewn future I have to look forward to. There's not many folks around these parts lately, but old hands still drop in from time to time. There's all the room in the world here now, if you want it.

I've had ups as well as downs, that's for sure.

Those poems sound awesome. Have you got any you'd recommend to start?

I think I'll at least try and stick around again. Some of my best memories are here. It'd be nice to make new ones.

It's good to see you back.  Believe it or not, traffic is picking up again, by which I mean "it exists".


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