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ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.

Started by East Coast Hustle, January 15, 2010, 04:53:44 AM

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East Coast Hustle

January 15, 2010, 04:53:44 AM
Brand: Four Loko

Flavor: "Loko Uva"

Booze: 12%

Serving Size: 23.5 oz.

Stimulants: Taurine, Guarana, Caffeine

Other Known Ingredients: Artificial Flavor, FD&C Red #40, FD&C Blue #1

Tastes Like: A mix of grape soda and paint thinner

Verdict: Barely tolerable, as long as you're thirsty and it's kept ICE cold. Will probably drink again someday.

Rating (out of ten points): 3
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

East Coast Hustle

#1
January 15, 2010, 05:02:50 AM Last Edit: January 15, 2010, 05:04:22 AM by Emerald City Hustle
Brand: Joose

Flavor: "Jungle Joose"

Booze: 9.9%

Serving Size: 23.5 oz.

Stimulants: Taurine, Ginseng, Caffeine

Other Known Ingredients: Certified Color, FD&C Yellow #5

Tastes Like: Equal parts Sweet 'n' Low, buttered popcorn, and burnt clutch.

Verdict: Hutus wouldn't have made Tutsis drink this stuff during the Rwandan genocide. If I were Haitian, drinking this would be the worst thing that happened to me this week. Would only purchase again for use as an insecticide.

Rating: Zero. As in, zero redeeming qualities. And zero chance I will ever drink it again.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#2
January 15, 2010, 05:04:19 AM
That sounds ghastly!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Jasper

#3
January 15, 2010, 05:07:04 AM

East Coast Hustle

#4
January 15, 2010, 05:10:27 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on January 15, 2010, 05:04:19 AM
That sounds ghastly!


I take these risks so you won't have to.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#5
January 15, 2010, 05:11:28 AM
Keep up the good work, soldier!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

East Coast Hustle

#6
January 15, 2010, 05:21:50 AM
the Joose looks like this:



Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#7
January 15, 2010, 05:25:02 AM
 :x Fucking hell, why would they make it that color?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Sir Squid Diddimus

#8
January 15, 2010, 06:11:33 AM
WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH!!

Triple Zero

#9
January 15, 2010, 10:31:48 AM
Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on January 15, 2010, 05:02:50 AMIf I were Haitian, drinking this would be the worst thing that happened to me this week.

:spittake:
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

East Coast Hustle

#10
January 15, 2010, 05:47:41 PM
I'm headed up to Seattle for the weekend, so I will probably have several more reviews ready when I get back.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

maphdet

#11
January 15, 2010, 06:49:13 PM
Try one of these:



:lulz:


Will wait for your review.
:)
I wish I was in Tijuana
Eating barbequed iguana-

Suu

#12
January 15, 2010, 07:51:06 PM
They don't make them anymore. They officially discontinued production of Sparks in late 2008 I believe.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Jenne

#13
January 15, 2010, 09:40:14 PM
...curious...we still get Sparks here in SD...

Sir Squid Diddimus

#14
January 16, 2010, 05:40:51 AM
They still sell those here too.

Also something called "tilt".  There's one of these in my fridge. Someone left it there. I don't wanna drink.
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